Silly joke time, put em on :-)
Replies
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This ones a bit long, but hey. It's a guy writing in to an agony aunt in a UK tabloid.
Dear Deirdre. I have never written to you before but i really need your advice. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings and if i answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot & when I ask the names it's "you don't know them", i try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I ususally fall asleep. Anyway last night i decided to finally check on her. Around midnight i hid in the garage behind my motorbike so as to get a good view of the whole street when she came home from her night out with the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning her blouse which was open and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment as i crouched behind my motorbike i noticed it, a hairline crack where the fairing meets the tank, is this something i can fix myself or should i take it back to the shop?0 -
What did they blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Awe! Bagel seeds!"
[/quote} Love it0 -
:laugh:
Why didn't the Skeleton cross the road?
HE DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS!!
MY LIL GIRL TOLD ME THAT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS HILARIOUS!0 -
Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: *gagging noise*
Q: How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: WANNA RIDE BIKES?!??!?!??
Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. Hippies screw in smelly sleeping bags.
Q: How many houseflies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two, but we have no idea how they got in there.
Knock knock
Who's There?
To
To who?
To whom
(this next one is best told in person with a LOT of commitment on your part)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Can you sing some
Can you sing some who?
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
(a la Roger Daltrey in Won't Get Fooled Again)
:laugh: These were awesome... love the "sing some Who" one...0 -
a poor share cropper hit the lotto.He asked his wife what is the one thing she always wanted. She said a milk bath like the rich ladies have. He went to the local dairy and asked for milk so he could get it for his wife's milk bath. The clerk asked him how much he wanted . the share cropper replied, "I don't know, a few gallons? enough to take a bath in."." Would you like it pasturized?" The clerk asked . "Oh no," said the share cropper, "just up to her hips will be plenty!.":bigsmile:0
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Grandad.
****, quick open up that coffin!0 -
What did they blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Awe! Bagel seeds!"
HILARIOUS!0 -
Did you hear about the courderoy pillows?.....................................They're making Headlines!0
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M wife told me that she liked morning sex
So why did she slap me when I got on top of her during her Grandad's funeral!0 -
Everytone thinks that girls dream is to meet the prince on a white horse. Bull%&£t!!! Every girls dream is to eat and not become fat!0
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Why women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.0 -
Heres a couple of jokes..
Liverpool FC and the Boston Red Sox..0 -
Why was the blonde psyched that she finished the jigsaw puzzle in just 8 short months? Beacuse it said 2-4 yers on the box.0
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So, a neutron walked into a bar and said "I'd like a beer, please."
After the bartender gave him one, he said "How much will that be?"
"For you?" said the bartender "No charge."
*insert corny punchline drum sound*0 -
And just so the blondes don't feel like they are being picked on...
What do brunettes miss most about parties?
The invitations
Q: What is a bondes mating call?
A: I'm drunk..
Q: What is a brunette's mating call?
A: Hey guys I said I'm drunk.
Q: What's a red head's mating call?
A: NEXT!!0 -
How do you scare bees? Say BOO bees!0
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Two Irishman leave a bar.
(I was rolling with that one)0 -
Q: How do you get a Twinkie pregnant?
A: Stick it in a box of Ding Dongs!
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:laugh: 0 -
What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
De-calf-inated0 -
Why are there fences around graveyards?
Because people are DYING to get in! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, eating right doesn't have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you're eating right. Colors. Fill your plate with bright colors: Greens, Reds, Yellows.
In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M's. It was delicious! I never knew eating right could be so easy.0 -
How do you catch a unique bunny?
You neek up on him!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Da tame way you neek up on him!
:::ba dump bump:::0 -
How do you hurt Lady Gaga?
P-P-Poke her face.
Heeeeeeeeeyyyyooooo!0 -
What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!0 -
This has aways been my favorite proverb:
He who farts in church must sit in his own pew.0 -
Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CDs? In a rack0
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I just saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a catflap!!!! :-)
Hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa
What does a dyslexic agnostic do?
Sits around and wonders if there really is a dog.
I went to a dyslexic rave the other night. Everyone was off their heads on F.0 -
B/c poop jokes never get old. This is my 7y/o's favorite!!
Knock knock
Who's there
Small mop
Small mop who0 -
After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old
Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it.
Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image
staring back at him.
'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder.'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the
way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in
the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go
there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed.
So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed,
'So that's the ugly ***** he's running around with.'0
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