embarrassment after losing weight?
KJanae87
Posts: 54
I was wondering if anybody else has this issue...since losing weight when people compliment me I get really embarrassed and shy. I don't know why but I don't like talking about it? Recently everyday more than 1 person says something about my weights and when they ask questions I shut down and like shrug my shoulders...leaving them looking at me weirdly.
Also...even though I am still a few lbs overweight compared to BMI...many closer friends make backhanded compliments like "are you done losing weight now" and "you're gonna blow away" or "your gonna disappear if you get any smaller" and they criticize me when they see my healthy foods or talk about joining a gym.
it just seems like since losing weight I still don't feel comfortable in my own skin. Do any others feel this way?
Also...even though I am still a few lbs overweight compared to BMI...many closer friends make backhanded compliments like "are you done losing weight now" and "you're gonna blow away" or "your gonna disappear if you get any smaller" and they criticize me when they see my healthy foods or talk about joining a gym.
it just seems like since losing weight I still don't feel comfortable in my own skin. Do any others feel this way?
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Replies
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When people ask me about my weight loss they usually say "you've lost a lot of weight" I act as if I don't even notice...I usually say "maybe a few pounds, I'm not sure" I don't know why I downplay it...0
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Lol...yea..that's what I do too sometimes! I don't know why I do that...I should feel proud I guess.0
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I understand being embarrassed, getting used to the changes you've made for your body is a process. Today I was at the grocery store and got checked out by 2 different guys and was mortified. It's definitely not a bad thing, just new and hopefully something I can get used to. You should be proud of what you've done for yourself and do not listen to the people who aren't!0
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You should feel proud. You worked hard to lose that weight. But I know what you mean. I lost over 100 #'s and I use to feel odd when people would make comments and I never knew what to say. when talking to another "loser" she recommended to just say thank you and leave it at that. So that is what I try to do, but it is hard to not add...but I still need to lose some more. Hope that helps some.0
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you should feel proud of yourself, not embarrassed !!! Hold your head up high and enjoy the compliments . Some people might just be jealous of you that you had the willpower and dedication to do it! I had someone tell me WOW you lost A LOT of weight meanwhile I only lost 6lbs since I started MFP plus 14 prior after I gave up dairy in march, thats only 20lbs !!! So I wasnt sure if I should take it as a compliment !
Just smile and tell them thank u. As for your close friends, well you either ignore the comments or address them . Tell them you are healthy and happy that's all that matters...0 -
I hear you - and you're definitely not alone.
I still have a long way to go (about 85 lbs or so) but I've already lost about 115 and people do notice - I still get noticed for being overweight, and I get noticed for having lost the weight I have. I know that my weight was a protection - a way for me to be invisible. And people noticing means I'm not invisible anymore and it does make me self conscious. I usually just say "thanks, I appreciate it" and leave it at that.0 -
I'm the same way! I am very proud of my accomplishment so far and my confidence is boosted. With my family and close friends, if they ask I tell them because I trust them. I take their compliments as that, compliments. But when it comes to my co-workers, the doctors (I am a nurse) I work with and even some of the patients who come back to us, that is when I get tongue tied! I know they mean well but I don't what to say. Thank you, is about the only thing I can think of. Which I guess is good enough.
It's when they start asking, "What have you been doing?", or "How much have you lost?" "You're melting away!!" that I really don't know what to say.
I guess we should just keep smiling and be polite. Hopefully we will get used to it!!0 -
I believe that most of the MFP members would agree with your concerns. Everyone always feels a little embarrassed, since no one has the "Perfect" body. You look fantastic! Be proud of who you are and what you look like!
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Thanks for the words of encouragement. Its nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way!0
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Not me! When people mention that I've lost some weight I proudly answer "Yep! 47lbs so far!" I've never had anyone say anything after that outside of 'Well you look good' or 'Congratulations!'
I guess I've just been lucky...0 -
hang in there! i swear, the first time i lost the weight i gained it back because i HATED the attention. They say it takes a year for your brain to catch up with your body0
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I'm no where near goal but I have the exact same issue. I can't stand it when someone outside of MFP mentions my weight loss. I can't bring myself to acknowledge it and I change the subject immediately.0
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I know the feeling. I've lost 41lbs so far and I still don't like the compliments. I especially hate the "skinny compliments". I am no where near skinny so I don't like that to get into my head. Usually when someone tells me I look good after losing this much weight, I tell them "Yes, this I know, but thank you." that is my standard go-to reply. Yes I know I look good, but I know I could look better. Perhaps a little arrogant, but it's only to get the conversation over with. It's different when someone pulls you aside and tells you that you look good and asks how you did it. And then you get to say, "I worked my *kitten* off for every single lb"0
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I used to get shy about it, but now i've become immune, I just thank the person and answer questions like it's nothing.0
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Yes, I do get embarrassed because I don't like to draw attention to myself and the other day I got downright irritated at a Facebook friend who said she "didn't recognize me". The intention was kind, I am sure, but I am not "unrecognizable" dropping from a tight size 14 to a proper fitting 12. C'mon! Plus, it made me feel like I was Jabba the Hutt before. :-). I dunno, I guess I don't respond well to compliments from others?0
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It's going to take you a while to accept that it's really your body, I think, but you'll get used to it eventually.
I used to be 315 at my heaviest, 235 right now and still going. I literally cannot remember ever being this weight because I never weighed myself as a teen. I know people don't want to hear you talking about calories and stuff all day but I was chatting with a coworker for a few minutes about how I think I'll be really bony when I'm skinny. My knuckles are really sharp with zero fat, same for my knees and elbows, and sitting on hard surfaces is uncomfortable and I've found riding my bike to be uncomfortable when sitting. Made me remember how no one ever liked me sitting on their lap when I was a kid because they said I had a bony butt! My hips haven't got much fat on them either and it's decreasing every day, and I've already got a really prominent collarbone.
