That one friend who is not happy of your success...?

Her happiness or lack thereof is not your responsibility, nor is it your fault. This is a sort of manipulative, controlling behaviour some folks try to pull on others. Don't buy into it. You are not doing her any favors putting up with it. I think one term is enabling. I think we can enable people not to get help for their bad behaviour.

denise:drinker:

I have lost a significant amount of weight. Around 41lbs to be exact. Most of the people in my life have been thrilled for me and frequently express how proud they are of me.

However, one of my closest friends is just not happy with my weight loss sucess. She will never come out and tell it to me but her body language and tone conveys jealousy and anger. She says she's happy for me but I know she isn't. Just the other day she said I was the beautiful best friend (compared to her). She is constantly calling herself ugly and fat and it gets me upset.

A part of me almost feels BAD for losing weight. I feel like my success is causing her to be miserable. But I know I can't think like that. I just wish she would be happy for me and stop making me feel bad for BETTERING myself

So I have a question! Do any of you have a person in your life that isn't happy for your weight-loss success?

ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"

I have one of those, stupid ****er can die in a fire for all I care.

yep, I HAD a friend like that. she would also try to sabotage my diet as well, she would say things like "I dont think youd look good thin" or "just have some nachos and cheese". and the best part of it all is she is a model!! like b**ch just be happy for me. I couldnt take it anymore so I slowly stopped talking to her, her negativity and constant remarks were just too much and I decided I didnt need or want it in my life.

i have many i moved away after high school and started a new life and made the decision to be fit. while all my friends at home decided to party and over indulge and "let theirself go". only a few of my high school friends still talk to me. but they tell me that people gossip about me and the way i look in my newest pictures and its always rude things.. why cant people just be happy for others? my goodness

ONE friend? my friends are thrilled, my family is a different story all together! my mom didn't say anything about my weight loss until the topic of jean came up and when i told her i had to throw 2 pairs away she said '"you should have given them to me to hold onto until you gain it all back"

Are our moms related?? My mom too told me I shouldn't get rid of the clothes that have outgrown me because I'll probably need them again. I have assured her I won't. Then there is my sister in law. She is always trying to sabotage me, wanting to force food and alcohol on me, but I am strong and I resist! She seems, these days, to like to call me a "skinny lil *****". Sometimes it is meant in a joking fashion, but more than not it isn't. She told my other sister in law she would never let me be thinner than her again. I am not losing weight to compete with anyone, I am doing it to make me more fit and healthy.

The one I feel guilty about being around with my weight loss are my sisters. They are both obese and I fianlly have talked my oldest sister into losing some weight! She told me tonight she has lost 15 pounds, in 3 months!! I am so proud of her. Now if I could get my other sister to do something it woudl be great! But we all have to do it when we want.

I feel your pain! Lost a friend recently and I believe it is because of that very reason. Once I dropped 40 lbs she started acting differently toward me. Pretty soon she was saying I was obsessed with losing weight and didn't have time to hang out with her. I will admit that I have been dedicated to making myself better and unfortunately that means I stopped drinking and going out to eat as often. Either way.. she has stopped talking to me and recently deleted me from facebook. I hurt from the loss of a friend but all my other friends have been understanding and have cheered me on through this.Any person who will make you feel bad for making healthy changes in your life doesn't deserve to be there.

They don't realise that it's for you.. they are scared that you're going to out grow them...

Oh my! I thought I was the only one! I feel like friending every one of you! One of my (used-to-be) best friends is a bit of a fitness junkie. I think she was threatened when I started working out and getting healthy. She would make comments implying it was temporary, and even openly laughing at the thought of me working out. Sadly, we don't really talk much anymore. I just couldn't takethe negativity and critiscism from someone that was supposed to be supportive. I think it really says more about their character than yours. My advice would be to bring it up (maybe she's not aware she's doing it), and if she doesn't change it may be healthier for you to move on.

my flatmate's like this.
she's overweight too, but shaped differently so wears a size smaller pants than me... until recently.
I've been trying really hard, and am starting to see the rewards, and that's when she started the snide little comments. I'm pretty sure she's just envious of my success, since she often talks about how she needs to drop a few, but never does anything about it.
i get really self-conscious when i'm making my meals in front of her, because my way of monitoring what i'm eating is to log and weigh everything, and it's like i should be ashamed of what i'm doing, and i am. i actually seel like a real idiot weighong out my food in front of her.
she knows i'm trying really hard, and she knows i have shocking will power, and she'll offer me sweets and treat foods, and when i say no thanks, this silence hangs in the air. or, she'll make me dinner as a thankyou for something i've done, or 'just to be nice', but she'll make something rich and delicious and dessert to follow, and will make it so i seem really rude and ungrateful if i say no thanks.
at one point, she decided to try to eat better, so bought bags of marshmallows as treats, since they're fat free. I pointed out to her that (nicely, non accusingly) a) fat free is not sugar free, and if you eat a bunch of marshmallows, your body just turns the sugar into fat, and b) if she doesn't regularly eat sweets and treats in her non-diet life, why would she add sweets when she's trying to diet? and she didn't speak to me for days.

