No one is supportive!
mama4loca
Posts: 181
My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here 
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Replies
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I don' t know what to tell you... I refused to try to diet in a serious "change my life" way until I had my husband on board. As it is, he's still not tracking his calories (I wish he'd get on here) but at least he's not buying me extra food and stuff.
His mom isn't helping, but I can ignore the chocolate meringue pie in the fridge.0 -
Maybe they feel a little jealous?0
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You can always find support in us, remember that! Also, I think maybe your husband may just be resistant to change as a lot people are. Change is something hard to do...and for some people they take it personally. You kids obviously will follow by example. If it helps, try healthy recipes like chili's or even pastas that you can mask as healthy for you kids and they won't feel like they're being pushed. But keep at it, you can be their inspiration!
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Make the change for yourself.. You will lose weight, you will make progress, & sometimes it's enough to get you going and keep pushing yourself my hubby brings home mc Donald's all the time. Do I wanna ripp his head off yes!!! .. But over the past month I've learned to get over it I'm doing this for me not for him or anyone else. That's all that matters in e end is that I get there and I don't give up❤0
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Jealousy is a possibility too...it's hard to push yourself into weight loss and feel resentful to someone who is doing it...I used to judge my roommate all the time because she's fit, but the reality was I wasn't happy and jealous0
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Same problem here--family members bringing stuff I should not eat in the house. I'm avoiding a good deal of it: no chips, no cookies.
The jury's still out on pizza.0 -
Just continue to lead by example and stay the course
. Cook healthy and when your family asks you what did u make to eat? Tell them "take it or leave it". 0 -
If you can't get your family on board, you have to brush the dust off your feet and do it for yourself...because ultimately..that is who this is all for....Get healthy, stay strong, believe and you CAN achieve!!!0
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Just continue to lead by example and stay the course. Cook healthy and when your family asks you what did u make to eat? Tell them "take it or leave it".
I second this I still cook if my bf doesn't like/ want it he can cook something up himself.0 -
I feel for you. my family just look at me funny, but since I'm an adult and eat what I like, and I'm healthy, they only comment and don't make me eat whatever they are eating... I just take smaller portions or work out more! lol!!! my kids eat healthy... I have to watch it cause I'm older and my body can't eat everything anymore! 0
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My wife feels like it is up to me only, she does not think her being supportive or not should make a difference. Her feeling is that if I want it bad enough i will do it for myself. I agree to an extent but I do feel a supportive wife or family member makes a big differnce on those tough days.0
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Well, thank you so much, you guys! I feel better!!0
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I find that people will not make a change until they are ready or something happens to make them change as sickness, self esteem hits bottom, aches and pains to limit mobility. However you have to do it for yourself and others may get jealous but that jealousy says your doing a great job. No matter what all of us here are happy for you and will support you on this journey. Good luck you will succeed. I just had a couple of bad weeks where I haven't done a thing but today I have had over 14,00 steps and I tried to eat better and tomorrow for me will be even a better day. It is a matter of focus.I know for me I learned the last two weeks that I have done nothing that I feel horrible. I noticed a better feeling when I was working out. Its hard work but the rewards are worth the work. :flowerforyou: Keep up the good work.0
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Be the change YOU want to be! My OH is tall and quite slim (but has put on a bit of weight but he carries it well and is still slim!) I tend to do the cooking so I make my meals and give him the same, just in bigger portions.I do buy treats for his pack up for work, but I dont pack them I leave that to him.
He always says I look fine, but I find its not about how he sees me it is how I feel about myself. It sounds selfish but I am losing weight for myself, and I never forget that!
I cant make my OH join me, so I work on my myself, making good choices, and being steadfast in my resolve!0 -
This is not a very uncommon situation. I would suggest that you stick to your guns and do what is best for you. Try to cook some exciting but healthy meals and dont present them as "healthy" but as new to your family. Sometimes people just think that if something is healthy its tasteless were in fact its quiet the opposite! Healthy has all the yummy taste!0
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I know exactly how you feel. My hubby is on here, but hasn't logged anything in over a week. It was a struggle at first, and I wondered why I was even trying sometimes, if he wasn't going to do it with me. I realized that I was doing this for ME, and it didn't all start to happen until I came to that understanding, and I knew it wouldn't for him either. The kids HATE 90% of what I fix now days, but we've always had the rule, "You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit". It takes them 2 hrs to eat dinner, but they eat it. Just stick to your guns, fix healthy stuff, and if your hubby doesn't want it, he can get off his lazy behind and fix something else once the kids are in bed. Once he see's how well you're doing, how smokin hot you're looking, how much more energy you have, and how happy you are with yourself, he'll come around. But he has to do it in his own time. Keep on trucking! You're doing great!0
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I've had the same issue with family & friends. sometimes actions speak louder than words. Don't try to convince them. The more you push, the more they will push back.
