Not the place for relationship advice but much needed.

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  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    tl;dr

    The word for today is... paragraphs.... say it with me.... pa-ra-graphs..
    Jus sayin' :smokin:
  • SydneyBristowe
    SydneyBristowe Posts: 44
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    For me - touching your *kitten* isn't the deal breaker. The deal breaker is doing it at least two more times after you told him not to.

    I'd get rid
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    The deal breaker is doing it at least two more times after you told him not to.

    Not the fact that he wouldn't cheat only because he doesn't think he deserves her?
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
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    This thread shows that women give the worst relationship.advice.And some of you wonder why you are single and can't seem to find the right guy.....

    Not every woman is OK with being touched by someone they are not MARRIED to. Sorry if people seem to think a woman / or man should just 'take it' because it's 'normal' or 'socially accepted' behavior. Punching someone in the face for a first infraction is a little much but when someone FEELS they have been VIOLATED as it is obvious the OP did then I can understand it.

    Thankfully my boyfriend is good with having his butt touched since I spend a lot of time doing it but we have also been together for 3 years. He knows not to spank me because that WILL piss me off. It's a matter of comfort. Not everyone likes having their butt slapped and I don't think being in a relationship entitles someone to do anything that their partner is uncomfortable with.

    To the OP... You have indicated that being touched in that way is a deal breaker and that it makes you uncomfortable. Regardless of what anyone else says/ thinks the only person who can decide this will be YOU. It is obvious that this man does not have the same set of "accepted behaviors" as you do. There is no reason for you to continue to allow someone to treat you in a way that you have made clear you do not appreciate. Set your standards and don't ever settle for someone who will not respect them.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
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    Anger Management Class ??

    You punched him? SMH

    A more mature way to respond is to say something and remove yourself from the situation.

    Maybe you should think on that.
  • legs_n_bacon
    legs_n_bacon Posts: 478 Member
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    Sounds like a dilhole. Dump him.
  • LivvyLinde
    LivvyLinde Posts: 82
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    It sounds like he flat out does not respect you. I would never be able to live with someone like that, and so it would be a deal-breaker for me, definitely.
  • sundancer1966
    sundancer1966 Posts: 478 Member
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    I would end it, it does sound like he has some growing up to do, and if he is not respecting on something small, if he can not respect your wishes on where he can touch you, there is a problem. Also, violence on any end of a relationship is not healthy, if you feel the need to punch him something is wrong, and he is not bringing out the best in you. You did not say how hard you hit him, but it upset him, so I am guessing it was not a playful tap.

    The right person is not hard to be with and would not be upseting you like this, I think it is time to move on.
  • Sabresgal63
    Sabresgal63 Posts: 641 Member
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    OMG..........but he touched me.......no but she punched me.........your both wrong and you both need to grow up.............
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    call me crazy but grabbing your girlfriend's butt is showing affection....at least in my eyes. it sounds like he is very attracted to you and can't keep his hands off of you. :flowerforyou:
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    I don't know why women won't just let go of a bad situation. If there is something about a person that bothers you now, it's only going to get worse. Yes, it's nice to think people can change, but it seldom happens. Kick him to the curb and move on.
  • daughterofthesea
    daughterofthesea Posts: 82 Member
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    Dump him. You told him three times not to do it, and every time he a) disrespected you and b) disrespected your boundaries. Get rid of him and find a man who'll respect you.

