Hubby spying on me...

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  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    add a secret GPS tracking app on her phone,

    Seems like such a waste...unless you have a really large kitchen.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
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    Wow... I have had exs spy on me and all it did was weaken our relationship. If my man was jealous/insecure enough to get mad when I look at commercials I would bail. That is crazy!!

    I know he has been hurt before, so have I. I have been cheated on but I still have not ever looked at my SO phone or computer accounts behind their backs. He has to let it go...
  • rowdylibrarian
    rowdylibrarian Posts: 251 Member
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    Run away. FAR away. Been there, done that, and it will NOT get better, just worse. Sorry, honey, but this is controlling, abusive behavior at its finest.
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Dear Husband,

    Since you are probably reading this right now... This sounds pretty juvenile / high schoolish. I understand you've been hurt and cheated on in the past...You need some serious counseling for your TRUST issues. TRUST me, if you want your marriage to last. TRUST is key. Oh wait.... I said trust me...

    I'm serious about the counseling dude. Let your wife live a little.

    Lol.... Yeah he read a few posts.... He couldn't be bothered to read the WHOLE thread... But no surprise.... He said you ALL are liars. BUT on a good note, he kinda agreed to marital couseling...
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    I think I've addressed this SVERAL times now. BUT just so we're SURE. NO I do NOT do anything to make him suspusious. BUT if you asked him, he might tell you something different. When we first started our relationship, I was very open with him. I admited that when I was (MUCH younger) I cheated on my boyfriend. Let me mention this wasnt an affair or a repeatitive thing, the (ex)boyfriend was having an affair on me, it was a revenge thing... so his typical response is "you cheated once so you COULD do it again." Mind you, since then, I GREW UP, had kids, got married, FOUND GOD, and bought a house with my husband. I've NEVER done a thing since we met to arouse any suspsions. I've worked VERY HARD to PROVE that I am nothing like his cheating exs!!!

    Um has he got a reason to believe that because he is doing something wrong? Its a tough situation he shouldnt be treating you like his exs, he also should trust you until given reason not too. The risks here are control and insecurity does he ask you why it takes you so long to get home when your out with friends? Or maybe why you didnt answer your phone when he text you until an hour later? If not its probably not trust issues but more the famous MFP single ripped guys all over here hahaha thats a good reason to be cautious! If it is that id say maybe work on encouraging him to give fitness a try. ;) everyone insecure sometimes, maybe the easiest fix is to reassure him your sexy self is only for him.

    Since we started dating, I haven't left the house without either a Sister, a relative or my husband. I don't go anywhere without both of my children. Husband doesnt want me to work, so I'm a stay at home mom. Cus apprently, working mothers (who don't HAVE to work to support the family, i.e husbands that make enough to support the family) are selfish for working...
    I've tried talking to him about just eating healthier, but it's the same ole same ol every time. "I take a vitamin, I don't NEED vegatables! And I did that when I used to work out, but since I don't have time to work out, there's no point!"
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Leave him. You know that's what you need. If he can fix himself with therapy, let him back in later.

    You deserve to be happy. You posted on this site because you are deeply unhappy. Time to go.

    Not Biblical.
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Guess he would have been better off being married to an ugly chick, no worries there and bam hes cured of insecurity.

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSgeDbjHAtKizO2i6BmSRvGNMD0p4EMsY6eNKiD3j3FVmU7XsbkYA
    :laugh:

    There is no cure for insecurity. She's porn star hot and he's got issues, she could look like me and he'd still have issues.
    O goodness. Um, I'm not sure if that's a compliment or... but thanks, that's EXACTLY what I needed... My husband ALREADY thinks there's to much cleavage and lingerie in my profile pic.... : / If that's the impression you guys got, maybe he's right??
  • phynyxfyre
    phynyxfyre Posts: 145 Member
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    Since we started dating, I haven't left the house without either a Sister, a relative or my husband. I don't go anywhere without both of my children. Husband doesnt want me to work, so I'm a stay at home mom. Cus apprently, working mothers (who don't HAVE to work to support the family, i.e husbands that make enough to support the family) are selfish for working...
    I've tried talking to him about just eating healthier, but it's the same ole same ol every time. "I take a vitamin, I don't NEED vegatables! And I did that when I used to work out, but since I don't have time to work out, there's no point!"

