MY HUBBY LIKES ME FAT....SABOTAGING
Michelle2W
Posts: 163 Member
I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
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Replies
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Some men are very attractive to bigger women and all their curves. Some men are worried if their wives are beautiful fit women then someone might swoop in and steal them away. Have you asked your husband about this?0
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My first thought would be because he is insecure.0
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My husband would even come home from work at 2 or 3 AM and buy me nachos and cheese, jalapeno hot dogs...I blew up one day and told him off. I'll be married 26 years this July and this is the first time I have had weight issues, but I have had the weight issue for 3 years now..... sad to admit... I don't recommend my way, we fought pretty bad. Try just explaining things to him and asking for him to treat you to healthy foods. My husband just didn't understand why I felt I had to diet. I explained and he buys me health foods now to surprise me.0
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Maybe it's a control issue. He might feel threatened by your weight loss and what that might represent, that you might grow as a person and branch out in life. Maybe he thinks other guys might look at you. Have you asked him why?
At any rate, it isn't respectful of him to buy all that junk food when you've made a commitment to get healthier. Good luck.0 -
He might be worried you don't love how you look, and this could be his way of telling you he thinks you're perfect. Talk to him about it! For a lover, it can seem tricky to be supportive without sending you the wrong messages.0
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My first husband passed away 9 years ago but I still remember the sabotaging. He would complain about my weight and when I would diet he would bring home all the goodies I loved, especially dark chocolate items, I figured out with him it was a control issue as well as his insecurity about me finding someone else if I got in his words "skinny". It could be anything just ask him if he is afraid of losing you if you lose the weight and look like a teenager again! lol0
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At first I just brushed it off, but now with the brownie bites calling me every time I walk by, I'm POd! I've worked really hard, physically, mentally and emotionally! I will not give in!!!!!0
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Thanks ladies! I notice all the men are hiding and not responding....lol0
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burning that many calories with all that training he can still indulge himself, plus men burn more calories, generally, than women.
he probably feels you don't have to completely cut out all your favorite foods, because he doesn't. which long term is a better approach, but it depends on each person.
and the keeping you for himself is definitely likely too.0 -
Maybe he is afraid he would lose something more, you.
Don't stop losing weight---reassure him that you love him but that you expect that he will support your health goals.0 -
Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.0 -
At first I just brushed it off, but now with the brownie bites calling me every time I walk by, I'm POd! I've worked really hard, physically, mentally and emotionally! I will not give in!!!!!
I would scoop up all those brownie bites and put them in the trash or make them "disappear." He's healthy. You have a right to be healthy, too.0 -
The way you women are thinking, is EXACTLY why so many marriages end in divorce. Somewhere along the way, these poisonous thoughts seeped into the mainframe of feminine programming, creating these feminist automatons which spout this crap on a daily basis.
Many men SIMPLY prefer fat on women. I personally can attest to this. He may have been bringing you sweets, because that is what he knows you liked. Ultimately, however, I want the woman to do whatever makes her happiest, and if losing weight is that, then I support that. A happy woman creates confidence, and a confident/strong woman strengthens any relationship.
Stop grouping men into narrow categories.0 -
Okay, he's bringing stuff home but is he demanding you eat it? If that were the case, I would consider that control.
I have a husband that knows I love food, and when I first started losing weight he would bring home little trinkets he knew that I would enjoy. Not simply to sabotage me, that was just the normal way of showing me he was thinking of me. Oh hey, I saw this deliciousness in the grocery and I thought you'd like it. Now, after I told him that he couldn't do that anymore because delicious foods are something I can't always say no to he stopped.
There's not always a bad motive to their moves, they are just sometimes ignorant of (what we think are obvious) facts. You're losing weight but maybe he doesn't grasp why you have to say no to things you like all of the time.
After that long of being married I hope you can open up the lines of communication without any fighting over such a small, easily fixed issue.0 -
completely agree it is probably not sabotage, especially not intentionally.0
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Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
Definitely agree.
Just don't eat them.
Then, either your house will fill up with old, uneaten swedish fish and brownie bites - or he'll get the message.
