Do you get decent support at home?

pudadough

I'm single and live alone, so I workout alone too. It doesn't bother me, though, because I'm a naturally introverted person and I hate the gym.

My parents are pretty supportive because they know what it's like to have to battle our fat genetics. Especially my mom. She commiserates with me.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

My husband doesn't join me for my workouts, but that doesn't make him unsupportive.

. Maybe rather than focus on ways your wife doesn't "support" you, you can look for ways she does -- like grocery shopping or cooking or if you have kids, she watches them so you can workout in peace.

Nope... I work from home... I do all shopping, almost every chore, all the cooking, and am the soccer dad. I do workout in peace, as I am home alone during the day.

I would just be happy if she said "nice job" once in awhile.

I mean, you do say she works 50 hours a week in your post and say that you are semi-retired in your profile, so I am not sure what you're expecting here. It sounds to me like you maybe retired or semi retired recently have time for yourself while your wife is still banging out a hectic work and just trying to keep up. Obviously she should take time to care for herself, but I think you might be expecting her to be at the same place as you -- and that's not realistic.

You don't say if you've expressed to her what your goals are or how important her taking some more of an interest in what your doing is. If you haven't, I would think that's an excellent place to start.

I guess what I wonder is, has she always been aloof to what you are doing with your life? Did she sacrifice having a career herself to raise children/support your career and is now looking at the present as "her time"?

I am not saying being insensitive to you is ok, I just think there is more going on here than you're saying. I am not sure what "decent" support means, but I have read tales on these boards of people with spouses that are borderline abusive when it comes to not providing support (controlling the food that is purchased)/tearing the other person down emotionally. To me, it sounds like your wife is in the prime of her career and focusing more on that and that's bumming you out.

motown13

I have a PT business as a DJ, where I work 12 hours a week..... and I am starting a dog walking business (( just for a little side money and a way to get exercise.). I would like to walk dogs 6 - 10 hours a week. So all week, I am home with not much to do except chores except for when I DJ at day care centers and schools. Sometimes I DJ weddings and private events on the weekend.

labeachgirl

I don't know how to answer my own question, so I am leaning towards saying no.

My wife doesn't really ever say anything about my weight, good or bad. I ask her to workout with me and that never happens. Yes, she works hard, and about 50 hours a week, but I think she loves working that much. But she always complains that she is tired. I explain that working out gives me more energy.. Stil, all of my workouts are done alone.

Do you get decent support at home?

I would LOVE to have the chance to support my wife.

Maybe this is simply a love language disconnect thing? It sounds like you may need words of affirmation. Maybe she's not reading your love language (sounds like acts of service) too.

AnJulNZ

Yes and no.

We eat healthy food anyway, so my husband is good because he's already on board there. I do the weekly shopping and the majority of the cooking, but he goes across town to the farmer's market every weekend to stock up on meat, fruit and veges. We find the meat from there a lot leaner than from the supermarket. He's also supportive on the occasions when he cooks - he will be thoughtful about my portion sizes and ask me if he's given me enough or too much. We work together and he makes my lunch most days. He will always include a few pieces of fruit for me, and will ask if I can have a cookie rather than just pack one for me.

That's about where it ends though. As far as verbal support goes it's pretty non-existent. If I tell him that I've lost x amount of weight, or show him that a pair of smaller jeans fit, all I get is a little "oh good" or "well done". I said I was proud of myself for losing 6kg and he said he is proud of me too - that was a fairly impressive comment coming from him. He has not yet come out and said something positive or encouraging without being prompted. He does seem to give me a squeeze on the butt more often though as he's walking past. It's the little things that count :laugh:

It annoys me sometimes, but in all honesty, what he does or doesn't say is not that important to me. I'm making this lifestyle change for myself, not for him. I've learnt over the years that looking for validation from other people usually leaves me disappointed. I am my own biggest cheerleader, and I'm okay with that.

My oldest daughter (11) is very supportive. She is so interested to learn all about calories and what foods are good/bad. I love it! I can teach her good nutrition and how to take care of herself, and hopefully set her up for a healthy lifestyle when she is grown up. She's always asking how my calories are looking and how much weight I've lost. She comes out on walks with me almost every time, and loves being in charge of my phone when I have Runtastic going. She shares my excitement when I fit my old jeans, and lifts up a set of weights that equals my weightloss (though that's getting harder for her each week!!).

