Hubby spying on me...

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  • phynyxfyre
    phynyxfyre Posts: 145 Member
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    Nobody has asked if you have given your husband a reason to be spying on you.

    I love how everyone just assumes he is insecure.
    I was wondering when someone would get to that!! Nope, never a reason. Just he's been like that since day one. Generally he's a pretty sicure guy, but he's had a rough past with some pretty sleazy ex's. I really thought he'd trust me by now, I mean we've been together for almost 3 years.... But he thinks it's perfectly normal. That all husbands do/should check up on their wives.
    And vice versa.

    Cool. So this has always been the norm for the relationship, and this is normal for him. Is there a reason it is bothering you now and wasn't before?
  • NikkiSixGuns
    NikkiSixGuns Posts: 630 Member
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    I guess I'd ask what you consider "spying". If my husband posts something on FB, I get an alert and then go look at it - is that spying?

    What are we talking about exactly? Is he logging in as you and going through your messages? Does he say why he does it? Is he looking for something in particular?

    From my perspective, if there are no secrets and nothing is withheld, there is no reason for spying. My husband has access to all my accounts any time he wants, and I couldn't care less if he did look in any of them. I have nothing to hide from him. In my experience, blind trust without accountability often leads to trouble...

    Again, just my perspective.
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Define "spying". Is he logging into your accounts behind your back, or is he just reading the same stuff you post for the rest of the world to see? If it's the latter, I'd bet he's just bored, and thinks you're one of the more interesting things on the internet. If it's the latter, it's a whole different issue.
    That's a good point... Like most everyone said here, we have seperate laptops, though mine is the main one, and I pretty much stay logged into whatever all the time cus well he's my friend on facebook anyway and I have nothing to hide, but I mean he goes through everything. He has to know who each of my friends are, and how I know them, (mostly the male ones, which I don't have any male friends unless theyre family) and my messages. On my MFP he went through my friends, and my recent posts and my profile. He does these things behind my back generally from my own computer, though he could be doing it from work because he does have my passwords.
  • delta90017
    delta90017 Posts: 64
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    Big negative. No bigger turn-off than not being trusted.

    You better tell him to fix it. You will get really pissed by his insecurity and jealousy as time goes by.
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    Have some fun with it. Lead him to believe you are having an affair but with a woman. Make plans to meet up somewhere and lay in wait for him. When he shows up, make him feel real guilty for not trusting you. Next day, nice presents :)
    LMAO! Would never work, cus I'd get a nasty phone call before I could ever leave the house... Then I'd be afriad he'd never believe me that it was just a set up!!!
  • emmy3111
    emmy3111 Posts: 482 Member
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    Nobody has asked if you have given your husband a reason to be spying on you.

    I love how everyone just assumes he is insecure.
    I was wondering when someone would get to that!! Nope, never a reason. Just he's been like that since day one. Generally he's a pretty sicure guy, but he's had a rough past with some pretty sleazy ex's. I really thought he'd trust me by now, I mean we've been together for almost 3 years.... But he thinks it's perfectly normal. That all husbands do/should check up on their wives.
    And vice versa.

