No one is supportive!
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How frustrating! This weight loss/getting fit journey is hard enough without people being unsupportive. You have your work cut out for you but keep doing what you are doing and I think they will come around. I know how exhausting long work hours can be, but if you can get your husband to maybe take a little walk with you a few times a week I know he would start to feel stronger, and have more energy for work and home. Try taking some of your families favorite recipies and making a healthier version by cutting the fat or adding veggies or swapping out the starch for quinoa or making oven baked french fries. And, of course, keep on coming to MFP for support because we can't do this alone! Good luck!0
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When I first started my weight loss journey my BF wasn't on board...physical appearence does not bother him. I was big when we met. I went down around 10lbs and hovered..because I need that extra support at home. I went to the extreme and told him, I can't live like this, and he has gained around 40lbs as well. So I said either he loves me and supports me or I can't be in this relationship because it's crippling me, and that my being morbidly obese was going to kill me sooner than later...I think it finally clicked and he has been supportive ever since.
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You can only change yourself, you can not force any other person to change BUT they can also not hold you back from change.
You are doing what is best for you, make it clear to them, that this is what you choose to do.They don't have to do it with you but if they try to sabotage your positive changes by bringing all your fav treats home, you will simply chuck it in the bin!!!:noway: 0 -
I agree with the replies. My sis says she want to get in shape, yet, she expects me to do the pushing for her. I've learned to let go of the control. Its hard enough for me to get up, let alone drag someone who always have an excuse the next morning.0
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My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here
You weren't ready to do it until you were ready to do it. Just because you are now ready doesn't mean they are. You do them no favors by trying to force a change they are not ready for on them.
I don't think the laissez-faire attitude is an option for someone with children. They are developing life-long habits. Bad ones will be difficult to unlearn. It's the parents' job to educate them about health and fitness.
Adults assume the risk of their choices.0 -
Make the change for you and allow them the option not to change. I have a spouse whose diet, exercise and sleep habits are horrible, but he remains the same weight (but pushing 50 years old is sagging). You CANNOT make him change. You can only change you. Focus on you and stay positive. Food is as addictive as drugs and alcohol to many people, and it may be he see's food as a source of comfort or a way to deal with stress. Whatever his issues, he will not change if he does not want to, and you cannot rely on him. Set up rules that allow him to follow whatever path he chooses, but be firm that it is not acceptable for him to sabotage you (bringing home cheesecake/gyros) and let him know how important to you it is that he support you by not tempting you. You don't give the ages of your children - but that should be a bigger focus. No one changes eating habits all at once, but start introducing healthy foods in place on unhealthy. Use substitutes that are healthier, lower fat, lower calorie, higher nutrition. Change gradually and they will be more likely to comply. Meanwhile - focus on YOU! You are important and there's a whole website of us out here backing you up. Try picking a symbol that means something only to you - to remind you that you are strong and committed. And always ask yourself "Is it Worth it?" when eating. Find rewards that are not food. Have a glass of water first. If you are really struggling, try a program like IdealShape- it's cheaper than most, healthy, and provides you with your own mental supports! Good Luck - We're sending you Vibes!0
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It's hard to know what to say! You sound so sensible!
Thoughts are, as an ex obese person I resented people trying to change me when I wasn't ready. Being over weight and doing something about it is a mind set issue. I knew my health was in danger but until one day for no particular reason it hit me and I decided to do something about it on my own terms.
Obviously it's very worrying for you, could you change more steadily ie not using fat to cook, ensure all meat lean, decrease meat:veg very slowly, make more casseroles, buy low fat everything etc. I know this doesn't help when cheesecakes are brought home but at least over a whole week the calories should be reduced.
Mostly, be strong you need to win!!!0 -
My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here
Why is a gyro horrible? (Sorry, but that part rally stuck out.) Lamb and veggies in a pita... :huh:
Honestly, I just try to do a little bit at a time with my family. They start feeling resentful when I try to change their diet just because I changed mine. Maybe try to be a little less strict on what you consider "healthy." For example, a gyro fits right in my macros perfectly. It's full of nutrition. I am still stuck on that. Sorry. :ohwell:0 -
Just like making other changes (stopping smoking, drinking, or what-have-you), you cannot MAKE someone want to do it. My boyfriend probably borders in morbidly obese in size. I harped on him about it for a short period of time. He got mad. And then I came to the realization that me criticizing him for his weight wasn't going to help anyone, and is probably actually more counter-productive than anything else. Just because someone *should* do something (whatever the reason is) doesn't mean they *want* to. And until the *want to* is there, it will continue to be a struggle for you.
