Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?

My husband is probably the least main stream attractive of any guy I dated. I told him I wanted to just be friends, but as I got to know him, I realized that the way he cared about me and treated me and how much we had in common made me insanely attracted to him. We have great sexual chemistry and the fact that he decided to join the military to provide me and our future children is the made me even more attracted to him. I am so glad that I found him because he truly is my soul mate and I don't think I could love another man more than I love him.

It definitely does show maturity to give someone out of your comfort zone a chance, and for all you know, you guys could hit it off. I'd much rather be with a guy that treats me right and might not be as attractive or have some sort of disfigurement than be with one that is gorgeous, but has a personality disfigurement (ie is a *kitten*).

If his personality is already attractive to you, try a few dates, maybe you'll like him, maybe you won't but it won't hurt to spend some time getting to know him better!

Why are people surprised by this question? Our society worships people for physical beauty. I am sorry but as someone whom is "fat", it is the most discriminated trait, so someone questioning facial disfigurement doesn't surprise me. When I was skinny I didn't have people tell me, "You are perfect, except... "enter nice way to say fat here". There are MUCH worse traits people can have then fat, facial disfigurement, or whatever society doesn't hold as "beautiful". Anyways, congratulations you are a douche and he deserves better.

No... actually... the 'douches' in this case are the people who can read her post and so thoroughly misunderstand, misinterpret or misrepresent it. Wow.... just.... wow!!

Strange question. So you like him but his face is asymmetrical. What's the problem? If your worried about how others perceive you don't. I would think you were open minded, a kind person, and not concerned with outward appearances. Plus in my opinion personality can make anyone hot or it can make them completely disgusting.

Well said, very true!!

Yes I have in the past. He was a wonderful and kind man. I don't normally see the outside first. I do want to also ask you this:

Do you think he was asking a public forums members' if he should ask you out because you were (fill in the blank here)? I don't slam or flame people but, turn the tables. I can't tell from your lack of a weight loss ticker if you have weight to loose, gain, maintain or how many pounds/kg you have done of any the above so I can't use that as an example BUT I'm going to anyway.

IF you are overweight you don't need me to tell you that people look at you differently. It really bites but it's a fact. Being overweight or fat is a highly discriminated against feature. That being said, how would you feel if you found out he was questioning whether or not to ask you out because of your weight? Your weight is something you can learn to control. How can he control a birth defect? You've stated that he is interesting enough and you did accept his date so what's the big deal? Go. Have a good time. Treat him how you want to be treated. Don't be rude and bring up the "swollen face", chances are if you talk enough and listen enough he'll tell you what's up.

1 piece of advice, do not go to a movie on a first date. You have to stay quiet and conversation/interaction is limited. Go someplace where you can talk. I hope you both enjoy the date.

Just curious- is it called a vascular malformation? I have one in my cheek also. It swells up and goes down. People will ask if I have something in my mouth. It hasn't swollen in years unless my head goes below my heart, like when bending over- but used to be swollen all the time. It never affected my teeth but has affected my ear, hearing.

Speaking as someone with a facial disfigurement (deep quarter sized cancer scar on my face) I find this thread very interesting

You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.

Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.

When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.

That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.

Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.

If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.

And if you look at my post, you'll see I said I can become attracted to someone if we build up a rapport. I am more than fully aware that there is more to attraction than physical features, but pretending like physical features don't factor at all is niave.

Yes, you may be able to fall in love with someone with a facial disfigurement, and, hey, I'm sure I could too. But it doesn't mean that you're a horrible person or devoid of any depth if you're intially put off by a disfigurement. There is a difference between meeting someone in, say, a bar, where looks can factor in greatly, or meeting someone in a non-intimate setting where you have time to get to know each other. Just because you talk to someone, it doesn't mean you will be attracted to them, facial disfigurement or not.

Lol..where is all this hostility coming from? I never once said that anyone is a horrible person. And you spoke of attraction as if it is only derived from physical characteristics, however that's not the only way people are attracted to each other...
Case and point.

I recently met a really lovely guy and I'm pretty sure he was born with this facial disfigurement. At first glance, it looks like one cheek is kinda swollen - maybe from getting your wisdom teeth pulled - but then you see that it's likely a birth defect.