    Btw I'm with you on the whole butt thing, my fiancé did it once and I told him never to do it again or I'd leave. He stopped :p
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
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    He sexually assaulted you, and you punched him. This seems like a totally reasonable response. What I don't understand is why you didn't punch him the second time he assualted you. Or the third. Or the fourth, fith, sixth? No means no. Your body is yours and he has no right to touch you without your permission EVER. If he does, you absolutely have the right to defend yourself, violently if necessary. And I'm at a total loss as to why you want to be with this guy. He isn't going to change. You aren't happy being treated like this. He will only continue to escalate the violation of your boundaries. It will never get better, over time it can only get worse. My advice is get away, trust your first instint and make it a deal-breaker.
  • marieautumn
    marieautumn Posts: 932 Member
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    He sexually assaulted you, and you punched him. This seems like a totally reasonable response. What I don't understand is why you didn't punch him the second time he assualted you. Or the third. Or the fourth, fith, sixth? No means no. Your body is yours and he has no right to touch you without your permission EVER. If he does, you absolutely have the right to defend yourself, violently if necessary. And I'm at a total loss as to why you want to be with this guy. He isn't going to change. You aren't happy being treated like this. He will only continue to escalate the violation of your boundaries. It will never get better, over time it can only get worse. My advice is get away, trust your first instint and make it a deal-breaker.

    how is grabbing your girlfriend's butt sexual assualt? SMH. people are so dramatic. :noway:
  • chroniclesofthinoholic
    chroniclesofthinoholic Posts: 143 Member
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    Oh dear, where do I go with this one? I'm going to keep my points short.
    1) Butt-touching, slapping, grabbing, etc. is not disrespectful in general. It does not make you a "possession", that is just what people do when they are attracted to each other. Pretty run-of-the-mill, as most of the men have pointed out.
    2) However, this guy should respect your boundaries. And I don't like grab-assing in public either-- it's just not classy. If he knows you're uncomfortable with it in general but just can't "help himself", he could at least show you the respect of refraining from doing so in public. No argument there.
    3) Don't punch men unless you think it'd be okay for them to punch you back. Come on. Unless it was playful and light... but the way you describe it makes me think otherwise.
    4) Forget the whole butt touching thing. He thinks he's a loser? He's already questioning if he's going to cheat on you? He needs time to think? About what? End it now! You don't want to get caught up in that nonsense. Bad news.

    ^^ this!
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    seems like the first time may have been more affectionate..well that is until you smacked him. Other times may have been in a degrading manner and since you told him to stop and he didn't, well he's got to go. He didn't respect your wishes on something that then there's a chance it'll just escalate
  • shehealthy
    shehealthy Posts: 3
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    There is much more going on here. It sounds as though you are uncomfortable with your booty being touched, whether it has to do with how you were raised, etc...it is something you clearly do not like. While this is understandable, a man is a man and grabbing your booty is a part of a man (lol). They are physical creatures and if you are his girlfriend, he should be able to grab your booty...you dont want him grabbing another girl booty now do you???

    I dont know if any sexually activity is taking place but if it is I know booty grabbing has been involved, even for your parents even if its just a small touch. Find out the real reason you dont like your booty grabbed and be honest about it, then tell him the real reason and if he doesn't respect you then then you leave, but getting angry and punching and yelling over *kitten* grabbing is unnecessary...yall are a couple. I grab my dudes butt all the time, and its something he truly doesn't care for but I know my limits while he gives me some yet I still get to enjoy myself (lol)

    Dont take it so serious if you really care for this guy then find out what you can do to help this small hump because believe me it is small compared to what other guys do to their girlfriends that is really disrespect.
  • debloves2ride
    debloves2ride Posts: 386
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    sounds like you both hoave some growing up to do and doing it apart would be the most wise way to go.
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
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    Everyone has their pet peeves. If that really bothers you and he doesn't stop then yeah I would say end it because it's obviously not something to negotiate over.. In private is one thing but grabbing your butt in public is a whole other story.
  • zombie_porno
    zombie_porno Posts: 199 Member
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    First of all, it sounds like you need to work on your hang ups about the behind... I'm not saying you have to like it/allow it constantly, but if someone touches your butt, punching them is completely over the top (especially when that person is your sexual partner).

    Second, he obviously needs to work on respect, since he keeps doing something that you find disrespectful.

    Third, you said it yourself. You called it a"deal breaker". That means it's over. Deal breakers end the relationship, that's why they're called deal breakers.

    It sucks to end a relationship, but if you're that uncomfortable with what he is doing & he isn't respecting your feelings, it's time to end it.

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