What is considered 'cheating' (mature relationships)

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Replies

  • astrylian
    astrylian Posts: 194 Member
    Purposely concealing something from your significant other in any sort of relationship, monogamous or not, is very unhealthy. Not necessarily cheating, but not a pleasant situation. Every couple has different needs.
  • Charger440
    Charger440 Posts: 1,474 Member
    UGH!!! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you......That phrase says a lot.
  • PapaDunx
    PapaDunx Posts: 243
    According to the couple's own pre-defined rules, its something that the other person would see as a betrayal of trust.
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    UGH!!! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you......That phrase says a lot.
    Sometimes one person doesn't care if the other did a certain thing to them, so that would justify them doing it even if the other would find it hurtful.
  • Charger440
    Charger440 Posts: 1,474 Member
    UGH!!! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you......That phrase says a lot.
    Sometimes one person doesn't care if the other did a certain thing to them, so that would justify them doing it even if the other would find it hurtful.

    Your just looking to argue or to find justifications in your actions....I hope you find what your looking for.
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    UGH!!! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you......That phrase says a lot.
    Sometimes one person doesn't care if the other did a certain thing to them, so that would justify them doing it even if the other would find it hurtful.

    Your just looking to argue or to find justifications in your actions....I hope you find what your looking for.

    No. I'm not. No need to pick fights over it.
  • Temporalia
    Temporalia Posts: 1,151 Member
    According to the couple's own pre-defined rules, its something that the other person would see as a betrayal of trust.

    Exactly, to each their own
  • Wol5894
    Wol5894 Posts: 127 Member
    If you look at anyone and think they are attractive you are cheating. If I ever catch my wife looking in a calvin klein catalog, its divorce time.

    I hope you are not serious! My near 37 years of marriage would be in tatters by now if hubby and I lived like that. Just like dieting, you can look at the menu but you don't have to eat - I still like my eye candy from time to time and he appreciates a pretty lady.

    What it boils down to is the rules made in an individual relationship and whether you trust and love each other.
  • DawnEH612
    DawnEH612 Posts: 574 Member
    Given my past hx, I will take cheating even further than most of you will. I think cheating is doing anything that "cheats" the relatinshionship of its full potentional. So, that could be one of the people giving and/or receiving emotional attention from someone outside of the relationship or, in my case, having a partner that was using/abusing drugs behind my back which kept him physically, mentally and emotionally disconnected from me. I ultimately left the relationship as my needs went unmet for far too long.

    A good rule of thumb... If you aren't willing to do it while your S.O. is there, then its not good for the relationship! Meaning, if you were doing something and your S.O. was not present but then he or she showed up, unexpectedly, would you be like "oh, hi, honey" or would your gut sink and say, " oh *kitten*! How do I explain this?"
  • ashlensmomma
    ashlensmomma Posts: 124 Member
    In my eyes cheating is anytime you turn to someone other than your spouse/SO for something you would normally get from them. Theres both physical and emotional cheating...both are hard to recover from.

    This^
  • ChelseaYepThatsMe
    ChelseaYepThatsMe Posts: 457
    If you can't tell the other person about it, then its cheating. whether its a thought, an action, a phone call, etc. If you can't be open about it, you shouldn't have done it obviously
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
    Cheating is anything not agreed upon by the couple. Some couples find hugging cheating. Some don't mind having open sexual relationships. Only the couple can determine what is cheating for them, and it will vary from couple to couple.
  • davert123
    davert123 Posts: 1,568 Member
    In my eyes cheating is anytime you turn to someone other than your spouse/SO for something you would normally get from them. Theres both physical and emotional cheating...both are hard to recover from.

    ^^ This
  • Iceman1800
    Iceman1800 Posts: 476
    I would go where she goes.
    I can't, I'm not not flexible
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    Um, none of these answer will help you because if you have to 'figure out' what cheating is - then your title is deceiving. It was never a mature relationship from the beginning. In a mature relationship, there is mutual trust, mutual respect, and the mutual desire to commit to that person.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    If you wouldn't do it with your SO present, it's probably cheating (could be physical or emotional cheating).
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    The more I think about it, the more I just don't see the point in applying labels to human relationships. Every relationship is different and is composed of the things each person will or will not tolerate from the other. Some are ok with open relationships, and in those cases, I don't think it is "cheating" some aren't, in which case it would be. We are all different, and we all want different things out of other people, be that those we are in a sexual relationship with, or family members. Human interactions are all about what we expect/want from those around us, but none of us own anyone else. None of us get to dictate what anyone else does, we are only responsible for ourselves and what we personally will tolerate from those around us.
  • LauraThirty
    LauraThirty Posts: 74
    My definition is that if you are behaving in a way that you wouldn't behave if your partner was sat right next to you - you are cheating.

