Alcoholics in your life? Anyone?

definitely go to a support group.

and just remember that no matter what promises your brother makes, he will only change when he is ready to change. support helps, but him signing his life away to a treatment facility because "this is the only way i can do it", he has to really really want to change.

i am sorry to hear this.

Try the Al-Anon meetings, face to face or online. I have done both and it really does help. Usually we are sick too. We have enabled, tried to control, etc etc. My daughter is an alcoholic. She is in recovery. But what I am learning is that I cannot do this thing for her, she has to do it herself. She recently had to leave our home and she is now homeless. This is the hardest thing I have ever done but I know it's what she needs. I have to stop "taking care of her". She is 22 years old and if she wants to get better, she will. And if she doesn't, she won't and there is nothing I can do about it either way. Let go and let God. It's very difficult, this is the hardest time in my life. I know it is for her too. Detaching with love is what I'm learning about now. I feel like I'm being ripped in half and I am grieving but I feel more peace now that I have been letting go. And it's good for her too. She will gain her own sense of self worth as she does this thing. And I can be happy whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. Feel free to message or friend me. This is a tough thing and support is essential!

What a great mantra. I have no answers though. Just support and a listening ear.

My best friend is an alcoholic and hast lost 2 jobs because of it. Her fiance is a functioning alcoholic and hasn't stopped drinking and getting drunk in front of her since she started rehap. Alanon has helped her a lot.

I didn't keep her at arms length because her parents are hateful and she only had me really, but what I did do was make it very clear that I wouldn't condone her drinking. When she said at dinner that she was going to "just have one glass of wine", I told her that I couldn't stay in the restaurant with her if she wasn't going to take her treatment seriously. It sort of works, but it's an awfully long journey and I'm not convinced that she's not going to relapse at some point.

one of life's hardest lessons is learning that we cannot change others. we can only change how we react to them. i urge you to go to al-anon.

my parents are.

I was one a few years ago. Actually about 2 years ago. I would take days off work so I could drink. My mother was one also, I think after she died that's where I took it up.

Hubby asked me to stop, son asked me to stop. I asked mum to stop. The only person who cold make anyone stop is the drinker themselves.

As much as it pains you to watch, don't watch. As much as it kills you to know they are doing this, you have no choice. It HAS to be their choice to stop, otherwise they wont stop at all... perhaps for a small while, but never fully.

My mother is an alcoholic and though it doesn't effect me as much now I have moved away from home and I am older, it still continues to haunt me. She started because my father was in the Royal Navy and she claimed she was lonely despite having family around her and she had a full time job. In no time it got to the point where she nearly set the house on fire, twice and lost her driving licence as she was DUI. After that she lost her job and eventually my father.

Eighteen years ago they divorced and my dad was medically retired from the Navy due to a heart attack at sea, no doubt brought on by the stress of my mother. She moved in with my nan in the hopes that it would keep her grounded and it did, however she had her own aliments and when she was hospitalized my mother was home alone and would hit the bottle straight away. It wasn't uncommon for weekend visits to result in my nan looking after me due to her being in bed passed out. During this time she had several jobs, including one as an health care assistant to elderly people and she was drunk at work. Needless to say she didn't last long and was fired in all of them. She also had two boyfriends, as soon as they saw her drunk, they kicked her to the curb.

As I got a little older, I got a little bolder and tried to do something about it. I would search her room when I went to visit and take away the bottle, tipping it down the sink. That ended badly and resulted in physical punishment. The visits were reduced and the desire to see her waned and I found myself no longer caring.

In 1998, my paternal grandfather died and it did a number on her. She kept on drinking but she started talking to people who weren't there. That resulted in a 12 week stay in a psychiatric ward and when she came out she was so much better and put on medication.

Slowly she started picking her life up and found love with an old school friend of hers. She moved in with him and his children and it was wonderful. Visits became great again and I found myself actually wanting to spend time with her and my new adopted family. Then in 2003 it all fell apart again. They had a New Years Party, and her boyfriend, a man who should have known better due to having two alcoholics in his family, decided to get a crap load of drink in the house. The temptation was too strong and she was blind drunk and in bed by 6pm...6 hours before midnight. We had a struggle to make her go to bed and it resulted in me being pushed down a flight of stairs. Upon seeing this, her boyfriend decided she was a danger to his own children if she could do that to her own child and ended it.

So she went back to my nan's and again, with no booze in the house and no opportunity she sobered up. But every time my nan went into hospital she'd hit the bottle hard. I thought she'd change when I had my first child in 2008 but before the end of the year she missed a Christmas visit due to her condition.

As far as I know it's been several months since her last episode, but unfortunately I know it won't last long. I would like to say it hasn't effected me but all it's done has made my hatred for drinking even stronger. I don't mind people who drink in moderation, but people who get so out of that they don't know what they're doing, I despise them and due to this I drink occasionally. I don't like to say I gave up on my mother, but I don't have anything left in me to try and fight it. For twenty years she has fought these demons and there's no end in sight, she says she wants to stop it but she just cannot help herself.

My mom is an alcoholic. We all know it has ruined our family (debt, stress, hate etc) but we all act like everything is fine.

There's so much to say about it that I dont even want to start. I just hate that I've had to drag my mom's nearly lifeless body to the hospital three times before I even turned 18. I hate that I've had to make sure I had food because she hoarded all of the grocery money for alcohol. I hate that she put me (and my dogs) in danger many, many times by driving drunk with me in the car. I hate that she denies everything and has the nerve to call me selfish for wanting something to eat.

I hate that she was always hours late picking me up for school. I hate that I couldnt have friends over because she was stumbling around the house. I hate that my dad loses money because he has to come home from work early to take care of her. I hate that my dad is probably going to die very early because all of the stress he's under.

In my opinion, she is extremely selfish. We have sent her to rehab three times. My dad gets her whatever she wants (that he can provide). I forgive her every time she does somehting horrible. We have so many hospital bills and so much debt that my dad will never be able to retire. Yet she can't even hold a job for more than a few months because she's a drunk.

It tears me apart because even though I have EVERY right to be angry with her, I feel so guilty when I scream at her or call her names.

She had an abusive husband right before I was born, and I know she has some family issues, but I feel like as a grown woman you should learn how to deal with it and not ruin your OWN FAMILY because of it.

Kids shouldn't have all this responsibility.

As terrible as this is, I am so thankful that I am not alone in having this kind of upbringing and you must be a very strong individual xx

I read your story as well, I'm glad I'm not alone and not alone in feeling confused about my mom.

I don't like to say I gave up on my mother, but I don't have anything left in me to try and fight it.

Also, this sums up how I feel perfectly. When I visit home now (I live overseas), all I can make myself do is search the house every day and find the hidden vodka, and pour it down the drain.

My dad was and is an alcoholic. It affected me badly so that I grew up thinking drinking heavily was normal. He was also physically, mentally and verbally abusive which left me with very low self esteem / confidence (hence the mask ). This abuse continued until I finally stood up to them (August last year) when they cut off all contact with me. I am currently taking part in Sober September to make myself realise that alcohol is not a good thing for me. I am also taking meditation classes to be able to deal with the stress and strains of life rather than alcohol. I also bought a book to deal with my self esteem issues finally.

Bottom line is that you cannot change the person. Only they can. They are likely to lash out at you if you try. I know that happened to me. You will also end up mentally damaged if your try. I wish to hell I had realised far earlier in my life what the abuse that I received had done to me and that I am actually not the worthless moron that I kept being told I was by that violent drunk. I dont expect to speak to him as long as he lives. It hurts, (despite how he is / was), but at least I can finally rebuild myself after over 40 years of thinking what he said was true.