How do you know when a first date went well?

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  • TitanGM
    TitanGM Posts: 1,161 Member
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    I don't know it. I just feel it!
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
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    I don't know it. I just feel it!

    I wish I could. I'm terrible at this kind of thing.
  • Jessaustx
    Jessaustx Posts: 130
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    Yep, like others are saying, it sounds like it went well. The time you spent with him is a significant amount of time for a first date - spending hours and hours together on a first date isn't always everyones choice. If you go on another one, then the first went well!
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
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    Ok. Lets put it this way...

    If it were a BAD date and it lasted 2.5 hours, you would KNOW it, right? So...
    This /\

    Ok, but he didn't respond today to my text of "Thanks I had a great time." Granted, I have been chatting with him for about 2 months and he often went days without responding. I suppose it's a pattern.
  • Jstewartdesigns
    Jstewartdesigns Posts: 51 Member
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    I don't know but it sounds like "he's just not that into you". Perhaps you are on different levels . . . . maybe he just wants a great friend and you want more?
  • Sharon009
    Sharon009 Posts: 327 Member
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    I know everyone is being positive, but if I didn't know in advance that he had to leave, I'd be unimpressed and wouldn't be asking for a second date. But I'm a big b#tch. Let him come to you.

    Totally agree with this.
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
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    ok so here is the update. I texted him on Saturday thanking him and saying I had a nice time. He has yet to respond. OUCH! I mean isn't that common courtesy to at least say likewise or something back?

    I had a bit of an epiphany about it in think over what happened. In the beginning of the date, we were outside for about half an hour waiting for out table at the restaurant. He was very flirty and fun in demeanor, and did this thing where he was playing with the glare of the sun by having me stand in front of it and block it for him because I am tall. He did it in a flirty way, not just a practical one.

    I think the shift in his demeanor happened when we ordered. He wanted to split the food and at that time I was forced to tell him I was a vegetarian because he wanted to get something meat-based. I thought initially he took it well but in hindsight I don't think so. I was very diplomatic about it and made no speeches about animal rights or anything like that. I just said I don't like it so I don't eat it and didn't press the point. I think the nail in the coffin was after we had decided on food the waiter came over and asked about drinks. I said diet coke, the waiter then went to him and asked about wine. He ended up ordering iced tea. I then told him that I don't drink because I take a pill that interacts with it. I think that was the nail in the coffin. His demeanor toward me after that was perceptibly different. And now that I think about it, all of the time I have been texting him he would mention to me quite often that he was drinking. !!!

    I think this guy obviously really likes his drink, and is not looking for someone who abstains. The meat part was one thing, the drinking another. Maybe this is all wishful thinking because I am hurt he obviously didn't like me but I could have sworn he was quite different in the beginning toward me before these revelations.
  • bazaar1982
    bazaar1982 Posts: 159 Member
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    ok so here is the update. I texted him on Saturday thanking him and saying I had a nice time. He has yet to respond. OUCH! I mean isn't that common courtesy to at least say likewise or something back?

    I had a bit of an epiphany about it in think over what happened. In the beginning of the date, we were outside for about half an hour waiting for out table at the restaurant. He was very flirty and fun in demeanor, and did this thing where he was playing with the glare of the sun by having me stand in front of it and block it for him because I am tall. He did it in a flirty way, not just a practical one.

    I think the shift in his demeanor happened when we ordered. He wanted to split the food and at that time I was forced to tell him I was a vegetarian because he wanted to get something meat-based. I thought initially he took it well but in hindsight I don't think so. I was very diplomatic about it and made no speeches about animal rights or anything like that. I just said I don't like it so I don't eat it and didn't press the point. I think the nail in the coffin was after we had decided on food the waiter came over and asked about drinks. I said diet coke, the waiter then went to him and asked about wine. He ended up ordering iced tea. I then told him that I don't drink because I take a pill that interacts with it. I think that was the nail in the coffin. His demeanor toward me after that was perceptibly different. And now that I think about it, all of the time I have been texting him he would mention to me quite often that he was drinking. !!!

    I think this guy obviously really likes his drink, and is not looking for someone who abstains. The meat part was one thing, the drinking another. Maybe this is all wishful thinking because I am hurt he obviously didn't like me but I could have sworn he was quite different in the beginning toward me before these revelations.

    Tbh if he lets a silly reason like food choices or drinking preferences changed how he feels about you then he's not worth your time! I'm a meat lover but am happy for someone I date to be a veggie - as long as they don't force it down my throat so to speak, it s the same as religion, believe, practice what you want, but I'll do what I want too! I would never dream of making a veggie eat meat. As for the drinking thing, it's quite common for people that drink a lot to not understand why you don't want to - I used to go out and drink but when I had the kids I cut right back - nothing worse than a hangover with 2 babies! But when I go out now I'll have none or one - people look at me like I'm an alien! My teetotal friend has the same issues - and we always get the 20 questions about why...


    I'd say you could do much better, forget him and move on! X
  • jerbear67
    jerbear67 Posts: 247 Member
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    ok so here is the update. I texted him on Saturday thanking him and saying I had a nice time. He has yet to respond. OUCH! I mean isn't that common courtesy to at least say likewise or something back?

    I had a bit of an epiphany about it in think over what happened. In the beginning of the date, we were outside for about half an hour waiting for out table at the restaurant. He was very flirty and fun in demeanor, and did this thing where he was playing with the glare of the sun by having me stand in front of it and block it for him because I am tall. He did it in a flirty way, not just a practical one.