Other than husband and children, nobody else even knows ... well, nobody else except the MFP community

3furballs

My dh is pretty supportive. When I was first loosing weight using the unofficial weight watcher (a couple of years ago) he would notice and tell me. Now this past couple of years have been about getting into shape and toning and I think it's probably a huge compliment that dh has now joined kickboxing with me! Obviously he's seen the difference it makes with me and figures he should try it too! I think now that it's about more than just weight loss he's more interested, realizing that we're getting older and it's about staying healthy and active.

ETA: I get huge support from my mom and sister as they've both been working to loss the weight. My mom has lost about 60lbs now and my sister has lost over 100lbs!! I originally lost 56lbs, but in my defence that was starting 7 months post partum after my third baby in five years!

jalloggio

I don't know how to answer my own question, so I am leaning towards saying no.

My wife doesn't really ever say anything about my weight, good or bad. I ask her to workout with me and that never happens. Yes, she works hard, and about 50 hours a week, but I think she loves working that much. But she always complains that she is tired. I explain that working out gives me more energy.. Stil, all of my workouts are done alone.

Do you get decent support at home?

I would LOVE to have the chance to support my wife.

I had a similar situation with my wife years ago, i was working out every day and she was too tired and didnt "need" to.

She saw how it effected (for the better) about every aspect of my life and she started to workout,.

4 year later we are both pretty serious into bodybuilding and we both plan to get on stage in 2014!

She will come around, don't force her, she will see the positive effects it has on your life and she will start considering it. Just stay punctual with your own workouts and progress! It is contagious

fatboy235

I would have to say no to getting any support at home. It does get frustrating ;however, the only person that is going to do anything for you is yourself. My SO was in a car accident almost 3 years ago and hasn't been right since. We have a little one and we're both tired. Take today for example, we were out running some errands and I end up stopping at the Wendy's drive thru for her to get some lunch and our son some lunch. Eating that in front of me was real tempting and very hard cause I was drooling, but I had to make a good choice. I don't have a lot of friends on here and the ones I do have kind of disappeared so if any of you would like to friend me please send me a request.

mlg1712

...
It's frustrating that he still brings home junk food or asks me to go buy ice cream or whatever. I can say no, and I do, but it's way too tempting having that stuff in the house. I want us all to get healthy and lay off the junk food but it's hard when he's bringing chips, donuts, and cakes home once a week!
He seen my one month progress picture and didn't say anything. Even after I told him that I still had a long way to go, he said nothing In that moment I needed a little support and didn't get it.
...

I know that feeling! I still have to cook 'normal' meals for my partner and kids every day, as well as my own. Plus my partner has an obsession with chocolate and ice cream and will often (multiple times a week) sit in bed and eat an entire bag of Freddo Frogs in front of me, and leave the rubbish for me to clean up :grumble: The temptation is massive, but I'm proud of myself for sticking with it, even if he's not.

If anyone would like to add me, feel free. We can cheer each other on :flowerforyou:

cmeiron

You bet I get decent support at home. My partner is right here with me, logging in every day. We both plan and cook our meals, and we try work out together as often as we can. She supports me unconditionally, and is my biggest cheerleader. (Not just for fitness, but for life.)

TheVimFuego

Pretty good here, I tend to do the cooking so they can go hungry if they don't like it

My OH will snack on all sorts of chocolate, ice cream and whatnot, does not bother me at all. She doesn't lecture me on the wine so all's fair

I get most of my exercise post-work on the commute so there is no conflict there, it's understood I'll be later home because, like our dog, if I don't get my wind-down walk I get cranky.

m76b

NO ... never.... one more reason for this epic fail !

MelsAuntie

My hubby, Bear, has diabetic neuropathy in both feet, balance problems, and back pain. He cannot walk very well without a stick, or do much in the way of exercise. Still he has been trying to get both his weight (232 lbs., 5 ft. 8) and his blood sugar down, and he is very supportive and appreciative to my efforts. He's by far my biggest cheering section and best friend.

nolongerXXL

No, not really. I don't share my little NSV's with him. He wouldn't understand. He is naturally at a good weight without ever working at it. He doesn't understand how people become overweight or how much of a struggle it can be for a person on a diet.

I prefer to not talk to him about it, because it usually results in me getting upset. He makes comments that he thinks are funny, but they are rude most of the time.

