How do I help my boyfriend? *advice needed badly*

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  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    I am only posting this to give you perspective:

    I am 5'11 and most of my pics in my gallery are between 183 and 185, and roughly 12% or so bodyfat.

    Again, I'm just posting this to give a reference. 154 is probably not a very good idea unless he wants to look like a pretzel rod.
  • mickipedia
    mickipedia Posts: 889 Member
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    Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    Was the calculator you used gender specific? The one I tried said men of your boyfriend's height can comfortable go up to 180and still be a healthy BMI. 154lbs would be on the slim side for me as a 5'8" female, let alone a strapping fella! Besides he's more likely to stick with it if you together set an achievable goal and then reassess whether he needs to lose more.
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
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    Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x
    Just get him tracking properly here so he learns about calories and portion sizes, it's how we all got edjumacated!
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Everyone had good suggestions but I think the reality is you cannot help him lose weight. He either wants to or he doesn't...

    You can support him and love him and whatever, but you cannot motivate him. He needs to motivate himself or it will just be one frustration after another for both of you.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    Everyone had good suggestions but I think the reality is you cannot help him lose weight. He either wants to or he doesn't...

    You can support him and love him and whatever, but you cannot motivate him. He needs to motivate himself or it will just be one frustration after another for both of you.

    ^ Good advice.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,590 Member
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    Just get him tracking properly here so he learns about calories and portion sizes, it's how we all got edjumacated!

    ^^This! I still eat the occasional pizza, and more frequently cottage pie/hotpot type meals but the pies are home cooked and lighter versions, and it's only by keying in the ingredients that you learn what's good and what's not!
  • meerkat70
    meerkat70 Posts: 4,616 Member
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    Any suggestions on food types to recommend? He's doing well so far.. He's tried cod in parsley sauce.. He liked the cod but not the sauce lol.. He's also liking the granola with yoghurt and strawberries I recommended for him to try for breakfast x
    Just get him tracking properly here so he learns about calories and portion sizes, it's how we all got edjumacated!

    Definitely this. He needs to work out for himself what he likes an what he doesn't. (Personally can't stand granola - all that chewing, with very little to show for it in the end!)
  • mickipedia
    mickipedia Posts: 889 Member
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    Thanks for the tips, I worked out his weight as a guess because he text me and asked what his goal weight should be.. I have no idea as I said I was only going by the BMI.. But at the moment he's got quite a "beer belly" thing going on that he wants to get rid of. I said to him that because he's a guy I think he should go for a less weight related goal and more of a size/look related one.. And I'm trying not to mother him but he comes to me to ask questions everytime he's not sure.. Like today I've had him asking what he can have for lunch and dinner.. I think he feels like he needs pushing to try new things which is why he always asks.. I'll just tell him to figure it out himself rather than asking me all the time x
  • phdcharlie
    phdcharlie Posts: 23
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    He is my height and about the same weight. I will be happy to get down to 180-185 AND then maintain that weight consistently. In the past, I thought a weight of 175 would be ideal but I do not intend to try to go that low until I can consistently hold 185.
    I am 40 now. When I was 25 I briefly got down to 155 but that was way too low for me and I gradually gained more and more, topping out at 215. The older I get, the less I want to go for that ideal weight and the more I wish to look good enough and, more importantly, feel healthy in the long run. It's great that you are supportive. If he is becoming aware of nutritional content, that's a great first step. Your support will help him, and yes it is ultimately up to him. He and I are about the same height and weight--he can friend me if he likes.
  • cmccorma
    cmccorma Posts: 203 Member
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    Thanks for the tips, I worked out his weight as a guess because he text me and asked what his goal weight should be.. I have no idea as I said I was only going by the BMI.. But at the moment he's got quite a "beer belly" thing going on that he wants to get rid of. I said to him that because he's a guy I think he should go for a less weight related goal and more of a size/look related one.. And I'm trying not to mother him but he comes to me to ask questions everytime he's not sure.. Like today I've had him asking what he can have for lunch and dinner.. I think he feels like he needs pushing to try new things which is why he always asks.. I'll just tell him to figure it out himself rather than asking me all the time x

    Well it is a different story if he is asking you for suggestions. Your first post didn't clarify that! I do a lot of egg whites with low fat cheese and salsa in the morning, or oatmeal. Lunches are big salads. Dinners are a meat, lean beef, grilled chicken, lean pork, and a veggie such as brocolli or green beens. Snacks are fruits or light string cheese or almonds.

