URGENT Mother in Law

MarySunshine70
MarySunshine70 Posts: 118
in Chit-Chat
I have a grueling 3 hours until lunch with my mother in law. I barely slept last night because of the stress. I want to keep out of the @#$%%%^ field that I usually step in - and avoid saying potentially offensive things.
Also - I NEEEEEED TO LAUGH.
What are some of the things I should NOT say?

Here's the one I thought of: "Well that's not the craziest thing you've ever said to me."
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Replies

  • jporte
    jporte Posts: 164 Member
    Smile and nod and say please and thank you. Just as long as you don't agree to anything crazy.
  • specialkyc
    specialkyc Posts: 384 Member
    Wish I could help, but my mother in law is NUTS...total wack job. I wouldn't dare go to lunch with her. :noway: You, my dear, are brave. :drinker: I have a very hard time biting my tongue, so if I ever went to lunch with her there's a good possibility that she would never want to speak to me, my husband or my children again. It wouldn't hurt my feelings any, but I have to think about the rest of my family.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    Least said, soonest mended. Just smile and nod a lot :smile: Good luck!
  • Nix143
    Nix143 Posts: 522 Member
    Don't do what I do - which is get sooooooo wound up and nervous about not being 'up to par' that I become super awkward - and so when we come to do the obligatory 'hello, how are you hug?' I ALWAYS get my arms wrong - do we, don't we hug? - and I end up holding their boobs. Yup, my hands develop a mind of their own , I aim too high and instead of hands on the waist, it's hands in the boobage area.

    And the more I try not to do it the more insane my arms become.

    Doofus.
  • HelloSweetie4
    HelloSweetie4 Posts: 1,214 Member
    I only spend time with my mother in law when my huband is there. She's too much to handle for one person, but she's also crazy...
  • rubyautumn4
    rubyautumn4 Posts: 818 Member
    I spend alot of time inanely chatting about the weather...
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Hah! I got lucky. My mother in law is sweet. My brother, well... he was not so lucky. So you've got a 50/50 chance from where I'm sitting. Good luck!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    Least said, soonest mended. Just smile and nod a lot :smile: Good luck!

    ^This.

    I'm not on bad terms with my MIL, but we're not really close, either. It stresses me out when I have to see her because I feel like I have to be so fake. I guess she's just not my kind of person, and she can say things that are rather backhanded, but she's not bad-natured like that. I just think she can be clueless sometimes as to how some things she says can be interpreted. It's not just me, either; my other SILs get it, too. I just smile and nod, let it roll off my back, and try to remember that her intentions are always good. However I always have a nice but semi-snarky comeback to any inappropriate questions (like when are we having more kids/how many more kids are we having/do I plan to lose more weight).

    Just breathe, and remember that in less than 24 hours it will be over.
  • jcpmoore
    jcpmoore Posts: 796 Member
    "You know, I saw a great home on the way here today that you'd love. I hear they have a few vacancies left for extreme cases."

    "Wanted to thank you for being such a great role model. Now I know everything not to do."

    "So what poison did you drink to make you look like that? "
  • MarySunshine70
    MarySunshine70 Posts: 118
    Don't do what I do - which is get sooooooo wound up and nervous about not being 'up to par' that I become super awkward - and so when we come to do the obligatory 'hello, how are you hug?' I ALWAYS get my arms wrong - do we, don't we hug? - and I end up holding their boobs. Yup, my hands develop a mind of their own , I aim too high and instead of hands on the waist, it's hands in the boobage area.

    And the more I try not to do it the more insane my arms become.

    Doofus.
    Yep - thanks for the laugh!
  • MarySunshine70
    MarySunshine70 Posts: 118

    It stresses me out when I have to see her because I feel like I have to be so fake. I guess she's just not my kind of person, and she can say things that are rather backhanded, but she's not bad-natured like that. I just think she can be clueless sometimes as to how some things she says can be interpreted.
    this
  • MarySunshine70
    MarySunshine70 Posts: 118
    "You know, I saw a great home on the way here today that you'd love. I hear they have a few vacancies left for extreme cases."

    "Wanted to thank you for being such a great role model. Now I know everything not to do."

    "So what poison did you drink to make you look like that? "

    Thanks for actually answering my question - I love them!!
  • BingleyElliot
    BingleyElliot Posts: 1
    Whenever my mother in law says something crazy or something that is rude I will say, "How interesting that you feel comfortable saying that. let me think a bit more about it." Or you can try, "What an interesting observation." The other trick - she loves to talk about herself so just ask her lots and lots of questions about herself - particularly about her past - and that will take the onus off of you!
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
    How about..