    Lol! Make him eat veggies anyway! Lol. There are an awful lot of ways to sneak vegetables into foods without letting kids (or big kids) know they are there! lasagnas, chicken pot pies, soups, and macaroni and cheese are a few off the top of my head. Ooh. And brownies. Mmmmm...
    Anyway, hope all of this gets better for you. If he has agreed to work on some things, then it sounds like you are on the right track. Make sure to give a little bit from your end, too. Maybe he just wasn't as specific about what was bothering him? I don't think your pictures show too much skin, but you can't help that you are naturally beautiful. Maybe the bikini was too much for him? Lol. I don't know.
  • rowdylibrarian
    rowdylibrarian Posts: 251 Member
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    Please... Do me a favor, and either print this out for the counselor, or save it electronically to give to him/her. I think it will be able to explain many things right away.
  • glypta
    glypta Posts: 440 Member
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    Absolutely. I dated a guy who would start fights because he was convinced I was sleeping with my male friends (obviously I wasn't), with his male friends (he 'caught' his male friend cuddling me after he'd shouted at me for no reason). I don't think he thought I was gorgeous and he was ugly as he was handsome and fit (on the outside) but in true rugby-player style, felt I was a hindrance to his fun lifestyle. When I finally saw sense and ended it, he promised me it'd be different, please take him back, then accused me of sleeping with someone in the intervening period (I did, but the 'it's none of your business' chat became too hard when he wouldn't let it go). Because I'd cheated (?!), he considered me tainted somehow, even though neither of us were each other's first. And six years later, I genuinely think he broke me as I haven't been with anyone since.

    Not going to say GET OUT...but...they're bad, bad signs.
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Since we started dating, I haven't left the house without either a Sister, a relative or my husband. I don't go anywhere without both of my children. Husband doesnt want me to work, so I'm a stay at home mom. Cus apprently, working mothers (who don't HAVE to work to support the family, i.e husbands that make enough to support the family) are selfish for working...
    I've tried talking to him about just eating healthier, but it's the same ole same ol every time. "I take a vitamin, I don't NEED vegatables! And I did that when I used to work out, but since I don't have time to work out, there's no point!"

    Lol! Make him eat veggies anyway! Lol. There are an awful lot of ways to sneak vegetables into foods without letting kids (or big kids) know they are there! lasagnas, chicken pot pies, soups, and macaroni and cheese are a few off the top of my head. Ooh. And brownies. Mmmmm...
    Anyway, hope all of this gets better for you. If he has agreed to work on some things, then it sounds like you are on the right track. Make sure to give a little bit from your end, too. Maybe he just wasn't as specific about what was bothering him? I don't think your pictures show too much skin, but you can't help that you are naturally beautiful. Maybe the bikini was too much for him? Lol. I don't know.
    I do sneak them in, but it just sets an awful example for our two really young kids!
  • delta90017
    delta90017 Posts: 64
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    Leave him. You know that's what you need. If he can fix himself with therapy, let him back in later.

    You deserve to be happy. You posted on this site because you are deeply unhappy. Time to go.

    Not Biblical.
  • delta90017
    delta90017 Posts: 64
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    Not bilibcal means you have to be unhappy? Every fundamentalist form of each religiion teaches men rule. It's nonsense.
  • PatriciaDC
    PatriciaDC Posts: 17 Member
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    So next time we meet up, you're bringing the baby oil, right?

    I'll bring the swing and all the leather stuff.

    I hate sending messages on this thing. I can never tell if they're private or not.

    This one is, right?


    Fake edit: JOKES!
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Not bilibcal means you have to be unhappy? Every fundamentalist form of each religiion teaches men rule. It's nonsense.
    Every ones entitled to their own opinion. I have a million reasons why I wouldn't leave him. But none of them matter much when it boils down to obeying God. But just so my faith doesn't come under attack here; I have no resources of my own. My husband picked me up when I had a cheap 3 bedroom apt and a kid with no car and no money. I was in school for phlebotomy and just finished school for CNA... I have no family, no close friends, my CNA and phlebotomy lisences expired, I got noone but two kids (for which he'd fight for) and no where to go with nothing of my own.With THAT being said, I think that if he learned enough accurate Bible knowledge and applied it, I know we could be happy.
  • wbandel
    wbandel Posts: 530 Member
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    I think I've addressed this SVERAL times now. BUT just so we're SURE. NO I do NOT do anything to make him suspusious. BUT if you asked him, he might tell you something different. When we first started our relationship, I was very open with him. I admited that when I was (MUCH younger) I cheated on my boyfriend. Let me mention this wasnt an affair or a repeatitive thing, the (ex)boyfriend was having an affair on me, it was a revenge thing... so his typical response is "you cheated once so you COULD do it again." Mind you, since then, I GREW UP, had kids, got married, FOUND GOD, and bought a house with my husband. I've NEVER done a thing since we met to arouse any suspsions. I've worked VERY HARD to PROVE that I am nothing like his cheating exs!!!