When they SEE your change & weight loss and how good you look & feel, some of them will want to get on board. That's how I got my best friend to start changing some of her ways.. once she saw how good I was starting to feel & look. And she was anti healthy ANYTHING.
Keep doing what is best for you! I hope your hubby figures it out soon with all those health issues. Good Luck!
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My children are not super excited about me doing this either. They think that veggies are nasty and they don't like fruit. I have found different ways of getting them to eat it. My daughter HATES mushrooms and any kind of pepper be it yellow, green, red, orange.. it does not matter. She is always wanting to help me cook dinner and do what i'm doing... so I thought.. Why not let her help. I had her in the kitchen with me helping me with dinner which consisted of peppers and mushrooms one night and all of a sudden it was "mom, I like these now" My son on the other hand, I have had to mask a few things.. Grapes are a huge NO NO to him, but I found that if I freeze them first, he will eat them. Its a texture thing to him. now granted he still does not eat the skin of the grape, but at least he is eating it. I have also found that his behavior issues have taken a huge turn for the better. I don't know if this has been studied at all or if i'm just crazy, but its working so i'm going to stick with it. I have only lost 3 pounds in less than 10 days and i'm sooo proud of myself. My husband is for the most part to tired after work so he eats what I put on the table. Thats the other thing I have found helps a lot is everyone sitting down to the table together. I hope this helps some...
I would like to see you stick with what you are doing. You are loosing weight and more importantly, you are going to change your lifestyle. I'm proud of you for reaching out for help which can be the hardest *most important* step. Nothing worth having is ever easy. Keep your head up. You can do this, and eventually they will all follow suit. As far as him bringing home stuff that you can't eat try your best to not let it effect you. My man last night sat on the couch and ate 4 candy bars and a soda. I sat in the chair and drank my water and I felt better than he looked eating his crap food.0 -
I understand where you are coming from...I sometimes get snide remarks from "friends" who are also overweight about me being obsessive about my food choices. I am trying to realize that they do that because they are not happy with themselves.
You have support here. Message me anytime things get rough. We are all in this together.0 -
Thats what I do. If they want to eat they'll have to eat what I cook and I only cook healthy meals. If they don't like it that's too bad. Believe me they get over it after a few weeks. It was harder to get my husband to stop buying junk food than to get the kids to eat what I cooked. There are still foods I'll make for the kids that I won't touch simply because I don't like them. I won't touch pancakes. Never liked them. My daughter has a friend who will stay with us over the weekend and he won't eat veggies unless there is velveta cheese melted over top. I've never bought that stuff period and am not about to buy it just because he's staying with us. He would complain and I just told him thats just too bad. If you want to stay with us you eat what we eat or don't come over. He at his broccoli without the cheese. Complained about it but I just said again don't like it don't stay over. I put herbs and such on top of veggies but I refuse to put fake processed cheese over healthy steamed veggies just to satisfy him.Just continue to lead by example and stay the course. Cook healthy and when your family asks you what did u make to eat? Tell them "take it or leave it".0 -
My partner eats terribly and I saw in his future the health problems your husband has now. Getting him to even vaguely see my way has been an uphill struggle and has been going on for two years. Only this weekdn did I seem to make a breakthrough when I pointed out weight he'd lost before with very little effort (that he's since put back on) and that my reasons for trying to get him to change his eating habits was because I love him and want us to spend a long life together and for both of us to be able to enjoy our lives for years to come, not just because I was being a nag or wanting things my way. I suggested some meals that would help and now we're aiming to eat better and eat together more often.
Yesterday for the first time in I don't know how long he took the initiative to eat a decent dinner instead of a pizza or Southern Fried chicken fillets and chips.0 -
My heart goes out to you. My hubby is supportive but has seen me yo yo enough to wonder if this is going to stick this time. However I've noticed since he found out I was really working at this (I had been doing it for almost 2 weeks at the time) he has made it a competition. It makes me so upset. He can like many men loose weight really fast. I'm not going to argue with him if it's 1 or 2 servings of food he's eating but he keeps going on about it. Praying you and I can win this battle and come out victorious!0
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Just continue to lead by example and stay the course. Cook healthy and when your family asks you what did u make to eat? Tell them "take it or leave it".
That doesn't always work though. My partner just took to buying a load of processed crap and cooking it separately to my meals. Not only was he eating terribly (and putting on weight) but it killed us having a meal time together.0 -
My house is clean. Not a bad food in sight. If it gets brought in by my husband or daughter, it goes right down the disposal. Only took the second time before they realized they better eat their garbage before stepping through the door.
