Females...are you the MAN in your relationship?
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Honestly, he sounds pretty obsessive, controlling and has a LOT of double standards, as well as probably underlying emotional issues. You've given it plenty of shots, on and off, for 2 years. I'd say it's time to move on while you're still young!
Edit: Also, have you told HIM any of this? Copy and pasting this to him would be a good start if not. And even if you have, draw the lines in the relationship! You are your own boss. If you wanted to give him flowers or write him letters or do anything for him it should be because you wanted to, not because you got asked, because then it's just an empty gesture, as well as a waste of time, money and effort.0 -
So he was "normal" before his dad died ?0
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my last boyfriend and i broke up about a month and a half ago after dating for 18 months. I had the same problem!!! I was defintiely the man in the relationship. Get out of it and find someone better!0
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He is manipulating and controlling you. You said you have stopped talking to your male friends? Hhhhmmmm... . Let me show you the path -
He gets mad and jealous of you talking to other guys. It starts a fight, and you end up apologizing for this behavior (you were wrong, afterall!)
After a while, your 'girlfriends' are a bad influence, and he doesnt see why you would want to hang out with them over him. He pressures you and tells you they hate him, and are trying to split you up. You feel guilty and start cancelling plans and stop hanging out with them.
Now, you have no friends - he has control. He can degrade and verbally / emotionally abuse you, and there are no witnesses to his bad behavior - no one to step up and tell you soething is wrong.
Soon, he is controlling every aspect of your life - ten minutes late coming home from work? Well, you MUST be screwing around wiht someone on the way home - traffic couldnt have made you THAT late!! Didnt call him on your break at work? Well, you must be having sex in the stairwell with someone.
I have lived this life - and survived. It took me years to get out, but I did. Even after we split up, he would try to control me. I broke free, and am living a happier life. Its not perfect, but I am happier.
My ex husband's mother died, and that is when all of this drama started. I made the mistake of allowing it to happen. Take my advice - if he wont get help, there is nothing you can do to help him. Break up, change your phone number, and move on. Tell him if he harrasses you that you will get a restraining order. Let his family know as well.
Be safe and good luck.0 -
He has issues - insecurity, jealousy - that are a form of abuse towards you. He needs therapy.
You have issues - a need to go back again and again to someone who will control you and abuse you - this is victimization. You need therapy.
Neither one of you can be with anyone until you get yourselves straightened out. So separate. Find some therapists. Stay single for two years and enjoy your life with friends and family. Once you have your issues straightened out you will see each other in a totally different light and be able to accurately assess whether or not you should be together.
Who knows, when you are both mentally and emotionally healthy - you may look at each other and decide a relationship is not in the cards.
I used to be like you. While I'm still less emotional than my hubby, we have a healthy happy relationship where we balance each other out. For the first time in my life I understand what it means to be truly happy with someone else and they don't have to be perfect. Find that!0 -
I find his lack of self-esteem...disturbing.
The constant break-ups/reconciliations are likely cries for attention. Unfortunately, you're feeding the cycle.
I would use the next one as an opportunity to get out of it, and be prepared for a lot of messiness afterward. Don't try to remain friends afterward, because he won't be satisfied with that.
I can say this because, and I hate to admit it, I was that guy when I was a lot younger. Not the poetry/love letter stuff, but the constant break-up drama; and I think I sought out women that would play into it.0 -
Heh. I thought this post was going to go somewhere else. I was about to throw my hand in the air and say "YES!" because I am the one who asked for a ratchet set for Christmas, I know where all of the tools are, the words "keyless chuck" are music to my ears, I'm the resident drywall repair expert, and am the one to replace things (toilets, faucets, light fixtures) when they break. I'm also the resident carpenter and self-taught auto mechanic. I leave the cooking to him whenever I can, because I'm also out being the breadwinner while he works on going to school for his career. Clearly, that's the wrong answer for this post.
I agree with the others who've said your man needs help. If his moods are so scattered, he might need medication too. I can't diagnose and say that he needs something long term or something to just to take enough of the edge off so that he can heal. He has to be willing to get help to determine if meds might help. There's a line between someone who's emotionally manipulative and someone who seriously needs help.
You obviously know this man better than anyone here and you're the only one who can tell how much more you want to invest in him to see where that line is. If you see yourself married to this man in five years, then work on it and do whatever it takes to get him the help he needs. If that's not where you see it going, then maybe reconsider the relationship. You can't "fix" him. You can only be supportive of him making good decisions. If you can get him to go to a couples session, assuming you want to keep the relationship, great. Sometimes, it takes hearing something from a a neutral party before that something makes sense or is actually heard..
