Eloping, incredibly romantic or incredibly selfish?

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Replies

  • DiamondRubyMom
    DiamondRubyMom Posts: 147 Member
    I had a big wedding and I loved it. But I don't think it is necessary. I had a friend do a destination wedding. Now that is selfish. Nothing like require someone to join you on a cruise and then ignore them the whole time because it's you honeymoon. As for being too young. You're not too young. I would recommend inviting immediate family but that is just me. You can always have a bbq later and invite anyone else you want.
  • bananalins77
    bananalins77 Posts: 13 Member
    Go girl! We were engaged for 1 year and that whole year I was stressed trying to figure out what we wanted in a wedding and how we were going to afford it. My fiance and I couldn't agree on anything. I didn't want to start our marriage in debt. Also, I had never cared about a wedding per se, I just wanted to be married to the man I loved and a wedding was like a huge mountain in the way . Finally I said i wanted to elope but as we thought about it, realized my and his parents might want to come. We ended up picking a church and telling our close family and friends that we'd be getting married in 3 weeks there and would love them to come if they could make it. We hosted a dinner for just them (20 people) afterwards. Also, his parents helped us tremendously with the cost. Family does want to see you married, but it's expensive for them too (travel, gifts, clothes, time off work). So sometimes they might be happy if you elope as well. It might depend. :) Good luck! (we've been married 6 years)
  • jmn654
    jmn654 Posts: 1 Member
    Speaking from a parents point of view - don't elope - parents want to be there to see their child marry their dream partner. They watched everything you did until this point. Leaving them out of the biggest day of their child's life would be a stab in the heart, I know it would be for me. Keep it small, intimate and beautiful. 'don't spend a bundle but don't save money on people by eliminating them. I think down the road you will regret it - maybe about the time your own possible child is to the marriage marker
  • ktsmom430
    ktsmom430 Posts: 1,100 Member
    I enjoyed reading the comments on this by young people. It is encouraging to see that young people still elope. It is nice to see that not everyone is having extravagant weddings and destination weddings.

    I do not think it is selfish at all. What an incredibly romantic way to begin your lives together. Beautiful!
  • RoseRoiz
    RoseRoiz Posts: 95
    You do not have to spend and arm and a leg to get married! Do something small, I did I had my maid of honor,, one maid and the flower girl. My husband had the best man, another guy and the ring boy. My dress was made by someone we have known , and we got married in a church. My friend was our photograper and we had a small get together and for the Honeymoon we went to Dineyland!! We got married on June 8, 1985 and still going strong! Some couples spend thousands of $$$ and they get divorce and file for bankruptcy that is so stupid! Good luck!
  • FATJAKE5
    FATJAKE5 Posts: 162
    It really depends on the type of relationship you have with your family, and I mean mom and dad. My wife would have been devastated. It won't hurt to talk to them about it, because it is one of those things that can never be un-done.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    Do what you and your fiance really want to do. If you are close with your families though respect their feelings, but don't let them dictate.

    You only have 3 or 4 weddings in life, you might as well make the most of the ceremonies. :wink:
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    Do what makes you happy.

    Im not going to comment on your age because its up to you. At that age i was in NO way ready for marriage but my friends were and still going strong most of them.

    If it were me i would elope and that is non negotiable .... I have my reasons
  • ViviLane
    ViviLane Posts: 28 Member
    At 22, I may have been asking the same question! I'm a little older now, and require little to no input from my family on my life decisions. From the sound of it, the wedding would be to satisfy the family, not you. NOT COOL!

    If you feel that marriage is what you both want, and you want to elope, do it. You two are the only participants that have to sleep with each other for the rest of your lives. So I say, your families will get over it, and if they don't, give them the number to a local therapist so they can figure out why they are so wrapped up in your life. Now if you still live at home with the parents...then yes, you need to tell them your plans. This is the only time I believe a person should divulge their plans to their family

    But I would have to say, 22 is still an age of thinking we know it all, but don't know squat. Not to say this your situation, but I'm sure you will not be the same woman at 29 that you are at 22...I don't believe half of the crap that I did when I was 22, or even like the same kinds of guys I was soooo in love with at the time lol.