    But by that rule I have cheated myself. I'm not saying that I stick to it all the time but I try to as much as I can and for me it is a good rule to live by. I know my partner is the same.
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Um, none of these answer will help you because if you have to 'figure out' what cheating is - then your title is deceiving. It was never a mature relationship from the beginning. In a mature relationship, there is mutual trust, mutual respect, and the mutual desire to commit to that person.
    'To you' didn't fit in the box. My wife is on MFP and read this. Do you really think if I cheated on her I would be blabbing about it here?
  • raverhayley
    raverhayley Posts: 112 Member
    anthing sexual or even thinking of cheating is actual cheating to me
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I don't know if I agree with you or not because even with your "clarification," your post is nonsensical.
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    I don't know if I agree with you or not because even with your "clarification," your post is nonsensical.
    Ok. Here's the deal. A friend of mine asked me what 'we' (the wife and I) thought about threesomes. I didn't know. I thought about it for a bit and brought it up with the wife. She mentioned that some time ago a friend of hers asked her what 'she' thought about threesomes, because she and her husband we're in the market to find a third person (female) to do it with. I was bothered that her thoughts on this were important and mine weren't. Hence the golden rule.
  • MyaPapaya75
    MyaPapaya75 Posts: 3,143 Member
    Cheating is any thing you would need to hide or avoid telling your partner about in fear of their reaction...Simply just dont do it we all have the option to think before acting.....if you are having to hide it or question it nine times out of ten you know your partner will consider it cheating lol.......its 2012 find a partner that is into an open relationship if you love excitement..I think there is no clear definition though it all depends on whats good for each relationship
  • grrrlface
    grrrlface Posts: 1,204 Member
    In my relationship it is considered 'cheating' if it feels like we have to hide something from one another. We both know this, we laid everything out on the table in terms of what we expect in our relationship and we talk to each other about things all the time.

    We also don't meet up with anyone of the opposite sex if we would be alone with them. Again, something I'm not persoanlly comfortable with but I respect it and also don't do it even though my partner doesn't mind who I meet up with.

    Physical/emotional contact with another person is the obvious form of cheating and I would not put up with anyone any longer if I found out that happened. & we both feel that way.
  • Eddie274
    Eddie274 Posts: 156
    If you're out and are kissing or more with others, (and I don't mean friendship type kissing), then I think that that is cheating. That is a golden rule for me in a relationship. Don't cross that boundary.
  • LordBear
    LordBear Posts: 239 Member
    cheating is mental as well as physical... i have seen more than one relationship destroyed from being on the internet.. all these dating sites and face book and myspace etc. do for the most part agree with the op. once you are in a committed relationship with some one. it should be exclusive. and to me that means staying out of the meat markets... hook up fancy bars and clubs dating sites etc..and as far as im concerned facebook as well and anything else like that... but some things are allowed in moderation. get online for only a few min. to catch up and do what u need... maybe go out with the girls/guys as a group and not as a singles group there is a diffference... always hear people griping bout jealousy... yah to some degree it can be to much. but as a committed partner it is my right to be jealous or a lot of times its only cautious. exes, baby daddies etc... gone... texting supposed guy friends..gone..

    of course i have a bunch more to say on the subject. and the relationship rules should be set between the couple involved. and if there is a lot of problems..well then some one needs to grow up or get out.. when your with some one you should be with that person.. within reason of course. this is kind of a pet peeve subject and im probably rambling..lol
  • LittleMissRainey
    LittleMissRainey Posts: 440 Member
    wtf?

    The fact you had to ask the question - and have to clarify it was for 'mature' relationships... tells you everything you need to know.

    If you do something you wouldn't want your partner finding out about - it's shady.
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    I agree with the op, i also see a lot of what i would consider cheating on here.

    Married or in a relationship, men/women crossing the line of "just flirting", its disrespectful.
  • octleigh
    octleigh Posts: 86 Member
    Anything that makes you have to ask this question!!!!
  • marketdimlylit
    marketdimlylit Posts: 1,601 Member
    I agree with the op, i also see a lot of what i would consider cheating on here.

    Married or in a relationship, men/women crossing the line of "just flirting", its disrespectful.

    Completely agree.

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