Parents and Birthday Parties... WTF
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I think things must be really different here in the uk as I have dropped my oldest off at parties from the age of about 4. You would be seen weird to hang around as most people have family and friends helping out to watch them. I also have had a few parties for my kids and would never expect any parents to stay unless I has asked them to.
It isn't the entire US. Like I said, parents never stayed at parties when I was a kid or when my daughter was that young. As toddlers, yes, but otherwise parents only stayed if they were close friends of the birthday kid's parents.0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
You work in a prison yet everything just said completely goes against criminal studies and statistics of sex offenders.0 -
I work in health care and when you see a 4 year swabbed for STDs it makes it a little more real... I may be over protective... but at least they'll GET to college safely. Have a good day- I'm OUT!God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
And the chances of that child having an STD from a trusted person or family member is far greater than a stranger. 90% of sex crimes against a child are committed by a person they know. 50% of the time it is a family member. Most sex offenders will not commit an act at random.
Speaking as someone who was sexually abused as a child by a teenage family member, I never felt unsafe or unsure about people in public or strangers. Family get-togethers were another story. If you want to protect your kids, accept the facts and stop protecting them from what the tv has conned you into fearing.
I agree with this last comment!!!0 -
LOL, I wonder if I am considered a helicopter parent...
My 12 daughter has only started going to things on her own in the last year or so. She is only dropped off at parties that I know the parents of, has only been allowed to roam the mall with a friend once (and I was there roaming also).
I (or my husband) have also attended all Girl Scout meetings and soccer practices etc.
My 9 year old has only been to 1 party by herself, and it was a close family friend and I was sick. Every other party/gymnastics practice/event that she has attended, has been with me or her dad.
Now when we go to things, I don't hover beside her or cause any sort of distraction. If it's in a public place, I will get my own table nearby so I can keep an eye on them. Around here, there are virtaully no parties inside someones home - so it's usually not an issue. If I have to drive her all the way there, I might as well stay. Plus if I know the party parents and they seem frazzled with all the kids everyone else dropped off - I can jump in to help.
I was a Girl Scout leader for my youngest daughters troop for a couple years, I was shocked that there were a couple parents I NEVER EVEN MET! They would send their girls in every week, without ever meeting me. :noway:
For our end of year trip, we took the kids into the city (3.5 hours away) and stayed overnight and went to the zoo and a museum. I met one of the moms for the first time the morning we left. I gave our cell numbers to every parent and was suprised that only 1 parent called to even tell their child goodnight, and just check on the progress of the trip. A couple parents were almost an hour late picking up their kids when we returned to town at the designated time. This was when the girls were 7.0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
All the chuck E cheese's I've been to give each child a bracelet. Kid can't leave with out the adult with matching bracelet.
That doesn't mean they can't be raped/murdered in the bathroom...sorry to be blunt, but it can and does happen.0 -
God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
Mandy there's a world of difference between being a completely obsessed helicopter parent and leaving your child with a stranger in a public place just because there's a birthday party.
I wouldn't be surprised by a few responses here though.. 11 year olds need supervised at a party? They are almost middle school age!
Maybe I'm just shocked by the fact that so many parents here would stay at a kids birthday party. Maybe that's a bigger city thing... certainly nothing I've ever heard of or experience unless it was for a 3 or 4 year old. . At what point do people cut the cord? If 11 is not old enough for your kid to be alone at another kid's party is 13? 15?
Yes at a certain age you worry less and allow them more freedom. That's to be determined by the individual parent based on what they know about their own kid. It's not an across the board "all kids over the age of 8 should be left on their own at parties." Putting the safety factor aside some of them have special needs or are just s#*t kids who SHOULD be looked after at all times.
What we're discussing here is risk management. It's different for everyone. For me the risk of leaving a child so young with strangers at a public place is too great to justify me being able to do my own thing for a few hours. But everyone must make their own choices.0 -
God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
Mandy there's a world of difference between being a completely obsessed helicopter parent and leaving your child with a stranger in a public place just because there's a birthday party.
I wouldn't be surprised by a few responses here though.. 11 year olds need supervised at a party? They are almost middle school age!
Maybe I'm just shocked by the fact that so many parents here would stay at a kids birthday party. Maybe that's a bigger city thing... certainly nothing I've ever heard of or experience unless it was for a 3 or 4 year old. . At what point do people cut the cord? If 11 is not old enough for your kid to be alone at another kid's party is 13? 15?