    Good luck girlie! :)
  • ViviLane
    ViviLane Posts: 28 Member


    You only have 3 or 4 weddings in life, you might as well make the most of the ceremonies. :wink:
    [/quote

    Ahahahaha! Especially if you live in California!
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,087 Member
    i would have loved to elope. my parents eloped and got married at the chapel of love in tahoe. i wanted to continue the tradition. but the moms really wanted a wedding. my brother and my husbands sister were never going to have a wedding so it was the last chance. and it was a great wedding, but i would have loved to have the money we spent on it as a nice little savings account, or the start of a down payment on a house.

    go with your gut. you can always have a big party afterwards to celebrate.
  • Carol_L
    Carol_L Posts: 296 Member
    A wedding is one day in your life....the marriage is the most important thing. It sounds like you and your fiance are taking this seriously; more people put more thought into planning a huge ceremony and being Princess for a day than about the nature of the commitment they are making. This is why the divorce rate is as high as it is.

    We eloped and the only regret I have was to have not had a few friends there. Don't ask about family, in our case they were a major driving force behind the decision.

    Sometimes the best thing to do is to confirm your reasons, take counsel from someone who knows you both and whose advice you respect and then make a decision.
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
    Weddings are incredibly expensive, and your guests enjoy it much more than you do. If you think about it, you are really spending all that money so other people can have a good time. Elope. Go someplace fun and maybe take a little honeymoon. Then have a nice barbecue this summer and invite all your friends and family. It will be much more enjoyable and way less stress free.

    ETA: This is your day, your choice. Do what feels best for you!
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    I don't think it's incredibly romantic or incredibly selfish.
  • raisingemilyjune
    raisingemilyjune Posts: 181
    You're 22 - why rush to get married?

    because they want to. that's not really your business.
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    Incredibly practical.

    The idea of planning a wedding makes my head hurt.

    YES! Unless my husband to be wants to plan it all...
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    We eloped to avoid family politics and hassle. A year later, we had a "brunch reception" which worked out fine with the family and friends. The brunch was brunch - no big "party" hassle, and nice.

    This is a cool idea. I took one for the team and had the big wedding for my mom so my little sister didn't have to. She eloped and doesn't regret it. The only thing I think she regrets was not wearing a more special dress for her ceremony. She wore something casual.

    I wish I'd eloped. I would have if I'd had to pay for it, since I don't believe in wasting money for a party when it could be better spent on buying a house, etc. My parents did the traditional thing and paid for the wedding. I'm easy-going (the opposite of a Bridezilla) so I just went along with whatever. It was very nice, but I'm glad I only have to do it once! :laugh:

    Do what you want. The idea of having a simple reception later still shows respect and includes the friends and family. I don't think it's wrong at all. :flowerforyou:
  • Ramberta
    Ramberta Posts: 1,312 Member
    Eh, do whatever the two of you want. But just be prepared for the inevitable backlash-- my boyfriend's brother and his wife eloped, and didn't tell anyone. His mother found out when the photos were posted on Facebook, and she was noooot very happy about that!

    However, the two of you are adults capable of making your own decisions, and if you don't want to spend money on an extravagant wedding that society deems "normal" you certainly don't have to! My own wedding (if I ever have one) will be very low-key, so I can sympathize with wanting to elope. Just know that you most likely WILL offend people, even though it is not their right to tell you how to get married. It's just something that'll happen.

    Good luck, and congratulations!
  • MeganGable
    MeganGable Posts: 68 Member
    You know what's right deep down in your guts......do that. :) Seriously.
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Weddings are incredibly expensive, and your guests enjoy it much more than you do. If you think about it, you are really spending all that money so other people can have a good time. Elope. Go someplace fun and maybe take a little honeymoon. Then have a nice barbecue this summer and invite all your friends and family. It will be much more enjoyable and way less stress free.

    ETA: This is your day, your choice. Do what feels best for you!

    That's exactly what we wanted, a fun party for our friends and to get married. We enjoyed it just as much as everyone else. It was pretty stress free.

