Starting to find comments on weightloss annoying and hurtful

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  • dussaghun
    dussaghun Posts: 1
    I have people say this to me all the time. Even though I am at the top of my normal BMI. I have just started saying to these people you didn't say anything to me when I was to fat. That either makes them laugh or they say nothing. But, they get the point.
  • JustLindaLou
    JustLindaLou Posts: 376 Member
    It is all very very irritating, however when you get to know someone at your original weight that's how they know you..

    I got asked if I had an eating disorder, I replied "yes I did, now I don't"

    ^^^^ love this!!!!! Great response.
  • happyfeetrebel1
    happyfeetrebel1 Posts: 1,005 Member
    I think I can give you some perspective on this from the other side. I have two friends who lost a bunch of weight. The first one, lost it fairly quickly and it was so shocking to see how thin she was that several people (myself included) thought she looked sick because she looked so different and her skin hadn't caught up with her new weight. She has pretty much kept that off now for going on 4 years and she looks "normal" to us now. The other woman did kinda the same you did-cut out drinking and she also started working out like the cardio queen and dropped a lot of weight. I had people asking me if she was sick, was she anorexic, what was she doing etc. I approached her one day and said 'I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this, but this is what I'm hearing" and told her about the sick comments. (For what it's worth, both of these women are older than you so that lovely skin sag didn't help either one of them).

    As we all know, it can be very hard to lose weight and even harder to keep it off. When you lose a bunch of weight it shocks their sense of the "you" they know. Sadly, the first thing a lot of folks think is "she's sick" since we all have known many people like that. While it is incredibly rude to ask you if you are anorexic, it's probably just shock at how small you are now and they aren't used to it. I'd be willing to bet it's folks who haven't seen you regularly during your weight loss making these comments.

    I think you look amazing and great job on losing that much weight. Dang, that's impressive! Please don't let them discourage you and if you can, try and laugh it off when they ask you those questions. I'm sure for most of them, it's coming from a place of concern and they just aren't expressing themselves well.

    You said this very well...exactly what I would have tried to say, but much more eloquently :)

    I don't think it's jealousy, I just think people get used to seeing a certain thing and when it changes, they aren't used to it.
  • Grnhouse
    Grnhouse Posts: 254 Member
    Don't let it get you down. Haters. LOL! I get the same question and I weight 20 lbs more than you. I've learned to just ignore the questions and/or rude comments. Instead talk about how happy you are and how great and healthy life choices are a way of life for you. I bet they stop. It has worked with one of my friends and now she doesn't even mention my size or anyone else's for that matter. LOL! As long as you are healthy and like your size that is all that matters.
  • danne32339
    danne32339 Posts: 155 Member
    I work with all guys, so when one sees me, that i haven't seen in a while, the common, yet not so PC question is "Did you get AIDS or something?"...............to which i generally respond "Yes, from your mother."

    might not work in your situation, but that works well for me.

    This reply made me laugh so hard. Probably because it sounds like something I would say. But seriously, I agree with everyone else. I would pointedly change the subject.
    Good luck. :flowerforyou:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    When I was young and skinny, I'd hear "get that girl a cheeseburger" comments a lot. Now I'm starting to get them again. And you know what? I don't care.

    I have four older brothers. And I was an uber-dweeb in high school. I know what getting picked on feels like. And I know what good-natured, well-meaning ribbing feels like. (And if it was from my brothers, it was a mixture of both.) If I'm genuinely getting picked on, I think, "What an *kitten*," and let it go. If it's all in fun, I laugh it off.

    Most people I see regularly also "see" me on Facebook. They see my blog posts. I talk about what I did to lose weight, how I eat, how I'm maintaining. It's no secret.
  • Avandel
    Avandel Posts: 283 Member
    Are you anorexic?"

    I don't even know how to react to this. Any of the people who say this 9 times out of 10 are smaller than I am. The anorexic question comes when I tell them that I count calories.

    So how would you feel? What would you say to these people? How would you overcome?

    My response to these people would be "No, I'm not anorexic, are you?" "What do you think of this weather we're having?":bigsmile:
  • Gardengail
    Gardengail Posts: 596 Member
    When people would ask my MIL her age she would say, "I promise to forgive you for asking if you promise to forgive me for not answering." Its a statement that could apply to other situations.
  • bobie1978
    bobie1978 Posts: 204 Member
    People are use to seeing you at a heavier weight.. that is probably why.. change doesn't really sink in for a little bit. When I was at my smallest I was accused of the same things.. plus many other things.. I am 5ft and my lowest was 115. I still wore a size 6 pants. So that is not unhealthy that is about normal. You look healthy don't worry about what people think!
  • j1wright
    j1wright Posts: 286 Member
    You guys are all wonderful!!!! I feel so much better. I was feeling pretty bummed.

    Yes, most of my friends and all co-workers and anyone that I run into in this city would only know me as being heavier. Blowing it off as we speak and now have some great comebacks becasue of all of you.
  • 123meg123
    123meg123 Posts: 9 Member
    J1wright for what it's worth I think you look like a healthy young mum.
  • McGrew822
    McGrew822 Posts: 17
    "Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated."

    - Aziz "Zyzz" Shavershian, peace and blessing be upon him. Forever 'miring, brah.
  • blonde71
    blonde71 Posts: 955 Member
    First off let me tell you that I hit goal about a month ago. I am pretty satisfied by the way I look other than some toning but I don't want to lose anymore weight. Last December I had a baby, I weight 197-198 pounds. I now weigh around 120 pounds. This is the smallest I have been since high school, I am 32 now. Probably because I have never been so dedicated......another thing that I don't mention much is that I stopped drinking like a fish (empty calories). Yeah I drank my 20's away, and stayed anywhere from 130 pounds to 155 pounds.

    So here I sit at 120 pounds 5.4" and I still occasionally get the you look great compliment but I usually get...."Wow, you have lost a lot of weight, what are you doing.?" Are you okay? Are you eating enough? I think you should stop losing weight, Everytime I see you, you look smaller and smaller....and the latest, Are you anorexic?"

    I don't even know how to react to this. Any of the people who say this 9 times out of 10 are smaller than I am. The anorexic question comes when I tell them that I count calories. Really? So anyone counting calories is anorexic? I even tell them that I eat over 1500 calories a day (my TDEE is anywhere from 1533 to 1550 depending on what site you use). Apparently over 1500 calories is not enough for people. I sit at a desk all day long.

    Sorry this is so long winded. I needed to get it off my chest. I also need to know if anyone else get this. If so what do you say? It is starting to annoy me and become hurtful. I am starting to doubt myself. I ask my husband if I am too skinny. I wear a size 6 for goodness sakes, it isn't like I am a 0.

    So how would you feel? What would you say to these people? How would you overcome?

    Wow, if you're anorexic then maybe I am too. I'm 5' 6", 124 lbs. and wear a size 2/4. Unbelievable! I can't say I'm surprised because I've fielded questions like that too. Haterville is always gonna have residents. You just have to ignore. As long as you're okay with how you look and feel and your hubby is too, forget all the naysaying. You look like a healthy mom to me. :smile:
  • kathy065
    kathy065 Posts: 3 Member
    Depends on who it is coming from.

    I asked a friend a while back if they were ok, because he hadn't said he was trying to lose weight and he had lost a lot. It was an opening for him to let me know he had cancer with only months to live.

    I think words like "Are you ok", asked in kindness and concern are perfectly acceptable. However, asking someone if they were anorexic isn't! You can just be rude back to them :)
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