It's like I'm finally meeting myself, bit by bit. It's very interesting and fascinating. I started losing weight to help with my social anxiety and confidence, but it's really lifted my spirits to.. I don't know... 'Meet myself.' It's neat-o.
Maybe I'm secretly anorexic under the fat and need to build up some muscle though. Eh. Yeah, anyways, love yourself! A bit of narcissism never hurt anyone.0 -
It will probably take some time to adjust. My other thought is that a lot of us who have weight issues (though not all) have body image issues as well. It may be embarrassing to be fat, but fat can also be something of a shield to hide behind, where you don't have to feel like you're going to get a certain kind of attention. Just be careful that you don't let yourself slide back into bad habits.
If people compliment you, a simple 'thank you' is plenty. If they say you look like you've lost weight, the same works. You can say something like 'thank you, I've been working pretty hard', but you don't even have to get into that much detail.
As for the back-handed compliments, most of the time it's those people's own issues speaking when they say things like that. Don't let it get to you 0 -
As a bloke it's awful (for me anyway). I find it quite rude of people and try to ignore it. I think part of it is a feeling that they judged me before, if noticing now.0
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It depends for me. If my coworkers comment on it, I'm proud because they're super supportive and a lot of them have gone through the same thing. Some of them are surprised when I tell them I lost it through counting calories and exercising (Oh, the old-fashioned way!)
If a guy checks me out, on the other hand, I get shy. Really shy. And I change the subject quick. I'm proud of my body and the hard work I've put into it, but it's weird to be desired and feel desirable at the same time :P0 -
I just returned from summer break as a teacher. Before the break, I had lost about 20 pounds (ish). Over the summer, I really started working out (Insanity and running) and lost an additional 14 pounds and lots of inches. I am still 14ish pounds away from my goal.
On the first day back, I loved all the compliments. As the week went on, I kept getting embrassed. I am glad the results on noticeable (sp?) and it gives me encouragement to keep going, but I also feel very shy!
Kelley0 -
I was kinda like this at first. I dont take compliments well. But Ive had to make myself OK with taking compliments. I still have to fight the urge every time to NOT reply to a compliment with a negative comment. I've MADE myself just say "Thanks!" or, "aww, you're so sweet for saying that!" and smile. The end. No negative reply. When the weight first came off last year, there were several coworkers who looked to me for inspiration and I'd have to actually give health advice (something so foreign to me)...so I HAD to hold my head high and be proud.0
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I couldn't quite understand or explain this either, but I tend to get embarrassed by the compliments. I mean the compliments within themselves are nice, but there's just something that makes me feel like retracting into my metaphorical shell. People tell me that I'm being a bit weird and I chalk it up to modesty, but in the back of my mind it probably stems from me not being able to see it.. or at least feeling like it's nothing to brag about until I actually reach my goal.
In almost every instance of someone complimenting me, I thank them and tell them that I still have a way's way to go and get even MORE humiliated when they chew me out about it.
Glad someone else could totally relate.0 -
Yes, I feel like that too! Just tonight a neighbor said I look great and I was so uncomfortable! I guess because I still need to lose at least 50 pounds. But I hate attention because I have always been so big. So this takes some getting used to!0
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I finally figured out that I use to hide behind my weight, which is why every time I would lose 20 lbs I ended up putting it back on. Now I own my weight loss. I've discovered every time someone makes a comment or pays me a compliment it keeps me motivated to keep doing it. I just say thank you and if they ask how I did it I just tell them healthy eating and a lot of hard work exercising. I am now down 65 lbs. and I find it is getting easier to acknowledge the weight loss. Yes sometimes I am still embarrassed, but I am not going to let that get in my way.0
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I've always hated acknowledging my weight problem so I've always just downplayed it because I don't want to be noticed. So now when people (especially people I don't know very well) say something about my weight loss it's just out there and obvious and yes, I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. I also tend to come across as self assured and confident (which I am about some things), so people acknowledging my weight makes me feel like my secret is out and I've got serious "issues.". Don't know if that makes sense...0
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I think you feel uncomfortable because so many people put such high value on appearances and weight and feel obligated to say something about it. You SHOULD feel proud of the hard work you have invested in losing weight (if that is what you wanted) because that must have been part of your attention.
I feel similarly annoyed because people I haven't seen in awhile feel comfortable/appropriate in telling me that I have gained weight, "put meat on my bones," or my butt/breasts are bigger, etc...especially when it is always by someone bigger than me.
Oh well...people love to talk and say what they will. I am working out consistently though. Congrats on your goals:)0 -
I feel the same way sometimes. My coworkers call me "skinny", mind you I'm in a size 18 from a 22. I feel uncomfortable and want to say i'm no where near skinny. I just feel weird like most of the people that say this to me are smaller than me. Maybe there not fit in their standards, but still weird for me. I worry when i hit my first goal what it'll be like.0
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Yea. I think I do. I hadn't thought about it though till I read this. As soon as I read this I remembered talking to a friend tonight. I was telling her what all I ate today( It's my birthday and as you know there are no calories in birthday food ) she commented that she wasn't skinny like me and couldn't do that. I felt guilty. She's about 300 lbs over weight. I answered her with" Huh". That's about how I handle it when I get a comment or a compliment. I just kinda give an off hand sound or random word like, right? or well? Alright. Then I move past the moment quickly with conversation or walking off. But now, I talk openly with my family and on here. Hmmm. Thinking...0
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I was feeling this way today! Especially when people want to know specifically how much weight I have lost (105lbs ish) felt like blinking back tears at one point...
Glad I'm not the only one. :-)0 -
I feel you... it is calling attention to something you are sensitive about - even if you are proud of it0
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