Critical Spouse?!!!

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  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    It has always worked for me. Sometimes men are like children and they need to be told in a clear and unemotional manner that what they are doing is inappropriate and if they continue there will be consequences. Case closed, no discussion.
    no.

    sometimes PEOPLE are like children. women can be just as bad.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
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    Good for you for seeing the relationship for what it is. If you are still willing to stay in that relationship, continue to work on yourself and hopefully one day soon he will see that he does indeed need help. If he doesn't see that then you will know when it is time to go. Do not allow him to bring you down any longer regardless of what happens. Good luck to you.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Total BS is all I can say. My hubby would never treat me that way. Shame on him
  • kirstyfairhead
    kirstyfairhead Posts: 220 Member
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    The way he is behaving is wrong and cruel but unless you have lots of other issues I guess you're not going to be dumping him any time soon. Try to talk to him if you can but if that doesn't work then try just ignoring it. The one way you will stop your hubby behaving this way is to succeed in your own goals.

    Wait until that weight starts dropping off and see how he changes his tune. At the moment he doesn't believe in you and thinks he has heard it all before so PROVE HIM WRONG!!!

    Your body is for you, not him, deal with your weight for you, not him. Care about what you think and stay positive. Relying on him to make you feel good is likely to put you in to a downward spiral and you don't need that.

    If you need folks to celebrate your victories with you, even the small ones, then come on here!!
  • peaceissues
    peaceissues Posts: 77 Member
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    Wow...whats more surprising is you still being with this idiot. Dont put up with his crap and leave him ASAP!
  • ladydy911
    ladydy911 Posts: 126 Member
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    What a charming fellow.

    Sarcasm alert.

    Why would you allow him to speak to you like that?

    My thoughts:

    YOU can't control how other people speak to you, you can only control how you react to it. If he spoke to me like that I would poke his eyes out with a dull toothpick, NOW. When I was younger I would have not said a word and thought I deserved his words.
  • buda12345
    buda12345 Posts: 142 Member
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    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    and wives aren't EVER like that:ohwell:
  • mushroomcup
    mushroomcup Posts: 145 Member
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    Well no wonder you're an emotional eater! If my husband even looked funny at what I was eating, I'd knock his tooth out with a Louisville slugger! You should NOT put up with that crap. This situation can only escalate from here. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

    Ironic that verbal abuse can justify using physical abuse against the "abuser".

    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she was probably not seriously threatening to knock out his tooth with a Louisville slugger.
  • cybersheel
    cybersheel Posts: 145 Member
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    Kind of sad reading this - my husband has been very loving and supportive over the years. Trust me I was a size 28 - now 18 and the only thing he ever said was that he was worried about my health.
    I wish you all the luck in the world, you have a big, generous heart by recognising his problems, remember they are his, not yours.
    You can only lose the weight for you, not anyone else.
    Maybe you need to be a bit more honest and frank with him, let him read what you wrote and the others replied. Might be a wake up call for him.
    Why not ask him what he thinks you might do when you are looking fantastic and slim again.
    There is an amazing amount of support here, use it.
    Take care and good luck.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
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    I think I might be domestically violent if my husband acted like a huge douche like that. You're post made me very angry for you and I rarely get angry. Now I've got those pesky stress hormones coursing through my bloodstream and just lost five minutes off my lifespan. (my fault, not yours)

    I'm sorry your guy is like that but my advice (what I would do in your position) is probably farther than you're willing to go.
  • hayleysuel
    hayleysuel Posts: 46 Member
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    It probably won't help, but you could tell him that his attacks only add to the problem and that it would be more help to support you rather than drive you to emotions that make you eat at present.

