is he trying to sabotage me?
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I don't have that problem with my S.O. but my friends seem to be the issue! Whenever I try to tell them I'm trying to eat healthy, they badger me and make me feel guilty about it.
Maybe just try talking to him and let him know how serious you really are about wanting to lose weight and eat healthy
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I have the same problem! He bought me a jar of nutella
and pizza! But I know its because hes going away to school soon and thinks other guys will hit on me or something :P
Its not really a solution lol but I figure when he goes it will be easier, then I can see if he still feels that way0 -
Male perspective # 1 ... He could truly enjoy being with a full-figured woman. If the two of you have been together 45 lbs ago, then that could be who he fell in love with and who he wants.
Male perspective # 2 ... He could be nervous that once you are down to the weight you want he may not be "good enough" for you and you will leave him behind.
Male perspective # 3 ... You are doing this without him. This could lead to jealousy or sarcasm or any number of things.
These are the main ones that come to my mind. Don't nag him but tell him the truth of how you feel now vs 45 lbs ago. Let him know he is not in competition with your change in lifestyle and let him know that you don't mind cooking. Which brings up
Male perspective # 4 ... He may not like what you are cooking now. It may be that simple.
You are in this for you. Others benefit, but this is your journey.
Better is always possible.
I agree . It's definately one of these three .0 -
I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.
THanks Einstein!
Talk to him, he might like you the way you are, but tell him that you don't fully appreciate yourself etc....
Insecurity maybe... Communication is the key0 -
LOL I have this problem as well, in fact I posted a weight loss picture up on here and got like 15 pages worth of comments....I went to go look for the page to see if anyone else said anything and it has been removed...I was like wait whhhha?? So I contacted my fitness pal...and sure enough someone from my end removed it. So I asked my husband about it and he told me to not show off my *kitten* so he deleted it. -_-" Mind you I was fully clothed!! I would just let it fall to the wayside and do what makes you happy....reassure him that you are doing it just to be healthy and not so you can look good because guys usually see that statement as a threat. Good job on the 45 lbs by the way!!!
Oh my gosh that is terrible.
When my dad's 350+ pound girlfriend wanted to lose weight my father told her " I thought you were married to your stomach." She eventually stopped being scared and adopted a weight loss regimen. She was out of the house more, associating with co workers, more secure with herself and had a healthier diet. My father was very insecure because they lived very far (he in the city, she in the suburbs) and thought she would associate with other men. He didn't want to admit it but he really missed her, he missed when she used to take him out to eat or they would go to certain food related places.
In other words talk to your spouse.0 -
I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.
0/10.
Not even mad.0 -
I don't think he's trying to sabotage you. Maybe he is just used to the old lifestyle where you guys ate a lot of unhealthy stuff and went out a lot. Maybe he'd rather do other things together with you then exercise. Try to get him to buy into the new healthier lifestyle.0
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My husband and I are both getting in shape and losing weight, but he has chosen the paleo diet while I simply choose to eat what I want and stick with moderation, etc. To be quite honest, our menu revolves around his paleo crap and I am SO sick of eating meat and vegetables twice a day. I hate our repetitive reheated smoked meat with vegetables on the side. I'm SO ready to go eat something at a restaurant half the time because I can't imagine another f*cking salad. Seriously. Half the time, I just make myself something else because I can't imagine gnawing on more pork shoulder. I love food, but paleo has pretty much ruined our menu (for me).
My point is maybe he's miserable because you don't eat the same things. Trust me, it's possible. I rarely enjoy a delicious meal with my husband anymore, and we used to really enjoy food together. To him, food is just fuel. I still really enjoy delicious whole cheeses and pasta and savory desserts. It has affected our meals together and that makes me really cranky.
In addition to that, it's like pulling teeth to get him to enjoy a single beer. I really love wine and good beers, but it's not as much fun drinking them by yourself. The young, fun couple that met years ago is no longer... we are now the older couple with children who doesn't eat or drink together... we merely eat different meals in the same room while one person enjoys a cold beer or glass of wine. It's kind of depressing sometimes.
Maybe he just wants you to indulge with him and enjoy something fantastic. Just something to think about.
