A guy told me he's in love with me, I don't feel the same.

peachyxoxoxo
peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
in Chit-Chat
We've had a fwb relationship for the last year that has slowly come to involve more emotions. But I always felt like I was the one who was pushing for more of a real relationship, and got the impression that he was still more interested in sex than anything. So I finally forced myself to be real and honest with myself, decided to get over him and move on, and mentally, I'm there. Tonight I told him this and he responded by telling me he's in love with me and finally realized he really wants to be with me. I'm the first girl he's ever felt this way about. I have no doubt he's being sincere, but wow, terrible timing. And I can't help but wonder if he's only using the word "love" in an act of desperation. We've gone on a few dates and such but never actually called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. It was in a weird limbo stage and I knew that couldn't last forever. And thinking about it rationally, I don't see it going anywhere long-term :/

We are gonna both take some time to think and be sure of our feelings. But what do you guys think? So many times in the last year he's given me reasons why he's not ready to be in a relationship. Maybe now he's realized he DOES want that after all... but for me, it's too late.
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Replies

  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.
  • melbatoast917
    melbatoast917 Posts: 370 Member
    Been there, done that. If you aren't feeling it after this long, you probably won't ever. You did the right thing by calling it off. Good luck to you!
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
    Been there, done that. If you aren't feeling it after this long, you probably won't ever. You did the right thing by calling it off. Good luck to you!

    She WAS feeling it for awhile and finally got to the point where she was ready to move on. He just wants the booty
  • heroyalslimness
    heroyalslimness Posts: 591 Member
    The answer is in your profile--this is what you said....
    "I've treated my body like crap for way too long. Time to be nicer for a change."

    Think of a "relationship" like that as sexual junk food--- you're a lovely girl---time to date nice guys who will take you out--to casual outings and fancy places---who want to get to know you---and care about you---

    in other words--treat you like the goddess that you are---
  • wedge421
    wedge421 Posts: 224 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    I agree with this
  • InvidiaXII
    InvidiaXII Posts: 315 Member
    I would move on, girl! He had his chance. Even if he is being genuine, if you don't feel the same way, there's no reason to stick around.
  • atxdee
    atxdee Posts: 613 Member
    aww how sweet
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    ^
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
    Sounds like a loser. You can do better! Next!
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
    From my perspective, he enjoys the convenience of the fwb. Guys like sex. That will never change. Guys will take every opportunity to have sex, dependant on the relationship. If he is with someone, he will seek it from that someone. If he doesn't get it from that someone, he searches for another someone. It also works for females the same way. If more people realized that, the divorce rate would be somewhere around 20%.

    If you want my opinion, you guys have a very little chance to make it. odds are heavily against you. If you dont feel the same way, you need to be clear cut, and direct. Guys dont read between the lines too well when it concerns women. Guys 101. Get him a beer, sit down, and tell him how it is. Even though it may not seem like it, that is the easiest way to let him down easy. And stop having sex with him. That will only add to the infatuation.
    Good luck

    Resources: Ive been the guy that was not let off "easy." Twice.
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    Agreed
    You stated that for you it's too late. That's really all that matters. Be true to yourself and go with your gut instinct. Love doesn't magically grow. You guys would know if it's there or not. If you have to question it, it's not there. Best of luck to you.
  • katiefly86
    katiefly86 Posts: 74
    The answer is in your profile--this is what you said....
    "I've treated my body like crap for way too long. Time to be nicer for a change."

    Think of a "relationship" like that as sexual junk food--- you're a lovely girl---time to date nice guys who will take you out--to casual outings and fancy places---who want to get to know you---and care about you---

    in other words--treat you like the goddess that you are---

    DITTO on this!! Well said.
  • SurfinBird1981
    SurfinBird1981 Posts: 517 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    Yep.
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
    From my perspective, he enjoys the convenience of the fwb. Guys like sex. That will never change. Guys will take every opportunity to have sex, dependant on the relationship. If he is with someone, he will seek it from that someone. If he doesn't get it from that someone, he searches for another someone. It also works for females the same way. If more people realized that, the divorce rate would be somewhere around 20%.

    If you want my opinion, you guys have a very little chance to make it. odds are heavily against you. If you dont feel the same way, you need to be clear cut, and direct. Guys dont read between the lines too well when it concerns women. Guys 101. Get him a beer, sit down, and tell him how it is. Even though it may not seem like it, that is the easiest way to let him down easy. And stop having sex with him. That will only add to the infatuation.
    Good luck

    Resources: Ive been the guy that was not let off "easy." Twice.


    Oh, hmm...guess I should have read all of it. Title is a bit misleading. yeah, I have been there, TOO. It is a copout. He just wants some tallywhacker whacking. you have low self esteem and so does he, if he has to prey on nice girls like you. But guys are simple. Whichever girl can get it up usually wins out.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    He did have his chance for a year to tell you how he feels and he didn't. It is good that you do move on and find someone you want to be with that won't put his feelings aside til it's too late.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    I've always thought FWB was a crappy idea. Someone always ends up getting used and/or hurt. Be very direct and clear when you end it and don't drag it out - just cut him off and move on.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.

