Because I really need to talk!

ale7714

Hi!

I've been using myfitnesspal for a while now, and sometimes I come here and read some posts to get useful info or motivation although I never post (I don't know I didn't feel I have something useful to say). But today I really really need to talk here's the situation:
I feel depress and so ugly, even when I'm trying to eat healthy and exercise I feel is just not enough. I'm in a "relationship" right now and I think is driving me crazy (I'm going to the psychologist next week, so you can imagine how I feel) because according to him, he loves me and wants to be with me but he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship. But I've seeing him writing to some girls (really beautiful girls) asking her out and telling her stuff like he is looking for a real relationship. And I've come to the conclusion that he don't want to be in a relationship with me because I'm ugly, he even sometimes tell me that 'I'm fat' or that 'I look kind of ugly'.
I know how stupid this sound, but I feel horrible this is broken me badly. And lately I'm thinking he's right, guys aren't that interested on me and the few guys who are I don't like him back.
And this feel is affecting my work life, my social life, everything. I just have this feeling that I would ended up alone because I'm not skinny enough!!! and I hate it, I truly hate it.

Contrarian

You aren't ugly. Besides, lots of ugly people fall in love and find people who treat them kindly. Don't put up with it.

ElyseL1

um you're very pretty and he's a loser. never let a man tell you you aren't attractive.

barb1241

(((HUGS))) You deserve someone who will love you just for being you-with all of your assets and your faults-nobody is perfect-and you should dump this jerk and find a real BF who will cherish you as you are and support whatever you do.

kbsarah15

You're a beautiful girl. You need to kick that guy to the curb! You deserve - and you will find - much better.

CorvusCorax77

DTMFA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and I really mean that. If someone is talking down to you and making you feel bad about your body, that isn't love. And there are other people out there...hella amazing people out there... all you gotta do is find your own joy and chase after it. And you will find someone else chasing their own joy, and you'll realize you both be running in the same direction and chase your joy together.

My advice: dump him already and immediately schedule a vacation someplace where you will learn how to surf.

Trust me.

odusgolp

The guy is a jerk. This has nothing to do with you. He's a jerk and he's manipulating you and using you.

Dump him. Plain & simple.

minnndymae

DO NOT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY, LOSE HIM!! I promise you, there is someone out there who does/will love you for you and NOT treat you this way. This is complely unacceptable! NEVER, EVER think its okay for a man to say these things to you, he is NO man.....and I'm sorry to say this, but he does not love you....he just doesn't want to hurt you, so hes leading you on until he finds the next best thing. YOU are too good for that, if he did love you he wouldn't be out looking for anyone else. I'm sorry, but let go of him for YOU....focus on YOU and the rest of it will come, when its suppose to. Don't settle for a life of heartache with this guy....your young, beautiful and have a whole life ahead of you. There is a better life than what your living now, I promise!

Lleldiranne

#1 The first weight you should lose is the guy. Telling you "you're kinda ugly" or "you're fat" is not an indication of anything other than a desire to control. If he doesn't want the relationship to be serious, and is asking other women out, it's not really a relationship, anyway. And you deserve much better.

#2 YOU ARE NOT UGLY. Just from looking at your profile picture, I can say that you are a very pretty young woman.

#3 From your picture, you aren't fat. You may feel like you want to lose some, and that's okay, as long as you are doing it to feel better, not to snag some guy. And, even if you have a few pounds to lose (I can't say either way, no idea about your height/weight) YOUR WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE YOU, OR YOUR WORTH.

I'm glad you're getting in to see someone. I hope they can help you see the positives in you. I hope that you can learn to talk to yourself nicely and not let anyone else drag you down.

markymarrkk

The guy is a jerk. This has nothing to do with you. He's a jerk and he's manipulating you and using you.

Dump him. Plain & simple.

Yup, he's a dlck for telling you that kinda shlt, he's leading you on to keep you there as a for sure thing, ya need to move on girl!! focus on yourself and the things you love.

There's somebody for everybody, once you get over him and move on, maybe you'll be more open on giving those guys a chance that you "didn't like back"

chkn_WANG_Train

your letting someone touch you who tells you you are ugly and fat?

He sounds like an abusive *kitten* who is controlling you by manipulating your kind soul into thinking you deserve nothing better.


WHEN YOU IN FACT DO.

No one here telling you you are beautiful is going to make you believe it, that is going to be you realizing it. And you aren't going to feel beautiful until you treat yourself beautifully, and respect yourself enough to realize this guy isn't for you and you don't deserve this sort of torture. Do yourself a favor, let him know you can't see him anymore, and then take a nice day at the spa to feel just how beautiful you are.

cwaters120

First: You are NOT ugly! HE is the ugly one for being so judgmental and rude :mad:

Second: if he REALLY wanted a relationship, with you or anybody else, he would NOT say you're even "kind of" ugly or fat! :explode:

Third: dump his sorry butt!!! He is NOT worth your time, your effort, your worry or your health (because ultimately that is what this is doing by making you so stressed, etc.) !

