Guys ALWAYS say "confidence matters" LOL.

geebusuk

I find I don't like overly confident* women; I tend to be more attracted more to the shy type.
Unfortunate because I tend to be a bit shy too.

*Maybe that should read arrogant - too often the two are interchangeable.

Doodlewhopper

There is a fine line between confidence and ignorance. Confidence is an attitude nourished by ability/substance. An under ballasted ship will not right itself in heavy seas. Many think they are confident, but it reality they are loud posers.

UsedToBeHusky

I find I don't like overly confident* women; I tend to be more attracted more to the shy type.
Unfortunate because I tend to be a bit shy too.

*Maybe that should read arrogant - too often the two are interchangeable.

I find it odd that so many men in this thread find the term 'confident' synonomous with loud or aggressive. A shy woman can be confident, and a confident woman doesn't have to be forward.

Confidence is about being secure with oneself. I don't immediately think a shy woman to be insecure.

It's actually quite disturbing to me that shy is being defined this way. Shy and confident are not polar opposites.

ItsCasey

A person can be humble and still be confident. To be humble is to not think you are better or more important than everyone else. To be confident is to believe in yourself, to believe that you are good enough and that you don't need to compensate for being "less than" whomever you are dating.

And is any of this really a revelation? Hasn't it always been the case that a person must be attractive (to you) before you would consider dating him or her but that looks are not the only thing that matters? I don't think this is unmarked territory.

I've been friends with guys who I didn't find attractive, and later on I would have dated them if I was single. After getting to know them, they became attractive to me, and the reverse can happen too.

You just confirmed my point. Once you considered them attractive, you would've dated them, but before that point, they were just friends.

aaronlawrenc

just in case that girl that hates me is here....i aint said s**t

aaronlawrenc

i have confidence and it works for me?

Doodlewhopper

What's wrong with being humble and modest? I find it incredibly attractive in a man, confidence actually turns me off. But that's just me....

You dont seem to grasp just what confidence is. "Comfortable in his own skin" means a person doesnt need the approval of others.

geebusuk

I find it odd that so many men in this thread find the term 'confident' synonomous with loud or aggressive. A shy woman can be confident, and a confident woman doesn't have to be forward.

Confidence is about being secure with oneself. I don't immediately think a shy woman to be insecure.

It's actually quite disturbing to me that shy is being defined this way. Shy and confident are not polar opposites.

A lot of the time, in my experience; shyness is related to general self-confidence.
I'm logical enough to know that while not having hair reduces my attractiveness rating for many, it's not a massive issue - I've seen blokes with much worse aesthetic 'issues' get a lot more girls by being good at talking to girls - however, it's that knowing that I'm not great at talking to girls which is a self-defeating circle that keeps me shy.

Why is the shy person shy if they are confident?
I well know the (ir)rational reasons I am and they're based in lack of confidence generally.

However, I wouldn't consider my use of 'arrogant' to be aligned with loud or aggressive. I was more thinking the type that KNOWS they look amazing (especially when I happen to disagree of course ).

Given two girls that I knew some time ago; one was considered pretty attractive and knew it. She knew how to get herself done up to get attention without looking slutty.
Another didn't consider herself attractive, and was certainly less so by society's standards. I'd consider her less attractive on first impressions if I looked over in a bar.

Yet it was part of the second girl's demure that meant I was more attracted to her.
Sure, it was more than just that one facet, but I think it does tend to go in hand with other things I tend to find myself attracted to.

Ed98043

looks mean absolutely nothing, other wise how do blind people fall in love?

Off topic, but I read somewhere that Ray Charles (who was quite the ladies man and had children by 9 different women and cheated on his wife on a regular basis), upon meeting women would shake their hand and then with his other hand would grasp their arm to gauge if they were overweight. So even a blind guy didn't want fat chicks. How effed up is that?

UsedToBeHusky

I find it odd that so many men in this thread find the term 'confident' synonomous with loud or aggressive. A shy woman can be confident, and a confident woman doesn't have to be forward.

Confidence is about being secure with oneself. I don't immediately think a shy woman to be insecure.

It's actually quite disturbing to me that shy is being defined this way. Shy and confident are not polar opposites.

A lot of the time, in my experience; shyness is related to general self-confidence.
I'm logical enough to know that while not having hair reduces my attractiveness rating for many, it's not a massive issue - I've seen blokes with much worse aesthetic 'issues' get a lot more girls by being good at talking to girls - however, it's that knowing that I'm not great at talking to girls which is a self-defeating circle that keeps me shy.

Why is the shy person shy if they are confident?
I well know the (ir)rational reasons I am and they're based in lack of confidence generally.

However, I wouldn't consider my use of 'arrogant' to be aligned with loud or aggressive. I was more thinking the type that KNOWS they look amazing (especially when I happen to disagree of course ).

Given two girls that I knew some time ago; one was considered pretty attractive and knew it. She knew how to get herself done up to get attention without looking slutty.
Another didn't consider herself attractive, and was certainly less so by society's standards. I'd consider her less attractive on first impressions if I looked over in a bar.

Yet it was part of the second girl's demure that meant I was more attracted to her.
Sure, it was more than just that one facet, but I think it does tend to go in hand with other things I tend to find myself attracted to.

See in my mind, confidence isn't associated with how I look. My confidence is connected to my intelligence and abilities. I know I might not be the most attractive woman in the room, but that doesn't really matter to me. If I'm shy, it's not because I think that I look inferior. But then again, I'm not really shy. However, I don't think I am 'over-confident' as you described it either. People are either going to like me or they don't, and if they don't, then to me, they don't matter.

Doodlewhopper

looks mean absolutely nothing, other wise how do blind people fall in love?

Off topic, but I read somewhere that Ray Charles (who was quite the ladies man and had children by 9 different women and cheated on his wife on a regular basis), upon meeting women would shake their hand and then with his other hand would grasp their arm to gauge if they were overweight. So even a blind guy didn't want fat chicks. How effed up is that?

He also played off his blindness, touching and grabbing women "on accident" & acting more helpless so that the women would assist him. LOL What a sly dawg he was.

SerenaFisher

You should be nice to a person REGARDLESS.:huh:

Really?

Yes, really. Is it so hard?

I have a problem with the word regardless? Maybe I am missing the context.

Being nice in general until provoked otherwise, yes. I believe treating human beings as people and with a sense of humanity is imperative. Also my overuse of the words referencing "HUMAN" is intentional.

geebusuk

See in my mind, confidence isn't associated with how I look. My confidence is connected to my intelligence and abilities. I know I might not be the most attractive woman in the room, but that doesn't really matter to me. If I'm shy, it's not because I think that I look inferior. But then again, I'm not really shy. However, I don't think I am 'over-confident' as you described it either. People are either going to like me or they don't, and if they don't, then to me, they don't matter.

Nor is it massively for me, as explained.

And I'm presuming we're talking purely confidence in talking to a prospective love interest - I have plenty of confidence riding a motorbike at 100mph through traffic, say.
Similarly, there's plenty of other manual and intellectual abilities I have confidence in. Some I don't (I really sucked at sky diving, for instance.)

Anyway, perhaps you're not really shy because you are confident enough with how you look to not let it bother you .