    Yeah, its gonna suck. I've been there. Don't make the mistake of just going out with random guys though. Some girls fall into that maelstrom and stay in it for a while, detaching from any feelings they may have for someone else. It works the other way. Stick to yourself, have chick friends over, and whatnot. Improve yourself. For chicks, the FWB thing is a demoralizer. In the end, it makes you feel like crap, because you figure out you have just been used. It is sad, really. I bet you he doesn't feel used.

    You have a lot of potential, and you are a great catch for a great guy. Just not right now. Get your life together, and you will come out fine! GET YOUR SELF ESTEEM UP, girl!
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.

    I stand by what I said earlier. If you're in love, you WILL know it. And if it's not 100% mutual, it's pretty painful. Don't waste time second guessing either of your feelings. Move on and allow yourself to be available to find what you're really looking for and what you deserve.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    ^^Yup. and...you did the right thing by calling it.

    when you start with a "fwb" and someone wants more, it's all changed. sometimes it goes good, a lot of times it doesn't. I hope it all works out for the best with you
  • patabcn
    patabcn Posts: 27 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.


    I agree
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
    Yeah, its gonna suck. I've been there. Don't make the mistake of just going out with random guys though. Some girls fall into that maelstrom and stay in it for a while, detaching from any feelings they may have for someone else. It works the other way. Stick to yourself, have chick friends over, and whatnot. Improve yourself. For chicks, the FWB thing is a demoralizer. In the end, it makes you feel like crap, because you figure out you have just been used. It is sad, really. I bet you he doesn't feel used.

    You have a lot of potential, and you are a great catch for a great guy. Just not right now. Get your life together, and you will come out fine! GET YOUR SELF ESTEEM UP, girl!

    The part I bolded really stood out to me. I have definitely felt used at certain points throughout the last year but I'm sure he never did.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
    I stand by what I said earlier. If you're in love, you WILL know it. And if it's not 100% mutual, it's pretty painful. Don't waste time second guessing either of your feelings. Move on and allow yourself to be available to find what you're really looking for and what you deserve.

    Thanks for reminding me to stay strong in my convictions. I hate making people upset, and knowing I'm hurting him just made me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But this is about how I feel, not how he feels.
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
    You´r doing the RIGHT thing, you should never stay with someone because they think they love you. Its not worth it. You are the most important person in your life! Besides you are so young and pretty i beth u have tons of other things to think about and do, besides a relashionship !
  • dirtydmvkid
    dirtydmvkid Posts: 184
    After being that guy you described and actually meaning it when I told my FWB "I love you"... looks like I'm the odd man out on this thread. Tough situation for sure. Take a minute to consider his past actions and if they are worth risking a leigt relationship for.

    Edit* We have gone into a serious relationship and are going on a year now.
    Food for thought.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
    After being that guy you described and actually meaning it when I told my FWB "I love you"... looks like I'm the odd man out on this thread. Tough situation for sure. Take a minute to consider his past actions and if they are worth risking a leigt relationship for.

    Thank you for being able to offer your perspective on this... what was the outcome of your situation if you don't mind my asking?
  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
    Before I would throw this fish back into the pond, I would ask myself what kind of a man is he? Is he honest, virtuous, and a good person? Is he considerate of others? Is he generous with his time and money? Does he have any bad habits? Vices? Would he make a good husband and father? Would he be faithful?

    What about his family? Do you like his parents? His brothers and sisters? Could you feel part of the family, or would you always be the odd person out?

    What about your beliefs? Do you share the same religion? Do you share the same vision of the future?

    In life, passion comes and goes, and it is these other things that matter. IF he is a good person, I would keep up the friendship. Sometimes it takes time, because both have to want the same thing at the same time, but I've seen these things evolve into the best of marriages.

    Just don't stay on the surface. If he does not have good qualities, then you lose nothing by tossing him back into the pond.

    I also think that both of you need a break away from the "benefits". See if the relationship lasts without the sex.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    In my old age, lol, I've been given a third chance at this stuff. ;-). Yes, married and divorced twice. I'm a catch ladies, lol. Anyways, I've been very careful with the ladies. I dated one very seriously, but realized my feeling were not that deep, more like a best friend deep, but not the other kind of deep. In other words, i loved doing stuff with her and being arund her, but i didnt wat her to touch me, Another lady, we were great friends, but again, it just wasn't there so I broke it off. The thing is, you have to be really honest with yourself. The worst thing in the world is wind up with someone that you really never had those feelings for them. Never talk yourself into it. Never let your brain interfere. Go with your instincts. You'll be happy later that you let yourself choose rather than let someone else choose for you.
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    THIS.

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