Last (but certainly not the least :blushing: ): NEVER depend on someone else for your happiness! Find and do the things that make you happy in life. Be it certain people, HEALTHY eating, certain places, activities - whatever it may be - SURROUND yourself with it :bigsmile: Do it because you ARE worth it, because you can, and because it's good for you. Only you let him make you this nuts - TAKE THAT POWER BACK AND ENJOY IT!! :drinker:

(steps off soap box...) :flowerforyou:

jenmarie2012

First off get rid off the baggage!!! (Throw the guy to the side) he obviously does not deserve a beautiful respectable women like you! Second you have to do this for YOU ONLY don't do this for some guy. So my advise is dump your man and concentrate on you!! You are the only one that can do this. Once your happy everything else will fall in place. ???? You got this girl you just have to decide what you want to do ~just remember anyone has the power to accomplish anything~ Jen xx

disasterman

He might not be the right guy for you but it's not because of you; he's probably looking for something else right now. Don't blame yourself or how you look because you are very pretty.

I hope you can learn to feel better about youself and, in time, you will find the right person. Sometimes it takes time - and sometimes it comes easier once you are more comfortable in your own skin and confident. That might sound impossible but you can get there!

jillmarie125

ok- I know it is so much easier said than done, but you need to just cut him out of your life. Don't let anyone make you feel that way. Yes it will be hard, because not only will your heart be broken but your self esteem is broken as well. But everyday, it will get easier. I think talking to a professional is going to help you out a lot. This guy seems like a big *kitten* and will keep treating you this way, because you are letting him. You are nobodys doormat! I know you have heard this so many times, because I think we all have, but I am going to say it anyways. Until you love yourself, you will not find real love. Take a break from dating, and work on yourself. Find out what makes you happy. There is never a need for a useless boy. Never.

Mummyadams

Dump him - anyone who says things like this isn't worth your time, effort or love.

Find someone who appreciates you for who you are.

The guy is an idiot!

Shauncho49

Dude is SOOOO not worth it. You're freakin GORGEOUS!!!

jdm0804

That's a rough situation to be in. It seems reasonable for you to feel hurt. It may be wise for you to examine what it is about this relationship that keeps you in it. If you feel loved and supported (which it sounds like you don't), then stay in it and do the necessary work; if you feel beaten down and believe that you aren't worthy of love, then this relationship is not doing you any favors.

I would advise you to turn to friends and family for social support, and define the relationship in firm terms. If he doesn't want you and only you, then he can leave. Insecurity can easily deceive a person into believing that no one will ever love them. The truth is that in order to be loved by others, a person must first learn to love themselves. It's a lesson I've had to learn the hard way. I don't know your exact situation, but you may ask your psychologist for some referrals to counselors in your area.

There is not a person alive who isn't beautiful to someone!

ale7714

Wow! Thanks I think you are right... I know you're right!! And I really really need to say it, so many thanks.
I will definitely talk to him. I hate this feeling of hating myself, because I'm actually working really hard to get healthier.

conniemaxwell5

I think you have a beautiful face. Your smile is contagious! My advice is to dump this guy and work on loving yourself before you get into another relationship. Focus on what you like about yourself. Find some postive, encouraging quotes and write them down and tape them to your mirror and read them to yourself every day until you start believing them. When that little voice in your head tells you that you're ugly or fat, tell it to shut up because it's lying to you.

Anyone who is only looking at surface beauty isn't worth your time. Real beauty comes from within. Our physical appearance changes (usually not for the better) as we age, but our inner beauty will become whatever we make of it. Do you treat people kindly? Do you have a positive outlook on life most of the time (we all have bad days)? Are you a good friend? People may be initially drawn to physical beauty but it's the inner beauty that keeps them around.

Nessiechickie

Find some some other guy... that doesn't have "JERK" or "I'm insecure with myself, so I call other people rude names to make myself feel better" (Would have to have a huge forehead for that last one)

thehka

Dump him. It'll give you so much more self respect. If he does it before it might just be the last straw for you Don't let him beat you to the punch Also, I didn't like a lot of guys back either when I was in the same viewpoint of myself as you are currently. But I gave them a chance anyway and a couple (not all u____u) turned out to be decent guys and I appreciated the experience in the end, even though it didn't work out with them. Take a chance

ShreddedTweet

You are not fat, you are not ugly. Trust me! This guy isn't worth another second of your time. There are lots of really great, wonderful men out there, spend your time and energy on one of those x

FranksRumHam

would bang.

really though...do NOT let some dude with a low self esteem and crap attitude control how you feel about yourself.
he's lucky to be with you and deep down you know you are a catch! bring those feelings to the surface and embrace it!

jenmarie2012

Exactly he is that bump in your rd. we are all here to support so YOU can do it ???????????? friend request if you would like.

