"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"
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that and the"pretty face " compliments i''ve received most of my life. I have come to learn that the people that say that really mean well and don't realize that it is not received well. I have set it as one of my goals to set them straight about how someone that receives this"compliment " feels. One of my best friends was saying this to me and I set her straight. Now she knows.0
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I am not stunning/hood looking now, hence me being here0
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I get the "you have a pretty face" compliment...but the rest of this comment is....too bad the rest sucks. I also get a lot of "you have such a wonderful perosnality". I hate those people, in those cases, they just need to keep their compliments to themselves.
Dito! I get that one all the time. :ohwell:0 -
People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.
If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.0 -
OH. MY. GOD. What is wrong with people??? At least comments like these can help you weed people out of your life.My favorite was "I'm so glad you're not in a huge rush to get married. Nobody likes a fat bride."
In positive news, a friend of mine asked me the other day if I had any single girl friends to introduce him to. I said, yes I do! He said "are they happy?" I asked if he meant happy being single and he said no, just happy in general. That his #1 requirement is someone who smiles a lot.
He didn't ask "are they hot?" "Do they have big boobs?" "Do they make a lot of money?" NO- do they smile a lot. Now THAT is a man I will introduce to my friends.0 -
Just remember Winston Churchill (I am gonna paraphrase here but you'll get the idea)
Woman: Winston you are drunk
Winston: Madam, you are ugly - but I will be sober in the morning
NOW is the time I am losing all the weight, I will still have the pretty face AND the wonderful personality, they will still be mean and nasty to make such hurtful comments!!0 -
people can be so rude0
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People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.
If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.
I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.0 -
My favorite was "I'm so glad you're not in a huge rush to get married. Nobody likes a fat bride."
OMG so rude. I would have been struggling to not hit her.
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That's when you say, "I may be fat but you're stupid... and I can lose weight."0
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You are stunnung.period0
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I don't enjoy compliments at all if I'm not truly happy with myself. Basically when I hear "wow, have lost a lot weight?" I actually hear "wow you used to be so huge!!! " 0_0 Everyone is beautiful as long as they are good people and kind to others.0
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I don't enjoy compliments at all if I'm not truly happy with myself. Basically when I hear "wow, have lost a lot weight?" I actually hear "wow you used to be so huge!!! " 0_0 Everyone is beautiful as long as they are good people and kind to others.
I know, my mom lost a good 80 pounds about 10 years ago and when people say that they probably think it's a compliment, but it hurts her feelings. No matter if I'm losing weight or not, I always have those skinny friends that say, "Have you lost weight? You look good!"
Thanks everyone for the sweet comments
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It's rude, it shouldn't be said, but as with many rude things it hurts because it's often true.
I would just ignore it.0 -
those kinds of comments are from people with no tact or real love for people. I am 59 and a guy said to me recently "you must have been a gorgeous when you were young". I think he said gorgeous, something like that. But it really hurt because people are only truly beautiful from the inside. What I mean is, if they are lookers and have to hearts, then how can they be called beautiful? Maybe others disagree. But, one thing for sure is that you and I just need to know that we are beautiful and worth being loved no matter what we weigh or how old we are:)
You are very pretty on the outside and from your post, I suspect you are very pretty on the inside as well:)
Denise:flowerforyou:0 -
It's a back handed compliment ... I hate the phrase ... "You'll look really good IN JUST a couple more pounds " for the same reason . I heard it a lot at one time in my life and at that time I was 5'10" and a beanpole !0
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those kinds of comments are from people with no tact or real love for people. I am 59 and a guy said to me recently "you must have been a gorgeous when you were young". I think he said gorgeous, something like that. But it really hurt because people are only truly beautiful from the inside. What I mean is, if they are lookers and have to hearts, then how can they be called beautiful? Maybe others disagree. But, one thing for sure is that you and I just need to know that we are beautiful and worth being loved no matter what we weigh or how old we are:)
You are very pretty on the outside and from your post, I suspect you are very pretty on the inside as well:)
Denise:flowerforyou:
Thank you so much
You're so right (about being pretty on the inside, not about what you said about me, that would sound conceited haha) 0 -
It's a back handed compliment ... I hate the phrase ... "You'll look really good IN JUST a couple more pounds " for the same reason . I heard it a lot at one time in my life and at that time I was 5'10" and a beanpole !
Ugh, people suck haha0 -
Has anyone ever gotten this "compliment" before? Why am I not stunning now?
Idk, it just hurts...like the only way I'll ever be desirable is if I'm skinny.
I know! It's like if you don't like me now, just **** off! I've been told the same thing, too. As a consequence, I haven't given the chance to some people who didn't notice me at first but only came to me after I lost the weight. I find them opportunistic.0 -
I know how you feel. I had that a lot of times particularly from my mom's family a few years back when I was at my heaviest weight. They did some great damage to my self-esteem & now that I lost the weight, suddenly they treat me differently like I have just achieved something. I feel that for them, I'm only worthy as a person by what I weigh instead of my other positive qualities.