Any healthy relationship is going to take effort on both sides. You have to want to support him in his healing and he has to want to get help. If either party isn't invested, then it's either going to become co-dependent where the unhealthy behavior is enabled or you're going to start to resent his shenanigans and things will start to circle the drain.0 -
You should not have to change who you are for a relationship. And you should not have to lie because you can't be who you are with your boyfriend. Clearly the two of you are incompatible. If he isn't the one person in the universe who is absolutely perfect for you and made just for you, then he simply isn't the one.0
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Definitely not0
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I like to write my man letters and leave them for him to find first thing in the morning occassionally. I leave baked goods some morning for him to take to work. It's the kind of woman I am. We've been together 2 years now, and it's still something I do to let him know how much I appreciate all that he does for me and my daughter, he has been my rock.
He is the man though, through and through. I am a tough chick, but he is the one that I go to when I need a hug when the stress is crashing down on me. He is the one that takes care of things that need to get done. He is my #1 supporter, and best friend, and I am so blessed to know that I am going to be his help-mate.
These words come to mind: You can not help someone that doesn't want to be helped. If you are in a serious relationship couples counseling shouldn't be out of the question at any age, and he may not feel alone and like he's the problem. He will see that you are serious about making the relationship work, because you care about him.
My 2 cents.0 -
I know where you are coming from. Maybe im numb from bad relationships in the past or something but my bf is sooooo emotional too. If he doesnt get enough attention he pouts. If I dont great him when he walks in the door he pouts. Says I dont show my love enough. Makes you want to scream doesnt it?0
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Sweetie, It sounds like he wants a mommy......you are soooo young......break it off, no matter how much it hurts and live your life healthy. There is someone out there for you who will not be so needy and will just love you for you. You are doing way to much work to prove something to someone who will never be satisfied. He needs help and unfortunately unless he feels he needs help.......he won't get it and you cannot seek it out for him. I have been there and bought the tee shirt.........good luck and don't let him continue to bring your young life down.......0
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I know this sounds harsh, but leave him. It won't get better. All I have done is date guys EXACTLY like this. I am "heartless" "cold" whatever.... I was always being accused of cheating if I didn't pick up the phone on the first ring. I am talking major issues. It doesn't get better as much as they promise to "work on it". Just run! You'll feel bad the first week but then you will feel this amazing weight being let off your shoulders and you can move on. After 3 yrs with that guy i broke it off, felt wonderful, worked on my business and then out of nowhere i found the love of my life... who is respectful, treats me like a princess, brings ME flowers, and is not an emotional basket case. I don't need to constantly resure him of my love for him and I finally get to be the girl in the relationship. If you want to talk more or need some more advise, you can message me in a private message. I've been through this for many years and it seems like more and more men are being the women in the relationships and the women have to emotionally support them and also pay for everything, its plain insanity. Good luck and I am here for you if you need someone to talk to.0
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For the record, he made it out that I had issues and problems, and I was the one playing mind games with him and doing everything to upset him.....So I went to counselling for 3 months....and my counsellor basically told me that he's the problem.......I went for him, for absolutely no reason....and he wouldn't do it for me ha0
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Me and my man share the role of being a man,
we pass it back and forth to each other.0 -
he made it out that I had issues and problems, and I was the one playing mind games with him and doing everything to upset him.....
My partner does that as well, he says I "pick on him" and try to pick fights just so we can break up.0 -
He sounds like a pu**y.0
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I know this sounds harsh, but leave him. It won't get better. All I have done is date guys EXACTLY like this. I am "heartless" "cold" whatever...
" You're gonna catch a cold, from the ice inside your soul" he said it jokingly but I think kdeep down thats how he sees me thats why he said it.I was always being accused of cheating if I didn't pick up the phone on the first ring.
With this issue I feel like I am the male cause you know how girls ( well all my friends do it) they always ringing their partners all day long, even when they are at work, my partner rings me all day while he is at work it's not even important stuff most of it can wait until he gets home.Just run! You'll feel bad the first week but then you will feel this amazing weight being let off your shoulders and you can move on
But it can also be hard to move on when they are constantly begging to try work things out and telling how much they love and miss you and you can see the sadness in their eyes, he also says he will never let me move on and if I ever got a new boy friend he will bash him.
I hope I am not taking over your thread hun, I just feel a bit relieved that there is other people who know who I feel xx
I feel like he loves me more than I love him, I do care about him and I don't want to hurt him but I don't feel I love him well not in the way that he loves me.0 -
A good relationship should make you happy and feel good about yourself. This isn't what you seem to have and I do not know if it will get better. You are young with so many possibilities for your furture. Ask yourself if this is how you want to feel and be treated for the rest of your life. It may be difficult now to end it but how much more difficult will it be if this continues and you end up in a verbally/emotionally abusive, controlling marriage?0
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You only have control over your actions. Not his.
Do with that what you will. But ultimately, it is YOUR choice to stay or go.0
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