How do i stop being nice?

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joshuapack
joshuapack Posts: 55
in Chit-Chat
I have never been on a date, and would really like to as I feel lonely.

I really am not sure what the problem is, as I have asked plenty of women out, but am always denied. Maybe I ask too soon, or too late. Anyone willing to help diagnose my problem?

or if you you just want to post here What is the best advice from MFP to me? (I do have depression, so try and be nice)
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Replies

  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
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    i can't pretend to know the answer, but i do know the answer is not changing who you are to make it happen.
  • Special_Sauce
    Special_Sauce Posts: 36
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    Stop asking and start telling them what they're going to do.
  • DrBentonQuest
    DrBentonQuest Posts: 151
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    Well, your first problem is definitely confidence.

    You are twenty-seven years old. You've never experienced a solitary event with a person of the sex that you are attracted to? Dinner, movie, walk through the park? Guess what? Those are dates.

    But I get what you are saying...you want a fancy dinner, cocktails, a conversation, and presumably, sex. So why are you being denied by the women you approach? I have a few theories myself, but I don't even know you.

    If you look to date for loneliness, you will end up lonely. Nothing will be fulfilling because you will always reflect on a position of weakness. Go out casually. No pressure, no qualms. Sleep around if it makes you more confident. Everyone likes to be told that he or she is pretty.

    All things being equal, dating is expensive. Let's say, conservatively, that you spend $100 per date and go on two a week...that's just over $10,000 by the end of the year. And all things being equal, the odds of you finding that 'perfect someone' are astronomically low. On the other hand, you could get a dog. Average dog ownership in the US costs about $9500...for the life of the dog. A dog will bring you years of happiness and certainly solve your lonesome blues.
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    i can't pretend to know the answer, but i do know the answer is not changing who you are to make it happen.

    I'll second this. Don't go overboard trying to "make it happen"..
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    Why on earth would you stop being nice?/
  • Excuse_less
    Excuse_less Posts: 874 Member
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    Maybe you should get a dog or a cat. JK Get involved in something you like and you'll find someone with similar interests and then you'll know which girl to ask out!
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Start doing things YOU love... and focus on you and your confidence. The rest will come (or maybe not, but you told me to be nice, so I'm all... glass half full and stuff).
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
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    Send junk pics to girls on MFP, they love that stuff!
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    Stop thinking that it's because you're "nice." I don't know you so it's obviously hard to judge, but in my experience, the guys saying it's because they are "nice" are usually acting like *kitten* around women and may or may not even realize it because they're trying to be something they aren't. Relax and just be you.
  • Some_Watery_Tart
    Some_Watery_Tart Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Stop asking and start telling them what they're going to do.

    ^^ Yeah, totally do this. Women love being told what we're going to do--right before we do whatever we want anyway.

    But really, why are you asking how to stop being nice? What does that have to do with getting a date? Geez. The whole "nice guys finish last" attitude is not attractive. Don't buy into it.

    Work on your self esteem. Learn to love yourself. It really sounds like that should be your priority right now.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    Why on earth would you stop being nice?/

    This!! ^^^

    oh god this....

    Look...you don't need to stress about all the girls that turn you down. They missed an opportunity...

    all you need to worry about is the one that doesn't. It only takes one.

    and the one that sees you for who you really are (without changing yourself, please don't change yourself) is the ONLY one that matters.

    and dating is expensive, don't be in a big hurry to "date"

    just make friends and try to grow something from there.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    It's not a matter of nice, it's a matter of attraction and confidence and maybe a few layers of something else (without knowing you personally, IDK). Try eharmony or match.com and start on a level playing field. If what you're doing isn't working, try something else.
  • Special_Sauce
    Special_Sauce Posts: 36
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    Stop asking and start telling them what they're going to do.

    ^^ Yeah, totally do this. Women love being told what we're going to do--right before we do whatever we want anyway.

    But really, why are you asking how to stop being nice? What does that have to do with getting a date? Geez. The whole "nice guys finish last" attitude is not attractive. Don't buy into it.

    Work on your self esteem. Learn to love yourself. It really sounds like that should be your priority right now.

    I don't mean that we're going to be bossy. I just mean, be assertive. Portray confidence even if you don't believe or feel it. And to me, body language...have to master body language even when not speaking to a woman.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
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    Nice isn't the problem.

    My guess would be that you lack assertiveness.

    Start strength training.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Being nice is not the issue. You just need to be confident in who you are.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
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    (I do have depression, so try and be nice)

    You sound fun.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    you don't have to not be nice. Maybe try putting yourself out there more with women who have common interests? Best of luck!
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
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    It's not a matter of nice, it's a matter of attraction and confidence and maybe a few layers of something else (without knowing you personally, IDK). Try eharmony or match.com and start on a level playing field. If what you're doing isn't working, try something else.

    This. You would probably benefit from a dating site because you can communicate in writing first and get to know each other a little that way. When it is time to meet in person, you already know a bit about each other and can connect a little better. Just be honest about who you are and what your interests are.
  • kimmie185
    kimmie185 Posts: 550 Member
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    It will happen when it happens, I wouldn't force or push yourself into it.
    Just be patient and the right girl will come along and discover you. :)
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Nice isn't the problem.

    My guess would be that you lack assertiveness.

    Start strength training.

    This is solid advice.

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