What is wrong with me? What should I do?
Replies
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Hi,
Reading your post it sounds like this is a very emotional driven thing, when you tell your body it's ugly and fat then it will be what you ask it to be. Have you heard of EFT Emotional Freedom Technique look it up online it is free and you can start taping on the thoughts that are blocking you from creating a state of mind that is focused and able to commit to health and wellness, not skinny and beautiful.
Everything is from within out, if you start on the inside the outside will start to naturally reshape to the inside.0 -
I HATE how I look and my self esteem is just about gone. BUT I still can't find the right motivation or anything to get me to do something about it.
Spend less time on the internet asking random people for help.
Walk more.
Set a goal you can achieve for one day. Something simple like drink 6 glasses of water.
Do this for one week.
Add another simple goal.
Repeat.
If you lack the personal motivation, nothing is going to work. If you really hate how you look, do something about it.
Although this could be seen as harsh, I totally 100 % agree. YOU need to want this!! You have to get to that point where You are tired of not seeing results and you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and buckle down. No amount of advice or support is going to give you the sustaining motivation that you need. :
I disagree. Advice and support can be very beneficial, hence this website.
I dont know :frown:
Advice and support can make you feel good for a while. It can motivate you to an extent and is useful for learning and extending your knowledge.
However, it cannot be depended on to get you to the gym and to keep you on the straight and narrow. Internet "friends" and people with messages like, "you can do it! just do it" will only push you so far, the other 50 percent is all you.
However that is entirely personal opinion, and what worked for me.
All i know is, since I decided enough was enough, its been two years of 6 day a week training, and healthy eating and I have never looked back. and i wont give any "motivational friends" credit for that. that was and continues to be me and sheer willpower.
But whatever works for an individual!!
At least you are here, and seeking a healthier lifestyle, for which I truly applaud you. :flowerforyou:0 -
I feel you. Personally, I like setting small goals so I see my progress. I also measure progress in inches, not only in the scale.0
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I think what I do is make myself do it everyday. Some days I have to force myself. I do my exercise before I can second guess it and I only buy food for the house that is healthy so I have no other options. My husband is really supportive and, sadly, I'm terrified of developing diabetes because of being overweight. I tell myself that it took more than a day to get this way so it's going to take more than a day to change it. (My husband actually said that to me lol) Feel free to add me as a friend. I'd love to be in your cheering section.0
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If you want it then decide it isn't a choice.
I am not motivated to go to my job, I don't like my career but I go anyway.
I was not motivated to go to school, but I did it anyway.
Consider it non-optional. Be disciplined not motivated. Think of something you didn't want to do and did it anyway. Use that determination/perseverance and attack this the same way. You control yourself. You decide what will be done.0 -
It takes a long time to make a change. This is a very useful model we use with clients who say they want to change but can't figure out why they can't... see below... also very based in research. not sure if it will help you but i like the idea behind it.
http://www.uri.edu/research/cprc/TTM/StagesOfChange.htm
"Five stages of change have been conceptualized for a variety of problem behaviors. The five stages of change are precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. Precontemplation is the stage at which there is no intention to change behavior in the foreseeable future. Many individuals in this stage are unaware or underaware of their problems. Contemplation is the stage in which people are aware that a problem exists and are seriously thinking about overcoming it but have not yet made a commitment to take action. Preparation is a stage that combines intention and behavioral criteria. Individuals in this stage are intending to take action in the next month and have unsuccessfully taken action in the past year. Action is the stage in which individuals modify their behavior, experiences, or environment in order to overcome their problems. Action involves the most overt behavioral changes and requires considerable commitment of time and energy. Maintenance is the stage in which people work to prevent relapse and consolidate the gains attained during action. For addictive behaviors this stage extends from six months to an indeterminate period past the initial action."0 -
Different approaches work for different people. They ALL work, just pick one and get started! My own approach has been--One day at a time. Soon, all those "one days" add up to a whole lot of accomplishment, weight loss and daily exercise. Don't beat yourself up over a day you skipped exercising or ate a little too much. Just get back to doing what you're doing and move on. Just make sure "one day" of being off your plan doesn't turn into many more.
Best of luck!0 -
If you guide yourself by how you "feel", you will never do anything. Its about being disciplined and just doing it regardless to how you feel. Half the battle is starting. Most things we do, we do them because we have to not because we want to. Working out and eating the right things is the same idea, we must do it because we have to and eventually it will become something we want to do.0
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Remember that the thoughts that you have drive the feelings that you have and then the actions so if you think negatively you will feel negatively and then perform negative actions.