    Weddings are only as expensive as we want them to be. A wedding can be a JP and the couple or with some guests and a cake and punch reception after for the guests or it can be a black tie affair with a 5 course meal, open bar with top shelf liquor and a designer gown and anywhere in between.

    I don't think eloping is necessarily either. I think it can be romantic, I don't think it is selfish. It comes down to what the couple wants. If their family opinions matter to them, then they should account for that, but they certainly don't "have" to do anything because of the family.
  • JanaCanada
    JanaCanada Posts: 917 Member
    Economically, eloping is a smart move.

    But speaking as a mom, do NOT take that dream away from your mommy! :wink:
  • 3dogsrunning
    3dogsrunning Posts: 27,167 Member
    Economically, eloping is a smart move.

    But speaking as a mom, do NOT take that dream away from your mommy! :wink:

    LOL. My sister eloped (we knew). My mom would have been devastated if we didn't have a wedding, but she didn't force it on me.
  • xaniza
    xaniza Posts: 250 Member
    Money was the issue for me and my husband. We just paid a justice of the peace to come to my parent's house. Got it done quick and in jeans! One day, when I'm sexy, I'd like to get a dress and take pictures but the drama that goes along with weddings? Ain't nobody got time for that! Good luck with whatever you decide =D
  • soniabogonia
    soniabogonia Posts: 778 Member
    Eloping is just good business. Weddings are too expensive. It's better to save the cash and go on a trip.

    I agree with this^^^.
  • ice1200s
    ice1200s Posts: 237 Member
    You're married either way. Elaborate weddings, like elaborate funerals, are for everyone but the honorees.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
    I turned 20 on my honeymoon. I knew in my guts we were going to get married eventually anyway so thought why not do it now? We've been together over 31 yrs and married 25. Age has zero to do with it lasting forever or not IMO.
  • eillamarie
    eillamarie Posts: 862 Member
    I agree with other people who have said you're only 22, why not wait? But if you really want to take your most immediate family with you. Parents, siblings, grandparents....that kind of family. I had a friend who did this. It's as intimate as an elopement without hurting your family.
  • Elpaw4mbv
    Elpaw4mbv Posts: 43 Member
    My husband and I "quasi-eloped" and 11 years later I don't regret it at all. In the midst of trying to plan a small ceremony that my mom kept hijacking into something that didn't suit me - but that she also was not willing to chip in for - my husband and I decided that we were going to just do the justice of the peace thing. A buddy of his was a minister in a small church with an older congregation about 90 minutes away and offered to perform the service after his regular Sunday service if he could get the okay from his congregation to marry us. It was the first wedding in like 15 years that would have been performed there so the congregation was on board. We set the date and verbally told friends and immediate family that we were planning to elope and would be getting married at X time on X date - they were welcome to come but not to feel obligated to. Amazingly, my immediate family, minus my brother who was out of the country,and most of my husband's family showed up along with a few friends willing to make the drive.

    We attended church and were waiting for the closing when the minister announced that a brief break would occur to allow the bride and groom to take their places. The entire congregation had decided to stay and witness our wedding. In addition, the choir and choir master surpised us by providing music as their wedding present to us. It was heartfelt and so beautiful that this small group of strangers were willing to participate. Afterwards we went to a local restuarant where my mom had arranged for lunch - including a wedding cake!

    I wore a white dress suitable for church, but a friend did insist that I wear her wedding veil. My flowers were cut flowers from the supermarket. Pictures were courtsey of family & friend's cameras or camcorders. It was romantic, unique, inexpensive, and no one felt left out.

    Best wishes for whatever you decide to do.
  • Dunkirk
    Dunkirk Posts: 465 Member
    Family is important, and it's nice to honour your folks. Could you look into available accommodation for guests at a convenient camping site convenient to where you would like to marry? Guests could pay for their own expenses, and have some fun camping, if they can't afford hotels
  • kway610
    kway610 Posts: 162
    We did not elope, but had a destination wedding on the beach in Hawaii. We sent announcements but did not "invite" anyone except our parents, my Godmother and my husband's best friend of 30 years. We weren't interested in anyone else being there....Do what makes you happy; however, make sure you spend more time planning the marriage, than the wedding. Can't go wrong! Good luck and congratulations.

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