For myself and my boyfriend, I chose to just work on me. He has been living about 1000 miles from me (is moving here this weekend, yay!), so I would tell him about what I've been doing. He's seen me, he knows I've had really good results. It also seemed to encourage him to get back into working out. He's slipped a little bit in the last month or two, mostly because he's been training for a new job (and has to stay at the facility), but I'm hopeful that he'll continue making strides when he gets here.
I want him to be healthy. I want us to have a long life together. But me nagging him to work out, not eat this or that, eat this instead? None of that worked. I don't know how old your kids are, so I honestly can't speak to that. The only one I still have at home is 14 and there's not much influencing a teen's diet, IMO, anyway. If they're small, it seems it shouldn't be too difficult. Work on portion control, things like that. Your husband isn't likely to make changes until he's ready to make them. Don't let that discourage you. This is *your* journey and I imagine you started when you were ready to start. Lead by example. Nagging won't do it. And, FWIW, having a treat (cheesecake or gyro) occasionally won't likely set you back, as long as you keep it at every once in a while. Best wishes!0 -
I really understand your position. And respect it. But, I want them to be able to have their cookie with their coffee. Especially friends, whose choices are none of my business. They are very kind people and they see my big booty and think they are being so kind to bring me these things. It hurts me very much to say I do not want their offerings. It is in my control to not keep it once they leave.
Correct. It is rude as heck. But, this is my life. I want to keep it going for a long long time. I think for them to bring their diabetes, high blood pressure, life shortening crap into my space is rude too. It is all how you look at it.My house is clean. Not a bad food in sight. If it gets brought in by my husband or daughter, it goes right down the disposal. Only took the second time before they realized they better eat their garbage before stepping through the door.
My friend brings by cookies, cakes and things when she stops by for coffee. I think of that as a gift and wait til the door closes before I grind that up too. I don't think she has noticed that I only have a small plate of fruit when she is here. I am really trying not to draw any attention to what I am doing to my circle of people who don't live here.
Anyway it took about 3 weeks for my husband and daughter to get on board. Olivia is down 5 lbs and she is thrilled at how easy it was. And my husband is down 6. He continues to drink, but this is not a weakness for me. So I do not mind it in the house.
I found that it is me who has to be the cheerleader (not part of my nature but I am learning). My control leads to their control.
And all blessings have lead me here to MFP. All the support I need is right here in these pages.
That seems kind of rude. I would rather be politely asked to not bring round cookies etc than to have my gift (and money) chucked in the bin.
I want them to live long healthy lives too. If they don't want it, they can do it in the many hours they aren't here.
I really have a problem taking about my need for weightloss. Or even opening the door to them talking me out of it.
So just tell them that you'd rather they not bring the foods you don't have in the house, or have them take the food away with them so they can enjoy their diabetes etc. The waste of food and money to just bin it doesn't sit well with me. It's just the way I am.
Through numerous attempts at this weight loss thing I have found that the lack of support from my friends and family is my downfall. This time I promised myself I wouldn't draw any attention to it. I would do my thing, keep my house full of clean food. And dispose of anything I don't need. I hate thinking it is rude. But, it is the way I need it to be for my good health. So rude it will have to be for a while.
Hopefully later, when I am stronger in my resolve, I will have the conversation with them. For now, in the disposal it goes. Nobody but you all know. Thank goodness I have you all to tell.
I think this falls under "it's the thought that counts"....they thought they were being nice, you thanked them and you kept your resolve. You're right IMO...you can't let guilt and how other people might think affect your decision to eat clean. Good for you! Hopefully in the future when you have some time and success under your belt (no pun intended) you will find the courage to tell them...cause that would be better. BUT for now, keep on keeping on! 0 -
You weren't ready to do it until you were ready to do it. Just because you are now ready doesn't mean they are. You do them no favors by trying to force a change they are not ready for on them. Would that have worked for you in the past? If they don't like the healthier foods you are preparing, invite their feedback, but don't change what you are doing for you. If they want other foods they should get them for themselves. If your children are minors, they don't have much say. You might try gradual changes with them, that don't seem so drastic. But the point is, just because you have reached your turnaround point doesn't mean they have.
