Critical Spouse?!!!

Options
245678

Replies

  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,293 Member
    Options
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.
  • SophieMiriam
    SophieMiriam Posts: 5
    Options
    Could the two of you go to marriage therapy or a counselor or something to get a neutral third party involved?
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
    Options
    Your husband is an *kitten*
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    Options
    What a charming fellow.

    Sarcasm alert.

    Why would you allow him to speak to you like that?
  • ElizabethK90
    ElizabethK90 Posts: 1 Member
    Options
    Christabelle0,

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been struggling lately myself with "eating for a fix". I was realizing that I was eating just because it felt good and I was conditioning myself to think I would feel better afterwards. I'm sorry that you're husband isn't being encouraging. That's a bummer. But despite the discouragement you feel, continue to push on. Sometimes it can be more important to feel the accomplishment and drive to do it for yourself than for making someone else happy or to make them proud. I always fail when it comes to that. For me I have started to set small goals for myself. Such as no sweets or junk food for one week. I only made it one day without and then I broke it the next day, but just going one day without made me feel accomplished. So, try that...maybe just one day at a time or a week at a time. It's a habit, binge eating/overeating/emotional eating. Conquer that habit! You can do it. :) Try removing what gets in your way. Such as food sitting out, etc. Sometimes out of sight out of mind works for me.

    Also, don't be discouraged by your husbands negative words. I know it can be really frustrating and saddening but if you stay strong and not let your frustration with him become an outburst of anger he will one day realize his actions towards you. The key is patience and treating him with kindness and respect regardless of how negative he seems. It sounds wrong but it really does work. Sometimes husbands don't realize that their words can be so cutting. And sometimes as wives it's very easy to be too emotional. Trust me I have been there.

    Sorry for this novel of a response but hopefully it's a tiny bit encouraging! May you have a wonderful day!

    ~Elizabeth
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    Options
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.
    This. My husband has never been anything but supportive and encouraging. Even when he was dealing with his own jealousy issues, he never once stooped to such a low; not even close.

    It sounds like there's a myriad of issues going on. Maybe counseling will help. If it doesn't, divorce.
  • jess7386
    jess7386 Posts: 477 Member
    Options
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.

    Agree. I'm not a divorce advocate, but if somebody is so psychologically abusive, you'd be best served to at least get some professional help to deal with these issues - both alone and with your husband. Remember that your self-worth is not based on what any other human being thinks of you. Do this for you, and stop attempting to find validation with him because it sounds like you will never get it. I think you have some big choices to make & I wish you the best.
  • SlimmingSarah2012
    SlimmingSarah2012 Posts: 53
    Options
    Use those "critical" comments to your advantage and prove that you CAN...forgive him for not supporting you but don't let him take any of the credit. Know that you and you alone made it happen against all odds.

    Maybe also evaluate whether you want said husband in your life anymore, who needs negative people like that in their lives? Nobody!
  • paday
    paday Posts: 24 Member
    Options
    Well no wonder you're an emotional eater! If my husband even looked funny at what I was eating, I'd knock his tooth out with a Louisville slugger! You should NOT put up with that crap. This situation can only escalate from here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
  • Ashshell
    Ashshell Posts: 185
    Options
    He is emotionally abusive and this is not even close to normal. It sounds like he has his own issues and likes to bring you down. My suggestion is marriage counseling and also individual counseling for both of you. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Struggling with food related issues is difficult enough without having the one you love constantly judging you.
  • ghhosstt
    ghhosstt Posts: 112
    Options
    Hello,

    I am new around here. I joined MFP because I wanted to meet others "like me". I exercise pretty consistently, however, i am an emotional eater and have trouble with binge eating. When I am depressed, stressed, or lonely I eat WAY more than i should to basically self medicate. I do it in private so that nobody sees. BUT, it shows all over my body .... as my husband reminds me DAILY.

