MY HUBBY LIKES ME FAT....SABOTAGING
Replies
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What does it say about your relationship in the first place that the first thing you think is 'sabotage' rather than he's trying to make you happy? He wants you to have the treats he knows you like, because he probably assumes you can control yourself. Christ...
It says quite a bit, especially being a military family. With numerous moves and deployments :-)0 -
does your husband eat the goodies or just bring them for you?
He eats them, but ask if I want some.
You should tell him to never think about you when it comes to food you enjoy. That'll solve the problem.
LoL0 -
Is your husband holding a gun to your head telling you to eat the brownies or you will die? If the answer is yes, then I'd say your husband is definitely trying to sabotage you.
I would also like to ask, why can't you just believe in yourself a little more and have some self control? You should not let brownies have that much power over you and your relationship. You've been married way too long to let home wrecking baked goods do any damage.
Also, why isn't your husband allowed to have brownies...he's not the one making a lifestyle change.
Lastly, maybe you should talk to your husband.0 -
Make him keep them in his car.....Convince yourself that they don't taste that good anyway. Keep stuff in the house that HE likes and YOU don't! This way he has something he can eat that you really don't like.
Or Throw it away -- and tell him very calmly. I'm sorry but I'll be throwing these things away from now on. If you want to eat them you'll need to keep them in the car.
Why such drastic measures? Heaven forbid a spouse brought home some brownies! Jesus have mercy.0 -
LOL, now there is a limit on Question Marks? I like questions. I like question marks. ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
You, obviously, can use however many question marks you wan't.
Just FYI, though, the IRL equivalent would be getting in someone's face, making your eyes all big and going "HMMM!? HMMM!?" demanding that they answer your unnecessary (and invasive) questions.
I'm sure you didn't intend your tone to be like that, so I was trying to be lighthearted about it.0 -
:grumble: :explode:
HUBBY :grumble: :explode: 0 -
When my husband did this it was because:
*he wanted to please me &
*he was already going to the grocery store so it wasn't like he had to make a special trip to someplace like a jewelry store &
*food is much cheaper than jewelry anyways &
*he likes goodies too &
*he likes sitting down in the evening and sharing a treat together & finally because,
*he really wasn't aware of how much he was buying.
We talked and now he buys me flowers at the grocery store. Win-Win!0 -
Make him keep them in his car.....Convince yourself that they don't taste that good anyway. Keep stuff in the house that HE likes and YOU don't! This way he has something he can eat that you really don't like.
Or Throw it away -- and tell him very calmly. I'm sorry but I'll be throwing these things away from now on. If you want to eat them you'll need to keep them in the car.
wow. If I had a husband that made me keep my food in my car he would not be my husband for long. "Make him?"0 -
LOL, now there is a limit on Question Marks? I like questions. I like question marks. ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
You, obviously, can use however many question marks you wan't. You could also go around IRL getting in people's faces, making your eyes all big and going "HMMM!? HMMM!?" demanding that they answer your unnecessary and invasive questions. You know, free country.
so glad I have your approval.0 -
Is your husband holding a gun to your head telling you to eat the brownies or you will die? If the answer is yes, then I'd say your husband is definitely trying to sabotage you.
I would also like to ask, why can't you just believe in yourself a little more and have some self control? You should not let brownies have that much power over you and your relationship. You've been married way too long to let home wrecking baked goods do any damage.
Also, why isn't your husband allowed to have brownies...he's not the one making a lifestyle change.
Lastly, maybe you should talk to your husband.
Of course, he's allowed to have brownie bites, I'm the one with no freaking willpower.!!! LOL0 -
Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.
You're right...I have to have more willpower. Everyone else in my house is slim, involved in some activity and they enjoy their treats.
The willpower will come. I totally understand, I have a husband and 3 kids, 2 of which are teenage sons. And my daughter (she's grown and lives on her own) is so slim she can model. My sons, being teens, eat a large amount of food, as does my husband, and they are all very fit. I had to learn self-control very quickly when I started losing weight because they were NOT going to stop eating treats. I could not understand how they could eat what they wanted and stay at healthy weights but I soon realized that its because A) they don't overeat and
they are very active.