Edit : just sent you a friend req. ????

MaraDiaz

He's playing a game with you. He figures you're not what he wants but you'll do for now. So he keeps you, and he keeps you insecure so you won't give him too much trouble while he searches for someone else.

When some other poor victim agrees to date this loser he'll ditch you. If it works out with the new one, good riddance, you won't hear from him again. But if she realizes he's a douche and dumps him, you can expect a hilariously pitiful and flattering phonecall from him as he tries desperately to get back with you so he won't be alone for one second. If you fall for that and take him back, the cycle will repeat itself.

Dump him now and walk away head high. Block his number and tell him you never want to see him again. That will let you salvage your pride. Also you're quite pretty. And even if you weren't, as someone already said, there are plenty of physically less attractive people out there who are in happy, healthy relationships with decent partners.

neretete

I definitely think that going to therapy is a must! You need to explore why you feel it's okay to be in this type of relationship. I fully understand because I have also been in unhealthy relationships because I didn't feel like I was capable or deserving of anything better. You are a special person who deserves to be treated like you are special. Keep yourself surrounded by healthy relationships and dump the ones that make you feel bad. Commit yourself to therapy so you can learn the difference. It's probably not enough to go a couple times and think you are fixed. Really get to the root of it so you don't find yourself in the same place down the line.

Keep telling yourself that you are special and beautiful!

Cliffslosinit

You deserve better.

Briargrey

Glad you came here to talk! Let me echo the rest -- this is a guy that isn't ready for a relationship *with you* and that does not mean it is *about you* or how you look. He's keeping you hanging on until he finds whatever it is he thinks he wants in a relationship, and if he doesn't, then he'll go ahead and settle for you (in his mind), and in doing so, more than likely, he'll make your life miserable.

It is hard when this happens to believe that it isn't something we did: we're not thin enough, pretty enough, boobs too small, boobs too big, *kitten* too big, whatever. Bottom line: it's about the two of you as a couple -- it just isn't working for him.

I spent a couple years on a long-distance pseudo-relationship post-divorce. We talked about how we were perfect for each other but neither wanted a relationship because we were coming off of some major bad relationship issues. However, at some point, I started feeling like we were essentially dating -- until, of course, he told me he was getting married. I started out telling the truth, and maybe he did too, and we both ended up lying -- I lied by omission in not telling him I was ready for a relationship and wanted it to be him (thus giving him the opportunity to decide), and he lied by saying he still wasn't ready for a relationship but really just wasn't wanting a relationship with me. I then spent a few months in self-flagellation, berating myself for being so stupid, too fat, not pretty enough, etc. and then I realized something: I AM AWESOME. Period. We just were in an imbalanced relationship, and I let it happen, and he took advantage of that, and if we had moved into a relationship, that imbalance would have continued.

Whatever you do -- remember this: YOU ARE AWESOME. This relationship may not work out, and he may say some horrible, cutting things just to hurt you (may not - some people do that though as a knee-jerk reaction to wrest control over a situation and person) -- but whatever he says that hurts, let it wash over you. You are worthy of a great relationship that makes you happy. First and foremost, make that relationship a personal one, with yourself. The rest will follow.

Shauncho49

That's a rough situation to be in. It seems reasonable for you to feel hurt. It may be wise for you to examine what it is about this relationship that keeps you in it. If you feel loved and supported (which it sounds like you don't), then stay in it and do the necessary work; if you feel beaten down and believe that you aren't worthy of love, then this relationship is not doing you any favors.

I would advise you to turn to friends and family for social support, and define the relationship in firm terms. If he doesn't want you and only you, then he can leave. Insecurity can easily deceive a person into believing that no one will ever love them. The truth is that in order to be loved by others, a person must first learn to love themselves. It's a lesson I've had to learn the hard way. I don't know your exact situation, but you may ask your psychologist for some referrals to counselors in your area.

There is not a person alive who isn't beautiful to someone!

listen to this man...he sounds like me when he talks so he must know what he's talking about.

Shirlls123

You deserve, and can do, so much better than this guy. You are not ugly or fat, he is only saying you are to break down your confidence so you won't have the confidence in yourself to believe you can get out there and do better. Don't let him ruin your confidence because of his dysfunction. Like the previous post said, take the power off him and don't rely on him for your happiness. You will do much better in life without him bringing you down.

Even if you didn't like them back, you still had guys interested in you, so that proves you aren't ugly or fat. If I were you, I would get shot of that loser and focus 100% on what you want in life, and your confidence will naturally grow. You will meet someone worthy of you and who will see you for what you are, an attractive young woman! x