    I think the shift in his demeanor happened when we ordered. He wanted to split the food and at that time I was forced to tell him I was a vegetarian because he wanted to get something meat-based. I thought initially he took it well but in hindsight I don't think so. I was very diplomatic about it and made no speeches about animal rights or anything like that. I just said I don't like it so I don't eat it and didn't press the point. I think the nail in the coffin was after we had decided on food the waiter came over and asked about drinks. I said diet coke, the waiter then went to him and asked about wine. He ended up ordering iced tea. I then told him that I don't drink because I take a pill that interacts with it. I think that was the nail in the coffin. His demeanor toward me after that was perceptibly different. And now that I think about it, all of the time I have been texting him he would mention to me quite often that he was drinking. !!!

    I think this guy obviously really likes his drink, and is not looking for someone who abstains. The meat part was one thing, the drinking another. Maybe this is all wishful thinking because I am hurt he obviously didn't like me but I could have sworn he was quite different in the beginning toward me before these revelations.

    Had you told him before the date that you were vegetarian and that you don't drink? I'm getting the sense that you didn't say anything to him ahead of time. Those are some pretty important things to let your date know about ahead a time just as if your a smoker or have a certain religious belief. Then followed up by your feelings about others who eat meat and drink. If that line of communication had there the outcome could have been quite different. After reading everything I"m going to safely say he's not feeling it. To be quite honest it doesn't sound like he was worth you time anyway. The whole thing about meeting up with his friend, that was his way out of the date. That is something he would have know ahead of time and should have communicated to you before the date.

    The best thing that you can do is learn from this, don't let it get to you there is no guy out there worth getting down about. Just put it in the past and say it's his loss! Stay true to yourself, believe in yourself and never have any sort of expectations on the first date.
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,904 Member
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    Based on his lack of response, I think it's clear he's not into you.

    Assuming your analysis of the evening is correct, you're just better off. Sounds like he might be a bit of a party guy, and if you're not into that then I'm not sure spending time with him would be that fun for you anyway :)

    Personally, unless someone is making dinner for me, I feel no obligation to tell them about any eating constraints I have. I probably wouldn't even think of it since it doesn't affect anyone else but me.
  • emirror
    emirror Posts: 842 Member
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    I think it's still hard to say... In any event, I'd sit back and wait from him to chase you. And chase. And chase, and chase some more.

    When I'm on the fence about whether I mesh with someone, being pursued is a turn-off. Then again, I'm an alpha, and I like alphas.

    It sounds like he's an alpha (but more like an alpha female, looking for an alpha male, I'm sorry, I don't know the same-gender equivalent term), by putting you in place to block out the sun, it was a submissive gesture to acknowledge your dominance in stature, but also an aggressive one to physically move you.

    So, yeah. Throw on the breaks as hard as you can, and see if he comes after you. Good luck!
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
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    Based on his lack of response, I think it's clear he's not into you.

    Assuming your analysis of the evening is correct, you're just better off. Sounds like he might be a bit of a party guy, and if you're not into that then I'm not sure spending time with him would be that fun for you anyway :)

    Personally, unless someone is making dinner for me, I feel no obligation to tell them about any eating constraints I have. I probably wouldn't even think of it since it doesn't affect anyone else but me.

    That was my feeling too. I did not feel obligated to tell him those sorts of things ahead of time.

    I know it's stupid that I am focused on this still, but I hadn't had a date for a very long time so it was a big deal for me, and if I can learn anything from it I would like to.
  • torygirl79
    torygirl79 Posts: 307 Member
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    That American dating system is so confusing. Try the British system where you meet someone, go to bed, get jiggy then pluck up the courage to ask them on a date over bacon and eggs in the morning.

    Being on a diet might ruin this strategy for people on here, as they'd have to skip the bacon and eggs part
  • ideliver
    ideliver Posts: 114 Member
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    I know the topic is dead now, but I had to look and see what came of it - thanks for the update, though the outcome isn't ideal.

    Some (if not most) guys are ****s. They all suck until one day one of them is amazing, and you fall in love. I NEVER thought that I would meet someone with whom I wanted to spend my life with until it happened. Prior to that happening, I had a very high threshold for second dates - but I would never leave someone hanging - that is not classy!

    When I was a vegetarian, I tried not to make a big deal about it, but I brought it up before we picked a restaurant - that way you don't have to shoot down the idea of sharing. The thing I always found hard was ordering vegetarian meals (and I also am a tea-totaller) and not look cheap, because they are almost always the least expensive items on the menu *eye roll*. Just let him order first and say you don't feel like drinking.

    It sounds like you have a very good sense of introspection, and I think you can try different things moving forward. More dates will come - you live in a state of nearly 38 MILLION people! That's more than my whole country! There is at least one other person out of 38 Million who isn't a *kitten* - Don't give up!
  • bigdal77
    bigdal77 Posts: 69
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    yer i wouldn't know to much about this but talking for two and half hours seems like a good date to me but hay im no judge :)
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
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    That American dating system is so confusing. Try the British system where you meet someone, go to bed, get jiggy then pluck up the courage to ask them on a date over bacon and eggs in the morning.

    You had me at bacon...... :bigsmile:
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
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    Quit being a girl about it. It went well it sounds like.
  • hpsnickers1
    hpsnickers1 Posts: 2,783 Member
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    chill out ffs stop worrying if it went well then great
    if it didn't then put it behind you and move on
    never attach your self esteem to any date!
    not one single person is ever worth your own self esteem
    time will tell if he's in to you!

    dates will come and go
    just stay true to yourself and have a bit more beleif in yourself
    never have expectations before a first date!

    YOU SAID IT!!!!


    (Mmmm...bacon)
  • mdj1501
    mdj1501 Posts: 392 Member
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    I don't know but it sounds like "he's just not that into you". Perhaps you are on different levels . . . . maybe he just wants a great friend and you want more?

    ^^^This.
  • tabulator32
    tabulator32 Posts: 701 Member
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    Wow. Blast from the past.

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