Yes at a certain age you worry less and allow them more freedom. That's to be determined by the individual parent based on what they know about their own kid. It's not an across the board "all kids over the age of 8 should be left on their own at parties." Putting the safety factor aside some of them have special needs or are just s#*t kids who SHOULD be looked after at all times.
What we're discussing here is risk management. It's different for everyone. For me the risk of leaving a child so young with strangers at a public place is too great to justify me being able to do my own thing for a few hours. But everyone must make their own choices.
I just don't understand that some parents are so adamate on protecting their own kids while ignoring the real risks/facts. People trust their kids with family and friends when statically speaking, those ARE the greatest risks for them. :frown:0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
All the chuck E cheese's I've been to give each child a bracelet. Kid can't leave with out the adult with matching bracelet.
That doesn't mean they can't be raped/murdered in the bathroom...sorry to be blunt, but it can and does happen.
The chances of that is actually astronomical.. and one thing I have taught my kids... is go to the bathroom with a friend when you're out. I thought everyone taught their kid that?0 -
I work in prison with murders and child molesters....HELL no you are not overreacting!!! I would not leave my child in a place like that EVER! Places like Chuck-E-Cheese, camps, church, school, karate, boy scouts is where the predators lurk. I have read too many reports about children being abducted, raped and murdered to ever leave them unattended or under the supervision of someone I don't even know. Call me a helicopter parent if you want...I'll take that any day over being called the mother of a dead child.
You work in a prison yet everything just said completely goes against criminal studies and statistics of sex offenders.
I am all too aware of criminal studies. Most sex offenders know their victims...IE the camp counselor, boy scout leader, priest or most common, family member. Sex offenders that abduct strangers are more likely to kill their victim as it is a significant risk factor to abduct them which is the difference. I was the sexually violent predator coordinator in a men's high security prison for years and read these reports way too often.0 -
Things that were perfectly fine and safe when I was growing up just aren't safe anymore. Especially for girls.
What changed? Or is it that you just see and read about it more as the media puts more emphasis on it?
Society has deteriorated drastically since then. When I was growing up if you were in a group of people all adults would be looking out for all of the children whether they knew them or not and would even reprimand them if they were doing something wrong. Nowadays people don't pay enough attention to their own children let alone any one esles. But even if they did pay attention you can't say anything to anyones precious little snow flake about their unsafe behavior because the parents will jump all over you.
I am not worried just about rapists and molestors. I have been to Chuck E Cheese that door is not as guarded as everyone makes it out to be. What if the kids decide to go outside and end up hit by a car? (because we all know kids listen so great and stay exactly where they are told at all times) :huh:0 -
I think most posters are missing the point. it's not about to drop off, or not to drop off. It's about common courtesy of introducing yourself and making sure it's ok to leave your child and as I said previously, making sure that parent has a way to et a hold you in an emergency. I'm not opposed to dropping my child off at a party if I know it's ok with the party parent.0
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the parents are obviously assuming you're NOT psycho. If your child has a friend over do you expect the parents to stay and have coffee with you while the kids play because they don't know you?
Assuming is dangerous. There is a lot of potential for danger in a public place like that and with people you have never met.
I would absolutely stay and have coffee or at least a darn conversation with other parents while the kids play because I DON'T know them! UH....YEAH!!!!! I am not offering a babysitting service for you to dump your kids off, our kids want to be friends and i want to know who the heck YOU are thats raising them. My mother always knew my friends moms from the neighborhood and such, they talked on the phone regularly and remained in solid contact. I think this to be very smart. What if in conversation you find out that they are not the kind of poeple you want your kids around? Seriously you can't be too safe.0 -
God forbid some of these parents not be present at any point of their kids life where mommy and daddy are not there to protect them. I guess all you can do is chain them to your leg and make sure no one ever picks on them or makes them deal with anything that may be hard to deal with.
At least you know you can get you kids to class on time when they go to college. Kind of hard to be late with mommy there.
Mandy there's a world of difference between being a completely obsessed helicopter parent and leaving your child with a stranger in a public place just because there's a birthday party.
I wouldn't be surprised by a few responses here though.. 11 year olds need supervised at a party? They are almost middle school age!
