Why do people get mad at me for trying to be healthy?!?!

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Replies

  • Muddy_Yogi
    Muddy_Yogi Posts: 1,459 Member
    Every choice we make in our lives causes some sort of change...may be very small and we may not notice it but there is always change. Sometimes that change is people coming into or leaving our lives. This change that you are making is healthy and if those people feel the need to leave your life over you making a healthy change than maybe they are not the people you want in your life to begin with. Just sayin'
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
    Every choice we make in our lives causes some sort of change...may be very small and we may not notice it but there is always change. Sometimes that change is people coming into or leaving our lives. This change that you are making is healthy and if those people feel the need to leave your life over you making a healthy change than maybe they are not the people you want in your life to begin with. Just sayin'

    Bang on the money.
  • saschka7
    saschka7 Posts: 577 Member
    It most likely strikes a nerve in your friends (and sister)--eating healthy/losing weight/exercising is probably the #1 thing most people fail at, over and over again. We've all failed at it at some point or we wouldn't be here.

    The real issue is probably a lot less about you and your choices than about your success being a reminder to them that they've failed (or fallen off the wagon or whatever...we're all human) over and over again in the past. Also, some people naturally veer towards being controlling of others, especially when others exhibit behavior or traits that they themselves do not have but wish they did.

    That comment your friend made about "if I knew you were going to order a salad, I wouldn't have invited you" (please excuse the paraphrase) is kind of alarming though--a real red flag. First, the kind of person who would invite or not invite someone based specifically on their food choices (unless a vegan restaurant or a steakhouse is the destination) is probably "not very nice" (as my mom would say, her euphemism for "jerk") but additionally, if they would come right out and say that to your face, then that's very alarming---pardon my saying it, but that person clearly doesn't care about you and is deliberately trying to hurt you on purpose.

    Good luck--they'll either come around or show their true colors in the end. :smile:
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    Maybe your facebook pals are happy the way they are. Maybe a "motivational" post everyday seems like your trying to push your goals and beliefs on others. Your don't need to motivations on facebook every single day. I get both sides of this issue because if they posted every single day how god will save us, or how boo-woo their lives are......that would be a little annoying. BUT being a public network you are free to post your pride on there to try and really some feel good from other!! Just do what you do, and be you!

    Last I checked it's her facebook wall, if I want to post political points of view, my weight loss success or just a funny joke, I can do it because it's my wall and friends that don't like it are free to not be my friend. Why should she give up writing what she wants to accommodate others.

    I say be yourself, the true friends will stick around and the others won't. Will help to thin the herd.
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    IMG950889.jpg

    You win!

    DING DING DING!!!!
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
    Every choice we make in our lives causes some sort of change...may be very small and we may not notice it but there is always change. Sometimes that change is people coming into or leaving our lives. This change that you are making is healthy and if those people feel the need to leave your life over you making a healthy change than maybe they are not the people you want in your life to begin with. Just sayin'

    YES!!!!!
  • bathsheba_c
    bathsheba_c Posts: 1,873 Member
    Maybe your facebook pals are happy the way they are. Maybe a "motivational" post everyday seems like your trying to push your goals and beliefs on others. Your don't need to motivations on facebook every single day. I get both sides of this issue because if they posted every single day how god will save us, or how boo-woo their lives are......that would be a little annoying. BUT being a public network you are free to post your pride on there to try and really some feel good from other!! Just do what you do, and be you!

    Last I checked it's her facebook wall, if I want to post political points of view, my weight loss success or just a funny joke, I can do it because it's my wall and friends that don't like it are free to not be my friend. Why should she give up writing what she wants to accommodate others.

    I say be yourself, the true friends will stick around and the others won't. Will help to thin the herd.
    Sure she can write it, but her complaint is that people are stopping following her as a result, and that bothers her. FWIW, I have friends who are very dear to me in real life, but I can't stand them on Facebook.
  • ash190489
    ash190489 Posts: 587 Member

    ... but I'm just saying, lead by example, do your thing, and be happy - you don't necessarily need to tell the world about it...

