need to get this off my chest

2

Replies

  • UnderCoverShyGirl
    UnderCoverShyGirl Posts: 254 Member
    I feel like this happens with "everyone"...i think part of the scoff is that i'm fat and looking at healthy things and they act like it doesn't make a difference or "why should i bother, it obviously doesn't help". I feel the same lack of support sometimes regarding happy hours and eating out with friends. They know how hard it is for me, because i've expressed it, to control myself in the face of a table of yummy things, yet they invite me and order everything bad on the menu! Not that it's their fault, i guess i shouldn't go...but sometimes i wished they would just try to be healthier too...they talk about it just as much, yet don't seem to be doing much about it. I think everyone has their own idea of what they want to do and what works, yet out of most of them, i seem to be the one that actually has lost weight...even though it's taking forever and i still have tons to go! I love my friends, i love my social times, but i would love for them to be less about food and more about...i don't even know, something healthier! I guess i should come up with things to invite them to! Stumped! LOL

    I used to have a boyfriend that was always telling me what i should and shouldn't do to lose weight and remark on what i was eating, even though he was a good 100 overweight and not doing anything about it. Thankfully he is paying more attention now...and we're only friends so he isn't around to make comments LOL
  • SWilkins75
    SWilkins75 Posts: 277 Member
    He needs a high five, in the face, with a chair
    Right? Time for a new husband lol jp :P
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
    I feel like this happens with "everyone"...i think part of the scoff is that i'm fat and looking at healthy things and they act like it doesn't make a difference or "why should i bother, it obviously doesn't help". I feel the same lack of support sometimes regarding happy hours and eating out with friends. They know how hard it is for me, because i've expressed it, to control myself in the face of a table of yummy things, yet they invite me and order everything bad on the menu! Not that it's their fault, i guess i shouldn't go...but sometimes i wished they would just try to be healthier too...they talk about it just as much, yet don't seem to be doing much about it. I think everyone has their own idea of what they want to do and what works, yet out of most of them, i seem to be the one that actually has lost weight...even though it's taking forever and i still have tons to go! I love my friends, i love my social times, but i would love for them to be less about food and more about...i don't even know, something healthier! I guess i should come up with things to invite them to! Stumped! LOL

    I used to have a boyfriend that was always telling me what i should and shouldn't do to lose weight and remark on what i was eating, even though he was a good 100 overweight and not doing anything about it. Thankfully he is paying more attention now...and we're only friends so he isn't around to make comments LOL

    What if you tried like a girls night in dinner party with "healthier" cocktail choices and you cooked up a bunch of your favorite healthy meals but just act like it's your everyday thing, not enthusing on the health benefits and just wait for the compliments to come rolling in and the "i MUST have this recipe!"

    http://greatist.com/health/60-healthier-drinks-for-boozing-030712/#
  • UnderCoverShyGirl
    UnderCoverShyGirl Posts: 254 Member
    LOL, after reading my post i realize it was more of my own "squak" than answering yours LOL! I really do know what you mean though, it's so frustrating to get comments when you are trying to do something good!

    Totally checking out the link you sent, i definately need some ideas!
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
    your squak or mine, it's all heard ;)
  • TheTrimTim
    TheTrimTim Posts: 220 Member
    I think there are many of us that have the same issues. I do. My wife is my soulmate and without her I'd be lost, but she can be the most unless unsupportive person at times, it drives me mad.
  • Dyetcoke1
    Dyetcoke1 Posts: 54 Member
    He sounds very insecure. You can either "go deaf" and pretend you cant hear him. Walk into another room, or pick a time you know he will be receptive and tell him how you feel "criticized, hurt, unsupported" and.tell him what you DO want "encouragement, love, support". If you are yakking with him about MFP and he is negative the message may be "MFP.is boring to.me. I am more intersted in talking about cricket." If so, find a sister, brother or friend who enjoys the.subject. I enjoy it you can friend me.if you want more support. Stay strong!
  • cole_carter
    cole_carter Posts: 174 Member
    yeah .. I don't quite understand why a someone would have an issue with their significant other being focused on getting healthy and fit.

