Hubby spying on me...
Replies
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And it does periodically 'spiral'. Last week HIS father and I took our two kids to the town pool.... Let's just say that was an awsome day for everyone but mommy. Guess who called 10 times while I was there? complained about what I was wearing nonstop, (a bikini) and hung up on me soon as he heard the a neigboring guy tell me how cute our 1 year old daughter was? THEN when I got home, suddenly I was accused of getting to fresh with my father in law. But my father in law isnt the first, same accusation with each of his 3 brothers. When we get to THAT point is when he admits he has issues and promises to get better...
I pointed out his rather untactful response to EVERY Victoria Secret commercial, and we havent had an issue with commercials ever since. But he still watches me as I'm watching TV when there's someone less dressed or better built than him.
Particular commerial for some body spray with a topless well built man... an issue because he was convinced I was 'staring at him'. so when this commerical came on, it was easier to get up to find something to do real quick instead of fighting about the guy in the commercial.Ok I'm mystified...why would he get mad or upset if you stepped out during certain commercials??
You have to get up and leave the room becos a commercial comes on???... thats very extreme. In my opinion, it sounds like the walls are closing in on you and the more let it go, the more he is going to enclose you in and take more liberties away. I think deep down inside you know this isnt right. I mean... leave the room becos of a commerical? That is not healthy. The next step is he wont want you shopping becos there may be a nice looking guy at the store. This will spiral.
He needs counseling - and you should attend as well. What if someone was doing this to you son or daughter? Would you be okay with that? What about the effects of this on your kids? If you have a son - will he grow up to do the same?
My husband and I have the same passwords for stuff - but we don't interrogate or even spy on each other. Also - believing that your husband is the spiritual head of the household and the submission thing is your choice - but the other side of that is that he is supposed to respect and nuture you - not opress, interrogate, or control you.0 -
Okay, so my suggestion is this: Talk to the pastor/preacher at your church. Yes, you have a weekly Bible study with an older couple, but that isn't the same and you don't feel the issues are being addressed properly there. That's nothing against them. It's just the circumstance. This jealousy could easily boil over into other areas.
Being in submission doesn't take away your rights as a human being; it means that he is the leader. It means that you also have input and a very valuable role in the family. It means that he respects and protects you. Spying is the surface of the problem. When he is accusing you of infidelity with his own family members, that is over the top. Obsessive calling ten times when you are out with kids and his father....not normal behavior.
You need advice and help from someone you trust, someone close to you that shares your beliefs. If he is willing to work on this and has acknowledged it is a problem, then set specific short term goals together: Not going on one of your sites for a month or not calling more than once while you are out unless you are fifteen minutes late, etc. Something small and work your way up.
You shouldn't be walking around on eggshells around your spouse. That is not a partnership. That is one person using power over another to get them to do what they want. A lot of people on here could tell you some stories about abusive relationships. Change isn't easy, but if it is something you think the two of you can work on and there isn't any immediate threat from doing so, it can be done!0 -
I'm not really a big fan of that kind of thing. In my opinion a good counselor needs to be someone separate from your life. If you're seeing a couple you go to church with you will be holding things back. I would go to a real, professional marriage counselor. There are Christian ones out there if that's important to you. And if he won't go with you, go by yourself. But whatever you decide to do, you really should do something. This situation does not sound healthy at all and it's not going to get better on its own.
We do, see another Elderly couple in the church who conduct our weekly marital Bible study,If he has been cheated on so much in the past, I understand why he has this problem trusting you. But that doesn't really mean it's ok. It's up to you how much you're willing to put up with, but I wouldn't rule out a little couples counseling.0 -
yes, for me.
i think the change in eating habit, exercise and good upkeep drive my wife to spy on me0 -
And it does periodically 'spiral'. Last week HIS father and I took our two kids to the town pool.... Let's just say that was an awsome day for everyone but mommy. Guess who called 10 times while I was there? complained about what I was wearing nonstop, (a bikini) and hung up on me soon as he heard the a neigboring guy tell me how cute our 1 year old daughter was? THEN when I got home, suddenly I was accused of getting to fresh with my father in law. But my father in law isnt the first, same accusation with each of his 3 brothers. When we get to THAT point is when he admits he has issues and promises to get better...
I pointed out his rather untactful response to EVERY Victoria Secret commercial, and we havent had an issue with commercials ever since. But he still watches me as I'm watching TV when there's someone less dressed or better built than him.
Particular commerial for some body spray with a topless well built man... an issue because he was convinced I was 'staring at him'. so when this commerical came on, it was easier to get up to find something to do real quick instead of fighting about the guy in the commercial.Ok I'm mystified...why would he get mad or upset if you stepped out during certain commercials??