    My husband constantly picks on me about my weight and it crushes me. He does not understand my struggle and basically makes fun of me, calls me terrible names, and critiques any and everything he sees me eat.....hence the eating in secret. He doesn't understand how food could actually be a problem for anyone and thinks it should be an easy fix.

    He is supposed to be my best friend and my partner in this ... but he is so MEAN. Any time I tell him about any progress that I have made (as small as it may be), he'll tell me to get on the scale and "prove it".

    It's SO discouraging.

    Anybody else dealing with anything similar? Binge eating? Critical spouse?!

    His treatment of you is disgusting, quite frankly, and you deserve better than that. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. THIS IS ABUSE. YOUR KIDS WILL SEE IT, GROW UP WITH IT AND THINK IT'S NORMAL. It makes me want to scream, honestly.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    Options
    That's an awful thing for a spouse to do. I say, get marriage counseling. Then take a series of steps, first step to take is stand up for yourself, that's how we deal with bullies. Second, you might want to do some research on binge eating disorders and show him the proof that it's a real problem, that you need REAL help with. Third step I think should be to get AWAY from him even if it's just a couple of weeks so he can see what it's like, since if he doesn't change I think the 4th step would be to get out of the marriage.
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    Options
    Relationship counseling. Immediately. That situation should not be acceptable to you, but if you don't do something about it, you are, in essence, consenting to it.
  • ThriftyChica12
    ThriftyChica12 Posts: 373 Member
    Options
    Divorce.

    ditto. what he is doing is emotional abuse. get to a therapist to talk it out, maybe TRY couple's therapy so u can work it out together. but ultimately, an abuser will always be an abuser.

    if u saw someone consistently being verbally abusive to a child u love, would u allow that to go on? hell no. then why tolerate that for yourself?
  • FindingHeaven4me
    FindingHeaven4me Posts: 19
    Options
    OMG I know what you mean, my husband would just make comments that would rub me the wrong way, of course he's never had a weight issue ever and finally I told him to keep his damn mouth shut if I want his comment I will ask for it. I am an emotional eater too, so figuring out what the root of the issue was has definitely helped. I don't deprive myself, I just watch what and how much I eat. I feel your pain! he should be respectful and supportive of you.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Options
    Tell him nothing of your diet. Shut him out of what's going on with you. You deserve better.
    The quickest weight loss plan is shedding this 190 pound *kitten*.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
    Options
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.


    ^^^^THIS!!!! Real men do NOT harass the person they vowed to love. Relationship counseling really really seems like a good call here.

    I'm an emotional eater and gained a ton of weight during a 2 year period of crazy stress at work. My husband never said anything other than he thought I was a sexy, hot, wife. Clearly he was delusional, but he never criticized. He knows I'm an emotional eater and he says not one word when I hit the ice cream. When I bellyache that the weight isn't where I'd like it, he just reminds me that he loves me regardless of what a silly scale says.

    Realize your worth is way beyond what you can "prove" to your husband. Focus on healthy changes for YOU and stop looking to him for encouragement. He clearly, at this point, doesn't have the tools in his emotional tool box to offer you encouragement. FInd some girl friends, some MFP friends and tackle your goals with their encouragement!!!
  • rotill
    rotill Posts: 244 Member
    Options
    He may actually believe his criticism will help you stop the destructive behaviour. I know this isn't true, and he is sabotaging by making you hide, but he may not understand that.

    Tell him to his face that praising you when you do well and shutting up about what you do wrong is a lot more effective than punishing you for the wrongs and ignoring the rights.

    If he doesn't listen and doesn't care, it may be time to consider the relationship dynamics. Try explaining things first though. He may just have no clue.
  • MudRunLvr
    MudRunLvr Posts: 226 Member
    Options
    He sounds like a real jerk. You probably shouldn't have married him.
  • beckieboomoo
    beckieboomoo Posts: 590 Member
    Options
    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    Real Men don't do this.

    ^ agreed :)

Categories