Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls... SO I WILL
http://www.themilitantbaker.com/2013/03/things-no-one-will-tell-fat-girls-so-i.html?spref=fb&m=1
Things that I wish I knew earlier Things that I've learned in real life.
Things people really need to talk about more:
Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!
When people say "you're gorgeous", believe them. I tend not to, and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.
"Arm flab is embarrassing." No its not, go **** yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.
You're not stunning despite your body. You're stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem "unattractive" women as "special spirits". A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside. I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true "beauty".
A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won't break his back. "Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You're full of ****." Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in... six years? I'm considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like... 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air... it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn't suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.
You don't need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone who's fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they're committed to becoming "less fat". As if accepting one's body as is would be a sin, and that's just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don't owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
You're allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that's okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn't make you narcissistic. It doesn't make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
It's also okay to have days were you don't love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have "weak" days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you're a warrior.
Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Don't stress. This is totally normal.
There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that I'm trying to make goes back to the "despite vs because of" argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. "Girls" showed what society thinks about that when Hannah's character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their ****. "Patrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunham" was the most eye catching. Wilson's wife responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think unconventional women deserve. Jesus christ, it's annoying. I won't spill the details of my bedroom coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading Emily's article on xoJane for a better explanation of what I'm struggling to say. Know this: the myth that "atypical" bodies can't be paired with "typically attractive" bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be paired with all bodies.
Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false. Here's a great article that changed my life.
Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?". Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.
You are ****ing beautiful. I'm saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don't feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But **** their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are ****ing beautiful.
Say it with me.
What else belongs on this list?
[EDIT: I'd like to add, because apparently it's necessary, that if you post a fat shaming or hateful comment below it will be deleted. You are allowed to have your opinions, but this blog is a safe space for all bodies to learn to love themselves. Comments that allow reasonable discussion are welcome. I'm the queen here, and what I say goes
By The Militant Baker
Things that I wish I knew earlier Things that I've learned in real life.
Things people really need to talk about more:
Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!
When people say "you're gorgeous", believe them. I tend not to, and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.
"Arm flab is embarrassing." No its not, go **** yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.
You're not stunning despite your body. You're stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem "unattractive" women as "special spirits". A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside. I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true "beauty".
A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won't break his back. "Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You're full of ****." Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in... six years? I'm considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like... 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air... it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn't suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.
You don't need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone who's fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they're committed to becoming "less fat". As if accepting one's body as is would be a sin, and that's just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don't owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
You're allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that's okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn't make you narcissistic. It doesn't make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
It's also okay to have days were you don't love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have "weak" days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you're a warrior.
Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Don't stress. This is totally normal.
There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that I'm trying to make goes back to the "despite vs because of" argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. "Girls" showed what society thinks about that when Hannah's character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their ****. "Patrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunham" was the most eye catching. Wilson's wife responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think unconventional women deserve. Jesus christ, it's annoying. I won't spill the details of my bedroom coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading Emily's article on xoJane for a better explanation of what I'm struggling to say. Know this: the myth that "atypical" bodies can't be paired with "typically attractive" bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be paired with all bodies.
Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false. Here's a great article that changed my life.
Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?". Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.
You are ****ing beautiful. I'm saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don't feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But **** their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are ****ing beautiful.
Say it with me.
What else belongs on this list?
[EDIT: I'd like to add, because apparently it's necessary, that if you post a fat shaming or hateful comment below it will be deleted. You are allowed to have your opinions, but this blog is a safe space for all bodies to learn to love themselves. Comments that allow reasonable discussion are welcome. I'm the queen here, and what I say goes
By The Militant Baker
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Replies
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Love this!❤❤❤❤0
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Thanks I needed this.0
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Fu*#ing LOOOVE this! I can so totally relate to this! I'm at the stage now, falling in love with myself, my body and boy, oh boy it is a fabulous, exhilarating feeling! And noooo shortage of guys... ;-)0
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I enjoyed reading this :-)0
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I like this.0
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great positive forum
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I love this & I needed to hear it from someone other than myself. So thank you.
I used to be 100% confident in my body until I met the guy I'm with now, and gradually started feeling like I'm not good enough (regardless of what he says), which is the only reason I'm even trying to lose weight. So thanks for posting something like this that's positive and empowering.0 -
bumpity bump bump bump!
:flowerforyou:0 -
People who assumed that being fat I HAD to be unhappy, they should read this. Granted that I do have my low moments but, in general, I'm quite comfortable in my skin.
Thank you for the lovely post.:flowerforyou: 0 -
"The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you."
THIS!! ^^0 -
I love this. Completely agree ! Thank you!! 0
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Bump to read later 0
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I'm moving to Tuscon0
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Fantastic...
not much point in using a forum like this then, so i m having bacon, sausage, mushrooms in butter with fried bread and an egg on top today and am going to enjoy the positive nature of your post ...
So much so it seems pointless aiming for my weight loss goal and i may as well treat myself now and i think i ll get a tattoo of the entire 10 things you posted so everyone knows and can be happy like me - and i reckon with a bit of creative work it will just about fit on my belly !!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for the help !0 -
I think you just made my day op, thank you!
Surely this doesn't mean giving up on my goals, but I hope they'll be easier for me to reach now. Gosh I wish it was that easy to start loving yourself. But at least it's something to aim for in addition to getting healthy ^.^0 -
Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were champing at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred. "Girls" showed what society thinks about that when Hannah's character has a weekend romance with an attractive and wealthy doctor. People flipped their ****. "Patrick Wilson is so hot he would never do Lena Dunham" was the most eye catching. Wilson's wife responded to that rubbish here, but the tweet speaks volumes about what the majority of people think unconventional women deserve. Jesus christ, it's annoying. I won't spill the details of my bedroom coming and goings, but lets just say this: the hottest guys in Tucson and I get along just fine. I would recommend reading Emily's article on xoJane for a better explanation of what I'm struggling to say. Know this: the myth that "atypical" bodies can't be paired with "typically attractive" bodies is false. Women need to know that all bodies can be paired with all bodies.
This is the only bit I do not like. Nobody should judge themselves by who will have sex with them. No-one.0 -
I am bookmarking this and am going to read it anytime I start feeling horrible about myself. I have one of those 'hot' guys. The one that all the girls stare at and flirt with. It is soo hard to believe that he is mine. And I just know girls are thinking "What is he doing with HER?".
I will tell you what he is doing with me.. Stuff he will never do with you. He loves me for me and has been with me through thick and thin (insert weight pun here). He tells me everyday how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. I will admit it... Most of the time I feel so gross that I dont believe him.
Time to look at more positively. Thank you OP for this wonderful post.0 -
Did anyone look at the pictures? They are amazing, http://www.thebodyimages.com/0
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:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0
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Love, Love, LOVE this!!!0
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Love this!! Very powerful and well stated! Thanks for sharing!! :flowerforyou: 0
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You had me at 30 different women in my bed.........0
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You had me at 30 different women in my bed.........
lmao she's a photographer, that was doing an artistic piece on different body types0 -
love it0
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Really great post, and although written by a woman from a woman's perspective...much of this can be applied to men too. Thanks for posting this. 0
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bump0
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The original post was way too long to actually read. I am just bumping for fat girl pics.0
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stop thinking about yourself in numbers. You are more than just weight. That's what I got from this ( though I do agree with the person that said comparing yourself to someone you sleep with is wrong and well shallow which I thought was a bit hypocritical perhaps lol)0
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