    ^ This... Now I am in your camp as well... and I LOVE reading inspirational quotes and seeing images from fitness pages I've 'liked' and they have really motivating messages - I've added those pages for that reason... And I love hearing about particular friends' weightloss journeys etc as I am in their shoes and it's good for motivation and a bit of healthy competition too... but as soon as people (friends) are 'checking in' to the gym EVERYDAY etc. it can get a tad annoying. I have one 'friend' on Facebook who consistently checks in to gym and then takes photo's of herself at gym... in the toilets or whilst sitting on machines working out... it can get REALLY annoying - but it's gone beyond that now, usually I start laughing cuz I feel like it's such a 'joke' and attention seeking!

    Quotes - yes, inspirational images - yes, check in to gym - no, photo's of self at gym - no, selflies trying to show off particular assets etc - no. lol
  • Love_flowers
    Love_flowers Posts: 365 Member
    I think you shouldnt take it personally because they probably feel somewhat envious (not in a bad way intentionally) or guilty for being unhealthy and not at a healthy weight..

    I used to get the same kind of critisism from my mother and stepmother.. as if they dont wish me to be happy healthy and good looking ) but now I have realised that maybe they dont do it on purpose.. probably unconsious envy or something :ohwell:


    keep up the good work though :flowerforyou:
  • hiddenaudacity
    hiddenaudacity Posts: 122 Member
    Wow!!! I cannot imagine what this would be like! I myself work in the health and fitness industry and use facebook for my business (ie. I have a tonne of personal trainers as friends) so whenever I post health and fitness stuff I get loads of likes and support. I say keep doing it! Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

    As for when you're out, it's because you eating healthy is making them feel really bad about themselves, I've felt it myself. Try not to let it get to you, just say something like "I'm only trying to be healthy, each to their own!"
  • aholly70
    aholly70 Posts: 577 Member
    I can relate to this i have a friend you is 250 lbs over weight her dr. keeps telling her to lose weight or she will die,she's only 38.So i thought i would try helping even though we live 1 and a half hours away now.She said i'll lose it i don't know when.Then she told me i add a eating disorder & i strave myself and that i don't look good.And said that i'm not normal.I told i'm normal & just don't want so young I'm 42 and have 3 children 24,20,& 15 and it's her first yr. in high school.She also said really mean things about my children,Thay't were i draw the line.she has no children the dr said until she drops 100 lbs she shouldn't try.She dosen't like talking about being healthy But my children & my husband are very supportive,when my son & oldest visit we all go walking or running they love doing that with me & my 15 yr old,either does the same or rides her bike but she does walk on the treadmill 15 to 20 mins a day,she's a dancer and needs to to strenghen her legs,she's thin and eats alot.So anyways i know how you feel. By the my stopped talking to because of this.
  • addaline22
    addaline22 Posts: 114
    you know they just are angry at themselves cause they dont have the fat friend anymore.
  • CatholicUK
    CatholicUK Posts: 88 Member
    Sweetheart, you need some new friends!! If they get mad at you for your facebook updates LET THEM. It's YOUR wall! Don't let their issues become yours. Sometimes there are times where it is necessary to be thoughtful and considerate to others feelings, other times there are time when you can think "screw that..!" I think your situation applies to the latter.
    Marie xx
  • zealousmissjj_wechange
    zealousmissjj_wechange Posts: 445
    I can relate to this too. But I also think some people interpret it as you being better than someone else. That could be the feeling they get. They could feel like you find your lifestyle better than theirs.

    Of course I get these comments too. I just don't tell anyone I'm working out anymore. People tend to stare at me like they've seen water burning :noway: when I talk about watching my diet and working out. For some reason it's a taboo to talk about. So I just don't anymore. I'm doing it for me anyway. My friends can see for themselves that I look better and one day they'll ask me how I did it. THEN I'll tell them :wink: .

    But of course, it should'nt be a crime to let your friends know you're trying to be healthy!
  • Nicola0000
    Nicola0000 Posts: 531 Member
    I think they are just jealous. You keep doing what you are doing. You are doing it for yourself, not for them. Do whatever makes you feel good and live healthier.

