No support at home or work?

Options
theactionfigure
theactionfigure Posts: 103
in Motivation and Support
Are you married or have a significant other that is not supportive? What's up with that? I know in the past when I've worked out and taken my diet seriously I was almost mocked. It's not like I was having a crisis or anything I just want to take care of myself and look the best that I can. What's the harm in that? We all should. Am I the only one who has felt this way? The ones closest to you, including friends and coworkers should be the first ones to support you and reinforce positive changes. I know haters are going to hate, but those that love us most, should be supportive.

Moral of the story... love those around you, be supportive. Congratulate any and all achievements, no matter how big or small. Sow some love into others and reap the love you need. I have been through this more than once, I think that's what drew me to this site. Thank you all for your support and motivation!
«1

Replies

  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    Options
    Yep..my family do not support me at all, they are always putting down what effort and healthy eating I happen to be doing... And say I'm silly to be eating better and exercise...why? I think because they are all about 3-4 stone overweight :grumble:

    On the other hand my OH is really proud I want to look after myself :smile:
  • foxyforce
    foxyforce Posts: 3,078 Member
    Options
    i think they just don't know what support looks like sometimes. they mean well though.
  • newyorklover91
    newyorklover91 Posts: 77 Member
    Options
    I definately feel the same, my family just raise their eyebrows at me and think I'll fail (which is giving me motivation to push harder) and the people at work try and humiliate me and say nasty things behind my back. I am here for anyone who would like support, feel free to add me. I love seeing other people's success as it drives me a bit further in my weight loss. I know we all have off days, but I've learnt that you need to take this on board and not just try and ignore it, and use it as motivation to try harder the next day. I have gained some really supportive friends on here, and am so glad I have got a chance to talk with them and encourage them in what they do because they are always there for me :-) I think when we are all looking at the same goals then its easier to encourage people.
  • VanessaHeartsMasr
    VanessaHeartsMasr Posts: 727
    Options
    I totally, totally hear you!!! Here is my blog from the other day. It's infuriating.

    Try to derail me, will ya?

    I had no intention on starting a blog here but something happened to me today that hurt me to no end. Then I found out that I'm not the only one. There are lots of people here on MFP that have been going through the same thing I have and it's been eating me up inside. I thought maybe channeling my rage into words would help me.

    I've been living my new lifestyle for almost 3 weeks now and in that time I have lost 6 pounds. Not a huge accomplishment by any means, but sorry everyone, I am PROUD of myself. Today someone I love said to me, "I'm just waiting for you to give up on this weight loss thing." I know when he said it he didn't mean to hurt me. I know I've given up on this "weight loss thing" 500 times before. I know I have lived a life of yo-yo for the last 30 freaking years. I know I have failed. But why, oh why, can't I get support anyway? Maybe this time I mean it. Maybe this time I'm "in it to win it." Maybe this time I am READY to live the way I want to live, instead of just dreaming the dream. So why on earth would someone crush me like that? Especially someone who loves me?

    I know people will say not to let it bother me. But it does bother me!! How is saying something like that helping in any way? How is shoving food in one's face because you are "going to give up anyway" or "I love you how you are" help at all? How is saying something like, "I've been telling you for __ years that you should do this..." constructive? I freaking KNOW I've been heavy for a long time. I KNOW I should have passed on the cake and gotten my a** off the couch. But maybe, just MAYBE, I had to figure this out for myself. And maybe, just maybe, this time will be my last time.

    I have learned something very valuable today. Don't knock anybody's dreams. No matter how far they have to go to achieve them, or how far-fetched they may seem. I'm going to be so very, very careful from now on. I hope I can convince my loved ones to do the same. If not, screw it. I'm doing this anyway! And THEN we will see who is eating cake, or humble pie!
  • Thundercat73
    Thundercat73 Posts: 5
    Options
    I understand what you are going through. I met my wife as he trainer. After a few years her workout priorities changed. I guess she thought mine would change also. They didn't and still haven’t. In her eyes as long as I was competing she was ok with my workout schedule. However, now it an issue. Wants to know who I am trying to look good for, apparently myself is not an acceptable answer. I am in the Army currently deployed and close to retirement. For me it is a pride thing to look the part in everything I do. When people act that way whether it be friends or family I have come to the conclusion that it is their own insecurities or jealous nature. If you want to get or stay in shape for you keep on pushing. I want to be around as long as I can for my children and if that involved me staying healthy and active sorry for everyone else.
  • trixiemou
    trixiemou Posts: 554 Member
    Options
    Is it, do you think its because we can go on about it a bit too much. Thats why MFP some in good....haha?
  • theactionfigure
    theactionfigure Posts: 103
    Options
    I have a quote on my page, that I've lived by since I was a young teenager. It says ' FORWARD EVER, BACKWARD NEVER '.