Maybe I'm just shocked by the fact that so many parents here would stay at a kids birthday party. Maybe that's a bigger city thing... certainly nothing I've ever heard of or experience unless it was for a 3 or 4 year old. . At what point do people cut the cord? If 11 is not old enough for your kid to be alone at another kid's party is 13? 15?
Yes at a certain age you worry less and allow them more freedom. That's to be determined by the individual parent based on what they know about their own kid. It's not an across the board "all kids over the age of 8 should be left on their own at parties." Putting the safety factor aside some of them have special needs or are just s#*t kids who SHOULD be looked after at all times.
What we're discussing here is risk management. It's different for everyone. For me the risk of leaving a child so young with strangers at a public place is too great to justify me being able to do my own thing for a few hours. But everyone must make their own choices.
I just don't understand that some parents are so adamate on protecting their own kids while ignoring the real risks/facts. People trust their kids with family and friends when statically speaking, those ARE the greatest risks for them. :frown:
You make a good point. The reason is that people go by feelings too often. The last thing they'd ever want to think about is a member of their own family harming their children. So they pretend it can't happen. Easier to worry about the creep sitting alone at Chuck 'E Cheese. Truth is both need to be watched out for.0 -
That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!
What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?
I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something.
Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?
Not all families have 2 parents, and not all families have multiple cars that it may take to do it all.
And how and why is that my problem?
Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
If you can't make it work, don't have your kid come. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I doubt my kid(s) will notice that much.0 -
I work in health care and when you see a 4 year swabbed for STDs it makes it a little more real... I may be over protective... but at least they'll GET to college safely. Have a good day- I'm OUT!
And the chances of that child having an STD from a trusted person or family member is far greater than a stranger. 90% of sex crimes against a child are committed by a person they know. 50% of the time it is a family member. Most sex offenders will not commit an act at random.
Speaking as someone who was sexually abused as a child by a teenage family member, I never felt unsafe or unsure about people in public or strangers. Family get-togethers were another story. If you want to protect your kids, accept the facts and stop protecting them from what the tv has conned you into fearing.
I agree with this last comment!!!
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Yup! Statistically speaking, your kid is safer at Chuck's than a family reunion!!
When I was 8, there was a birthday party for a classmate at the Sac zoo and afterwards lunch at the adjoining picnic area. My mom dropped me off and I went and had fun. My sister came back for me when it was over. It's how things were done where I lived back the 70's/80's.0 -
That doesn't mean they can't be raped/murdered in the bathroom...sorry to be blunt, but it can and does happen.
Yeah, and a tornado might pick up your house and drop it in New Jersey.
This is a poor argument - everything can and does happen, just not with equal likelihood.
Your kids are far more likely to die from a car accident, because *you* put them in a car and exposing them to great risk... than being "raped/murdered in the bathroom" by a stranger. If you think these are even close to being equal, you are functionally illiterate when it comes to assessing probability and risk.
People are very bad at overestimating risk when it is shocking (terrorism/pedophilia), where boring/common risks (swimming pools/car accidents) are grossly underestimated. Just because there's malevolence behind it, as opposed to being an accident or natural disaster, doesn't change how likely it is to happen. It just makes it scarier and seem that way.
What would you rather be? Actually be safer, or just feel safer? Wait, don't answer that...0 -
If you can't make it work, don't have your kid come. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I doubt my kid(s) will notice that much.
If you want parents to stay, put it on the invite.0 -
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Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
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If you can't make it work, don't have your kid come. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I doubt my kid(s) will notice that much.
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Exactly, I extended an invitation. You do not have to accept if it's not convenient for you. At the very least call ahead and make sure it's ok to bring multiple children or drop one off. It's called common courtesy0 -
This^^ I have teenagers 13 and 15 and I still make sure I have some way to get in touch with them and whatever adult is responsible before leaving them anywhere. They don't do sleepovers unless I have spoken to the parent of the other child. This to me is not "helicopter", it is just common sense.I think most posters are missing the point. it's not about to drop off, or not to drop off. It's about common courtesy of introducing yourself and making sure it's ok to leave your child and as I said previously, making sure that parent has a way to et a hold you in an emergency. I'm not opposed to dropping my child off at a party if I know it's ok with the party parent.0 -
I think a lot of people are missing the point. It isn't so much about the dropping off or staying aspect. It is the fact that these parents didn't even KNOW the man and didn't make an attempt to get to know him before dropping their kids off.0
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