    When I start a program like MFP, my moderate case of OCD kicks in and I can't help myself. But then again thats not a bad thing and certainly not cause for criticism. My compliments to you in your effort to forge ahead with taking care of yourself.
  • EffaJane
    EffaJane Posts: 17 Member
    hard to carry on with this kind of criticism. Need good support..and I will be support for you. We need to all stick
    together for our health!!! good luck to you
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    Do it when he is not around, at work, asleep. Get the app and do it from your phone. Not that you have anything to hide, but there is less for him to argue about if he doesn't see it.
  • LynRhea
    LynRhea Posts: 15
    I think sometimes our loved ones don't like it when we succeed or do something for ourselves. My husband has downloaded mfb on his phone and says he will start tomorrow. We will see. Keep going. This has been a great tool for me to track what I eat and my exercise. Do this for you!
  • spiregrain
    spiregrain Posts: 254 Member
    He needs a high five, in the face, with a chair

    Hahahahahahahahaha I love this.
  • hannibal28
    hannibal28 Posts: 32 Member
    my wife used to laugh at me, but I sat down and explained how it worked and now she is on here and has lost 30 pounds and has logged in for 116 days straight. keep it up.
  • JackiepMN
    JackiepMN Posts: 7 Member
    YOU go, girl! Vent away! I love my husband too, but what is it about men thinking they know EVERYTHING!?!?!
  • snoopynut1972
    snoopynut1972 Posts: 49 Member
    I have the same but opposite problem. He doesn't say anything about my weight loss at all. I get compliments from the guys at work, and even total strangers, but not my husband. I'm down 30+ pounds, 2 pant sizes and 3 shirt sizes, he's got to see I'm shrinking! :-) He's a man of few words. Glad I have awesome supportive friends and co-workers that voice their compliments!!!
  • DivaDiba0212
    DivaDiba0212 Posts: 23
    I was in this same situation only with my sister. She couldn't be in the same room as me as I got my food when I initially started as I measured everything. I am now one month in and have lost 9 lbs so far, and yesterday for the first time she acknowledged that she is seeing a difference in how I look.

    I agree with the other person who said give it time and he can eat his hateful words when he sees what you are accomplishing!!!
  • mermx
    mermx Posts: 976
    To the OP you look a very pretty lady from your profile photo, maybe he is a little worried that he is going to lose you (not necessarily to another man) but to MFP?

    Time spent on here is not time spent with him?

    I don`t know your relationship, but maybe write him a letter, I know, I know it sounds crazy! But sometimes it is hard to talk about stuff without getting all emotional with each other.

    You love him, he loves you sometimes it is hard to understand the person you love has other needs besides them!

    Hope you work it out x
  • CynthiasChoice
    CynthiasChoice Posts: 1,047 Member
    I wonder if he's feeling you don't look to him enough for advice...guy's thrive on that. Obviously, advice about diet is off the table, but if there's something else - your car, using tools...if you let him have his fill in the advice area, maybe he'll lay off MFP. Just a thought.
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
    Do it when he is not around, at work, asleep. Get the app and do it from your phone. Not that you have anything to hide, but there is less for him to argue about if he doesn't see it.

    I agree to some extent, although unfortunately this has become more of a problem since i *cries* broke my phone, and have been entering things on the one shared laptop in the house.
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
    YOU go, girl! Vent away! I love my husband too, but what is it about men thinking they know EVERYTHING!?!?!
    Thank you!
    I mean it's not something I'm going to hate him forever for and just divorce him on a whim. Even the best of people can act like a *kitten* sometimes. But when they do, you just need someone to talk to about it.
  • beattie1
    beattie1 Posts: 1,012 Member
    Funnily enough I just posted a very similar topic, its good to know I'm not alone with the idiot husband. Mine thinks he fit and healthy but I'd love him to do my full work out with me just once so he'd have some understanding of what I'm putting myself through.