If you are not at the point where you can have a single brownie bite and then stop, at this point I'd throw them out or give them away. But at some point you have to learn how to moderate your eating. You have to learn portion control or your weight loss efforts will be futile. If you don't know how to control your eating, as soon as you lose weight it will come right back on because you will resume your old over-eating habits.0 -
just break up, ldo0
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Make him keep them in his car.....Convince yourself that they don't taste that good anyway. Keep stuff in the house that HE likes and YOU don't! This way he has something he can eat that you really don't like.
Or Throw it away -- and tell him very calmly. I'm sorry but I'll be throwing these things away from now on. If you want to eat them you'll need to keep them in the car.
Why such drastic measures? Heaven forbid a spouse brought home some brownies! Jesus have mercy.
Having my husband keep his treats in his office, or on high shelves that I can't reach, has worked for me. I wouldn't throw someone else's treats away, however if I can't see them, I won't eat them. The other thing that has worked for me is practicing self control, and I mean practice in the sense of repeatedly saying no to food after I've had a serving. It has gotten a lot easier for me to live with someone who is not on a diet.
P.S. I have no willpower at all.0 -
LOL, now there is a limit on Question Marks? I like questions. I like question marks. ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
You, obviously, can use however many question marks you wan't. You could also go around IRL getting in people's faces, making your eyes all big and going "HMMM!? HMMM!?" demanding that they answer your unnecessary and invasive questions. You know, free country.
so glad I have your approval.
I edited that post, but not in time.
Honestly, your post really annoyed me because I was trying to be helpful. I'm sorry I didn't take the time to be less annoyed before posting that reply, though.0 -
Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.
You're right...I have to have more willpower. Everyone else in my house is slim, involved in some activity and they enjoy their treats.
The willpower will come. I totally understand, I have a husband and 3 kids, 2 of which are teenage sons. And my daughter (she's grown and lives on her own) is so slim she can model. My sons, being teens, eat a large amount of food, as does my husband, and they are all very fit. I had to learn self-control very quickly when I started losing weight because they were NOT going to stop eating treats. I could not understand how they could eat what they wanted and stay at healthy weights but I soon realized that its because A) they don't overeat and they are very active.
If you are not at the point where you can have a single brownie bite and then stop, at this point I'd throw them out or give them away. But at some point you have to learn how to moderate your eating. You have to learn portion control or your weight loss efforts will be futile. If you don't know how to control your eating, as soon as you lose weight it will come right back on because you will resume your old over-eating habits.
Yeah, I have three kids and two are teenagers. Always food around! Chocolate is my number one weakness.0 -
He eats them, but ask if I want some.does your husband eat the goodies or just bring them for you?
That's different. I thought he was brining a big box of brownies, handing it to you and saying "I bought these brownies for you."
He's just buying some goodies and treats to have at the house for whomever, likely himself..0 -
Don't assume bad intentions until you've talked to him. He may really be trying to please you and not understand why this is an issue. Or he may really be trying to sabotage you. You wont know until you talk with him about it. In the meantime...get those brownie bites out of the house!0
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My Ex used to do this and I finally asked him why. He said that he knew that I LOVED that certain food and he just wanted to make me happy. Once he realized that I can't have it in the house or else I'll inhale it he stopped bringing it in the house. I really doubt your husband is plotting against you or trying to "control" you. Men don't think like that...women do. Men just know what we love and makes us happy so thats what they do for us. He just needs to know that you'll be happy with flowers...it doesn't always have to be food....especially unhealthy food.0
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I would suggest talking to your husband. That's really the only way you'll know what's going on in his mind. Good luck.