Spend some time visualising yourself succeeding. Form a picture in your mind of the good days and every time you feel like you can't distract yourself and think of the good pictures, that you have formed. If necessary distract yourself by doing anything from maths puzzles to cleaning or even exercise.
Be mindful of what you eat, before you put it in your mouth notice the smell and the texture, think about where it came from and what is in what you are about to eat and then and only then taste and savour the taste. Chew each mouthful 28 times and put your fork down in-between. It will take much longer to eat your food. Finally stop when it stops tasting good, this is your brains way of saying it has had enough before the fullness receptors have kicked in. If you are still hungry after your meal distract again for as long as possible and then eat veggies only to fill up if still hungry.
Oh and check that you are not thirsty- many of us think we are hungry and are actually thirsty.
Stay on track it is worth it. Live your life to the full, you only have one. :happy:0 -
I HATE how I look and my self esteem is just about gone. BUT I still can't find the right motivation or anything to get me to do something about it.
Spend less time on the internet asking random people for help.
Walk more.
Set a goal you can achieve for one day. Something simple like drink 6 glasses of water.
Do this for one week.
Add another simple goal.
Repeat.
If you lack the personal motivation, nothing is going to work. If you really hate how you look, do something about it.
Although this could be seen as harsh, I totally 100 % agree. YOU need to want this!! You have to get to that point where You are tired of not seeing results and you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and buckle down. No amount of advice or support is going to give you the sustaining motivation that you need. :
I disagree. Advice and support can be very beneficial, hence this website.
It's only beneficial if you use it. Otherwise you're just procrastinating more.0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
Sorry - you don't look very old - maybe in your 20s. How the heck did you get so smart???? I'm 54 and it took me all this time to get to that point. I see these posts all the time. You just have to want it. No body can "motivate" you. Smart girl! And congrats on your awesome loss!!0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
Superdrood likes this0 -
Yeah, you've just gotta do it! I found the more I just did stuff instead of trying to talk myself out of it the easier it got...now it is at the point where I look FORWARD to working out and the feeling it gives me. I had a piece of pizza after three weeks of eating healthy and it nearly KILLED my tummy. Once your body gets used to it you won't even give it a second thought! GOOD LUCK!!0
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First thing in the morning, tell yourself you CHOOSE to workout today, and just do it. You wont regret it when your done!! Start small and gradually work your way up! You will want to! Your body will be ready to! One of my fav quotes right now is "You don't get what you want, your get what you work for!" It's true. You just gotta start somewhere!
Plan your meals for the week and try hard to stick to them
Set up an exercise routine - maybe walk 30 minutes 3x a week, weight train for 30 minutes 2x a week. Try Zumba, a lot of people have fun doing it and it's a great workout!
Set mini goals - like drink ? oz of water today
Do 50 crunches, situps or jumping jacks!
Just start somewhere!
Good Luck!
Oh yeah, find a friend to do it with you. Sometimes it's easier to stick with it when you have someone else to do it with. Who wants to be the one ditching out.............NOT YOU!!!0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
I think I'm going to print this and hang it on my fridge. Thanks yoovie!0 -
I don't know what the answer will be for you but for me it started very simple. I wasn't trying to get healthy or enjoy exercise. I quit smoking. That was HARD and I HATED it. A few weeks later when I felt better I decided to join a gym to "exercise" when deep down inside I told myself I wouldn't stick with it and I was just going to use their tanning beds. A few weeks later I was enjoying their fitness classes. Several months later I was enjoying their weight machines. Seven or so months later I was cleaning up my diet to fuel my workouts. I quit pop and now I'm on a mission to further clean my diet up by removing most, if not all, processed foods.
Why not start small. Don't do it all at once. Set a goal for today. Make a new one tomorrow. Allow yourself mistakes, they happen. Don't quit if you make a mistake (like slip on your calories or skip exercise) just start again tomorrow with a new goal.
Maybe start with a walk. Walk x amount of time for a week. Up that time next week. Worry about your food when you get there or vice versa. Start with your food (small goals to start) and then work in some walking later and build up to more intense exercise.
I hope you find what works for you :-)0 -
I could write an essay on this stuff but I'll try to keep it short.5 minutes on the internet asking for help isn't keeping me from losing weight or doing what I want. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. That's a big part of this website isn't it? Getting help, support, motivation, etc??
But your other suggestions are good, thank you. It might be easier to make small changes one at a time instead of trying to chage everything all at once.