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THIS! 100%! My gf has tried numerous times to try and eat healthier and to work out. I get so excited when she wants to try it... and then SUPER disappointed when she bails. Truth is.... I had to wake up and say "I am tired of living like this" to make the change. NO ONE ELSE could do that for me. Just me. Your friends and family will tell you you are losing too much weight or you are going too far, or will give you crap for what you are eating--- but truth is--- a lot of it is out of insecurity. Out of knowing they could eat healthier and don't. And that's ok. Find your motivation in YOU not in them. 0 -
So I know how it is without a supportive family, been living it for months. I have started making healthy meals for myself a week ahead and sticking to MFP. If they bring in bad food and I am tempted to have a piece I look at the nutritional value- that typically puts me off of it right away because that it probably going to blow my calories for the day. You really have to stick to your guns on that one! Remember why you started in the first place and just avoid the bad things- or if you can look up the calories and indulge in moderation.
I have also started in-corping healthier options in dinner. So they still have plenty to eat but it is healthier. I have found that these slow changes are also changing their eating habits with out them realizing it. And they have finally started to notice and are now enjoying the healthier options.
Maybe adding your big changes to their lifestyles is not the right move. Try incorporating new healthier options slowly and they might see how this could benefit them as well.0 -
My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here
You weren't ready to do it until you were ready to do it. Just because you are now ready doesn't mean they are. You do them no favors by trying to force a change they are not ready for on them.
I don't think the laissez-faire attitude is an option for someone with children. They are developing life-long habits. Bad ones will be difficult to unlearn. It's the parents' job to educate them about health and fitness.
Agreed. Which is why in the sentences after what you quoted I said minor children don't have a choice and told her to invite their feedback and make more gradual changes so that it's not so drastic.0 -
My hubby and kids and friends all seem like they don't want me to get healthy...I think they don't like the healthier foods I'm making and I just don't have a clue what's wrong with my husband. He has diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol and continues to eat all the wrong things and refuses to exercise.I know he works hard at work and it's a physically demanding job but it's not exercise He will eventually die from this if he doesn't change..Much of our lives has revolved around food but it's time to change and it seems no one is on board except me. And the harder I try, the more everyone tries to get me to eat!!! My husband has actually brought home cheesecake (2!) when I was doing this last time. Or he will buy a gyros( my favorite but horrible) Maybe everyone misses the things we did that revolved around food but change is good. I don't know, at least I can get some support here
You weren't ready to do it until you were ready to do it. Just because you are now ready doesn't mean they are. You do them no favors by trying to force a change they are not ready for on them.
I don't think the laissez-faire attitude is an option for someone with children. They are developing life-long habits. Bad ones will be difficult to unlearn. It's the parents' job to educate them about health and fitness.
Agreed. Which is why one sentence after what you quoted I said minor children don't have a choice and told her to invite their feedback and make more gradual changes so that it's not so drastic.
Yes, the changes need to be gradual. If you change too much too fast, the kids will get resentful and it could cause them to have a bad relationship with food and/or mom.0 -
One - You can't MAKE your husband or your family make the healthy change; they have to make that change themselves. HOWEVER, you can do some things that will show them you are very serious about the change for yourself.
You can ask that your husband please support you and not bring the junk home (be specific about what you call "junk")
Sit down and tell him how very important this is to you and that you are looking for him to support you in your quest to become more healthy and tell him why you want to be more healthy. Do some research and bring all the facts to the table; show him you've really thought about this and that it is truly important to you. Let him know that he needs to be supportive of you if he meant his vows when he said them.
You can start making more healthier versions of the foods your family likes
What are the events or things y'all used to do that you don't do now b/c they were centered around food? You should still be able to do these things and find a different way around the unhealthy aspect of them. I need an idea of what the events or outings are in order to suggest a way around the unhealthy aspect.
For instance, if you like to go to a fair; eat a healthy meal before going. You will be full and satisfied and should not desire the junk there.
If it is the movies...again; eat a healthy meal before going and bring some sugar free gum so you feel like you are "snacking" during the movies. You can also get a small popcorn and only eat 1/2 of it if you really want to have some.
There is a way around every barrier that is put in your way...you just have to be creative to find the way around, over, under or through it. 0 -
My children are not super excited about me doing this either. They think that veggies are nasty and they don't like fruit. I have found different ways of getting them to eat it. My daughter HATES mushrooms and any kind of pepper be it yellow, green, red, orange.. it does not matter. She is always wanting to help me cook dinner and do what i'm doing... so I thought.. Why not let her help. I had her in the kitchen with me helping me with dinner which consisted of peppers and mushrooms one night and all of a sudden it was "mom, I like these now" My son on the other hand, I have had to mask a few things.. Grapes are a huge NO NO to him, but I found that if I freeze them first, he will eat them. Its a texture thing to him. now granted he still does not eat the skin of the grape, but at least he is eating it. I have also found that his behavior issues have taken a huge turn for the better. I don't know if this has been studied at all or if i'm just crazy, but its working so i'm going to stick with it. I have only lost 3 pounds in less than 10 days and i'm sooo proud of myself. My husband is for the most part to tired after work so he eats what I put on the table. Thats the other thing I have found helps a lot is everyone sitting down to the table together. I hope this helps some...