    It doesn't matter what we've done in the PAST! Everything we do in life starts with a CHOICE. Choose to start a healthy lifestyle, choose to log EVERYTHING whether you stay under your calorie intake or not, choose to eat healthy snacks, choose to drink LOTS of water, choose to be fitness minded. Be honest with yourself, be accountable, and prove FIRST to yourself that you can do this. Then the ones around you can get fat eating CROW. hahahahaa
  • texasfred
    texasfred Posts: 11 Member
    Options
    It is a personal motivation thing I believe more than a non support thing. I think mostly others haven't come to a spot in their life where weight lose or good health is important to them. I think each of us have a personal motivation or we wouldn't be here, but I do feel your pain, it is always nice when someone visits with you about what you are, or trying to, accomplish. When we have become conscious of what we want in our lives it isn't always easy for others to understand or even be interested in our change of life style, eating habits or new exercise schedule. It hurts for us but I know their are others out there working for similar goals as mine. I am always encouraged to read the successes that others are having and try to encourage those who are in the jaws of a struggle. Together we can all do this!
  • Tickateeboo
    Tickateeboo Posts: 132 Member
    Options
    We often project our own failures on to other people, so it is probably something to do with them feeling bad about themselves that they are not doing the same as you are when they feel that they should.

    But family and (true) friends should rise above this.

    You'll find lots of support here.
  • Robin1117
    Robin1117 Posts: 1,768 Member
    Options
    interesting question. Well, my family is supportive, but they don't really understand. I have been maintaining, and my husband just thinks I shouldn't have to work so hard because I'm at the weight I need to be already. The hard thing for others to realize is that it isn't easy. if you stop, old habits come back.

    one thing I have realized that worries me a little is that people on a healthy lifestyle like we all are are kind of threatening to others. I have found I just can't talk about it w/friends because they get defensive about their lack of effort in this area, or they just find it a turn off, or roll their eyes. So I just don't talk about it anymore, keeping my discussion to my friends here on the site and one brother of mine who is into it...... it bothered me at first, because it's a big part of my life and I like talking about it, but I have found my outlet here so I don't go crazy keeping it in anymore....
  • theactionfigure
    theactionfigure Posts: 103
    Options
    I completely agree Robin . . .

    Bless you all on your fitness journey!
  • theactionfigure
    theactionfigure Posts: 103
    Options
    I have a few good friends that have some extreme stories to tell. Feelings of rejection, from ridicule and sarcasm from those closest to them. Some have led to break ups, separation, and divorce.
  • dittmarml
    dittmarml Posts: 351 Member
    Options
    I have a few good friends that have some extreme stories to tell. Feelings of rejection, from ridicule and sarcasm from those closest to them. Some have led to break ups, separation, and divorce.

    In these cases, the problem was there to begin with; it just focused on the diet/attempt to become fit.

    My own 2 cents is that we live in a food-addicted culture, with a marketing system geared to convince people that they "deserve" instant gratification and whatever "tastes good". When someone comes along and says "not so fast, I'm going a different way", I've seen alot of behavior that looks EXACTLY - and I mean EXACTLY - like what happens in marriages or friendships when everyone was drinking and then one person stops.

    EXACTLY.

    Take from it what you will; what I'm taking from it is that there are extremely unhealthy feelings and behaviors that are broadly reinforced about eating, and some people have become "behaviorally addicted" with all the of the emotional illness that goes with it.

    It's hearbreaking. But just like getting sober, you can only heal yourself. And if others really persist in undermining you, those relationships cannot (or at least, should not) be allowed to to continue, because at that point they are simply abusive.
  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373 Member
    Options
    The ones closest to you, including friends and coworkers should be the first ones to support you and reinforce positive changes.

    I don't know where you ever got the idea that any of those people were meant to be supportive. Maybe you've been watching to much My Little Pony or Smurfs or something or listening to Communist propaganda.

    The way the world really is, is unfortunately you are completely on your own and it's very dog eat dog. Learn to be your own support. Set goals, follow them through. Do it for yourself. Don't ever expect support or help or validation from others. If you get it, sure that's fine. But don't ever expect it.

    What you should be expecting is a knife in the back from any or all of those people, and if it doesn't come. Then you can be pleasantly surprised.
  • Kiris2
    Kiris2 Posts: 87 Member
    Options
    I am in a similar situation, my hub doesn't think I can do it (this time, either :) ), and it hurts terribly when he tells me this MFP isn't important....and all that other stuff y'all have heard said to you. I thought no one else experienced this....and it's not good y'all do experience it, but I am kinda relieved to know I m not alone. I was thinking it was just because I had failed so much before. Thank you all for commenting and sharing. Sometimes it does help just to share it. :) Good luck to all of you!!
  • Debbe2
    Debbe2 Posts: 2,071 Member
    Options
    Fortunately I have the support I need or want this time around but I think it may be cause I am so serious and committed. Feeling lucky to have my own support and focus plus those I love around me. Difficult enough without people doubting and mocking our efforts. Which reminds me that i need to tell my husband what a great job he's doing for the last two weeks on the Wii.
  • zestyzaftig
    zestyzaftig Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    Learn to be your own support. Set goals, follow them through. Do it for yourself. Don't ever expect support or help or validation from others. If you get it, sure that's fine. But don't ever expect it.

    This. I've lived my adult life by remaining very emotionally independent, and I've found I'm far more content with life than my peers since I'm somewhat detached from their supportive OR unsupportive attitudes.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    Options
    Agreed!
  • hedgiie
    hedgiie Posts: 1,245 Member
    Options
    that's why we have these
  • Tank_Girl
    Tank_Girl Posts: 372 Member
    Options
    I dont understand this desire to need to use people around you as a crutch, ive only told 2 people that im close to that im dieting and have started kickboxing again... (apart from folk on this forum) i want people to be shocked by my fab figure when I attain my goals, I wish to make it appear effortless when in fact its the opposite...

Categories