I do like the support I have on here. I find that I love progress pictures, reading other peoples stories and learning from them.

smaihlee

My husband is a big part of the reason I have been successful at this. It's not that I've never had his support before when I've tried to lose weight (albeit didn't try very hard), it's just that he never followed along with whatever I was doing. I I have always been a bit of a food addict and exercise-averse. He has never had a weight problem, nor has he ever had a hard time losing a few pounds when he felt like it. He has a healthy relationship with food and is naturally very active (but not really athletic per se). I've gone through periods where I worked out regularly, but they never lasted very long and I always managed to find excuses not to do it.

Last summer, we joined a gym. At first, we would sometimes at the same time, but never really worked out together. I signed up for a boot camp in January and dared him to come with me. After the first couple classes, he stopped going and said he hated it. I kept quiet and realized it was because he had never experienced that format of exercise and it made him very uncomfortable. I kept going, and after a week he decided that he really needed it and came back to class. After a few more weeks he was addicted, and started working out really hard on the "off" days.

I decided I wanted to start the C25K program and he has been right there with me most days. As far as eating well, he has no problem with that. He used to be a real "meat and potatoes" guy but has cut way back on red meat and starches. He has managed to lose about 15 pounds and now finds that he wants to eat less.

Having his support has given me almost as much confidence as losing weight. He is so happy now that I actually want to get out and LIVE that he has become my biggest cheerleader and fan. I know that if I want to go work out when he doesn't, he'll totally understand and not be resentful.

I know I'm very lucky, and for that I am very thankful.

Ninguneado73

It is extremely frustrating not to have support in real life. You must let it go and do this for yourself, it is the only way.

scookiemonster

My husband and I support each other, but that doesn't always mean working out together. We also sabotage ourselves together (because it's just to easy to order a pizza sometimes...).

We hike and rock climb together when we can, but our work schedules and routines are so different that we rarely have the opportunity. He goes when he's free and I do what I can when I'm free. There have been a few occasions when our dogs get two runs in one day: one with him before he goes to work and one with me in the evening after I come home.

Being supportive doesn't necessarily mean doing it together. It means listening to each other, knowing when to give advice and when to just listen (or cheer each other on), and encouraging each other. For us, we go at such different speeds and have such different styles that while it's nice to do things together, it's often easier to do them apart. It doesn't mean I feel any less supported than if we were going together all the time. It's all about our attitude towards each other.

kindasortachewy

Its 70/30 for me - My fiance is supportive in the fact he will give me the good job and he will do some runs with me, but at the same time he does tempt me with food all the time, he still orders a pizza when I'm eating peanut butter on low carb crackers, he is a bean pole thin guy who actually would like to gain weight, so we just will never be on the same page food wise

grimendale

She tends to be pretty good about being supportive. I'm allowed to cook whatever I like, including healthy vegetarian fare. This is particularly beneficial to me since she is not a vegetarian, but is making an effort to eat less meat. The only place it gets a little hairy is that I get a lot of pushback on where a healthy weight is. When we met, I was about the size I am now, but I blew up while we were dating. She likes bigger guys as a rule and comes from a Jewish family, so she equates food with love. The other issue is that she doesn't want to encourage me too much about losing weight given that I had eating disorder issues when we first met (which is how I lost the weight the first time). I was only eating 200-300 calories a day, maximum, when we first met, so I was skinny, but I was tired and sickly. She gets worried that I am going to descend back into that and so she wants to make sure not to push me that way (which I totally understand). I have things under control this time. I am better educated and am tracking what I eat to make sure I am in a healthy zone. She doesn't like how often I work out, but that comes as a result of my being gone for work (I'm at site now for a six month stint with only one trip home a month, so she doesn't like to give up time together when I am not on site even for exercise). Overall, I'd say I can't really complain.

pattyci

Yes, my husband and daughters are very encouraging. They are complementary of my progress and often go for walks with me.
That said, my husband would benefit from joining me on my weight loss journey, but we all know that we have to come to that decision (to lose wt) by ourselves. My husband does the grocery shopping and is a good label reader. Unfortunately, he has an insatiable sweet tooth and drags home sweet rolls, doughnuts, ice cream, cookies and cake. He loves fried chicken and fish. Sometimes its a problem for me, and sometimes not. I am hoping he will start buying only fruit and healthy snacks, but until then, it's up to me to walk away from those foods that are not good choices for me.