He is 28, a Cordon Bleu trained chef, has great style, and like I said - really lovely - great conversationalist - super smart and fun.

I am going out on a date with him tonight.

The weird thing is that I've always kinda considered myself to be superficial when it comes to the opposite sex's appearance. Sadly, I've dated cute guys that maybe had other issues...I mean who doesn't. But saying yes to him has taken me by surprise and I'd love to hear from anyone who has, who hasn't, who would, who wouldn't...just your thoughts.

I had a friend tell me he thinks that I'm afraid of what people may think of me - which has me thinking - but not sure if that applies. I mean - it's not me - it's him - but yeah - maybe people would judge me too. I don't know.

Like I said, your thoughts and insights are appreciated.

I haven't read through this whole thread, I'm almost afraid to because it's a subject that hits close to home for me. I can tell you that yes, I would date someone with a disfigurement, provided he wasn't an *kitten* and I wasn't married. From the description, it sounds as though his condition is rather mild. As far as your friend causing you concern about what people will think of you, I don't really understand where she is coming from. He's a nice guy, and he's got a career, that's a whole lot more than some non-disfigured guys have to offer. You like him, so who cares what people think? I don't think anyone is going to think any less of you for dating someone with a facial difference. As a matter of fact, they will probably have a whole new respect for you in that you will come across as a person who sees people for who they are, and not what they look like. And honestly, I can tell you from personal experience that after you really get to know him, you won't even notice his difference anymore, it will simply be part of who he is. If you're curious about what it is, don't be afraid to ask. I'm sure he'd rather people ask him about it than be stared at.

I'm curious to know what condition has caused his swollen appearance. My oldest son was born with syndromatic craniosynostosis (in simplest definition, his skull fused in multiple areas too soon and it was literally crushing his brain and caused disfigurement) so I'm very active in raising craniofacial disorder awareness and love the chance to meet other families affected by them.

My boy has been through hell. Multiple surgeries, permanent scar going from ear to ear, and more surgeries to come. If not for his physical differences though, not a living soul would know anything was different about him. He's smart, caring, active, and does all the same things kids his age do (including driving his mom crazy sometimes). Right now, at this age, most kids don't say anything about his differences or treat him any differently. They actually think his zig-zag lighting bolt across his head is pretty cool. He's a big flirt, and girls seem drawn to him. That's right now though. I now there's going to come a time when appearance is more important than anything (the dreaded teen years), and things may not be too easy for him. I can only hope that he will meet pretty, open minded, and caring women like yourself to see past his scars and asymmetry. Anyone who doesn't take the time to get to know someone because they have a physical difference is likely missing out on an amazing person.

You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.

Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.

When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.

That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.

Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.

If you look back at my other post, you see that I mention that physical attraction and sexual attraction isn't always based off of PHYSICAL characteristics. You can fall i love with someone both mentally, emotionally and physically even if they have a disfigurement. So, yes, to me, it's superficial to not go out with someone because of a facial disfigurement. You can be easily attracted to someone physically even if they have a disfigurement. Passion is so much deeper when you can mentally and emotionally connect with someone... which plays a very important role in sexual and physical attraction.

And if you look at my post, you'll see I said I can become attracted to someone if we build up a rapport. I am more than fully aware that there is more to attraction than physical features, but pretending like physical features don't factor at all is niave.

Yes, you may be able to fall in love with someone with a facial disfigurement, and, hey, I'm sure I could too. But it doesn't mean that you're a horrible person or devoid of any depth if you're intially put off by a disfigurement. There is a difference between meeting someone in, say, a bar, where looks can factor in greatly, or meeting someone in a non-intimate setting where you have time to get to know each other. Just because you talk to someone, it doesn't mean you will be attracted to them, facial disfigurement or not.

Lol..where is all this hostility coming from? I never once said that anyone is a horrible person. And you spoke of attraction as if it is only derived from physical characteristics, however that's not the only way people are attracted to each other...
Case and point.

Any hostility you sense is not coming from me.

I didn't say physical characteristics are the only way people are attracted to each other, I said it factors in greatly.