    Ding! RIght there... it isn't you - it's his sleazy exes that have got his back up. Just keep being your normal, trust-worthy self and don't stress too much about it. My ex was one of those sleazy people that cheated on me with multiple people... it is SO HARD not to project the trust issues he left me with onto other people. I don't think it's okay to do that, but I understand where it's coming from...
  • sgoessling
    sgoessling Posts: 119
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    My boyfriend might read through my txt, but I do the same to him.. we used to be on each others facebooks all the time, but now we dont. And MFP, he is my friend, and I have an open diary and all that.. sound like your hubby is a little in sercure and maybe a bit jealous. I say unless you have full access to his stuff, he shouldn't have it to yours
  • Turtlehurdle
    Turtlehurdle Posts: 412
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    psychoduck.gif
  • AmyfromBama
    AmyfromBama Posts: 125 Member
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    No he doesnt know my password like he does on facebook lol
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    This is something we've talked and fought and talked and talked and talked about... Sometimes I get an apology. Sometimes he admits he has a problem. Most of the time he promises it will get better.... Other times on the other hand, he says things like ALL husbands do/should check on their wives and vice versa... It hasn't really gotten any better. Mostly I've just learned how to avoid the 'problem areas'... for example, weird things like stepping out during certian commericals to having no male friends.
  • emmy3111
    emmy3111 Posts: 482 Member
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    I take back my previous comment after reading your last couple of posts... dude has major issues if he goes through your friends lists on Facebook and MFP and interrogates you about how you know people and why your friends with them. It would be different if he was just checking on things now and then to assure himself you're not like his exes... but this is straight-up control freak behaviour - not normal or acceptable.
  • Impy84
    Impy84 Posts: 430
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    lol as far as i know my dude doesn't spy on me
    he couldn't care less that im on here or what i say on here or fb for that matter
    if he asked i'd give him the passwords ......
  • sgoessling
    sgoessling Posts: 119
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    Also, my boyfriend was cheated on too before me, We are going on 6 years now, but the 1st 3 were like that. After awhile of seeing nothing, he will realize that he can let his guard now. It is hard though to love someone, have them rip out your heart, and then love someone again and NOT be afraid of it happening again
  • TimeWillTell2
    TimeWillTell2 Posts: 126 Member
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    I would ask him why he feels like he needs to spy on you. Is he just interested or is he insecure/jealous?
  • NostalgicMuse
    NostalgicMuse Posts: 340 Member
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    See, I don't get the whole sharing accounts/passwords deal. If my partner didn't trust me, giving him access to my account so he can check up on my activity isn't really going to resolve the underlying issue.

    amen
  • MizzTatiana
    MizzTatiana Posts: 116 Member
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    How do you know he is spying on you unless you yourself are quilty to. Not trying to be ugly just saying you both need to be honest to really work things out.....Hay its a weird kind of compliment from him :) I hope all goes well for you!
    I know because he finds the stupid things to nit pick on, and he's not good at hiding anything. Like when he went threw my MFP profile, he read which posts I replied to. Next morning he went on a rant about how I don't find him attractive (he's neither lean & cut nor big muscled)... (a user posted a question asking women if they like men lean and cut or with big muscles. My reply was that I thought a man should be proporiate, that some big built men are just to big, and therefore kinda weird to look at) Or if my friend count increases on facebook he goes through my page and look up any of my new friends....
  • sgoessling
    sgoessling Posts: 119
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    for example, weird things like stepping out during certian commericals to having no male friends.

    Ok im slowly losing sympathy for you hubby. That is controlling and obsessive. My boyfriend was like that for a bit, but I stompped that out real quick. Oh i guess I should add we were in HIGH SCHOOL. Now that we are 21, 23 years old we aren't like that at ALL anymore. I started applying al lhis rules to him, and then he got it. I wouldn't let him talk to his girl friends (which he has always had a ton of) and He couldn't go out anywhere with them. He realized how dumb it was because he was just friends with them, and now he doesn't care. Only time he ever tells me not to talk to a guy again is if he hits on me, or does something to creep me out, in which case I was done talking to him anyway. My suggestion? Do what you please. He married you, he has to learn to live with YOU not what he wants YOU to be. Its part of a relationship, learning how to accept an not change. 6 years has taught me a lot about myself, and being able to stand up for myself and be ME is what has made this a healthy happy relationship, good luck!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    weird
  • iluvprettyshoes
    iluvprettyshoes Posts: 605 Member
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    No...we don't even follow each other here or on twitter either.
  • sofakingawesome69
    sofakingawesome69 Posts: 149
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    So next time we meet up, you're bringing the baby oil, right?

    I'll bring the swing and all the leather stuff.

    I hate sending messages on this thing. I can never tell if they're private or not.

    This one is, right?


    Fake edit: JOKES!

    Remember you loaned the handcuffs to me, I should be done once I find the key I misplaced. My wife hates being stuck in the basement..
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