My friend brings by cookies, cakes and things when she stops by for coffee. I think of that as a gift and wait til the door closes before I grind that up too. I don't think she has noticed that I only have a small plate of fruit when she is here. I am really trying not to draw any attention to what I am doing to my circle of people who don't live here.
Anyway it took about 3 weeks for my husband and daughter to get on board. Olivia is down 5 lbs and she is thrilled at how easy it was. And my husband is down 6. He continues to drink, but this is not a weakness for me. So I do not mind it in the house.
I found that it is me who has to be the cheerleader (not part of my nature but I am learning). My control leads to their control.
And all blessings have lead me here to MFP. All the support I need is right here in these pages.0 -
It's not your husband or kids responsibility to get you healthy, that's all up to YOU! So he brings home cheesecake? Plan a small piece into your day if you really like it. If not, tell him thanks but no thanks, I don't want that right now.
My husband doesn't have a weight problem and I don't expect him to diet with me. I cook one dinner but add more to his--potatoes, stuffing, dessert, etc. I eat what I want and lose weight, everyone's happy.
Stop expecting your family to be on your diet. It's not about them, it's about you. Take control of what goes in your mouth and stop blaming others.0 -
My house is clean. Not a bad food in sight. If it gets brought in by my husband or daughter, it goes right down the disposal. Only took the second time before they realized they better eat their garbage before stepping through the door.
My friend brings by cookies, cakes and things when she stops by for coffee. I think of that as a gift and wait til the door closes before I grind that up too. I don't think she has noticed that I only have a small plate of fruit when she is here. I am really trying not to draw any attention to what I am doing to my circle of people who don't live here.
Anyway it took about 3 weeks for my husband and daughter to get on board. Olivia is down 5 lbs and she is thrilled at how easy it was. And my husband is down 6. He continues to drink, but this is not a weakness for me. So I do not mind it in the house.
I found that it is me who has to be the cheerleader (not part of my nature but I am learning). My control leads to their control.
And all blessings have lead me here to MFP. All the support I need is right here in these pages.
That seems kind of rude. I would rather be politely asked to not bring round cookies etc than to have my gift (and money) chucked in the bin.0 -
It takes time to instigate change, especially with kids who have been used to a particular type of food. Kids in general don't like change, so it may just be the unfamiliarity they are reacting against.
Have you talked to your husband about how genuinely worried you are about his health? I mean, not in a nagging way, but in a "I'm worried I'm going to lose you" kind of way. He's a father, too - would he really want to leave his kids without a dad? I'm guessing he's in denial about his health problems and the impact they could have on his family, or he would be doing soemthing about it, stat. Maybe he would be open to making healthier versions of his favourite foods? I dunno, I tried that one with my ex and he didn't think there was any point in it because the whole point of his favourite foods was that they were unhealthy, so it doesn't work for everyone. Some people have to do it by learning to eat different stuff and keeping their favourites for a treat.0 -
Your husband is a grown man. He can make all of his own decisions. If it is his choice to not be a supportive husband, then that is the type of husband he will chose to be.
You are your own person. I read on your profile that you have been on and off of diets since the 8th grade. Your children are learning life-long lessons about food from you today. Take care of your kids. They will learn to enjoy healthy food. They are too young to truly know the difference. Ignore their complaints and soon enough they will follow.
Finally, take care of you. You are a grown adult who makes all of her own decisions. If you choose to be healthy, then I believe you have made a great choice. You may just have to find your support elsewhere via online groups and active community groups.0 -
He's probably not going to get on board. He has to do it for him, & you nagging him to eat well isn't going to do good things for your relationship. Cook what YOU want to eat for dinner. Feed it to him too. If he complains, tell him he can cook his own meals if he wants to eat that way. He'll either a) eat healthy but only when you cook it for him, or b) start cooking/buying his own crap.
Stop buying the garbage when you grocery shop. Tell him he can go & pick it up himself. Don't moderate your lifestyle to suit him. It NEVER works in relationships... people get bitter & angry about that sort of thing, & it never works out.
If he loves you, he'll support you in whatever you do. If he loves the food, he'll find a way to eat it. Even if it means eating himself to death. You're not going to stop him. I know it's hard, but you will likely have to watch him kill himself with food. Hopefully if a heart attack comes, it'll be a mild one & a wake-up call. Unfortunately, that's the best thing for most people in poor heatlh. Scaring the daylights out of them.0 -
If you buy the groceries they have no choice, remember that!!! lol My family struggled with it at first too, but then I started cookin' up some pretty tasty, but healthy, food and they realized it wasn't so bad.
Just keep on trying and don't give up! Have u ever tried skinnytaste.com? their recipes are awesome!0
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