Silly joke time, put em on :-)
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What did the 0 say to the 8?
"Nice Belt"0 -
B/c poop jokes never get old. This is my 7y/o's favorite!!
Knock knock
Who's there
Small mop
Small mop who
This made me lol, I'm not going to lie. I'm 25.0 -
I remember my mothers last words to me....
What you doing with that pillow?0 -
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it!
LOL!! I crack myself up!!0 -
Where does Saddam Hussein keep his CDs? In a rack
Q: Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!0 -
Anything unrelated to an elephant is irrelephant...0
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I was running this morning and heard someone clapping... It was just my thighs cheering me on!0
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How do you upset Heather Mills? Nick Clegg.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.0 -
Anything unrelated to an elephant is irrelephant...
This made me LOL!!0 -
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You 'neak up on it!!!0 -
haven't read them all... hopefully this isn't a double
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters... where do girls with one leg work?
... IHOP
tee hee 0 -
bnag...............................thats bang out of order!0
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What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A Wonky
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs and one eye?
A Winky Wonky
*facepalm*0 -
Why was 6 scared? Because 7 8 90
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A little early morning sexism here...
Q : Why do women have smaller feet then men?
A : So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink
Q : Why do men snore?
A : Because their balls fall over their @$$ when they sleep and get vapor locked
Q : What does a man consider a 7 course meal?
A : A six-pack and a hot dog
Q : When should you buy your wife a watch?
A : Never, there is a clock on the Stove.0 -
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"
"1955, ma'am."
"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."0 -
Two Irishmen leave the bar...OMG, That is the funniest! I just texted it to my Irish husband!!!0
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how do whales travel on land?
a whale way
so bad lol0 -
If swimming makes you slimmer I wonder what whales are doing wrong...0
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Why don't southern belles attend orgies?
Too many Thank You notes....:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
That's enough dyslexic jokes - KO?0
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What did one strawberry say to the other?
"If you weren't so sweet, we wouldn't be in this jam..."0 -
An italian, a frenchman, and a redneck are talking.
The Italian says "When I've finished makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her feet and she floats 6 inches of da bed in ecstacy."
The Frencman replies "zat is nothing. When ah.ve finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all zee way down her body and zen ah lick za bottome of her feet and she floats a foot above ze bed in ecstacy. "
The redneck says "psshhooot that ain't nothin! When I've finished porkin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my weener on the curtains. She hits the freakin ceilin. "0 -
That's enough dyslexic jokes - KO?
lol just one more.
A dyslexic skiier didn't know whether to zig-zag dowm the slop or zag-zig. So he goes up to a guy dressed in all the gear and asks him whether he should zig-zag, or zag-zig
The guy says "Hey it's no good asking me, I'm a tobogganist"
"Oh right" He says, "In that case can I have 20 Marlboro please"0 -
This ones a bit long, but hey. It's a guy writing in to an agony aunt in a UK tabloid.
Dear Deirdre. I have never written to you before but i really need your advice. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating. The usual signs; phone rings and if i answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot & when I ask the names it's "you don't know them", i try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I ususally fall asleep. Anyway last night i decided to finally check on her. Around midnight i hid in the garage behind my motorbike so as to get a good view of the whole street when she came home from her night out with the girls. When she got out of the car she was buttoning her blouse which was open and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment as i crouched behind my motorbike i noticed it, a hairline crack where the fairing meets the tank, is this something i can fix myself or should i take it back to the shop?
Perfect.0 -
I don't know why this cracks me up so much, but here goes:
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.0 -
What did one snowman say to the other?
"Do you smell carrots?"
lol 0 -
Hear about the flasher who was thinking about retiring? He decided to stick it out one more year.0
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:blushing: :drinker:0
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So these two muffins are baking in an oven and one turns to the other and says "man! hot enough in here for ya?" and the other one says "HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"I don't know why this cracks me up so much, but here goes:
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Q: what's black and sticky?
A: a stick at night.
Q: what's brown and runny?
A: Usain Bolt
Q: what's brown and rhymes with snoop?
A: Dr. Dre!
Q: what do you call the black guy flying the plane?
A: the pilot, you racist!
:laugh:0
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