I would like to see you stick with what you are doing. You are loosing weight and more importantly, you are going to change your lifestyle. I'm proud of you for reaching out for help which can be the hardest *most important* step. Nothing worth having is ever easy. Keep your head up. You can do this, and eventually they will all follow suit. As far as him bringing home stuff that you can't eat try your best to not let it effect you. My man last night sat on the couch and ate 4 candy bars and a soda. I sat in the chair and drank my water and I felt better than he looked eating his crap food.0 -
I know for me, being the husband, I've watched my wife go from fad diet to fad diet and fleeting moments of exercise. I told her when she started something that was sustainable, real food and real exercise and kept it up as though she was serious, then I would be onboard. Well, she finally did, and she was doing it for herself and without "needing" my help, and when I realized she was serious this time, I jumped in with both feet.
Personally, my weight has never really bothered me enough to do anything about it. I didn't stay up nights crying because I was fat, and I never let my weight stop me from doing anything. It wasn't as important to me to lose the weight, however, now it is. Now I know I can't stop because I'm doing this to help myself (and I'm actually enjoying it) and to help my wife. She has already stuck with it longer than she has before and she's making real progress.
So, I would say just truck on. Do your thing, keep up with it, make progress for you and eventually the family will most likely join in when they realize you're serious enough to see this to the end, no matter what.
I can honestly say, if it wasn't for my wife making a serious effort to lose weight the right way, and for having some dedication to stick to her guns, then I wouldn't be down the 18 pounds I am now. And I know I have plenty more to go, and I'm eager to make that journey. I'm eating real food, and enjoying my exercise. I have a desire to run at some point...which has NEVER entered my mind before. I also have the Warrior Dash 5K planned for May...me...in a race...with like running and stuff....whodathunkit? I have my wife to thank for this!0 -
Just do what you need to do, regardless of the peanut gallery. If you stick with it long enough, they'll stop trying to buck the trend. They will eventually see that you are serious and that you are still lovable even though something has changed.
You never know. They might even get on board once they see your success.0 -
Wow, that is so true- he has seen me go from diet to diet and also quit smoking around 6 times and fail) so maybe he doesn't quite believe me yet! I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt to see if he comes around or not. Either way, I will do it with or without him. Thanks, I needed that 0
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And thanks for all the good suggestions! We talked last night and he is going to try. He has a dr appt next week and she will be on his case. I am going to keep cooking healthy for us and as Dahli Lama said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". True! Have a great evening everyone! It's a new day tomorrow 0
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Just continue to lead by example and stay the course. Cook healthy and when your family asks you what did u make to eat? Tell them "take it or leave it".
I agree. Maybe make the same stuff only "healthier", they don't need to know. ;-)
Could be too that he's afraid of change. I agree with lead by example and when he sees your success and greater energy level maybe he'll get on board. If not, well you know you're healthy. You can only change you really. He'll change when he's ready to change.0 -
Don't you dare give up!
This may be easier said than done but lead by example.
Get the kids involved in the cooking and shopping process.
All you can do is become the change that you would like to see.
Continue to hang on the boards. (((hugs)))0 -
Thank you!0
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I'm single and live with two friends from high school. One leads a sedentary lifestyle, and by my estimation, has gained about 50-60 lbs since graduating college a few years back.
The other is active-- he runs, plays golf (walking the full 18) etc...
However, both have awful diets. For the first, the results are clear. You reap what you sow. For the second, he always complains about his inability to shake his manboobs and spare tire. I try to explain to him that exercise, while necessary, will not put you in the end zone. I think your results are 70% diet 30% exercise. I've seen people that don't workout, but look good because of their diet. I've seen a few cases where it doesn't matter what someone eats... They don't gain a pound. Which is "healthier" is a debate for a different day.
I understand your sitation completely. I remember that I caught a world of *kitten* when I began to shop at Whole Foods for certain things (chicken, fruit, and veggies) because I noticed as I cooked more-- I found the food to be much more flavorful. However, every now and again-- I'll get a compliment. On Labor Day, at a cookout, a number of my relatives started putting my tips into their iPhones, and that made me feel good.
Always remember-- you could be the catalyst for someone else's weight loss!0 -
Jealousy is a possibility too...it's hard to push yourself into weight loss and feel resentful to someone who is doing it...I used to judge my roommate all the time because she's fit, but the reality was I wasn't happy and jealous
BUMP0
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