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Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
He doesn't respect you or support you.0 -
A) he loves you as you are, he loves sweets or C) he's insecure 0
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Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
I agree... I don't think that your husband is being mean I just think he feels he should take the pressure off the situation and prefers you to be comfortable. My husband and I dated for 8 years. During this time is when I gained the most weight... when I finally realized i wasn't happy with my size I wondered why he hadn't said anything? He later told me that I always made my self look good there was never a time where my weight prevented me from being me... (to him at least). What I also realized then was that we had allowed each other to get out of control with our weight, because we were comfortable! I understand that this isn't the case with you, as you probably know after 22 years of marriage making your partner feel wanted comfortable etc is a natural when in love.... I think your husband just needs to know that different things make you feel comfortable now...
My husband likes a "thick" woman but he also wants me to be healthy. with that said he doesn't prefer me "skinny" per say. What I have learned is to take his hints about how he "wants" me to look and translate them into my language.... like all his thick but not skinny equals sexy curves to me. I don't know your husband but what woman or man wouldn't like some nice curves that are shapely but in a healthy way..... I think definitely let him know that provoking you with those old habits are not cool and that when you do get to your goal body, you will still be his lovely wife, just WAY better because YOU will be happier and more confident in the way you look and feel... and that alone will be attractive!0 -
Is it possible the goodies are for him? If he's a runner with no body image issues, that could be. My husband buys that crap for himself all the time. It's not sabotage (at least for us). Of course there are spouses who feel threatened or insecure when the other starts losing weight. Talk to him. If it's too big of a temptation to have that stuff around, ask him to stop, or take it to work, etc. If he has ulterior motives then you can work from there. But don't let it get you down and don't give up on yourself.
The brownies are for him. I guess I'm being too sensitive. I need to work on me and my willpower issues.0 -
Just told him. We'll see if that solves the problem...lol0
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Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
^^^THANK YOU, bruh! Ladies, everything us men do isn't sabotage! I CANNOT and WILL NOT speak for this guy cuz I don't know he motivations. However, I will say that time and time again I have witnessed, or been victim to, accusations of such when it was absolutely not true. And what almost always happens is the person gets all up in a huff, starts talking to themselves for hours, days, weeks, and builds themselves up into such a rabid froth that they just explode and unload on the so-called saboteur. By that time, either the "saboteur" is too busy be defensive and can't articulate their case OR the "sabotage-ee" is so incensed that they can't listen to reason.
How about this... TALK to your husband?! <gasp> And I mean talk to him the way you'd want to be spoken too. Don't yell, or be snarky, or accusatory... Give him the same benefit of doubt that you'd want and just ask in a simple, open-ended fashion. (e.g. "I'm curious... why do you keep buying <this, that and the other>?") If it's innocent, no harm no foul. If it's sinister, then that's your opportunity to tell him exactly what you don't like AND what you'd prefer to happen.
...not exactly neuro-rocket-surgery here...
*ETA: D'Oh! She just talked to him. Oh well, I'm still gonna leave this here...0 -
Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
I agree... I don't think that your husband is being mean I just think he feels he should take the pressure off the situation and prefers you to be comfortable. My husband and I dated for 8 years. During this time is when I gained the most weight... when I finally realized i wasn't happy with my size I wondered why he hadn't said anything? He later told me that I always made my self look good there was never a time where my weight prevented me from being me... (to him at least). What I also realized then was that we had allowed each other to get out of control with our weight, because we were comfortable! I understand that this isn't the case with you, as you probably know after 22 years of marriage making your partner feel wanted comfortable etc is a natural when in love.... I think your husband just needs to know that different things make you feel comfortable now...
My husband likes a "thick" woman but he also wants me to be healthy. with that said he doesn't prefer me "skinny" per say. What I have learned is to take his hints about how he "wants" me to look and translate them into my language.... like all his thick but not skinny equals sexy curves to me. I don't know your husband but what woman or man wouldn't like some nice curves that are shapely but in a healthy way..... I think definitely let him know that provoking you with those old habits are not cool and that when you do get to your goal body, you will still be his lovely wife, just WAY better because YOU will be happier and more confident in the way you look and feel... and that alone will be attractive!