    Um has he got a reason to believe that because he is doing something wrong? Its a tough situation he shouldnt be treating you like his exs, he also should trust you until given reason not too. The risks here are control and insecurity does he ask you why it takes you so long to get home when your out with friends? Or maybe why you didnt answer your phone when he text you until an hour later? If not its probably not trust issues but more the famous MFP single ripped guys all over here hahaha thats a good reason to be cautious! If it is that id say maybe work on encouraging him to give fitness a try. ;) everyone insecure sometimes, maybe the easiest fix is to reassure him your sexy self is only for him.

    Since we started dating, I haven't left the house without either a Sister, a relative or my husband. I don't go anywhere without both of my children. Husband doesnt want me to work, so I'm a stay at home mom. Cus apprently, working mothers (who don't HAVE to work to support the family, i.e husbands that make enough to support the family) are selfish for working...
    I've tried talking to him about just eating healthier, but it's the same ole same ol every time. "I take a vitamin, I don't NEED vegatables! And I did that when I used to work out, but since I don't have time to work out, there's no point!"

    First of all, to the other comment you posted, where he claimed we were all liars. What do a bunch of strangers have to gain by lying to you? It sounds like a lot of the choices you have both made together were more his choices, and they didn't take into consideration your opinions or needs completely. I think marital counseling would be a great idea. Always being escorted or monitored isn't typical in a relationship. Those are red flags. My sister-in-law is having a lot of the same issues. It has gotten to the point where she can't talk to anyone on the phone without him sitting next to her to make sure she doesn't say anything he wouldn't like. She can't visit any of us without him. It has gotten to the point where if she did decide she wanted to leave him, she would have no way of letting anyone know. You don't want to put yourself into a trap like that.

    It sounds like family and religion are very important to both of you. It is understandable to want to live your life in regards to those beliefs. However there are a lot of people who also follow the same or similar beliefs who are not in the same type of situation. Talk to a counselor and I'm sure you could find an arrangement that wouldn't make you feel like you were sacrificing these important principles.
  • wbandel
    wbandel Posts: 530 Member
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    Not bilibcal means you have to be unhappy? Every fundamentalist form of each religiion teaches men rule. It's nonsense.
    Every ones entitled to their own opinion. I have a million reasons why I wouldn't leave him. But none of them matter much when it boils down to obeying God. But just so my faith doesn't come under attack here; I have no resources of my own. My husband picked me up when I had a cheap 3 bedroom apt and a kid with no car and no money. I was in school for phlebotomy and just finished school for CNA... I have no family, no close friends, my CNA and phlebotomy lisences expired, I got noone but two kids (for which he'd fight for) and no where to go with nothing of my own.With THAT being said, I think that if he learned enough accurate Bible knowledge and applied it, I know we could be happy.

    I think you could find a way to be happy and hold on to your beliefs. I know a lot of happy people who still believe that men are heads of the household and that the woman goes through her husband to answer to God. In these types of situations it is important to note not only the woman's responsibilities but the man's. He is supposed to protect you and keep you in good health, mentally and physically. By being the head of the house he has a responsibility to be worthy of that position. I think you should focus less on meeting your end of the bargain and more on how he isn't meeting his own duties as a husband. In a good relationship, it wouldn't matter if the husband made all the decisions, because he would do what is right for the well being of the both of you. This would include taking into consideration your feelings and aspirations. The world isn't black and white, there are many ways to live it. Trying to change the situation doesn't mean you have to give up on everything you hold dear to you and your family.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    As you (should) know by now, our God is a loving God! I pray that your husband will realize that he has a beautiful wife and family and will learn to treat you with respect. Is your husband also jealous of the lord? Because according to the Bible, arent' you the bride of Christ and you are supposed to put him above all others - including your husband.
  • thatsnumberwang
    thatsnumberwang Posts: 398 Member
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    Have you considered changing your passwords and logging out of your websites when you're done so he can't spy on you anymore? A short-term solution, but it could push things in the right direction.
  • rebeccaoneillcarter
    rebeccaoneillcarter Posts: 51
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    RUN. AS FAST AND AS FAR AS YOU CAN.




    (then log it. then eat your exercise calories, i recommend ice cream)
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