advice about creepy guy at gym

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  • chocolateandpb
    chocolateandpb Posts: 453 Member
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    Make a written report to management detailing the circumstances. If they do not respond in the appropriate and timely manner there are additional ways to escalate it.

    ^^ This! Keep a log of the incidences that have already occurred, and any that may occur in the future (hopefully none will). If he is a super creeper and you end up needing to go to the court to request an order for protection, being able to present a concise and chronological list of things he has done will be an enormous asset.
  • rdschill
    rdschill Posts: 16 Member
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    "You say you respect me, so you should also respect the fact that I do not want to date you or hang out with you. We don't have any kind of relationship - you are just some guy at the gym. And please do not ever follow me to my car when I leave. If I am startled and feel threatened, I will protect myself appropriately."

    No matter what, do not make up some excuse. When a woman says "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend," a stalker hears "I would, but I can't as long as I have a boyfriend." So he will wait for his chance and will continue to be a problem.
  • 1holegrouper
    1holegrouper Posts: 323 Member
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    Make a written report to management detailing the circumstances. If they do not respond in the appropriate and timely manner there are additional ways to escalate it.

    ^^ This! Keep a log of the incidences that have already occurred, and any that may occur in the future (hopefully none will). If he is a super creeper and you end up needing to go to the court to request an order for protection, being able to present a concise and chronological list of things he has done will be an enormous asset.

    These^^. The following you to the car part is a HUGE concern. That itself almost deserves a call to the police. Add this to what your instincts are telling you and take the appropriate action. The management there will be more protective of their business reputation and potential liability than they will any chummy friendship they have with this guy.

    Edit; then get your money back and join another gym- sporting an engagement ring and wearing pepper spray.
  • SGT_Reg
    SGT_Reg Posts: 186 Member
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    Have you tried a taser?

    Clearly this ^^ or pepper spray is the correct answer
  • cobes24
    cobes24 Posts: 132 Member
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    He talks to mom about how he wants to date me. How he "respects" me. Seems like a nice guy.

    Yea, that sounds super creepy. I hate it when nice guys respect me. :huh:

    No. EW. Telling your mom anything about you is weird. If he respected you he would stop following you to your car. If someone told my MOM he respected me, I would keep my eye out for the duct tape and ransom calls. That's plain creepy. I'd be direct--which doesn't mean rude--and if you want to switch gyms anyway, now is the time. If they are not aholes they should be willing to waive teh cancellation fee if you explain the circumstances.
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    Be straight with him in a public setting. See if you can get out of your contract. Tell the owners that he has followed you to your car twice and you don't feel safe there. It may work if you're persistent.
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
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    He talks to mom about how he wants to date me. How he "respects" me. Seems like a nice guy.

    Yea, that sounds super creepy. I hate it when nice guys respect me. :huh:

    No. EW. Telling your mom anything about you is weird. If he respected you he would stop following you to your car. If someone told my MOM he respected me, I would keep my eye out for the duct tape and ransom calls. That's plain creepy. I'd be direct--which doesn't mean rude--and if you want to switch gyms anyway, now is the time. If they are not aholes they should be willing to waive teh cancellation fee if you explain the circumstances.

    This.
  • JustLindaLou
    JustLindaLou Posts: 376 Member
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    As for the instances when he followed me out to my car. I would be done with my exercise, grab my purse and leave. he is no where in sight when I leave. As I am sitting in my car, turning the ac on or sending a text or whatever, I look up and boom... there he is at my window. trying to talk to me and showing me pictures on his phone. I dont feel like I would comfortable working out there anymore.

    THIS is creepy and stalkerish behavior! I would not tolerate it and I would go to management about it. And no, I would not feel comfortable working out there as long as he is employed there. Or even if he wasn't employed there, I would be concerned he is lurking nearby waiting for me... Wonder if he is acting this way toward any other gym patrons. PLEASE notify the management right away and protect yourself as well as others! (And tell mom to quit talking about ya!!)
  • ZForce915
    ZForce915 Posts: 23
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    Serious reply.