He definitely doesn't want me skinny. I wasn't skinny when we married, but I wasn't this size either. The issue is mine and I can't deprive my whole house because, I can't trust myself. Brownies have been in the house for almost seven hours and I haven't eaten one!0 -
Just told him. We'll see if that solves the problem...lol
I had my hubby read your post and ask for his input. His response was "He loves her the way she is."
My hubby wants me to lose weight too but he made it clear that it's for health reasons because he doesn't want to lose me in 10 years due to weight related issues (hypertension and diabetes).0 -
Make him keep them in his car.....Convince yourself that they don't taste that good anyway. Keep stuff in the house that HE likes and YOU don't! This way he has something he can eat that you really don't like.
Or Throw it away -- and tell him very calmly. I'm sorry but I'll be throwing these things away from now on. If you want to eat them you'll need to keep them in the car.
Why such drastic measures? Heaven forbid a spouse brought home some brownies! Jesus have mercy.
Having my husband keep his treats in his office, or on high shelves that I can't reach, has worked for me. I wouldn't throw someone else's treats away, however if I can't see them, I won't eat them. The other thing that has worked for me is practicing self control, and I mean practice in the sense of repeatedly saying no to food after I've had a serving. It has gotten a lot easier for me to live with someone who is not on a diet.
P.S. I have no willpower at all.
I've practiced extreme willpower for almost seven hours now! I hope those brownies are gone by morning...lol0 -
Ok, committed male here. I think you ladies need some perspective.
It may very well be that your husband is insecure, or he likes you thick. I'm not him, so I can't say for sure.
But I strongly suspect the reason is far more mundane: he's trying to please you in the way he's been trained to do so for the last N years of his marriage.
If you have habitually been comforted by those kinds of foods in the past, he is quite likely just robotically doing what he's always done in the process of thinking about you.
If this is the case, stop getting angry about perceived "sabotage", and just make it EXTRAORDINARILY CLEAR in no uncertain terms that buying healthy food would make you substantially happier than buying you what he has been.
If that doesn't work, then yes, maybe he's being am insecure ****.
^^^THANK YOU, bruh! Ladies, everything us men do isn't sabotage! I CANNOT and WILL NOT speak for this guy cuz I don't know he motivations. However, I will say that time and time again I have witnessed, or been victim to, accusations of such when it was absolutely not true. And what almost always happens is the person gets all up in a huff, starts talking to themselves for hours, days, weeks, and builds themselves up into such a rabid froth that they just explode and unload on the so-called saboteur. By that time, either the "saboteur" is too busy be defensive and can't articulate their case OR the "sabotage-ee" is so incensed that they can't listen to reason.
How about this... TALK to your husband?! <gasp> And I mean talk to him the way you'd want to be spoken too. Don't yell, or be snarky, or accusatory... Give him the same benefit of doubt that you'd want and just ask in a simple, open-ended fashion. (e.g. "I'm curious... why do you keep buying <this, that and the other>?") If it's innocent, no harm no foul. If it's sinister, then that's your opportunity to tell him exactly what you don't like AND what you'd prefer to happen.
...not exactly neuro-rocket-surgery here...
*ETA: D'Oh! She just talked to him. Oh well, I'm still gonna leave this here...
Men really can't win, especially when it comes to a woman's weight. All the guys here are really brave for replying to my post...lol. The problem was, we both enjoyed those goodies, but he would go run 5-10 miles the following day and I wouldn't. So guess who gained weight? I do exercise, but not enough to burn off all of those excess calories. I'm good now! I did not touch those brownie bites!0 -
Just told him. We'll see if that solves the problem...lol
I had my hubby read your post and ask for his input. His response was "He loves her the way she is."
My hubby wants me to lose weight too but he made it clear that it's for health reasons because he doesn't want to lose me in 10 years due to weight related issues (hypertension and diabetes).
Thanks for getting your hubs input:-) We're doing this for our health.0
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