I was one of those friends about 7 years ago. Now before you start flaming me for being on "that" side, let me say this. At first I was happy for my friends weight loss, I was interested in how he did it, and I encouraged him, I was happy to encourage him. He was looking good, down 100 lbs in a year, and I was proud of him. The problem came in two-fold...the first one was that he constantly saying, "when I was fat this" or "when I was fat that" over and over and over again. It got to the point that every single conversation contained at least a dozen of "when I was fat" comments.

I'm fat. I know this. I knew it then and I know it now. It wasn't jealousy because he accomplished something I didn't. At that time I wasn't trying, not even a little bit. Honestly, for a good portion of my life I didn't really care. I was over my shyness and letting my weight control my happiness. If people didn't like me fat, screw 'em. The problem was, I couldn't be happy for him because he never gave me a chance....he was too busy patting himself on the back. I understand that losing weight is a great thing, and I've recently started losing myself because I'm getting too old to continue down my current path. Things have got to change. But, I don't want to be the person so can't talk about anything else but how great and wonderful I am, and not have anything else to discuss but diet and weight loss. He went so far as to write his own book about how to lose weight. It was filled with half-truths and a lot of misinformation, and when he had a registered dietitian read over it and critique the book, she tried to tell him she doesn't agree with half of what he wrote. He ended up telling her she didn't know what she was talking about and that he was 100% right, then he turned around and put her down as a point of reference to substantiate his claims. He self published his book and still, to this day, has 99% of them. We have been friends 2/3rds of our lives, we are 20 days apart in age, and we are still friends, 28 years now. He got mad at me one day and just jumped down my throat because I wasn't happy for him. I told him what I said here...."you won't stop complimenting and bragging on yourself to even give me a chance to be happy for you."

The second part was that we wouldn't stop losing weight. He ended up un-healthy thin. He couldn't find the balance, and he didn't listen to anyone who was concerned for his health. He said it was a challenge to lose another 5 lbs then another 5 lbs. He looked bad. Finally, he realized that this path wasn't good and he began to gain some back.

He's since gain all the weight, and more, back. Most of that was he got married, and she's not much of a cook so there's a lot of Mexican and KFC and buffet's. We talk about it some now and it's not a big deal anymore. Not because he gained the weight back, but he realized he was being a "conceited jerk", his words.

I'm not saying that you're the way he was, nor am I saying it's wrong to be proud of your accomplishments. You should, everyone should. I also know, exercising and counting calories becomes so ingrained in our lives that it seems as though we are consumed by this process. I've been on here almost 30 days now and I can see how fast trying to reach my goals is consuming my time, my energy, and my thoughts. I would be easy to get caught up in talking about nothing else with like minded people...and no one else. But I've realized that there's more to life then my weight loss. A lot of those things in life are why I want to lose the weight to begin with.

Again, I'm not saying you're acting like my friend did, and I'm sure your situation is completely different. I'm also not trying to say that I'm better than anyone else, I'm just me. Like me or not, I'm sure I'll live on. I'm just giving the point of view from someone who has been on the "other" side of this.

Got one of those friends as well. She now wonders why I don't hang with her as much as I used to, but I just can't listen to it. I love her dearly... but I don't have to subject myself to bull****, either.


I surround myself with like minded people. Much better off that way

yep, I HAD a friend like that. she would also try to sabotage my diet as well, she would say things like "I dont think youd look good thin" or "just have some nachos and cheese". and the best part of it all is she is a model!! like b**ch just be happy for me. I couldnt take it anymore so I slowly stopped talking to her, her negativity and constant remarks were just too much and I decided I didnt need or want it in my life.

Yep, we need to be good to ourselves and have people in our lives that support us, not tear us down. Good thing about friends is you can let them go if they are hurting you.

I have to say that I do not have people in my life that are like that. It is sad that so many of you do. All I have to say is that life is to short and you shouldn't have to have negative people in your life. Just remember it is their insecurities and they have to power to change their lives if they really wanted too. Their jealousy is just saying that they wish they were as strong and determined as you. You are just on a different journey than they are. Maybe you can encourage them to join you. Just don't let them bring you down. Keep moving forward in YOUR journey. A happier and healthier you.

I had that one "friend". I had to cut her loose for that and some other reasons too actually.