Would you be brutally honest to a friend??
Replies
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Nope. They are not asking for your opinion; they are soliciting a compliment. And, if they are soliciting a compliment, then they probably need one.
I see no reason to be negative to someone I care for.
Pretty much how I feel. I dislike it when people fish for compliments, but I dislike negativity even more. I go with: if I don't have anything nice to say I just make up something nice. Hehe0 -
I would be honest, if asked, but I wouldn't use the honesty as an excuse to be mean. I hate people who are mean, and then blame you by saying, "Well, you did ask."
If the friend had an opportunity to change, or not buy the outfit, then I would say, "It doesn't suit you" or "It makes you look X." I went wedding dress shopping with my best friend and she really loved a dress that was just TERRIBLE on her. I didn't say, "It looks terrible" but I did say, "It's exactly the same colour as your skin, so from a distance you look naked" which was true. She didn't buy it, and ended up later finding something that she looked magnificent in.
If we were out for a night out and she were wearing something unflattering, then it would be difficult to say even if asked. In that situation I would say she looked nice, if asked ((saying nothing if not asked), and later, after the event, play up other items of her wardrobe and say how lovely THEY were, to encourage her to wear them instead.
Edited for spelling!0 -
Yes, I would be honest, but only if asked. If the skirt was too short or too tight, or whatever, I'd say so and suggest something else.0
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I don't know your friend but you can look at it either you really would look awful in a 2piece and she is doing you a favor of not embarrassing yourself. The second could be she wants to wear one and cannot so she could be jealous.Either way I wouldn't get offended sometimes we as women are sensitive especially when it comes to weight just shake it off and say thank you. I would like pure honestly don't sugar coat it or lie to me.0
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I would be honest but nice about it.
Instead of "That makes you look so fat, it's gross" I'd say "I liked the other one better. That one makes you look bigger than you really are."0 -
Does it look good?
Yes/ No
What's brutal about the truth?0 -
Absolutely because I would expect the same in return.
There have been plenty of times my husband has asked me if something he put on looks 'right' and I'll be blunt and say no. On the flip side I've put on things that he's flat out busted out laughing at -- an example would be these checkered shorts that I thought were super cute that he said looked like an old dude's golf pants -- and I immediately changed out of or returned.
If you're supposed to be my closest friend then I would expect nothing but honesty from you even if it hurts my feelings.0 -
Nope. They are not asking for your opinion; they are soliciting a compliment. And, if they are soliciting a compliment, then they probably need one.
I see no reason to be negative to someone I care for.
Pretty much how I feel. I dislike it when people fish for compliments, but I dislike negativity even more. I go with: if I don't have anything nice to say I just make up something nice. Hehe
Yes, lying is definitely always the way to go.... :noway:
Better to have your friend walk around in an unflattering outfit rather than being honest and then helping them choose something more flattering.0 -
My rule is "If you don't want to know, don't ask."0
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If the friend ASKS your opinion, I'd be honest, but in a nice way. "You know, that is a great color on you, but the cut isn't the most flattering. Try this on instead..."0
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If asked...yes I would certainly tell them the truth. I would try to word it nicely, but I would still tell the truth. My mother in law is still upset about her "back boobs" that I commented on...BUT she asked!0
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I would absolutely tell my friend if they looked horrible in something if they asked or not! And they would do the same to me, which is why I have the amazing long lasting friendships that I have with them!0
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find a different outfit and tell her it looks better. dont tell her she looks fat cos you will just be a *****. dont hurt her feelings . tell her nicely by either complimenting a different outfit or say her dress looks a bit tarty/ cheap...dont slate her body0
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Interesting questions. Does honesty have to be brutal? To me putting it that way implies a deliberate effort to make the other perason feel bad.0
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I would be honest, if asked, but I wouldn't use the honesty as an excuse to be mean. I hate people who are mean, and then blame you by saying, "Well, you did ask."
If the friend had an opportunity to change, or not buy the outfit, then I would say, "It doesn't suit you" or "It makes you look X." I went wedding dress shopping with my best friend and she really loved a dress that was just TERRIBLE on her. I didn't say, "It looks terrible" but I did say, "It's exactly the same colour as your skin, so from a distance you look naked" which was true. She didn't buy it, and ended up later finding something that she looked magnificent in.
If we were out for a night out and she were wearing something unflattering, then it would be difficult to say even if asked. In that situation I would say she looked nice, if asked ((saying nothing if not asked), and later, after the event, play up other items of her wardrobe and say how lovely THEY were, to encourage her to wear them instead.
Edited for spelling!
Ditto.
At the end of the day, there are very few situations where "brutal" honesty is really needed to accomplish the goal. You can tell a person that an outfit doesn't suit them, that their performance was subpar or that you don't like something without you giving them your most unfiltered, visceral response. If you can get your point across and accomplish the same goal without making the person feel foolish or alienating them, why choose the harsher route?
I always associate brutal honesty with a little bit of social laziness or thinly veiled resentment.0 -
Interesting questions. Does honesty have to be brutal? To me putting it that way implies a deliberate effort to make the other perason feel bad.
Bingo.0 -
I wouldn't tell my friend she looks fat, but I would tell her that her outfit doesn't look good...but this is mostly if we are going out somewhere.0
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Nope. They are not asking for your opinion; they are soliciting a compliment. And, if they are soliciting a compliment, then they probably need one.
