Off topic but feeling sad Wedding cancelled

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Replies

  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,282 Member
    Glad you did what is best for YOU. I hope you found a place to go and a way to support yourself. Good luck!!
  • MindyG150
    MindyG150 Posts: 1,296 Member
    i ended the relationship just thought id update x

    Way to be strong!

    I'll reiterate what some other folks here have said: Be true to yourself and find what will make you happy. That's the bottom line.

    Good for you!
  • GeekGirl23
    GeekGirl23 Posts: 517 Member
    Have you guys ever tried to see a councilor? If you have been together 9 years and have kids and a business, he doesn't have commitment issues. It takes alot of commitment to have those things. There is mostlikely a very specific reason he cannot tie the knot. Maybe even he doesn't know what it is. You could even ask him to go to a councilor by himself. Maybe he needs to do a little self discovering. There could be a previous relationship wether his own or his parents that has caused him to think negetivly of marriage. He needs to figure it out for himself.

    To state the obvious, he must love you very much to share his life and livelyhood with your for that last 9 years. See if you can point him in the right direction for help without sounding like a leaky faucet.

    Best of luck to you two!

    ^^ this but FYI my ex hubby refused to see a counciler come to find out he was sleeping with 2 if not 3 of my co-workers and I didn't find out the truth until after the divorce. You might be better off. After 9 years he should know
  • wingchunrick
    wingchunrick Posts: 267 Member
    His loss. Simples!
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I haven't read through everything so maybe this has been said, but maybe it's not marriage but the wedding he has an issue with. What about eloping? Have you suggested that? Just the two of you, your daughter and maybe a couple really close friends and family on the beach or at city hall or something. Or even just a very small church ceremony.

    EDIT: Never mind. I see you broke it off. I'm sorry.
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
    sounds like being married isnt the problem, sounds like he just doesnt want a wedding. Which is cool, cause thats the least important part of being married. Go to city hall.

    My thoughts exactly.
  • lululucky1
    lululucky1 Posts: 39 Member
    All I can say is focus on yourself. You need to heel first, stop dwelling on the fact that he wont marry you. Get yourself together, position yourself to be self suffiecient. Go back to school or get a differnet job, improve your self esteem and your position in life. Excersice and find friends with common interests. Once you are truly healthy and financially capable of moving on do so if necessary. He may change his mind once he sees the happy healthy you. By then it might be to late for him but atleast you will be happier!!!

    Be Number ONE!!
  • glamouritz64
    glamouritz64 Posts: 85 Member
    I was married before (for 13 years), and it's not all it's cracked up to be--just saying. I have been divorced for 4 years now.

    If you and this man have been together for 9 years and he still won't marry you, then you have to look at that.

    You said the two of you have been engaged a total of four (4) times. Sweetheart, this is going to be tough to hear: He's not going to marry you. He knows he can shut you up for a while by saying the two of you will get married, then he can back out without repercussion because he knows you are going to stay.

    If a man knows you're not going anywhere even after he's broken his promises to you over and over again, then you've given him permission to treat you exactly the way he's treated you for the past 9 years.

    You need to decide whether you're o.k. with just living with this man, or move on. And mean it. A person can only treat you how you ALLOW them to treat you. You need to take responsibility for how YOUR actions and how you have allowed him to treat you all these years.

    Real talk.
  • Tara1090
    Tara1090 Posts: 199 Member
    I was married 16 years with my ex 10 married but his drinking became awful I left.

    To me it's commitment it shows me he truly loves me , he's has a lot of relationships before me most got to 3 months then he'd end them then there was a 4 year one which was open then an 18 month one for sex his admissions

    I wanted to go to registry office were in uk and have 2 witnesses he banged in about a church etc

    He says he always wanted to be married but I've had every excuse he can give not too
    Too busy. Money . Work. Time.
    Then he seemed all keen to go ahead vicar meet us church booked and you know something isn't right with someone they avoid the issue , our problems are he said I neglect him meaning we don't have sex 15 times a week anymore
    With 3 children a new business his mum has cancer I am seeing that as another excuse.

    Tmi sorry but that's the latest reason

    Hes rejected me....... Saying this again and lots knew our wedding date has left me really upset.

    I'd like to stay with him but I'm so upset angry that if he's telling me he always wanted to get married but then changed his mind again it's not me who's the one

    His parents have been married 57 years his brothers been married 19 years

    You being upset, is completely normal. I can see that marriage means a lot to you, and you two have a long history together. But I doesn't seem like he will change his outlook and get married. You've been engaged 4 times? and each time it fell through. His excuses of "no time" "no money," etc....are ridiculous. You don't need to have a lavish 100K wedding. If he really wanted to do it, he would. We aren't talking about a 20 year old boy, we are talking about a grown man. Perhaps he has commitment problems.

    I saw that you said "leaving him is not an option" because you would end up jobless and homeless....does that mean you rely on him financially as well?
  • Tracepa98
    Tracepa98 Posts: 219
    i ended the relationship just thought id update x

    So very happy for you! It may be scary looking into the unknown for you and your daughter but she will learn from your example and that will be to search for your dreams and what will make you happy. Never settle for less in life.