    Great advice.
  • sally546o1zu
    sally546o1zu Posts: 1
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    perhaps he is the one making you unhappy which leads to you eating more ? you don't need someone in your life that makes you feel bad about your self x
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    He sounds like a d*ck.
  • JazmineYoli
    JazmineYoli Posts: 547 Member
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    They do it to keep your self esteem low so you wont feel beautiful enough to leave them. I see it ALL the time.
  • Forever4me
    Forever4me Posts: 76 Member
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    Oh goodness....I can so relate to this. I was an emotional eater, had serious self-esteem issues, and spent some time in counseling which greatly helped me understand that my self worth is not tied to my weight and I'm not defined by it. (Doesn't mean I accepted my weight or OK with it, but I can still be a respected professional woman even though I wasn't a size 6). I am now divorced...and my life is SO different, in an amazing way. He told me he was leaving me because of my weight (only 10 pounds heavier than when we met, 2 babies later) and after months of counseling, I still didn't have a "real" answer from him, but the counselor held me back after our final session and said "you know this isn't about your weight, right?" and had a conversation about my ex's own emotional issues. And you know what I learned....HE was the cause of a lot of my emotional eating!!!! Holy cow! Epiphany!

    But I think it comes down to this....he clearly doesn't love you, not truly, not completely, not unconditionally to be treating you that way, and YOU DESERVE to be loved truly, completely, unconditionally. You do deserve to love yourself that way AND be loved by others (romantic or not). But only you can find it. Here is a great place to starting looking!
  • rahrah97
    rahrah97 Posts: 2
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    My husband tends to be the same way. No sure why men do this, but would like to know lol. :noway:

    I don't think it's fair to lump all men together in this. JERKS do this. Not men.
  • zanne54
    zanne54 Posts: 336 Member
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    wow! well, first i want to just say THANK YOU to everyone for the support!!!! i can def feel the love! I wish that i had the time to respond to each of you individually.

    last night was kind of a breaking point for me. today i needed to vent and get some "outside" advice from people other than my family and friends because they are too close to the situation.

    My husband and I have deep rooted issues. In his defense, he DID have a pretty terrible upbringing.....which has def leaked over into our marriage. He was abandoned at an orphanage by his parents when he was a child. I think that he has taken on this "i'll hurt you before you have the chance to hurt me" attitude. We have been married almost 7 years, and it has taken me until now to figure this out.

    It is without a doubt a very emotionally abusive relationship. I am working on getting counseling for myself. He of course "does not need it". and those are not MY words ;) i agree with everybody that said it would almost be easier if he would just leave bruises on me. at least then i could SEE the abuse. somebody doesn't have to hit you for you to "feel" it :(

    We have our good days and our bad days.

    i easily have a good 30-40 pounds to lose until i could at least feel comfortable in my own skin again. I am setting small daily goals for myself in my weight loss journey. All last month i worked on getting into some kind of work out routine. This month i have started logging my food. It really helps actually SEEING it. Thank you all SOOOOOOOO much for the support.

    Christabelle - It's unfortunate that your DH had a terrible upbringing. But that does NOT automatically justify him to be abusive to you. He's an adult - he has the choice to move on from his childhood issues, or not. Just as you have the choice to go to counselling, or not. And FWIW, please do get some counselling - for YOU and your self-esteem issues. Within 6-8 sessions or so, it will become clear to you if you wish to live without him, or if you wish to learn strategies on how to live with him.

    Re binge eating etc - track EVERYTHING in your MFP. Plan your healthy, balanced daily meals out first, using all or most of your calories. And then try making a deal with yourself that you can "binge", however you have to "earn" those calories through exercise in advance. This small shift in behaviour TOTALLY worked for me, and I've only binged once since I started MFP in early January. And that one time I did binge? It was NOWHERE near the volume of what I used to binge. For me, keeping my calories at my daily allotment is hugely empowering. And with a little planning, it's a very easy thing to accomplish. And you know what they say, success begets success.

    Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like some true support. :)
  • Bownzi
    Bownzi Posts: 423 Member
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    Yup... critical spouse...
  • Isakizza
    Isakizza Posts: 754 Member
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    Relationship counseling.

    Now.

    YESTERDAY.

    There is something going on that is much bigger than a diet issue.

    ^^^YES.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with this, the sooner you both get help the better.
    Good luck. :smile:
  • CorvusCorax77
    CorvusCorax77 Posts: 2,536 Member
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    if a man puts you down like that and you are willing to put up with it, that's your life.

    But if you have children, you have a duty to do something about it.

    My dad talked **** about my mom like that and when I asked my mom years later why she let him do that, she said it didn't bother her. She didn't let him control how she felt about herself. I guess she didn't realize it affected how I felt about myself as a woman to constantly hear my dad tell my mom what a woman "should" look like.

    Surprise surprise I developed ED's.

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