You have to get up and leave the room becos a commercial comes on???... thats very extreme. In my opinion, it sounds like the walls are closing in on you and the more let it go, the more he is going to enclose you in and take more liberties away. I think deep down inside you know this isnt right. I mean... leave the room becos of a commerical? That is not healthy. The next step is he wont want you shopping becos there may be a nice looking guy at the store. This will spiral.
Hate to admit this, but this has happened to me, but ONCE. You have to put your foot down to his ridiculous insecure behavior. I ended up seperating for awhile, then ended up seeking counseling, even though I wasnt the one insecure, I very much wanted my marriage. But it worked, married 10 years now. If he wants to work though this and save his marriage. As pointed out by several others its only gonna get worse.0 -
My wife and I spy on each other all the time.
It is a natural response if one or both of the people have been cheated on by previous partners.0 -
I'm not sure where you live, but I have read that as the computer age gets more prolific it is actually illegal in some places to spy on a spouse.
I don't know the details, but you can probably look up common law invasion of privacy, wrongful or unauthorized access to a computer to see if it is the case for you.
With out trust there really isn't a relationship to hold on to. He's transferring his past relationship issues on to you, which is unrealistic and unfair of him.
And, to me at least, it says that he was no where near healed and ready to move on to a new relationship when he got together with you. What does he hope to achieve by spying anyhow? Is he wanting to separate/divorce and hopes to catch you in an indiscretion? I can think of No positive reason for him to spy on you at all. Any reasons he may have would seem to lead to you two separating if he indeed found "what he is looking so hard for".
No one EVER chooses to spy because they have trust and think the person is faithful.. they do it because they lack trust and suspect they are being wronged. They spy because they want to catch the person in the act, confront them and go from there.
Just my two cents on this. Take it or leave it as you will
In the end it is your life, and your choice to live how you will.
As a lot of others have mentioned, Trust HAS to be a part of your lives together. Especially if children are involved, because they are soaking up all of this behaviour like a sponge and will mimic this distrustful behaviour it as they grow.
Cheers0 -
No my husband doesnt spy on me.... at least not that i know of. lol.
Seriously though, no.0 -
I bet your hubby is reading this whole forum right now............... uh oh........0
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^^^^^That kind of spying is extremely unhealthy. That's the sort of thing my abusive first husband would do.
^^^^ THIS
Exactly. Been there. Finally got out. Now I'm with someone I trust who trusts me back and I've never been happier and more confident in my life.0 -
Particular commerial for some body spray with a topless well built man... an issue because he was convinced I was 'staring at him'. so when this commerical came on, it was easier to get up to find something to do real quick instead of fighting about the guy in the commercial.Ok I'm mystified...why would he get mad or upset if you stepped out during certain commercials??
You have to get up and leave the room becos a commercial comes on???... thats very extreme. In my opinion, it sounds like the walls are closing in on you and the more let it go, the more he is going to enclose you in and take more liberties away. I think deep down inside you know this isnt right. I mean... leave the room becos of a commerical? That is not healthy. The next step is he wont want you shopping becos there may be a nice looking guy at the store. This will spiral.
^^^^
THIS!0 -
Okay, I just read all these comments and your responses and all I can say is HOLY SMOKES! The man seems to have serious issues. I mean EWW, your father-in-law!? Is he for real?
I am a very VERY devout Christian, I mean I attend church every Sunday, help out in the nursery, go to Bible study's when I can, and try to model my life in accordance, as does my husband. But that is over the top girl.
I am so sorry this is happening to you, and I literally fear for your well being after reading this. He may not physically abuse you, but this is mental and emotional abuse pure and simple. Oftentimes things like this lead to physical abuse. Sounds like he is trying to crush your Spirit, and it sounds like it is working,
Please get counseling AT LEAST. If he won't go with you, go alone, and bring a Christian woman that he may know home with you when you return so he doesn't think you were cheating, and she can vouch for you and confirm where you were. Because it sounds like he'd hit the ceiling if you went somewhere and returned without an alibi.
So as one Christian woman to another, believe me! This is very bad, and you both need serious help if this marriage is to be done right.
And the truth is, I would NOT put up with it if my husband were to do that to me.0 -
Did you know you were marring a nosy nelly?0
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I bet your hubby is reading this whole forum right now............... uh oh........
Maybe that is a good thing.0 -
I'm not sure where you live, but I have read that as the computer age gets more prolific it is actually illegal in some places to spy on a spouse.
I don't know the details, but you can probably look up common law invasion of privacy, wrongful or unauthorized access to a computer to see if it is the case for you.