Either way - you'll be just fine. :flowerforyou:0 -
Step back for a minute and look at yourself from where I see you... you are so strong!!! Some women would be like, my husband bought brownie bites so I'll eat all of them tonight and start over tomorrow - but not you! You are awesome. You have self control and right now I can tell you are going to get what you want because you want it enough to have posted this. There is always something to derail a day. If it isn't a husband it's the doughnuts a coworker brought to work, drinks with friends, a potluck, whatever! The temptation is there and you are sticking to your guns. You are a rockstar! I hope you see that
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Maybe he just doesn't understand what it is like for you. Try nicely telling him.
My story may shed some light:
I was told by my doctor to go gluten-free to see if this would help my page-long laundry list of complaints/symptoms, physical aches, pains and problems. I had been gluten-free for 5 weeks and hadn't had a single gluten item. NOT ONE. Well, hubby comes home with a dozen donuts and made sure to get my favorites. He brought them out and handed them to me with a big smile on his face as a gift to me. This is something he never does! LOL
I went absolutely bullistic. I had explained that I was trying Gluten-free and that I was keeping a diary of my symptoms. He knew that but he didn't realize that it meant...NO wheat, rye, barley at all. NONE. He thought it was a "most of the time" thing.
If these types of treats are trigger food for you, as in you can't control portions, then explain it to him. Explain exactly what you would like him to do to provide support.
I also want to add that my DH wants me to shed some pounds but doesn't want me to "go crazy." He is also very clear that he loves me just as I am. We've agreed to healthy. Improving my health and well-being. I'll decide what determines "healthy" when I get there.
Wishing you good favor as you work through this!0 -
At first I just brushed it off, but now with the brownie bites calling me every time I walk by, I'm POd! I've worked really hard, physically, mentally and emotionally! I will not give in!!!!!
Just casually THROW THEM OUT0 -
To me, sabotage would be something like tying you up and force-feeding you. Otherwise, just don't eat what he's bringing home. Maybe talking to him about his purchases is something you should do? It's not like you barely know each other and can't have a serious conversation.0
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Here is a stretch, Maybe he loves you and wants you to be happy and thinks these are the things you love and so he buys them. Us men are not mind readers by any stretch so he might not even know you do not want that kind of thing anymore. You need to just talk to him instead of telling everyone but him.0
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a very dear friend lost 120 pounds and her boyfriend wanted the weight right back on her. He lost interest because she was slim. He's been outta her life for a year - and she is still slim!!0
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I'm with the gents. Unless hubby has been telling you you don't need to lose weight, until you actually TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND, you can't just assume the worst. And women wonder why men think that we're playing mind games with them? Because we ALWAYS ARE.
/rant0 -
Divorce.0
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I have a great husband, but sometimes he is TOTALLY oblivious! Are you sure he is not just doing what he normally does? Or as my hubby thought proccess went something like "she has done so well she deserves a treat!
Before you watch the video earl has to die and rent the burning bed, I would talk to him and see where he is coming from, explain how you would love his help on your health journey, you know what he is like wayyyy better than any of us, and know if this is a nasty thing, or a good man doing something unintemtionally!0 -
Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.0
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Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.0
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When my husband has done this in the past it's exactly because of what the men are saying here. . . he's used to me being happy when I see these things. Be gentle. . . imagine if you made him something special, his favorite, and he became angry with you over it. I don't know about you, but I'd be devastated. If he really is trying to be kind, it's a great chance to show him what kindness and love look like to you now. Maybe even drop hints about fresh fruits and healthy snacks - or a chance to get out and walk (either together or alone, whichever feels like a treat).0
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Have you tried talking to him about it? See, the awesome thing about men is that they are also people who understand words.0
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Sometimes it's a fear of losing you to someone "better", whatever their definition is of "better". My girlfriend had the same issue with her husband and she told him that he stuck by her when she was over weight and she wouldn't leave him when she's not. You really just need to sit him down and have a talk with him to find out what his motivation is.
Wait,,, What???? I want to know more about this situation?? your girlfriend has a husband? or what happend if she stood by him but yet now has a boyfriend? Jerry,Jerry,Jerry.0
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