    "Oh, so that was the look you were aiming for in that outfit"

    "You know, you really messed up with raising your son.. here's a quick list of everything I blame you for"

    "I like you so much more when I've been drinking.. too bad I have to go back to work after this"

    :laugh:

    I really lucked up, I have an awesome MIL that I really enjoy spending time with.
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    "I've been sleeping with your son."
  • jg627
    jg627 Posts: 1,221 Member
    "I've been sleeping with your son."
    That one is always a crowd pleaser, but if she's really uptight you could also open with, "your grandkids are going to be like me".
  • ckish
    ckish Posts: 341 Member
    You can't change her so don't even worry about it. I've used the phrase "Thank you! That is a very interesting idea. I will have to think about it." There is no where for the fight to go. She doesn't need to know I did think about it and decided to disregard it. She used to complain to me about the most rediculous things when my husband was not around. My husband gave me permission to use the phrase - "That is how ny husband likes it." Which was very helpful too. By the time he got home she forgot about many of her complaints and he quietly dismissed the rest with the first phrase as well. My hubby had decades more practice dealing with her so he didn't feel like I was throwing him under the bus. He just knew how to handle her better. Now I just let it roll of my back and don't try to change her mind on anything. Unless she starts saying hurtful comments to my kids - like they are not loved, no one likes them, and they are not considered part of our family - all because they aren't following her warped advise. Then I nail her to the wall.
  • MarySunshine70
    MarySunshine70 Posts: 118
    "I've been sleeping with your son."

    Nice :love:
    We've been married 22+ years & that would be a truly awkward opener - but only after she updates me on her yeast infection
  • MarySunshine70
    MarySunshine70 Posts: 118
    I've used the phrase "Thank you! That is a very interesting idea. I will have to think about it." ....
    - "That is how ny husband likes it."

    Thanks! Good ideas
  • vanillarama
    vanillarama Posts: 101 Member
    I feel sorrier for the MIL my husband has to deal with.
  • ckish
    ckish Posts: 341 Member
    Also, the way my kids and I have still been able to remain polite in her presence is to remember all of the crazy things she says and the pain she inflicted has been going on for decades. My husband did not have a warm loving childhood, However, he has become a wonderful husband and an amazing father by making sure he doesn't replicate the pain of his childhood. Whenever we are around my MIL and she starts in we remember that ALL of her nastiness helped shape her son - the man that we love and adore - so we drop down on our knees in our mind and thank God for who she is. Although I would have loved to change my husbands childhood I can see that our immense happiness was forged thru the pain. Therefore I make a point to thank my MIL for her valuable contribution in producing the man that I love today. It helps set us out on the right foot when we get together because she really thinks in her warped way she was the worlds best mother which is why she is always trying to give me her "advise".
  • hermanaamber
    hermanaamber Posts: 103 Member
    Good advice! My MIL will be here for a month!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    My husband gave me permission to use the phrase - "That is how ny husband likes it."

    Yup, if your husband backs you no matter what, then this is a great way to go! My husband knows I hate dealing with his mom (his dad is great, though), and my parents are no picnic, either, so I deal with them. It's an unspoken agreement that we have that we deal with the BS from our respective families. He's always had my back 100% and vice versa.

    So I agree that you should pull the "husband card" anytime you need to - and let him talk to her if you don't feel comfortable if she ever puts you down. He should always defend you.
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    I have a grueling 3 hours until lunch with my mother in law. I barely slept last night because of the stress. I want to keep out of the @#$%%%^ field that I usually step in - and avoid saying potentially offensive things.
    Also - I NEEEEEED TO LAUGH.
    What are some of the things I should NOT say?

    Here's the one I thought of: "Well that's not the craziest thing you've ever said to me."
    "hey, your daughter does thins "thing" with her hips. Did you teach her that?"
  • sweebum
    sweebum Posts: 1,060 Member
    "Oh, bless your heart" with a sweet smile.
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    "I've been sleeping with your son."

    Nice :love:
    We've been married 22+ years & that would be a truly awkward opener - but only after she updates me on her yeast infection

    Oh, ew. I do love that comment, though. I should hope after 22+ years that you've slept with your husband at least once :wink:
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    "Oh, bless your heart" with a sweet smile.

    Ha! It's the Southern smackdown! Definitely one of my favorite phrases. Unfortunately my MIL is from the South and would get it if I said that.
  • melduf
    melduf Posts: 468 Member
    Sorry, can't help you: I spend more time with my mother-in-law then my own mother... there was never any awkwardness between us.
  • terri1020
    terri1020 Posts: 38
    I'm married for 34 years. Cheerful and stupid works every time, I promise :-)
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
    "hey, your daughter does thins "thing" with her hips. Did you teach her that?"

    Ok, I will admit that I snorted my coffee after reading this... Hilarious!

    Plus I picture my husband saying this to my mom. Oh, my, talk about awkward.

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