If it were me, I'd make him a really delicious meal that fits into your calorie budget. I kind of wish my husband would do the same... unfortunately, he only cooks for his own needs. I'd love it if he'd choose one of his meals based on what *I* like, even just once or twice a month.0 -
My husband does the same, although Im pretty sure he does it with a good heart. I work my butt off with exercise and eating well and I try to encourage him to do the same and then ill get home from and he'll have bought me a packet of Tim Tams. Ive told him time and time again do not buy them. But he thinks having 1 or 2 a night with a cup of tea is not going to do any harm. Or he'll come home with some take away thinking he's doing me a favour so I dont have to cook. He does a lot of physical work and works everything off at work, where as I sit on my *kitten* all day in an office so Ive really got to watch what I eat. He is very encouraging and supportive though and always tells me Im doing a great job and he loves me no matter what.0
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Yup, he is insecure and feels that if you lose weight and become more attractive he will lose you.0
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I tried many times to eat healthy, exercise. My husbands response was always, this isn't enough to eat. This doesn't taste good, what are you trying to lose weight for, who are you trying to impress, you will cheat on me if you lose weight. I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself until a couple of years ago. I stood up for myself, he started threatening me. We are divorced, and I am healing and getting stronger, even with frustrating weight loss days.
So I guess my advice is sit down, talk to him, have him carry a backpack with the amount of weight you've lost for a day and tell him that is why you feel better! Stay strong. YOU ARE WORTH IT!0 -
My husband does the same, although Im pretty sure he does it with a good heart. I work my butt off with exercise and eating well and I try to encourage him to do the same and then ill get home from and he'll have bought me a packet of Tim Tams. Ive told him time and time again do not buy them. But he thinks having 1 or 2 a night with a cup of tea is not going to do any harm. Or he'll come home with some take away thinking he's doing me a favour so I dont have to cook. He does a lot of physical work and works everything off at work, where as I sit on my *kitten* all day in an office so Ive really got to watch what I eat. He is very encouraging and supportive though and always tells me Im doing a great job and he loves me no matter what.
Mine used to sabotage me too.0 -
Not a male, but it could be that's not ready for the change of you losing the weight. Doesn't mean that he's not supportive of you though in any way. It could also be that maybe he thinks he could lose you when you start to look and feel great, but he doesn't have the same feelings about himself. It might be hard but talk with him to see what's up. Maybe you guys could work out together or cook together. Hope this helps out. Keep moving towards your goals.0
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I haven't seen someone point this out, but *I* actually used to do this to my fiance when he was more into dieting than I was: he might just enjoy going out with you. No stress/time of cooking, enjoying being/talking with you. Did you guys used to eat out alot together? It really could be that he misses that bonding time with you.
I never even thought about that!! We did go out to eat often. At least once a week and now it's been once a month until the past few weeks when he's wanting to go out all the time. Thanks!! Hope it helps! What *we* did to balance out that time (since we're both heavily into fitness and health now) is we still go out more than once a month... but we schedule a cheat day together AND we go out to somewhere much healthier (Mongo's where we can check what we're doing, salad bars, Flattop Grill, etc.). 0 -
Playing devils advocate and this is not how I feel about women, It might be he believes that you should do as the master of the house commands or even that a woman needs to be thin and attractive while single but need not stay thin and attractive after she has caught a man but should let herself go and settle for being a wife and mother and just looking how ever she turns out after she slides into married life. I know a lot of men who look at it this way.
That is true comedy. :laugh:0 -
Mine wasn't so severe about it, but I did get on his nerves because all of a sudden the weight loss journey is in his face. That's all I can focus on because I nned to do my workout, Plan my meals, stick to my meals...it's a lot. The other piece is healthy food tastes different so if u change ur cooking then they are affected too. Which if they aren't ready they r going to be ticked off as well. In the end he got on board...but it took time. He has lost 60 pounds since he made the choice and frankly he never nags or complains anymore. He loves how he feels and looks. I never pushed him he just changed when he was ready. Good luck a spouse is one thing then u have to face friends, family, coworkers...they all get snarky at one point...especially when u pass up a cupcake.0
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It generally happens when your s/o feels like they are getting forced to eat in a way that they don't like, OR they are backlashing because they know you are doing something that they *should* do, but they don't have the willpower to effect the change in themselves so it's easier to try to bring you down.0
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Honestly, I think he's just trying to make you feel good. I dont see how him telling you that you dont need to lose any more weight is a BAD thing...0
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If your spouse is overweight, then your decision and action to lose weight and get healthy is very convicting to him. So he is going to try and stop you so he doesn't have to feel bad about his own weight problem. Tell him that you are doing this for yourself, not for him. Good luck, my dear! My husband did the same thing to me...now he is working on his own weight problem. 0
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My husband likes me with some squish, but supports me in getting rid of the excess. If he ever suggested going out for dinner as an actual date, instead of out of necessity because we're in town anyway, I may die of shock. It may be that he likes the companionship and just wants to spend time with you.0
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I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.
OMG Y U SO SMRT!?!