    I had a similar situation like yours but minus the kids. I was with my boyfriend for close to 9 years (2000-2008). We talked of marriage many times and even started to pick out rings and discuss locations. Then one day he started backpedaling and gave the excuse it was too expensive. I left off the pressure for a while. We had also talked of kids. Well in 2008 his sister had identical twin boys and he wanted nothing to do with them. Wouldnt hold them or help out and barely went to see them. THAT was my eye opener. I was even more angered when i found out that his BIL had offered him an engagement ring to help out and he STILL didnt take it. He wasnt going to marry me and kids certainly werent in his future.

    I wasted most of my 20's with that man and as hard as it was...finally left him in Dec 2008. He bullied me when i left saying I wouldn't make it without him. Well its been 4 years now and I sure as hell have proved him wrong!

    Best of luck to you and your daughter and I hope that you both can find the best out of life. Feel free to add me as a friend on here as well. :happy:
  • ilovemybuggy
    ilovemybuggy Posts: 1,584 Member
    Hi I've been with my guy 9 years July coming we have a daughter & a business together
    We were meant to be getting Married at Christmas this year church booked
    But he wasn't really interested in any of it
    He's never been married he's 45 I'm 42 we've been engaged 4 times as he wouldn't marry me numourous reasons but this time he said we will be married.
    I started to arrange things asked his help he just kept saying I'll do it next week then that turned into 5 weeks if saying the same
    So last night he said there's too many problems so us getting married now isn't ok

    So I cancelled the church car registry office notice and reception venue
    He was like Why? I said he said he didn't want to marry yet, he said it was my fault keep talking about it?

    Now I feel empty 9 years and he I see has a commitment problem
    I know I'll probably get trolls shout at me but has anyone else gone through this I love him
    So we will stay together but marriage means a lot to me

    To leave I'd have to split the family up be homeless and jobless

    :(

    sounds like he's just dragging you along- honestly. If you've been together that long- there should be no issues with you getting married. I agree- maybe time to seek help from a counselor, or just let go.

    EDIT: I kept reading and saw you ended the relationship- it's probably for the best.
  • jetabear10
    jetabear10 Posts: 375 Member
    Put your chin up...all a marriage is is a piece of paper...if it ain't broke then don't fix it!

    Perhaps getting married isn't the answer.

    You have already been together 9 years and have children and a business...it doesn't sound like he is going anywhere.

    Work on what makes YOU happy and the rest will fall into place. IF you decide you NEED that piece of paper to make you happy, then work on it WITH him.

    If I might suggest reading the book "Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice". It is a fantastic book about why women and men do what they do. It made my relationship better and both of us happier too!

    Cheers!
  • Lisah8969
    Lisah8969 Posts: 1,247 Member
    I can tell being married is important to you. With that being said, why do you want to marry someone who does not want to marry you? Is he making sure his options are open so that he can easily leave when someone else comes along? It's important to you. He doesn't want it to happen. And even if he did marry you now after agreeing and cancelling numerous times, you know that it isn't what he truly wants. Do you want him to do it b/c he feels forced? Really...I know there is a lot more to this relationship that I don't understand, but my advice would be to get out now. Do you really want to still be here in 9 more years? Still going back and forth with him saying he will marry you and then not following through and wondering what might have been???

    Good luck to you no matter what!

    Edit: Wow...like others, I commented before reading all the way through to see that you ended it. I can't say I'm happy, but I do think you made the right choice. I think you will be happier in the long run. GOOD LUCK!
  • angmarie28
    angmarie28 Posts: 2,885 Member
    ive been with my SO for 7 1/2 years we were engaged once but we had some problems and broke up for awhile, that was over 5 years ago, but by law we are married, if we split up we need a legal divorce, I call him my husband, we have 3 kids together, own a home together, I hope to have a wedding someday, but not sure if it will happen
  • needamulligan
    needamulligan Posts: 558 Member
    Try counseling. It sounds like you are in a "marriage" now. It's just a marriage without the ceremony or legal benefits but, certainly, with all the problems that are keeping your partner from making it official. Counseling can help you through the bumps and help you determine if this is a relationship you want to save. Good luck.
  • RosaliaMarie
    RosaliaMarie Posts: 11
    I agree with the counseling, mainly for yourself. He's been so contradictory that you probably don't know what direction he is going to take, and maybe he doesn't know himself.

    Before you really decide what to do, see a lawyer to protect your assets. I can't say if you would be better off without him, being on the outside of your problem, but I do know about unhappy marriages, and the fear of being homeless and without funds if you left.

    It's terrible to be in your situation and I wish I could help you more. But, only you can know what you need to do. Find out where you stand financially to protect yourself and your children.
  • sandown12
    sandown12 Posts: 648 Member
    Hi guys I ended it and for good,hes cheated and controlled and Im worth way way more

    Thanks x
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    Hi guys I ended it and for good,hes cheated and controlled and Im worth way way more

    Thanks x


    Great for you! I'm sure it feels like a huge burden has been lifted from your shoulders.
  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Edit> didn't realize it was a thread necro from forever ago.

    Glad you found the strength to walk, hope you don't get screwed over as far as the business, support, and so on goes.

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