    The next time he approaches you tell him "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in a relationship". It's direct and non-accusatory.

    If that doesn't work you really should speak to management and tell them you were direct with him once and he's making you feel unsafe.

    Only thing I would say to this is that she doesn't have to apologize for anything. Don't say "I'm sorry" if you didn't do anything wrong.

    It's not about right/wrong. It's about pre-diffusing the situation.
  • SavvyCake
    SavvyCake Posts: 150 Member
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    No matter what, do not make up some excuse. When a woman says "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend," a stalker hears "I would, but I can't as long as I have a boyfriend." So he will wait for his chance and will continue to be a problem.

    ^^^THIS! Just be honest.
  • kreuzen
    kreuzen Posts: 188 Member
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    Your gut is never wrong. I'd try to buddy up at the gym. Talk to management, carry some sort of protection... just in case. Creeper! Even if he tells your mom that he 'respects' you. (which is a little 'old school' and something my own mother might even find a little juvenile.
    Be careful. I wouldn't make this guy cost you $500... but then again, if you talk to management they might be able to wave it if you are feeling uncomfortable at the gym with mr. creeper pants there watching you all the time and following you out to your car! No... no no no. That is not something (unless you were actually friends and he was off of work) a gym employee should be doing.
  • cobes24
    cobes24 Posts: 132 Member
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    No matter what, do not make up some excuse. When a woman says "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend," a stalker hears "I would, but I can't as long as I have a boyfriend." So he will wait for his chance and will continue to be a problem.

    THIS. It does not make sense to give him any hope. You're the only one in charge of protecting yourself--do not EVER feel like you're being a B when you tell someone you're not interested. It's not flattery if it makes you uncomfortable.
  • taco_tap
    taco_tap Posts: 152 Member
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    Im a regular there. They all know my face at the gym. So hopefully that will aid in the fact that Im not just trying to get out of the contract. I think if it were just someone who works out there, someone unaffiliated with the gym, it would be different. But besides being over the top weird with appearing at the door of my car, its unprofessional for the gym to have such employees. Thats a place I would go to relax and let stress out. Now its a place that causes stress.
  • Mcmilligen
    Mcmilligen Posts: 332 Member
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    ...Yeaaahh... You can avoid him, bring a male friend to the gym, tazer him... But honestly, since he doesn't seem like he's trying to harm you- just tell him that his actions are bothering you. Yes it's going to be awkward, but there is nothing better than the truth in these sort of situations.

    If it gets worse after doing that, then perhaps it's time for more drastic actions.
  • healthybody74
    healthybody74 Posts: 13
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    Be blunt and to the point. Some guys thing if you say "I'm seeing someone" then you're just saying you might be available later. Tell him "not interested, thanks." Yes, grow a pair lol
  • ShaunaLaNee
    ShaunaLaNee Posts: 188 Member
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    He talks to mom about how he wants to date me. How he "respects" me. Seems like a nice guy.

    Yea, that sounds super creepy. I hate it when nice guys respect me. :huh:

    this:) haha:)
  • Icelandic_Saga
    Icelandic_Saga Posts: 2,926 Member
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    So far I've never found a good way to get rid of a creepy guy. I just try to avoid them and give them a blank stare when they talk to me because I don't know what to say :S
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
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    It's actually really weird he followed you out to your car.
    I would tell the owners that it made you really uncomfortable that he followed you to your car and that you feel unsafe and if it doesn't stop you're going to want to cancel your membership there due to feeling uneasy and that your safety isn't a concern.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    The first step is to be honest and say you're not interested. Make it so clear.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    Serious reply.

    The next time he approaches you tell him "I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but I'm not interested in a relationship". It's direct and non-accusatory.

    If that doesn't work you really should speak to management and tell them you were direct with him once and he's making you feel unsafe.

    THIS

    Seriously you are an adult you do not have to play childish games. Tell him he makes you very uncomfortable and you do not want a relationship.

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