Small changes are definitely the way to go. Change one thing this week. Just one. Even if that one thing is just to log every single bite or sip that passes your lips. Logging your food and actually seeing the calories add up can be a huge eye opener, especially when those calories include beverages like sodas, beer and wine.
Next week add one more small change like taking a walk during your breaks at work or after dinner. Moving just 30 minutes per day is enough to start. Don't join a gym yet or buy expensive exercise gear, just strap on your shoes and walk.
Keep adding small things like drinking more water, cutting out soda, trading a bag of chips or french fries for a side salad. These small things and the sense of accomplishment they give you will start to add up and snowball.
Keep in mind that this is not a race and you can't fail at this as long as you keep trying. One bad day doesn't mean the end or that you've failed. We just make the decision to do better tomorrow and keep on trying. I know that I am personally in this for life. Once I hit my goal weight I'm not going to go back to eating badly and spending my nights on the sofa and my mornings sleeping in late. I know it won't be as hard to maintain as it has been to lose and knowing that certainly helps me to keep going.
Remember that this is not easy and it's not supposed to be. If it were easy, everyone would be thin. It probably took years for you to get to the weight you are at now, it's not going to come off overnight, either. The longer you wait to start, the worse this situation will become.
I wish you success!0 -
BABY STEPS, just take baby steps. The whole thing is over whelming you and you will never do anything about it. Set very small goals, that has been said by someone else too.
Walk for 5 mins
Drink 1 more glass of water or even the first glass!
Eat something healthier
Keep it small, give yourself a pat on the back when you achieve it.
Get up tomorrow, do the same and add something else
Celebrate the small achievements
Rome was not built in a day, you didn't put the weight on overnight, its going to take time to lose it.
Just chip away at the good things every day and it will come.
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING FOR 5 MINS!!!!! Then 10, then 15 and so on. Make it fun, if you enjoy it you will do it.
Good luck, hey and support is important, just don't spend all day on here!
) 0 -
just DO it.
That's the best advice I can give. You just do it. You don't think about it, you don't analyze it, just get up and do it.
If you can't run 5 miles or go to the gym for 2 hours yet, don't worry about it. Get up and walk. Take a half hour of your lunch and walk briskly for 30 minutes--around the office, outside, where you can walk.
If you don't have 30 minutes at work to do that, walk for 30 minutes when you come home before you eat dinner. Do it before dinner. Come home, drop your purse and walk straight back out the door and walk. Don't check your email, don't make a phone call, don't read your mail--everything can wait another half an hour.
If you get home from work too late at night, get up a half hour earlier before work. Set your alarm, get right up. Don't check your email, don't check your phone--put shorts on, grab a piece of fruit and your keys and go right out the door and walk.
15-30 minutes of walking every single day. No risk of injury, starts you out gently, and you'll be amazed at how you feel in 4 weeks. You may even feel good enough to go for a job, or go to the gym for a bit and try an elliptial. You may even start to feel motivated to try some push ups or sit ups.
Getting well isn't a feeling, it's a decision. You decide you will lose the weight and get healthy, whether you feel like it or not. Good luck!0 -
I HATE how I look and my self esteem is just about gone. BUT I still can't find the right motivation or anything to get me to do something about it.
Spend less time on the internet asking random people for help.
Walk more.
Set a goal you can achieve for one day. Something simple like drink 6 glasses of water.
Do this for one week.
Add another simple goal.
Repeat.
If you lack the personal motivation, nothing is going to work. If you really hate how you look, do something about it.
Although this could be seen as harsh, I totally 100 % agree. YOU need to want this!! You have to get to that point where You are tired of not seeing results and you pull yourself up by your bootstraps and buckle down. No amount of advice or support is going to give you the sustaining motivation that you need. :
I disagree. Advice and support can be very beneficial, hence this website.
Only if you understand balance.
If you are spending more time on the internet looking for support than you are actually doing anything to have supported, you're prioritizing wrongly.
No one should spend more time on the internet talking about getting fit than they actually spend getting fit.0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
Awesome! This is motivation enough for me!0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
Sorry - you don't look very old - maybe in your 20s. How the heck did you get so smart???? I'm 54 and it took me all this time to get to that point. I see these posts all the time. You just have to want it. No body can "motivate" you. Smart girl! And congrats on your awesome loss!!
