"You would be STUNNING if you just lost some weight"

yeah, as well as "you have such a pretty FACE". cuz the rest sucks? people need to stop talking about 20 seconds sooner.

I'll never understand why they can't just say "You're so pretty!"

When other people evaluate us based on our appearance, what most of them "see" is our faults (and we all have them!) They don't see our true humanity, that part of us that is capable of truly loving others, the creative part, the emotional part. The part of us that makes us the most human is cloaked.

The most insecure people I have ever met were also the most critical of others. They seem to have an uncontrollable urge to point out our flaws. Since we can't please them, no matter how much we may love and respect them, maybe we could use another strategy. The next time someone says that we would truly be beautiful if we lost "x" number of pounds, we can teach that person how to treat us in the future by saying something like, "Thanks, Nana, for caring about me. My doctor and I are working on that very thing. I'll let you know how it goes." I acknowledged that there was some area of my life that needed work and that I was already doing something about it. I have used this with some insensitive family members and they quickly changed the subject. Healthy boundaries can be very good things!

People say that because wonderful person as you may be, attractiveness is attractiveness, and people don't tend to find obesity attractive.
Yes, you should be valued as a person for your brain, and your heart, and your accomplishments, but those don't necessarily make you attractive.
Attractiveness is physical, and an overweight person probably isn't as attractive as the same person without the extra fat.
It's not a polite thing to say, but that doesn't make it untrue.
If you want people to value you for who you are as a person, then ignore any commentary on your physical appearance. But don't go expecting people to change what is considered an attractive appearance.

I politely disagree. Being attracted to someone because they are intelligent, sensitive, sweet, or funny can all be very valid reasons to like someone. I rarely date someone because they're "good-looking" You could have a 6-pack and the face of a model but if you're a total *kitten* I won't give you the time of day. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect people to be less shallow and less judgmental.

It's not judgemental to point out a fact.
Yes, other things can attract people. But the form of attractive referenced by the people who say you would be stunning if you lost weight is physical attractiveness. It is by no means the only aspect, but it is one aspect.
It is simply a reality that a majority of people feel more physically attracted to people who are not seriously overweight.
To judge your existence as a person by your weight is shallow. But that's not what you mentioned. If a person mentions merely your physical attractiveness (ie. 'you would be stunning...'), then it's reasonable to related it to your physical attractiveness (ie. probably less than if you were less fat). Instead of getting offended when people are not physically attracted to your body, ignore those whose opinions you don't like, and date people who are attracted to the sum of your assets. That's perfectly reasonable.
Many not-overly-attractive people live long happy partnered lives because they have enough things to attract others without being gorgeous. Many gorgeous people find that while their physical attractiveness is an asset to meeting people, they need other reasons to keep people around.
Sure, some people have a skewed idea of weight, but if you are a fair ways above a healthy weight for your frame, chances are it is entirely true that you would be more physically attractive to a majority of people if you had less fat. Why deny reality?

I absolutely agree that for a person to randomly point it out is not overly helpful, often intrusive, and not near as nice as one might think (who is it that thinks this is nice??). It's plenty reasonable to point out the rudeness without trying to change the fact. It's not nice to tell someone who is not too bright that they would be so much better a catch if they were a little smarter, but that doesn't make it false. It also doesn't mean that they can't do fine just as they are, but generally, it should be pretty simple to understand that bettering any asset is a credit to the whole package.

I have to say I hate backhanded compliments. You look stunning to me:)

Possible answers to that statement are below. One or all can be used, none are wrong answers.
Thanks, but you will always be a douchbag
Thanks, you'd be cute too if your head wasn't up your *kitten*.
You're momma thought I was plenty good lookin last night.
Too bad there's no hope for you.
Just a couple suggestions.

Thank you all for sharing your stories, I hear this comment EVERY day and sometimes I wonder who I'm losing weight for I want people to like me for WHO I am, not what I look like.

I so agree. I am changing lifestyle so I can be healthier and do more FOR ME.
Anyone who SUDDENLY thinks I'm worth considering can go fly a kite because if you didn't like me before I'm not interested..

I find it interesting that a lot of people look for their confidence in something like clothes, hobbies, or even weight loss. You look fantastic, and if you want to look "Stunning" then all you need to do is have the confidence to back it up. Nobody should get to control how you feel about yourself. You should take 100% control of that. If you give other people the control of your emotions, they have control of your inspirations, your dreams, and your drive. That's a lot to give up, a lot to just hand over to someone.

Big or small, in shape or not, confidence is realizing that you are worth something, and you do have something to offer. This is true for EVERYONE. There isn't one person you will see on any given day that doesn't have faults or problems. I have them, you have them, the person reading this right now has them. The question is how do you deal with yours. Me...I personally don't care what anyone else thinks about my faults, some of them I'm working on, some of them I just deal with. What other think about me doesn't really matter, I don't have to face them in the morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, and their opinions and criticism won't matter on my death bed, so why should I let it bother me now? Once I realized this a long time ago, I now have tons more friends who like me for me.

You are awesome, and don't ever let anyone tell you different.

GREAT WORDS cmcollins!!

i was skinny before , and when i got kids i gained a lot of weight, people who sees me after that would comment like "what did you do to yourself?" and one that pissed me the most was "there's no trace that once you're pretty" or something like "you look like you never been pretty ." something like that and she said that over and over again in just one meeting so i told her, yeah because that "before is dead.

My mom used to say; "You'd be so gorgeous if only you lost weight"

Ghee..thanks mom

Oh yeah, I've been told that my whole life.

THIS. By my family, too.

At a family function once 4 people said to me " you looked wonderful when you lost all that weigh"

thanks guys that really boosted my self esteem

you are all beautiful no matter what someone says!!

you are a awesome husband! my husband tells me this every time I turn around no matter if it is because I am discourage from not loosing or someones smug a** comment!!

There is so much difference between a fat male and a fat female. Guys can be 50 over and still its not as big a deal as a girl that is 50 over. I dont think this is very fare but sometime people are just ****s!

My wife is the most beautiful woman I know. She is over weight. Now if she was skinny would she be better looking? In society's eyes yes in my eye no! My wife is beautiful and attractive no matter what happens. I didn't marry her just for the way she looks! I love her because of the person she is! The mother of my children, the woman of my dreams! In this world shallowness is like a cancer that infects our young people and makes us think if we dont all look like supermodels then there is something wrong with us!

Well I say F___ that! If people dont love you because of who you are as a person they are not worth your time!

Oh yeah! And : "You have such a pretty face!"


I look forward to never hearing it again. After losing 55lbs, I still have a long way to go. Be glad when I have lost enough weight to never hear that again or have my weight loss minimized by a nurse who disgusted by my size.

oh ya..!! all my life..and it sucks!!

That comment is the whole reason I started my weight loss journey.

Stunning wasn't the word used, but yes...unfortunately...I've gotten this same comment many times.