"the talk"

FussyFruitbat

I'm just going to be honest about it with them, and focus on the importance of consent. Sex isn't dirty or wrong, but it can be dangerous and hurtful if people are misinformed or under informed. I think kids should know from a very early age, well before they're even considering sex, and that it should be brought up many times so that they feel it isn't taboo to talk to you about it and because questions/needs change with age.

My parents never talked to me about it, they gave me a book that explained puberty and the mechanics how babies are made. It didn't explain very much and never mentioned things like how to prevent pregnancy, how to know if you are ready for sex, how to prevent and screen for STDs, what a healthy sexual relationship feels like (good communications and consent.) They said all I needed to know about was abstinence until marriage- which was wrong. It's not a failing on the child's part to be sexually active and under informed, it's a failing on the parent's fault for not being realistic that even if we would like our children to wait until marriage, most people do not (and most of these parents did not) and that knowing doesn't encourage people have sex and more than knowing that if I ate 3 cheeseburgers it'd taste great but be bad for my health, that doesn't mean I'm going to eat them.

dizy17

For all the parents out there, how did you explain sex to your children? Or for all of the future parents/parents of young children, how will you talk to your kids?

My mom gave me a pamphlet and told me public school would teach me (it didn't) so now I'm trying to learn how to bring up sex without being embarrassed.

i talked to my daughters about it when they were about 10 yrs old. Kids get curious, especially with older cousins/family around making perverted jokes. I am very open with them, i told them to ask me all they want and i will answer. i think its easier to talk to girls because you have to have the "period" talk anyway so might as well talk about it all.

bethfartman

My parents never had an official talk, but explained things as they came up (movies, conversation, etc.) I don't think I ever didn't know what sex was and how pregnancy resulted in one term or another (obviously more broad when younger, more specific when older.) I think it should be an ongoing conversation that starts when your kids are very young- don't use any ridiculous analogies like 'birds and bees' or storks- use proper terminology. Kids are smart and you don't want them to be embarrassed to talk about sex (in other words, you want them to not be embarrassed to tell that boyfriend to put on a condom when the time comes or you want your son to be able to use a condom properly without embarrassment.) Just talk about it, sex shouldn't be embarrassing.

BAMFMeredith

I learned about sex in middle school RELIGION class at my Catholic school. All the sperms and eggs had smiley faces on them, the book was titled "The Wonder of Me." I was sheltered.


HOWEVER, the one thing I really value is that I was never ever ever told that sex was "wrong" or "bad" or that I was going to hell if I had sex before I was married. When we started learning about it in school, I asked my mom about it and she (along with my religion teacher) basically explained the biology of it, how that is where babies come from, and that you have sex to start a family with the person you love. So in my 12 year old brain I thought "well, I'm not trying to start a family anytime soon, so I guess I'll wait on that."

Even though I became un-sheltered in high school (went to public high school) the fact that "this is how you get pregnant" stuck with me so I never did it until college, and I made sure I was on birth control and using a condom first. My parents were never naive to the fact that teenagers are boning, they were just very frank with me that having sex is part of an adult romantic relationship, but also that is how you get pregnant and you can also get STDs. Knowing the facts and being able to make my own decisions, in my opinion, was a lot more effective than being told it's wrong and I shouldn't do it til marriage. Being open and honest and letting your child know that it's nothing to be embarrassed about is SO important.

sullus

Have had to have the internet porn talk with the boys, though.

Let's face it when I was 14, the best we could do is find a stack of water (I hope) logged playboys at the "big kids' " fort in the woods, or go cross-eyed watching scrambled skinemax. "DUDE!! A BOOB!!" ... "aww no way man, that was an elbow" ... "NO WAY!! TOTALLY BOOB. YEAAAAH!!!"

Now .. well .. we all know the state of internet porn.

We had a long talk about unrealistic expectations, objectification, degradation, tendency to escalate as what you;re watching now gets "boring" ... pornography in general .... he's 17 now. He WILL find internet porn. I know he understands that it's mostly just a dirty old man's fantasy and has not a damn thing to do with reality.

