A guy told me he's in love with me, I don't feel the same.

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  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    ^^Yup. and...you did the right thing by calling it.

    when you start with a "fwb" and someone wants more, it's all changed. sometimes it goes good, a lot of times it doesn't. I hope it all works out for the best with you
  • patabcn
    patabcn Posts: 27 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.


    I agree
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Yeah, its gonna suck. I've been there. Don't make the mistake of just going out with random guys though. Some girls fall into that maelstrom and stay in it for a while, detaching from any feelings they may have for someone else. It works the other way. Stick to yourself, have chick friends over, and whatnot. Improve yourself. For chicks, the FWB thing is a demoralizer. In the end, it makes you feel like crap, because you figure out you have just been used. It is sad, really. I bet you he doesn't feel used.

    You have a lot of potential, and you are a great catch for a great guy. Just not right now. Get your life together, and you will come out fine! GET YOUR SELF ESTEEM UP, girl!

    The part I bolded really stood out to me. I have definitely felt used at certain points throughout the last year but I'm sure he never did.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    I stand by what I said earlier. If you're in love, you WILL know it. And if it's not 100% mutual, it's pretty painful. Don't waste time second guessing either of your feelings. Move on and allow yourself to be available to find what you're really looking for and what you deserve.

    Thanks for reminding me to stay strong in my convictions. I hate making people upset, and knowing I'm hurting him just made me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But this is about how I feel, not how he feels.
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
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    You´r doing the RIGHT thing, you should never stay with someone because they think they love you. Its not worth it. You are the most important person in your life! Besides you are so young and pretty i beth u have tons of other things to think about and do, besides a relashionship !
  • dirtydmvkid
    dirtydmvkid Posts: 184
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    After being that guy you described and actually meaning it when I told my FWB "I love you"... looks like I'm the odd man out on this thread. Tough situation for sure. Take a minute to consider his past actions and if they are worth risking a leigt relationship for.

    Edit* We have gone into a serious relationship and are going on a year now.
    Food for thought.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    After being that guy you described and actually meaning it when I told my FWB "I love you"... looks like I'm the odd man out on this thread. Tough situation for sure. Take a minute to consider his past actions and if they are worth risking a leigt relationship for.

    Thank you for being able to offer your perspective on this... what was the outcome of your situation if you don't mind my asking?
  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
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    Before I would throw this fish back into the pond, I would ask myself what kind of a man is he? Is he honest, virtuous, and a good person? Is he considerate of others? Is he generous with his time and money? Does he have any bad habits? Vices? Would he make a good husband and father? Would he be faithful?

    What about his family? Do you like his parents? His brothers and sisters? Could you feel part of the family, or would you always be the odd person out?

    What about your beliefs? Do you share the same religion? Do you share the same vision of the future?

    In life, passion comes and goes, and it is these other things that matter. IF he is a good person, I would keep up the friendship. Sometimes it takes time, because both have to want the same thing at the same time, but I've seen these things evolve into the best of marriages.

    Just don't stay on the surface. If he does not have good qualities, then you lose nothing by tossing him back into the pond.

    I also think that both of you need a break away from the "benefits". See if the relationship lasts without the sex.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    In my old age, lol, I've been given a third chance at this stuff. ;-). Yes, married and divorced twice. I'm a catch ladies, lol. Anyways, I've been very careful with the ladies. I dated one very seriously, but realized my feeling were not that deep, more like a best friend deep, but not the other kind of deep. In other words, i loved doing stuff with her and being arund her, but i didnt wat her to touch me, Another lady, we were great friends, but again, it just wasn't there so I broke it off. The thing is, you have to be really honest with yourself. The worst thing in the world is wind up with someone that you really never had those feelings for them. Never talk yourself into it. Never let your brain interfere. Go with your instincts. You'll be happy later that you let yourself choose rather than let someone else choose for you.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    THIS.
  • horsehockey
    horsehockey Posts: 24 Member
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    Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Before I would throw this fish back into the pond, I would ask myself what kind of a man is he? Is he honest, virtuous, and a good person? Is he considerate of others? Is he generous with his time and money? Does he have any bad habits? Vices? Would he make a good husband and father? Would he be faithful?

    What about his family? Do you like his parents? His brothers and sisters? Could you feel part of the family, or would you always be the odd person out?

    What about your beliefs? Do you share the same religion? Do you share the same vision of the future?

    In life, passion comes and goes, and it is these other things that matter. IF he is a good person, I would keep up the friendship. Sometimes it takes time, because both have to want the same thing at the same time, but I've seen these things evolve into the best of marriages.

    Just don't stay on the surface. If he does not have good qualities, then you lose nothing by tossing him back into the pond.

    I think he's a good guy at heart. He hasn't been totally honest with me in the past and I know this is partly because he's scared to talk about feelings. He is a caring person though... I've seen him be extremely mature in several situations where I wouldn't have known how to react. I've never met his family and he doesn't talk about them a whole lot, which bothers me, as I've shared a lot about my family. I feel like he probably knows a lot more about me than I know about him.

    I wish we could continue our friendship. Maybe we'll be able to at some point. But probably not right now when he's feeling more invested in me and more attracted to me than I am to him.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.

    Yeah... I think it's easy to assume he just wants to stay in it so he doesn't lose the sexual relationship. But I honestly believe that he cares about me a lot, and that makes it so much more difficult. If I was 100% sure he was only trying to stay with me for sex, it would be really easy to walk away right now, no questions asked.

    But there is no way for you all to know every little thing, so I do appreciate all the advice anyway.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    double post, oops
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.

    Well, that's all we have to go on.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Amazing how many folks in this thread can make assessments on this guy's motives while knowing exactly 1/2 the story.

    Yeah... I think it's easy to assume he just wants to stay in it so he doesn't lose the sexual relationship. But I honestly believe that he cares about me a lot, and that makes it so much more difficult. If I was 100% sure he was only trying to stay with me for sex, it would be really easy to walk away right now, no questions asked.

    But there is no way for you all to know every little thing, so I do appreciate all the advice anyway.

    Caring for you and being IN LOVE with you are two different things. If he was truly in love with you, he wouldn't have waited until you wanted to end the FWB to declare that love.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Caring for you and being IN LOVE with you are two different things. If he was truly in love with you, he wouldn't have waited until you wanted to end the FWB to declare that love.

    I think you're right.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Caring for you and being IN LOVE with you are two different things. If he was truly in love with you, he wouldn't have waited until you wanted to end the FWB to declare that love.

    I think you're right.

    Wish I wasn't :flowerforyou:
  • FlyByJuly
    FlyByJuly Posts: 564 Member
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    Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    Your answer lies in the title of your topic. What more is there to say?

    I'm only struggling because I care about him a lot and hate to lose him as a friend. There's just not a way to make it work like that though.

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