With out trust there really isn't a relationship to hold on to. He's transferring his past relationship issues on to you, which is unrealistic and unfair of him.
And, to me at least, it says that he was no where near healed and ready to move on to a new relationship when he got together with you. What does he hope to achieve by spying anyhow? Is he wanting to separate/divorce and hopes to catch you in an indiscretion? I can think of No positive reason for him to spy on you at all. Any reasons he may have would seem to lead to you two separating if he indeed found "what he is looking so hard for".
No one EVER chooses to spy because they have trust and think the person is faithful.. they do it because they lack trust and suspect they are being wronged. They spy because they want to catch the person in the act, confront them and go from there.
Just my two cents on this. Take it or leave it as you will In the end it is your life, and your choice to live how you will.
As a lot of others have mentioned, Trust HAS to be a part of your lives together. Especially if children are involved, because they are soaking up all of this behaviour like a sponge and will mimic this distrustful behaviour it as they grow.
Cheers
Computer Trespass0 -
No...to all of it...0
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Nobody has asked if you have given your husband a reason to be spying on you.
I love how everyone just assumes he is insecure.
I agree! Does he have a reason to spy on you? If you are totally faithful, then I would talk to him and reassure him.0 -
I thought it was just you and me babe. I was OK with you being married and all, but now I see you have another lover on here. The sex has been great and all but I just can't share you with TWO men. We're through.
Hmm, have you tried the new fangled thingy called COMMUNICATION? And by that I mean in person, face to face, not via anything that starts with www.
Freaking website is like jerry springer all the baby momma drama.0 -
Nobody has asked if you have given your husband a reason to be spying on you.
I love how everyone just assumes he is insecure.
Maybe it's something different. Just to be the devil's advocate here, maybe he has a reason for you to be jealous of him, so he assumes you're bad too?
I would definitely talk to him and find out why he thinks it's necessary to pry. Open communication is the only way.0 -
try telling him its a weightloss not dateing site and if he wants to look thats fine but he has to trust you and without trust you done have a futher but what is it that he dont trust has it happend before or is he worried that you will run off with someone on here0
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This sounds horribly controlling and, pardon the word, abusive to me. Yes... it may not come across as abusive, but he is displaying so many red flags of an abuser it's ridiculous!
Your profile page says you're "happily married"... however, if I were in your shoes/situation I would be anything but happy!
Jealous of a guy in a commercial???? I mean... seriously here... where does it end?0 -
Nobody has asked if you have given your husband a reason to be spying on you.
I love how everyone just assumes he is insecure.
lol why even think to spy unless you yourself have something to hide?
Cheaters are the most distrustful of their own partners, when it's them who've done something wrong.0 -
No.0
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I wonder how many spying husbands were reading the conversations of their wives in this thread who said 'no way my husband would spy on me'0
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I pointed out his rather untactful response to EVERY Victoria Secret commercial, and we havent had an issue with commercials ever since. But he still watches me as I'm watching TV when there's someone less dressed or better built than him.
Particular commerial for some body spray with a topless well built man... an issue because he was convinced I was 'staring at him'. so when this commerical came on, it was easier to get up to find something to do real quick instead of fighting about the guy in the commercial.Ok I'm mystified...why would he get mad or upset if you stepped out during certain commercials??
You have to get up and leave the room becos a commercial comes on???... thats very extreme. In my opinion, it sounds like the walls are closing in on you and the more let it go, the more he is going to enclose you in and take more liberties away. I think deep down inside you know this isnt right. I mean... leave the room becos of a commerical? That is not healthy. The next step is he wont want you shopping becos there may be a nice looking guy at the store. This will spiral.
He's insecure to the point of being dangerous. RUN0 -
Nobody has asked if you have given your husband a reason to be spying on you.
I love how everyone just assumes he is insecure.
I agree! Does he have a reason to spy on you? If you are totally faithful, then I would talk to him and reassure him.
What if she's only sorta faithful? Come on, cheaters deserve privacy too!0 -
He's insecure to the point of being dangerous. RUN
[/quote]
this0 -
Particular commerial for some body spray with a topless well built man... an issue because he was convinced I was 'staring at him'. so when this commerical came on, it was easier to get up to find something to do real quick instead of fighting about the guy in the commercial.Ok I'm mystified...why would he get mad or upset if you stepped out during certain commercials??
THIS is very strange and NOT normal! Wow! I understand why he has issues because of his past, but he needs to go to counseling for that. He shouldn't treat you like that.0 -
My hubby isn't on here but if he was I wouldn't spy on him. I trust him completely.0
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LMAO that is all I can say.. My hubby made a fake profile to stalk me on here so yes is my answer..0
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