What if your husband or wive wants to know...?

Don't know why this would just be coming up AFTER marriage but, including him the answer should NEVER be more than five.

the true answer? or the one you tell him?

I read the first three pages and the last two above mine, so I am not sure if this came up yet or not. Apologies if it did. My DH and I do have these types of conversations. It can be a little uncomfortable for me because he has had such a wild streak when he was younger. However, I have "more experience" IE have tried more things. So my number I can count on one hand, while he has to estimate his. Lol.

Why did this come up after marriage? Well, I don't want the past to get thrown in my face by one of these gals someday and not have known about it before. I do not want to allow another person that kind of power over how I feel about my husband. Some of the details were a little painful for me to hear, but I heard them from him, which shows he was honest. I also saw and heard how he felt about those things (not excited or bragging, but ashamed) and this did take a few days to completely process, but we are stronger for it.

This approach is definitely not for everyone. I think there is a natural curiosity about the first time, the weirdest place, what worked best, wildest thing you have ever done, etc. And that stuff really opens up a window where you see your partner differently. When you talk about past relationships, it allows you to learn from their mistakes. Maybe you never knew that a past girlfriend would always be sitting in the same spot on the couch when he got back from work, in the same spot she was in when he left, appearing to have done nothing to clean the house or contribute was a deal breaker. Sometimes little details like that trigger an emotional response that is stronger than your typical annoyance reaction.

It is easier to get along with a person and understand their point of view when you know more about them. It works for me.

I dunno - just not a good place to go if you are already in a commited relationship. The question might put the mind in a creeping mode which is never good and will probably raise other not so great questions.

I know how many my hubby has been with but he doesn't know my number - he didn't want to know and I'm okay with not sharing. If he ever asks, I'll answer him truthfully and he can deal with the feelings he has about my answer because that'll be his choice. Just like it was my choice to ask him.

so how many was it? lol

50 - not including the 2 chicks.

i don't know how knowing the number would make a relationship better or worse but i do know that if my husband asked me anything i would tell him. i wouldn't lie either. who cares how many people anyone has been with?

Always cut it in half!!!

So is that like just the tip for you or something?

Most women want to know this about their partner, so they either ask or they don't ask. If they don't ask they will find away to find out without asking there partner. Most men who aren’t the jealous or possessive type don't care, so if a guy wants to know this RUN.

Why would you lie or say no? That doesn't make any sense to me. as long as the number isn't going up while you're married it shouldn't matter. Why would you want to base a marriage on withholding information or lying?

It doesn't Better a relationship or marriage. Though my hubby and I have had this conversation, it was BEFORE we married, not after. Still, We also talk about experiences we've had in the past. But you have to have a very close relationship and full trust in one another in order to ask/answer that kind of a question.

The only way it could be better for a relationship is knowing your partners likes and dislikes. But there are other ways of getting that information without asking how many. That question is really quite irrelevant.

My advise to you is to NOT get defensive if and when he asks, but simply pose the question to him, Why do you want to know? How do you think that this information will better our relationship? and How would you feel if I asked you the same question?

See what he says

For me it doesnt matter. What happen's in Vegas stays in Vegas....in other words-its in the past so doesnt mean squat.

^^
THIS

My hubby and I have been together for 13 years and we have NEVER EVER brought up our past exploits or partners before we got together. We clearly believe that whatever happened in the past has shaped us as individuals and should remain where it was in the PAST.

IF my hubby ever wanted to know if I slept with a particular person I'll share that information just don't ask how many because that is irrelevant to our current relationship besides if he asks and I respond "YES" just keep track of how many times I said it.