What if your husband or wive wants to know...?

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  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
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    I really don't understand why it's important. If both people have been tested, then it doesn't matter. At all. My boyfriend and I have never asked each other this question because it has absolutely no bearing on our relationship. I don't care if he slept with 2, 20, or 200 women as long as he's free of STDs and only sleeps with me now.

    If someone asked me how many people I'd been with, I'd rule them as completely uptight and probably end it right there.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    Well, ive told her how many...and all of her previous relationships are good friends of ours. Honestly, it isn't a big deal unless it gets made into one. We both feel strongly about monogamy, for us, if not necessarily for others.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
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    My boyfriend didn't ask me, but he knows I'm more experiences than he is. If he did ask I'd tell him, I've got nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    I think its appropriate to know your partners sexual history when you become intimate because of sexually transmitted diseases. It isn't weird to me that your guy asked, its weird he didn't ask when your relationship first became intimate.
  • thatsingingchick
    thatsingingchick Posts: 9
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    My husband knows exactly how many guys I've been with. I don't see the point of keeping secrets.
  • joehempel
    joehempel Posts: 1,761 Member
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    I think its appropriate to know your partners sexual history when you become intimate because of sexually transmitted diseases. It isn't weird to me that your guy asked, its weird he didn't ask when your relationship first became intimate.

    THIS.

    But I do think it bettered the relationship I am in with my fiance...however, I don't agree with the statement "I would have lied anyway" that just sets a foundation of mis-trust. If you are going to lie about that, what else are you going to lie about?

    My fiance knows pretty much everything there is to know about me, and anything she wants to know, she can ask and will get a 100% honest answer even if it's not comfortable for me to say.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
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    I think its appropriate to know your partners sexual history when you become intimate because of sexually transmitted diseases. It isn't weird to me that your guy asked, its weird he didn't ask when your relationship first became intimate.

    This makes since, IF Y'ALL WERE GETTING TESTED. Like asking your partener if they have EVER caught something from someone that they were aware of, that is TOOOOOOTALLY understandable. But know a NUMBER because trying to figure out STDs and such dsnt click in my head personally. For STD facts all he/she has to do is get tested or ask, People can contract something from the FIRST person they slept with or the 100th person. So simply knowing a number of sexual PARTNERS dsnt really mean much for this.
    In MY opinion anyway.
  • sullivann
    sullivann Posts: 199 Member
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    Um...everyone is different, but I really think you two should have talked about that BEFORE marriage? Hahaha. My SO and I casually talked about it, and that was it. No point in keeping secrets or anything.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    My husband and I discussed this in passing when we were dating/living together. I've only slept with 3 people before him. He's slept with at least 10 times that many women. That was before me and I don't want any details on what he did or who he slept with. We are together now and have been for 22 years. I am the one he wanted to marry and that's what matters the most. And he far surpasses any of the three I had in my past.
  • mandiemma
    mandiemma Posts: 128 Member
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    I asked my boyfriend mainly to know how many possible kiddos he could have running around... I figured one for every 5 women/girls he slept with ;-)

    ***JOKING***
  • AlotOfSweatAndPain
    AlotOfSweatAndPain Posts: 234 Member
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    I feel weird when my GF asks. Don't know why it should even matter as long as I'm faithful to her.
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
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    One one hand I don’t think we need to share every last little detail with our partners.

    On the other, I can’t imagine being scared or downright refusing to tell my bf anything.

    Sounds like they have bigger issues going on.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
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    I know how many my husband has had from just random conversations.

    He may have an idea of how many I've had but he's never asked. If he did, I would tell him. Why not? I've got nothing to hide and am secure that no matter what the number is, he will continue to love and respect me.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Don't tell him about us:love::smooched: :flowerforyou:
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
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    While extremely tempted to lie, I'd still be honest.

    But I don't think it is really that important to share in the first place.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
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    Monica Lewinsky type action count?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Wouldn't bother me one bit.. We know each other's numbers. :)
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    We know each other's numbers because we're open with each other about it. We have nothing to hide from each other.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.


    I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.

    In all fairness, you support lying in your previous reply. If there is nothing to hide, there is no reason to lie. While I agree, I would be curious why he is asking, there is no good reason to be anything other than honest. Better to simply say that you are not comfortable sharing that info, or that you do not feel it is relevant. But lie to your husband, I don't think so.

    Besides, OP, he chose YOU. So who gives a flying fig about the others? My hubby was a bartender and a frat boy (i.e. SLUT) and I knew that going in. And I have no issue whatsoever, because he was my best friend for many years before we got together. We are completely honest with each other, and with that comes trust and respect. I would not have it any other way (and he is my 2nd hubby, so I have already tried and failed once before).
  • meldins0831
    meldins0831 Posts: 42
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    Monica Lewinsky type action count?

    ^^ If that's the case, I have no idea!! :happy:

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