    ^^^ Totally agree. You're making them feel bad about themselves, so they try to derail you so then they dont have to feel bad!!! Just keep doing what you're doing, and ignore everyone else
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    Maybe you should reconsider if these people are really friends. If they just don't want to hear it and unsuscribe try not to take it personally. It is frequently the people who most need a lifestyle change who are the least likely to want it. However, if someone is being mean and angry and attacking about your choices to move your life in a positive direction, maybe it's time to cut the dead weight and let those relationships go their natural course of AWAY. Not everyone who comes into your life is destined to stay forever.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    It's been my experience that the most vocal are often the minority. You'll hear "friends" complain about your FB posts, but there's probably a helluva lot more who silently think, "Way to go!" I'm sure you're inspiring more people than you're annoying.

    Between photos of my brother and my niece running 5ks and a former classmate's Nike+ running posts on FB... that was one of the catalysts to get me to start running. I knew that former classmate was just as adademic and nonathletic as I was back in high school. I know my brother and niece are genetically pretty similar to me. If they can do it... why can't I?!

    You'll see the same thing here. The negative posts get the most attention. Someone who starts a topic on what sucks about MFP will get rolled in 10 hours. A topic about how MFP is awesome will get buried and ignored. But surely there's a lot more people who like this site than those who don't, or it wouldn't exist.
  • Breeoxd
    Breeoxd Posts: 4
    that is a great point! I know I didn't always have the most encouraging attitude towards people that were way thinner than I am and working to get thinner. Makes you feel bad about yourself- even if that's not the intent at all.
  • Breeoxd
    Breeoxd Posts: 4
    Can you remember your reaction to enthusiastic weight losers before you realised what your problem was?!?!?
    I was just the same & could not see it until I was ready!! I am distancing myself from a few friends as they do not have a good attitude to it all at the moment & trying to remember all the things I said & did for 40 years to stop from having to take myself in hand........
    that is a great point! I know I didn't always have the most encouraging attitude towards people that were way thinner than I am and working to get thinner. Makes you feel bad about yourself- even if that's not the intent at all.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Probably already said but it's because you're reminding them of what they ought to be doing. I did see a Pinterest picture along the lines of "You can work out every day without posting on Facebook about it". Au contraire. You SHOULD post on FB about it to encourage others.

    Consider this post null and void if all your friends are Olympic athletes.
  • osualex
    osualex Posts: 409 Member
    If your friends are giving you trouble about eating healthy - then that is lame and maybe you need new friends.

    However, I cannot STAND it when people have to post how they worked out on Facebook. I work out too and don't feel the need to post it all over Facebook, it's just something I need to do for my health. I shower and take sh.its too for my health and I don't think all 700 of my friends need to know that. To me, it reeks of needing validation when people do that - if you need that, that's why MFP exists. I mean if you ran a fun race or went on a beautiful hike, by all means take pics, but if it's just for the sake of people seeing you work out...I'd rethink it. But honestly, 99% of Facebook posts annoy me.

    Good luck to you on your journey though! Just playing devil's advocate a bit here :smile:
  • LLEB92
    LLEB92 Posts: 21
    Everyone in my family can eat what they want and don't get any bigger. I am the only large person in my family and I've took it upon myself to watch what I eat but they don't care.
  • dbevisjr
    dbevisjr Posts: 183
    I haven't had that happen but soon after I started this I decided to change settings and make it so that the only thing shared with facebook is my weigh ins which I do monthly on the 1st. So maybe I cut it down before anybody became annoyed. You can post to my feed on fb, twitter or mfp anytime you want, lol. If these people are close to you I suppose it would be harder to deal with but for me I look at it like this, if they can't show support then they must just be an acquaintance and not a true friend. It works for me.
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
    Is anyone else having this issue? I have been posting a few inspirational weight loss/health/fitness pictures on my facebook page here and I sometimes write about my workout experiences. I had a friend (she's overweight btw) actually unsubscribe from my posts because of it. I could understand if I was constantly spamming them but I usually only post about once a day on facebook. She said the posts were "annoying" and "We all know you're trying to get healthy and all. Good for you but I don't want to hear about it." WHAT? You're ok with everyone else's 20 posts about their drama with their bf, endless pictures of cats and ridiculous amounts of political graphics but you don't want to see my ONE post a day about being healthy?!?! Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content." and my sister said "JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO WORK OUT AND STARVE YOURSELF DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE ELSE DOES!!" ....it just took me aback because A: I DO NOT starve myself and B: It was not a personal attack on her or anyone else. I was just talking about me. On top of that, I get a bunch of aggressive comments from some friends telling me I'm crazy and that I don't need to eat healthy or work out because I don't need to lose weight. Some friends literally get ANGRY when I order something healthy when we go out to eat. "A salad? Are you serious?!?! That's so lame!! If I knew you were just going to get a salad I wouldn't have invited you!" They push ridiculously hard for me to get something fatty whereas before, they didn't give a crap what I ate. I have other examples but I already pretty much wrote an essay haha. But what is up with that?!?! Why do people get so angry when you talk about health, weight loss or fitness?!?! You seriously would think I was trying to talk about religion or politics!!!!