As much as I tried to ignore those comments before but its really hard if you've been receiving it a lot.0 -
we also all have to take into account that, we ARE overweight, and some people just like to beat around the bush when they tell us that its our face/personality that is attractive, but they are not necessarily telling us that the rest sucks, they may just not know how to avoid our insecurities, but as (mostly) women, we will always be insecure about our weight, and just as a general fact, if youre getting these "compliments" from a guy, come on ladies, we all know men cant control the stupid stuff that comes out of their mouths:)0
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yeah, as well as "you have such a pretty FACE". cuz the rest sucks? people need to stop talking about 20 seconds sooner.
^^This. LOL. I even get that from my family!
My moms side is under 5'4" and all around 120lbs. My dads side are all over 6'3" and over 275lbs. My sis got my moms genes and I got my dads. She is 5'7" and 150lbs small frame and I am 5'10" large frame and currently 213. She gets " oh you're so pretty" and I get the pretty face thing. I also get "you are built like a football player". Nice. LOL.0 -
Hard to say, but well said!People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.
If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.0 -
Funny, I just got this from a friend a few minutes ago.
I was kidding around about posting skanky pics of myself when I reach my goal. His reply used the words "more bangable". I don't take it offensively because, well, that's in essence the reaction I want haha.
But to have someone say specifically "you'd be more attractive if you lost weight" seems far more harsh. I'm not entirely sure why but it is to me.0 -
When I was in 9th grade (a zillion years ago) a guy told me that I would be the most beautiful girl in school if I would lose some weight (I was maybe 20-25 pounds overweight.) I had had a crush on him for a couple of years. Shortly after that I found out I was a type I diabetic and was put on a 1200 cal diet and lost the weight. Well, he kept telling me just ten more pounds and you'll look good. Well, I wound up about 20 pounds underweight. Never could please that guy. And years later I found out he was gay. LOL0
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When I was in 9th grade (a zillion years ago) a guy told me that I would be the most beautiful girl in school if I would lose some weight (I was maybe 20-25 pounds overweight.) I had had a crush on him for a couple of years. Shortly after that I found out I was a type I diabetic and was put on a 1200 cal diet and lost the weight. Well, he kept telling me just ten more pounds and you'll look good. Well, I wound up about 20 pounds underweight. Never could please that guy. And years later I found out he was gay. LOL
I can totally relate to this ! I spent the majority of my teen and pre teen years believing I was fat because I was told by someone very close to me " just a couple more pounds and you'll look great " I was 5'10" and probably 125 pounds at the time . I hid under my clothes hoping people wouldn notice I was fat ( I wasn't ) and had very low self esteem as a result . I have more confindence today at 220 than I had then ... People your words have power ! Use them wisely !0 -
Ugh, I hate that one! I've been told the exact same things-"you would be stunning if you lost some weight," "you have such a pretty FACE," and "just lose 10 more lbs and I'd date you!"
I grew up hearing that-it's confidence-shattering for a young child's self worth to be measured up as a human being by how much I weighed! I was never a skinny child and never will be a skinny adult-it's just not my body type. (I'm built like a swimmer-if I got all ripped, I'd look like I belong in the pool at the Olympics.)
I think I'm a pretty girl with a bangin' figure-got the tiny waist and a rack to die for, and yet I feel like no one takes notice because they're too busy focusing on how much fat is on my body. They don't see that I've already lost a lot of weight and how damn proud of it I am!
I choose to just focus on the good parts of myself (like how well my top fills out tshirts and how toned my arms and legs are) and keep working out for my HEALTH, not my appearance. I figure that when I get to the point where I feel at my HEALTHIEST, that's when others will notice how attractive I really am!0 -
I've had that, too. I hate hearing that because then I start thinking that myself. Negative thoughts are no good...0
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I get that a lot from a family member. Also, when I posted a recent facebook picture, a friend told me: 'Wow you look gorgeous I didn't even recognize you at first'. It made me feel horrible and embarrassed. Like, wow, really? You have so much tact!
I hate facebook...
Anyway, I've been heavy nearly all of my life. I was a cute little girl and it was the only time that I was at a normal weight. When I get comments like 'If you lose the weight...' I end up being hurt and inspired at the same time. The ugly truth and the reward (at least in MY case) is that I'll be more physically attractive to myself and to the outside world. I'm not going to sit up here and deny the perks of being physically attractive...there are a LOT of them (concerning my confidence, that is. Not everyone is going to find you attractive regardless of how gorgeous you think you are.).
Until I lose the weight, I don't think I'll ever really feel pretty. Anyway, this is just my perspective. I hope I don't really offend anyone. :]0 -
Yes indeed I've heard this in several different ways.
On more than one occasion from my mother "You're beautiful, you just need to lose some weight."
From a "mother type figure"- "Man, when you lose weight, you'll have boys falling all over you!" & "You have a beautiful stunning face, and a killer personality, and once you slim down a little, man. LOOK OUT!"
I'm like "umm, thankyou.." haha I know they mean well, but it's like "think about what you're saying sometimes"
haha:embarassed:0
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