:eyeroll:0 -
Playing devils advocate and this is not how I feel about women, It might be he believes that you should do as the master of the house commands or even that a woman needs to be thin and attractive while single but need not stay thin and attractive after she has caught a man but should let herself go and settle for being a wife and mother and just looking how ever she turns out after she slides into married life. I know a lot of men who look at it this way.
Really? Sickening...0 -
Finally a perspective that makes sense! Thanks so much! And my husband thanks you too!Male perspective # 1 ... He could truly enjoy being with a full-figured woman. If the two of you have been together 45 lbs ago, then that could be who he fell in love with and who he wants.
Male perspective # 2 ... He could be nervous that once you are down to the weight you want he may not be "good enough" for you and you will leave him behind.
Male perspective # 3 ... You are doing this without him. This could lead to jealousy or sarcasm or any number of things.
These are the main ones that come to my mind. Don't nag him but tell him the truth of how you feel now vs 45 lbs ago. Let him know he is not in competition with your change in lifestyle and let him know that you don't mind cooking. Which brings up
Male perspective # 4 ... He may not like what you are cooking now. It may be that simple.
You are in this for you. Others benefit, but this is your journey.
Better is always possible.0 -
First off - you look amazing!! Great job on your progress so far!! Second, I don't think he's trying to sabotage you, I think he might be just a tad insecure. I'd talk to him about it; be honest about how you feel. I know that sounds cliche and all, but you're married - communication is key.0
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There have a lot of valuable comments/observations so I am not sure I can add much, but I wondered...
What's he eating when you go out?
Does he encourage you to eat bad stuff or drink when you go out?
You don't mention this but it might give a bit more of an insight into his motivations.
At the end of it all though there is a sensible solution and that is talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling and how his suggestions are making you feel. Ask him what is driving him. Anything else is guesswork.0 -
As far as eating out goes, it's just too expensive to do it all the time. My husband and I sat down once and looked at our bank statement for the month and saw how much we were spending on food. It was absurd. Now every weekend we sit down together and make a menu for the week. We pick 5-6 dinners that we want to make that week, get those ingredients and that's what we eat. We save a lot of money that way.
I work out so I can have some extra calories and we've made some adjustments to our meals to make them healthier. Luckily my husband is very much into the Return of the Hot Wife so he's happy to make some changes here and there.0 -
I'm having a similar problem, I actually just posted a topic regarding it lol. Men are idiots. Period.
I don't think your problem is similar to the OP. I think your problem is rooted in the fact that you don't appreciate the opposite gender, let alone respect your partner which is a shame.
@OP: I wish I had better advice but have you given confrontation a thought? Sometimes its best to have an uncomfortable talk for a sec compared to keeping it inside and throwing snide comments at each other.
On the other hand, maybe he just wants to eat out! I mean, you yourself said that he's not trying to get into fitness which is common amongst couples where one will go into fitness and the other won't. Maybe he just wants to live his life how he used to and not how you want to change his lifestyle.0 -
I thought my husband was doing the same thing. It turns out that he just didn't like the new recipes I was making. He liked the pizza, fried food and lack of veggies that was on the "before" menu.
So, I cook for ME, and I cook for HIM. We eat out occasionally and I make sure it is at a restaurant that will work with my food choices. It has been a challenge making 2 different types of meals, but I find that if I plan MY menu, I can prep most of the ingredients on the weekend and it takes less time. When I made lasagna, I snuck veggies into it (hubby says he hates veggies). He said that was the most delicious lasagna I had ever made LOL! When I make mashed potatoes, I now cook a head of cauliflower and mash it up with the potatoes. He thinks those are really good too (but he doesn't know he has eaten a veggie).:laugh:
Maybe over time my hubby will acquire a taste for my menu, but for now I just do what I can for ME. It is still cheaper to make 2 separate types of meals than to eat out.
Good luck!:flowerforyou:0 -
Our household goes through these cycles. Last night my husband brought home my favorite black forest cake. I know he is not trying to sabotage me he just wanted the cake. I did not have any (yet). You look young, and if you want kids that might be a topic to discuss with your husband. That you want to be healthy when you decide to try and the 2nd point is that you want both of you to be good role models for your children. 3rd tell him you want to grow old with him. Most likely his problem comes with the fact he is not ready to give up his unhealthy lazier life0
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I don't want to use the word jealousy too much but it sounds like he is a bit envious of your weight loss because he isn't getting his own weight loss going. Just keep doing what your doing because its working! If he doesn't want to eat what you cook then tell him to cook his own food, you shouldn't have to derail your health goals because your significant other doesn't want to get on board....0
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