I see no reason to be negative to someone I care for.
Pretty much how I feel. I dislike it when people fish for compliments, but I dislike negativity even more. I go with: if I don't have anything nice to say I just make up something nice. Hehe
Yes, lying is definitely always the way to go.... :noway:
Better to have your friend walk around in an unflattering outfit rather than being honest and then helping them choose something more flattering.
Yeah, I'm kind of lacking in the social skills department. I have a lot of problems with tact. When I try to be honest, it always comes off rude. So yeah, I just stick to saying nice things. Plus a lot of my friends have some intense body issues, and I'm not opening that can of worms.
Clothes are all about preference anyway; just because I might think a friend doesn't look good in something doesn't mean much. I have *kitten* fashion sense. But maybe I'm just making excuses.0 -
I would tell any of my friends if an outfit didn't work for them. I would hope they would do the same. Don't ask for honesty if you don't want it in return.0
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Here's an example of a girl who I would want as my BFF:
I was in Forever 21 last year. There was this girl who was a bit over weight trying on clothes in the dressing room. I was in line waiting for one to open up. The girl peeked her head out of the dressing room and called her friend over. She opened up the curtain and I could see what she was wearing and it did NOT look good on her. Her friend comes over and looks at her and says:
"You know I love you but no. No. No. No. No. NO!"
THAT'S the kind of friend a girl needs. Not someone who looks at you and says "Yes. Buy it!" When they're really cringing inside and thinking "Hell to the NO!" If my BFF ever lied to me and said something looked good when in reality it looked absolutely horrific on me and she allowed me to 1) purchase the item and 2) go out in public wearing said item I'd be PISSED and guess who wouldn't be my BFF anymore?0 -
If my friends dresses like a .... day walker, I will tell her just that! I don't care if it hurts her feelings it's the truth and that's that. If they're trying to look like that then they wont care. If it's an accident they'll thank you for not lettting them leave the house in a leather mini and a boob tube!0
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Damn skippy I would.0
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Depends.. where we still at her house and she would be able to change it and feel good? If we were at her house and she asked, I would just tell her I wasn't a fan of the outfit. However, if we were already out in public and she couldn't do anything about it I would hold back.0
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Thanks for everyone's thoughts and suggestions! I'm actually on the other end of this & was just curious what everyone else thought. I DID NOT ask for an opinion but was simply contemplating which bathing suit I should wear to my bf's family gathering. It's a "pool party" so there's only so many options...not trying to wear a diving suit. My BEST friend stated "not trying to be mean so please don't take it the wrong way, but I wouldn't wear your 2 pc around his family." Since I know her, I know that if I was an acceptable weight in her eyes, there would be no question about wearing my 2 pc ...BUT she also knows that I'm very self conscious...so maybe she really was just looking out for me.
As far as the "brutal" truth...I just said that bc really...sometimes THE TRUTH HURTS...as in...maybe I don't look so HOT in my bikini... I wasn't fishing for a compliment, but I wasn't really expecting what she said either.
Regardless, now that I've thought about and discussed this, I don't even want to wear a tankini or a one piece. I think I may just avoid pools til next summer. lol. Thanks all!0 -
I would rather be honest and have a lot respect for my friend and no need to lie or hide the truth from anyone. It is the best policy with everyone!!0
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Guys have an easier time with this... we can just say "Dude, you look stupid. Change now".0
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Honest, yes, 'brutally honest', no. If I am asked for an opinion, I will give it, but there is no reason to not use some tact.0
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Definitely is different with men! haha...
I was recently invited to my bf's family's house to go swimming. I was contemplating on what bathing suit I should wear - as I have a one piece (that I hate) and a 2 pc. One of my friends stated, "not trying to be mean so please don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't wear your 2 pc in front of his family."
I wasn't sure if I should be appreciative of her suggestion - or if I should be offended.
My friend is currently larger than me (I love her regardless) but we have very different views on bodies. She would never wear a 2 pc, unless she was stick thin with no fat.
To answer your question, I would be honest if I was asked. Now of course, your friend said if she were you she wouldn't wear a 2pc suit. Sounds like she has her own body image hang ups but really has nothing to do with your own body. If you are confident in what you wear people will see the confidence.0 -
Guys have an easier time with this... we can just say "Dude, you look stupid. Change now".
^^I wish it were this easy with women!^^ stupid feelings and emotions...lol0 -
Definitely is different with men! haha...
I was recently invited to my bf's family's house to go swimming. I was contemplating on what bathing suit I should wear - as I have a one piece (that I hate) and a 2 pc. One of my friends stated, "not trying to be mean so please don't take this the wrong way, but I wouldn't wear your 2 pc in front of his family."
I wasn't sure if I should be appreciative of her suggestion - or if I should be offended.
My friend is currently larger than me (I love her regardless) but we have very different views on bodies. She would never wear a 2 pc, unless she was stick thin with no fat.
To answer your question, I would be honest if I was asked. Now of course, your friend said if she were you she wouldn't wear a 2pc suit. Sounds like she has her own body image hang ups but really has nothing to do with your own body. If you are confident in what you wear people will see the confidence.
Agreed. She has said before that "she will never be small enough or happy enough with her body to wear a bikini." Yes, a toned muscular body is sexy, but so is confidence!0
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