    It seems like you're getting very worked up about Facebook. Who cares who subscribes to you? If I don't like someone, I don't 'friend' them or accept their friend request (happens all the time). If I don't like someone's constant postings, I'll unfriend them. But I've never been confronted, nor confronted someone over it. I think you need to relax.
  • mrseelmerfudd
    mrseelmerfudd Posts: 506 Member
    i got told by my granny before when i was losing weight at a steady pace that i obviously was losing weight far too quickly and needed to eat.... hello?! ive more than enough extra there to be losing steadily... some people you just cant win with!
  • kiks_89
    kiks_89 Posts: 3
    I don't understand it either, one of my friends makes fun of the fact that I've lost weight and constantly complains about how I eat salad for lunch etc etc.. I don't say a word when she eats her freakin' pork pie and entire box of malteasers!! I don't understand why it is OK to hate on people who are actually doing the right thing, being healthy and trying to improve their lives?! I don't get it one bit. Especially when the same friend then complains about her size. JEEZ. Do something about it then rather than hating on people who do?! Man. It seriously annoys me, aha.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Another thing that may have already been written: what kind of friend removes you from their friend's list if you post about something you enjoy doing? That's right... a non-friend.
  • doonesbury
    doonesbury Posts: 281 Member
    Yup! I totally get this!!
  • emstethem
    emstethem Posts: 263 Member
    Also, my sister (she is overweight too) and I were discussing the whole ChikFilA thing and I said "Well, I wasn't going to go there anyway because I'd rather make my own chicken sandwich instead of eating one with a ridiculous fat content."

    OK....so you don't want others to criticise your choices, yet you are criticising the choices of others. Perhaps that's why people are getting upset and fed up. It's a bit like ex-smokers who give up and preach to the world how great it is being a non-smoker. Sure, it's the right thing to do, to stop smoking or to get healthy. We know it makes sense. But what you think is "inspirational" might to others seem preachy and annoying. And they're probably a teeny bit jealous as well that they don't have the determination and willpower that you do, so they go on a sabotage mission whenever you go out to eat.

    And if you are fed up with your friends' bf dramas, pics of lolcats or whatever else, then you also have access to the unsubscribe button, and have the right to use it, just like they do. Nobody absolutely HAS to read every post that everyone else makes on Facebook. We all have the right to choose what passes our filters and what doesn't.

    I'm not trying to rain on your healthy parade at all, or be mean, I'm on MFP so we're in the same camp here, but I'm just saying, lead by example, do your thing, and be happy - you don't necessarily need to tell the world about it, especially when they're not quite ready to embrace the lifestyle you have. Be your own cheerleader, or come on here for support, one thing I've learned in my life is that you have to get support from the right places, you're flogging a dead horse trying to get your overweight, non-dieter friends to support your new choices and applaud it. I've got overweight friends as well, and I know they are not the people who want my weight loss and reduced body fat % and everything else rubbed in their faces when they are still struggling with being overweight, and trying to either come to terms with it and love themselves as they are, or do something about it.


    This! I agree with this. I couldn't have said it better. :) Just don't talk about your fitness choices with them anymore. Just do your own thing. "Be your own cheerleader" and they may chill. I know you probably want them to be supportive and make better choices for themselves. :( And maybe they will come around. Sorry you're going through this. Keep up the good work.
  • skinnydreams933
    skinnydreams933 Posts: 3 Member
    If people are obese it's their fault. Obviously they want to be that way or they wouldn't stuff their faces with crap loads of food. Plus, why shouldn't she post her success on facebook? It's her facebook. If people don't want to see or hear about her success, they can scroll down.
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