I think he gets that his first time will likely be awkward, sloppy, and most of all .. quick.

conniemaxwell5

I would start young - at 3-5 years old teach them to say no and mean it. Teach them that they have full authority over their own bodies and no one else. At 6-8 years old take the opportunity when you see a pregnant woman to tell them that it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby. Answer questions honestly but you don't have to go into all of the "gory" details until they get older. At 8-9 years old talk about how their bodies work and about how puberty is going to affect them. At 11-12 years old start talking about birth control. At every stage make sure they have good information.

You can tell them that the conversation may feel awkward but you want to make sure they have facts to make what can be life changing decisions. I was really open with my kids and never really had "a talk," we just found ourselves talking about it from time to time. I think it's important for both parents to be actively involved in these discussions. Also take this opportunity to help your kids set standards and expectations for their own dating and sex lives. What they can expect, what is acceptable and what isn't (abuse, anything they feel uncomfortable with). Information is power. Think of it as empowering your kids.

markymarrkk

I plan to get all "Sciency" when I explain it to my son (he's 8). He already knows about the penis and testicles ahhahaha, we laugh every time it comes up. I will probably use the scientific terms for it and explain it in terms of evolutionary behavioral development.

sillygoosie

My daughter has been learning "growing and changing" at school this month. I've been prepping her with gratuitous use of the words, sex, penis, and vagina for the past few months. I love watching her cringe and groan. I've always told her I would answer any questions she had honestly and candidly. I have done exactly that. Learning this stuff in school has brought up a lot of questions for her and I answer all of them. I also have always been naked a lot around her (single mom of one girl) so that she may feel comfortable about her body seeing my comfort with mine. I don't want her to have hangups about sex or her body. I didn't get a lot of guidance as a young girl and I want her to be comfortable asking me anything.

I'd much rather her learn things from me than anyone else. The only way to do that is to be open and honest and not make her feel weird for asking things.

ETA: She was recently given the definition of oral sex in school. I could have killed someone for telling my 10 year old that that was a good safe sex option.

ItsCasey

On a serious note, I do think it's critical to make sure your kids know about safe sex practices. It's one thing to teach them about and encourage abstinence; it's entirely another to intentionally NOT prepare them, in the event they choose to have sex. Even if they don't have intercourse, you can pretty much guarantee there is going to be some other "stuff" going on, and condoms aren't just for penis-vagina sex anymore.

BAMFMeredith

My daughter has been learning "growing and changing" at school this month. I've been prepping her with gratuitous use of the words, sex, penis, and vagina for the past few months. I love watching her cringe and groan. I've always told her I would answer any questions she had honestly and candidly. I have done exactly that. Learning this stuff in school has brought up a lot of questions for her and I answer all of them. I also have always been naked a lot around her (single mom of one girl) so that she may feel comfortable about her body seeing my comfort with mine. I don't want her to have hangups about sex or her body. I didn't get a lot of guidance as a young girl and I want her to be comfortable asking me anything.

I'd much rather her learn things from me than anyone else. The only way to do that is to be open and honest and not make her feel weird for asking things.

ETA: She was recently given the definition of oral sex in school. I could have killed someone for telling my 10 year old that that was a good safe sex option.

OMG. I would have been TRAUMATIZED if somebody explained (and encouraged) oral sex to me when I was 10. Wtf?

thatsillyshana

Wow! thanks for all of the replies! I think that its best to be open and have resources if they need it. I know from experience that not talking about it is the worst!

amyk0202

My parents never gave me the talk. My mom gave me a book when I was in 4th grade. The same book was given to one of my friends --our moms must have arranged it that way. We never, ever mentioned it again.

For my kids, we have this book: http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763613215/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1368817044&sr=8-3&keywords=sex+education We read it with them in case they have any questions.


We also enroll them in the Our Whole Lives (OWL) classes at our church. It is an excellent & extremely comprehensive program: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Our_Whole_Lives that has nothing to do with religion at all, so I would encourage anyone to look into it.