HAHAHAHAHA Im in my mid-thirties!!! thanks for the compliment!0 -
Nobody LIKES exercise but just forget about the exercise for now and start with just one thing. Commit to logging your calories and trying to meet your target. If you can't do it as you go during the day plan your food and get it ready the day before for the next day. If you try to take it all on at once you will quickly loose focus. Once you are successful with logging here you may tackle the next hurdle of exercise. You do need to eventually do both to avoid being skinny fat but you don't have to do everything at once.
Failing to plan is planning to fail. You can do it but YOU have to do it. None of us can do it for you. Go for it.0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
Sorry - you don't look very old - maybe in your 20s. How the heck did you get so smart???? I'm 54 and it took me all this time to get to that point. I see these posts all the time. You just have to want it. No body can "motivate" you. Smart girl! And congrats on your awesome loss!!
HAHAHAHAHA Im in my mid-thirties!!! thanks for the compliment!
Dang. I should have eaten better sooner! Go get em!0 -
I concur with the comments about picking 1 thing to start. Pick one small change you're going to make today. Do it for a few days until it feels more natural to you. Then pick another small thing... and another... and another... You will be pleasantly surprised at what several small changes can add up to. Break it into chunks that feel immediately do-able, and you will get there!0
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I've been battling my weight for most of my adult life. I've probably done every diet you can think of (Fat Smash, Nutri System, Atkins, South Beach, and the list goes on). My husband, son, and I moved to MD from MA a couple weeks ago. It finally hit me that I needed to get my *kitten* in gear when I saw a picture of me, my husband, and our friends at our going away party. I'm not going to lie. I got really down my first week down here, feeling sorry for myself, crying a lot, and eating like crap. Then I woke up last weekend and decided enough was enough. I'm 31 years old and I have a long life ahead of me. I have a 3 year old son that I want to be a good example for. I signed up for MFP on Sunday and started exercising and tracking my calories the next day. The support and encouragement I get on here from my new friends for small things is amazing. It keeps me going. And having to keep track of everything I do to move and everything I put in my mouth keeps me accountable. I've only lost 2 out of the 70 pounds I want to lose, but I'm proud of what I've accomplished so far and I'm determined as all hell to keep going. It doesn't get any easier. You just start to see results as you keep going. If eating healthy and exercising were easy, we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic in our country and I wouldn't be squeezing my *kitten* into size 16 pants/shorts.
And now I'm stepping off of my soapbox. Please feel free to add me as a friend. I'm more than happy to be a source of motivation and encouragment. When you're truly ready to lose the weight, you'll do it.0 -
nobody likes exercise?
speak for yourself.0 -
I haven't read all the responses so forgive me if this has already been said:
You have to honestly ask yourself what is more painful to you. Staying the same or taking the action you need to take in order to change.
When the pain of the 'status quo' EXCEEDS the pain of changing- then you automatically will change. What helps this to happen is to get more and better information about your current status and how it impacts your life and on your goal status and how it will impact your life.
As an added bonus: When you look back at the 'sacrifices' you made you will laugh about how easy they really were. The demon in all of this is the anticipation of how hard it will be not the actuality of it. This is where the 'just do it' advice is actually the best advice and not at all a pat answer. Because, once you do it you realize it is much more easy and rewarding than you originally thought it would be.
To help you see this more clearly there are two things that I think will help you get over the hump; 1) having a face to face friend that can help you be more accountable. Finding a workout buddy can be really tough to do but finding a friend who you can send diet/craving/exercise logs to and who will help hold you accountable can do wonders. Even a once a week phone call can work wonders. 2) capturing detailed information on your progress or regress. Not just weight but take several body measurements on a regular basis. When you put this data on a graph and see real progress you will then have absolutely no problem with motivation. This will also help you to see that things don’t always improve on a smooth linear scale. But, when you see an overall pattern of progress your confidence and your motivation will become stellar and solid.0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
LOVE THIS!!!!! THANKS- JUST WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR ALSO!!!!
0 -
screw finding the motivation.
its holding you back.
You spend too much time trying to get motivated and inspired, youre just procrastinating and wasting valuable time.
Throw the need for motivation out the window and lean on the more solid friends.
Willpower
Determination
Desire
Do you want this or are you just saying it cause it sounds cool?
Do you really really want this or are you just pretending?
Are you hoarding millions of motivational pictures and 'fitspo' and not using any of it and putting it back out into the universe?
Are you more concerned with your motivation and being inspired than actually doing anything?
Do you think that one morning youre just going to wake up and feel like it?
Prove you want this.
PROVE YOU WANT IT.
or keep proving that it just isnt a priority.
choice is yours, just as it always has been.
good luck
SPOT ON!!!!!0
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