A tip for parents (and others, I guess)

My parents showed me all sorts of respect and freedom...and I abused the heck out of it and did things that 35 years later I'd blush to share with them.
Conversation is great. Respect is great.
Remembering that they're kids with overdeveloped hormones and underdeveloped brains is even better.

I monitor everything and they know it.
If they tamper with anything, they're punished as if I busted them in the act of whatever.

So, what's the tip?

Act like a warden and your kids will learn to act like criminals.

My dad used to ask me about the situation at hand first. Problem was, he always interrogated me (he has law enforcement background and now works as a fed). That clearly didn't work either. I became very good at lying to avoid the situation all together. Sometimes a little open communication and trust can go a long way.

Ditto. My dad was SO strict and interrogated me about EVERYTHING. Some of the rules he had for me in high school were ridiculous. So instead of being more obedient, I just got sneakier and told him less and less. Our relationship really suffered from the time I was about 14 until I was maybe a sophomore in college. Of course, kids need to learn to respect their parents' rules. But that doesn't mean parents shouldn't have respect for their kids.

Dammit she beat me to it.....this will be fun. Popcorn anyone??

Lol, I am not trying to argue with him, just curious. It's always easy for those who don't have to suggest ways in which parents ("or others") could do something different.

I'm a parent of five, and I agree with the OP. A relationship, whether it be with your spouse, your children or your friends, will only be as healthy as the communication within it.

I have three girls (ages 21, 19 and 13). We have never "tracked histories" or police our internet in any way. (and we all have our own computers/laptops/tablets.) There is a lot of opportunity for them to find things but we handle it by actually TALKING to our kids. From the time they could talk, we've been open and honest (age appropriate) about everything. Sex, drugs (even rock and roll!) suicide, bullying, peer pressure, sexual orientation, politics, alcohol, partying, relationships, body issues, religion, yadda yadda yadda. We listen to them. We point out pros and cons and responsibility and possible scenarios and repercussions. It works REALLY WELL. Just BE THERE for them. Mutual respect goes a LONG WAY and doesn't require being a prison guard.

Setting limits or imposing consequences is not the start of a prison construction project... It is a lesson in life.

No one with job, relationship, or even in school does whatever they want. Most have consequences for a failure to perform or when they perform badly. If you want a child to succeed they need to have the tools to succeed. When they make mistakes as a child they need to be aware there are consequences for those mistakes in order to consider their actions and look for positive rather than negative results in life. FYI - I do not do a lot of punishing of my kids - they make mistakes sometimes and depending on the mistake I may well let life hand them the consequence and explain why, or if it is apparently that life is not going to present them with a consequence in a timely fashion I may impose one of my own.

I think learning there are certain things you CANNOT look up on someone elses computer is a GREAT lesson to learn. Most employers will not allow you to just browse for whatever you want online and they can be VERY crafty about monitoring their employees.

Teach them while they're young that this isn't acceptable! Or they'll have a much harder time when they grow up.

Have kids?

I have a kid. She's nearly 18 and never been any trouble. I know the thread the OP is referencing and I agree completely.

Congrats.

I have three. Just wondering if OP does.

I am aware of the thread he is referencing as well. I commented on it. I asked him a question.

If you're eager for your children to hide things from you, discipline them without asking them about things first. Works like a charm. They'll never come to you with anything.

Kick out your daughter's boyfriend for something in a search history? Guess who's gonna go out and learn how to clear search histories?

so so very true.

however, in this house, there is no deleting history, LMAO. My kid was so dumb to actually think their dad wouldn't know how to fetch it. bone head, she knows better!

You're calling your kid dumb.....

:noway:

So what are you clever people doing when you find things in the history?
do you ground them?
or do you discuss the issues with love and understanding?

and why would you block information from your children, you don't want them to learn?

you better hope they don't check your history

My kids don't have the password to my computer!! When they use my computer they're logged in as a guest. All they can do is use the internet. They can't access any of my files or 'history'. or anything, actually.

I don't block all info, some of it gets red flagged. which means a msg pops up on a computer and my husband says "hey..bonehead#1 is looking at creepy stuff" and sends me the link. I discuss it or let it go. Mostly I let it go unless it's p0rn or other disturbing things.
**Happened once, she was curious. I explained it with out judgement about the nature of p0rn and how while they're having sex, it's not like real sex for the most part, that porn in many ways sets boys up to be disappointed in sex when they get there.
I told her everyone has their own views of p0rn, some good, some bad, but it's an individual choice. and that was pretty much it.

I think the one thing kids don't know, once it's on the internet, it's there. There is no magical internet eraser. It will be there forever, so if you don't want your pastor to see it, your grandkids to see it or your mom... don't e-mail it, don't post it, and for the love of God.. NO bad pictures!

Happened once, she was curious. I explained it with out judgement about the nature of p0rn and how while they're having sex, it's not like real sex for the most part, that porn in many ways sets boys up to be disappointed in sex when they get there.
I told her everyone has their own views of p0rn, some good, some bad, but it's an individual choice. and that was pretty much it.

So if its an individual choice and she choose to keep looking at p0rn you wouldn't have a problem with that?

Happened once, she was curious. I explained it with out judgement about the nature of p0rn and how while they're having sex, it's not like real sex for the most part, that porn in many ways sets boys up to be disappointed in sex when they get there.
I told her everyone has their own views of p0rn, some good, some bad, but it's an individual choice. and that was pretty much it.

So if its an individual choice and she choose to keep looking at p0rn you wouldn't have a problem with that?

When she's 18, and on her own internet, no, I wouldn't care. For now, she's not 18 and it doesn't matter what I think. It's illegal.