    LOL whenever I want to exercise when he's home I have to go hide in the bedroom or else face his criticism of my routine. If I asked him to do it with me once he'd laugh in my face, but I get what you mean.
    let's not let the small minded men get the best of us ;)

    I have this too - I go out to classes so that I don't have to exercise in our sitting room.
  • Lee510
    Lee510 Posts: 46
    My wife joined the Y and started going regularly last fall. She would nag me to go. I had no desire to do it, so I refused to go. In December, I started going and by January this year, decided I actually liked it. I found this site in February and began to log everything. I set the system up to have me working out 5 days a week for an hour. An hour turned into an hour and 10-15 minutes. My wife complained that she didn't want to be in the gym longer than 45 minutes. I explained my side of it and all was ok. Well, at least it was until I added 2 days of working out with dumbells. Now I usually end up meeting her at the gym. Since we're in two cars, I can do my workout without feeling pressed to cut it short.

    My wife won't hear of joining MFP. I'm down 60 pounds since Jan. She, on the other hand doesn't keep up with what she eats and hasn't lost any weight in a LONG time. I used to recommend she sign up and log in, but got worse stone-walling than I used to give her. I just keep my mouth shut and continue to lose weight.
  • kytte
    kytte Posts: 323 Member
    apparently i'm limited to 25 friend requests per day, so shoot them at me
  • cobebu8
    cobebu8 Posts: 25 Member
    You go girl!! Keep it focused on your own self, with your health. He sure is doing it for himself.
  • igora_soma
    igora_soma Posts: 486
    Sit him down and tell him exactly what you need and don't need from him and how it make you feel.

    Absolutely this ^^

    Some men don't really understand - he may think that you aren't hearing him, he probably thinks he knows everything you need to know and therefore by using MFP he sees that as you not taking him seriously. Maybe let him know that you hear what he has to say and appreciate his advice, but you like the support element of MFP and are a different person and need to try new things.

    Feel free to add me btw :)
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    I find it sad when the people closest to us are actually hindering our progress than supporting it.

    I would definitely tell him that his constant criticizing of your diet and exercise plan is hurtful and hindering your progress. While you appreciate that he enjoys cricket and eating what he wants, you are trying to lose weight and you would appreciate his support and not constant criticism.

    If he likes you thinner than maybe he needs to get with the program and stop being a bully.
  • speedracer2007
    speedracer2007 Posts: 53 Member
    Kyette..sounds like you might have yourself a know-it-all that always has to be right about everything, has to get the get the last word in during a conversation and might refuse to comprimise. I Had a spouse like that and still have friends like that. They just are iggnorant and foolish because in the end they are the ones that turn people off and lose the friendship and respect of others. You are obviously an intellegent open minded person who has learned to have this person in your life because their good points off set their bad ones. In my experience, it's just so dang difficult to always deal with it. You're right, the body needs more exercise than an occassional walk. Good Luck
  • georgie_lou
    georgie_lou Posts: 225 Member
    MEEEEEE!!! My bf and I started off together but he quickly fell off the wagon. When I get home and tell him what I've done or how much weight I've lost he just goes "Ohhh yuuuuup", His thing is "he's heard it all before". Granted, I have been struggling with my weight for a while but COME ON!! Can't you see a difference this time? We're both going to Rarotonga next year for a holiday which is my motivation. I hoped it would be his too but maybe not. I just want some support!!

    ADD ME!
  • Gotspunk1
    Gotspunk1 Posts: 33 Member
    When you are trying to change long time habits, it is important to immerse yourself in the change and all things that are involved so that you have a better chance of it actually sticking for good, and you form new habits. Learning and researching about the habit you want to change is vital as well. Another ingredient of successful change is a support group.
    Losing weight and getting in shape is a serious subject, not to be belittled. Our bodies are our temple, so honestly what does it serve to haggle someone about utilizing proven effective tools to help them make the changes they so desire? Nothing. Tell your husband to grow up and use some common sense. :)
  • Anastasia0511
    Anastasia0511 Posts: 372 Member
    Funnily enough I just posted a very similar topic, its good to know I'm not alone with the idiot husband. Mine thinks he fit and healthy but I'd love him to do my full work out with me just once so he'd have some understanding of what I'm putting myself through.

    LOL whenever I want to exercise when he's home I have to go hide in the bedroom or else face his criticism of my routine. If I asked him to do it with me once he'd laugh in my face, but I get what you mean.
    let's not let the small minded men get the best of us ;)
    I say hit him with the chair.
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