"just don't get THAT ripped"....

People like different things . My personal goal is not those pics . ( not that it's even possible) . I'm not sure how healthy that extreme is . .. . I agree with the other posts that he's probably a little nervous . My Fiancé is not normally jealous but he's had a strange reaction to MFP . Change is hard for everyone . Even our spouses

Two things seem odd to me. That these are isolated comments. The only time he has commented on your body are these two times? The too fat comment and the too buff comment? Did he never care before how you looked? Also it seems odd you feel like you have to come here for support. I'm not saying that I don't. I very often come here for support. I'm just hoping that if you are really hurt by these comments that you have other people you can talk to about it. Or maybe you just like the anonymous forum here?

Sadly I don't have other females to talk to about this sort of thing. odd but true. Being that my husband is in the military we move often and we just moved to Oklahoma a few months ago, it's hard to make real connections when you know you will be moving again soon, I have met people but as far as putting my business out to the army wives of the people my husband works with isn't the best idea. And I never said those were the only comments he's made to me, he does compliment me allot, those are just the only idiotic ones. Yes since we moved here I did gain weight, feeling alone and away from everything I know gets depressing. This was the only time that I've ever been over weight, so comments on my weight have never happened before this. Honestly I wanted to rant and get it out so I don't over react and bite his head off, now that I've done that I'm over it. Thanks everyone for the support!

I'm thinking that it's coming across to us in a different light than it was dished. Men can say some really dumb and hurtful things unintentionally to their wives. They make entire comedy shows about it sometimes! LOL. My point is, I think he just made a few comments that he didn't think about. Of course he should be able to be honest with you if you're at an unhealthy point (but then he should be either healthy or trying to be healthy as well), but being rude is never the key.

I think it's beyond any of us to recommend marriage counseling or divorce for you guys, lol. Being a military wife myself, I understand how you can't talk to other local military wives, and often don't have local girl friends. So all I see is a wife venting about some stupid comments her husband made. Sounds like he just needed a good slap on the head LOL

Maybe you should tell him he ought to work on his own self image, and stop concerning himself with yours. He shouldn't love you any more or less, no matter what you look like. He especially shouldn't be saying hurtful things about you behind your back... WTF is that? Confidence, and a positive attitude can make anyone beautiful. With that said... Your husband seems to be quite un-attractive; hence... insecurity. Something only he can address... sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into whatever he is comfortable with... Not too hot, not too fat. Just thin enough for him to still be physically attracted to you... yet not too attractive, that he doesn't have to actually TRY to keep you. Sounds like an *kitten* to me... if my boyfriend tried to alter my self image, to his own means.... Well... He'd find himself pretty lonely pretty quickly. Assert yourself....and realize when your are being down right manipulated.

I think I could handle being that ripped! Lol better than being squishy and fluffy! I think you look great! Keep it up and tell him to zip his lips!

Dear OP:

I don't know how long you've been married, but it sounds as though it has been under 10 years. Why do I guess this? Well, after being married for 30+ years, you learn that the best of marriages happened because each partner learned to ignore all the dumb @$$ comments or attitudes or remarks made over the years. I am NOT defending any stupid hurtful remark. I AM suggesting you just go forward with how YOU want to live your life, and if he chooses to be included in it, he will accept and love you for who you are or become. You cannot control what others do or say. You can only control how you react or respond to them.

YOU choose to be whatever size or shape you want and he will just have to deal with it. :flowerforyou:

See ya at the gym!

Two things seem odd to me. That these are isolated comments. The only time he has commented on your body are these two times? The too fat comment and the too buff comment? Did he never care before how you looked? Also it seems odd you feel like you have to come here for support. I'm not saying that I don't. I very often come here for support. I'm just hoping that if you are really hurt by these comments that you have other people you can talk to about it. Or maybe you just like the anonymous forum here?

Sadly I don't have other females to talk to about this sort of thing. odd but true. Being that my husband is in the military we move often and we just moved to Oklahoma a few months ago, it's hard to make real connections when you know you will be moving again soon, I have met people but as far as putting my business out to the army wives of the people my husband works with isn't the best idea. And I never said those were the only comments he's made to me, he does compliment me allot, those are just the only idiotic ones. Yes since we moved here I did gain weight, feeling alone and away from everything I know gets depressing. This was the only time that I've ever been over weight, so comments on my weight have never happened before this. Honestly I wanted to rant and get it out so I don't over react and bite his head off, now that I've done that I'm over it. Thanks everyone for the support!

It sucks that you are lonely and I'm sorry to hear that! I am glad you have the forums here for support. I can see how moving often would make it easy to isolate yourself. I'm not even sure what a good solution is. An online support group for military wives? Does such a thing exist? A way to make friendships you can maintain from any location. People who understand but aren't local and connected to your husbands job. I hope that this has all helped you to feel listened to and supported.

As a married guy, my observations:

First off, get fit for you and hit your goals. He should be supportive and encouraging. By definition a healthy couple makes for a longer marriage that both partners are able to better enjoy.
Second, when you are married, your definition of hot/attractive/beautiful/etc is your spouse. End of discussion. Your definition of what is attractive changes as they change. If he doesn't get it, tell him I said that's the way it is.

I am having a hard time imagining a circumstance where this

..I had found out my husband was talking *kitten* about my weight and how "fat" I've gotten.

and this

..we have a great marriage...

are simultaneously true.