    For my hubby I just pack him extra snacks and he gets bigger dinner portions. He eats what I do.
  • SailorJerrysRum
    SailorJerrysRum Posts: 38
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    Man, I am in the same boat, right down to the boyfriend being a drummer and living off processed crap and thinking it's no big deal. Right now I'm just throwing hints and cooking for the both of us. Him being active is up to him but at least I can provide him with nourishment.
  • ahamm002
    ahamm002 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    OP, if you want to "help" your boyfriend, then first realize that he's not a girl. Guys don't want to be incredibly skinny like a frickin female J Crew model. 154 is retardedly light for any 5'11" guy who doesn't want to look like poindexter. BMI is designed for populations, not individual people. Individual people should be concerned about their body fat %. Your boyfriend should shoot for getting to sub 20% initially. Then depending on how serious he is, he can start doing bulk/cut cycles to continually improve his body composition. The main thing is that he needs to be doing resistance training (and eating at least 1 gram of protein per pound of lean body mass) while he's losing weight so he doesn't lose too much muscle with the fat.
  • momma_eck
    momma_eck Posts: 31
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    Not to sound like a broken record, but I think 154 is too light. My son is 5'11" 185 (at 15) and he is right on the money according to the Doctor. Now he also plays football and lacrosse (anything w/ a helmet--a stick is just an added bonus) and runs about 3 miles a day.

    I think it would be more important to change his eating habits so he is eating healthy rather than the junk. Veggies suck..I agree, but maybe start w/ babysteps like fruit--a natural sweetness. None of my boys like veggies..but they eat fruit like it is going out of style. So maybe start making out those switches.

    I hope it goes well!
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
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    OP, if you want to "help" your boyfriend, then first realize that he's not a girl. Guys don't want to be incredibly skinny like a frickin female J Crew model. 154 is retardedly light for any 5'11" guy who doesn't want to look like poindexter. BMI is designed for populations, not individual people. Individual people should be concerned about their body fat %. Your boyfriend should shoot for getting to sub 20% initially. Then depending on how serious he is, he can start doing bulk/cut cycles to continually improve his body composition. The main thing is that he needs to be doing resistance training (and eating at least 1 gram of protein per pound of lean body mass) while he's losing weight so he doesn't lose too much muscle with the fat.
    The above is good advice from start to finish, IMO.

    I think BMI is a terrible and unreliable yardstick. If my wife told me she wanted me to be in the middle of the healthy BMI range for my height, I'd tell her to pound sand up her you-know-what. I'd be a skinny stick and completely unhappy with my appearance at that weight. As the above poster said, your boyfriend should be concerned about his body fat percentage - at sub-20%, a lot of his 'beer belly' will be gone. He won't be "ripped" like a fitness model, but he'll look reasonable (if he adheres to the advice given above about resistance training and protein intake).
  • carebear7951
    carebear7951 Posts: 404 Member
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    You should talk to him about it. Not directly, in more subtle ways. Letting out big sighs when he eats something unhealthy, slamming the refrigerator door and grumbling under your breath as you stomp out of the room, that kinda thing.

    Yes, because passive aggressive is a great way to handle a relationship. I'm going to assume this person was joking!? This is a list of what *NOT* to do!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    154 is way too light for his height!! If you set an unrealistic goal for him, he's unlikely to stick with this. Since he is not very much over weight I would put an emphasis on cleaning up his diet. Cook him (and yourself) some awesome healthy meals, help him grocery shop to choose healthier options. Become foodies together! Take walks, runs, hikes, go to the gym together. Remember guys like to eat and they can eat a whole lot more than us women....cook him some steaks lol!
  • mwalle09
    mwalle09 Posts: 305 Member
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    Speaking as a boyfriend (not currently unfortunately) who has his own "beer belly thing" going on I think the best way to handle it at least for me is to help educate him as to what are good foods to eat and what are bad ones. When I started this I knew next to nothing about nutrition and as I've been educating myself I'm finding that it is easier to make the healthier choices.
  • jamminlover79
    jamminlover79 Posts: 5
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    my boyfriend like me needs to lose weight but we have to do it in different ways, you can't make him change, you and he will have to do it when he is ready and not before it does not matter what support and resources you have in my experience unless he is ready he wont do it!
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
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    The thing that taught me a lot about what I was eating was to log my food for a few days.

    Can you sit down with him and just log his food for one day. And look at it? It's kind of an eye opener. And him looking at it and figuring it out is much better than your telling him.

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