What if your husband or wive wants to know...?

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Replies

  • EnchantedEvening
    EnchantedEvening Posts: 671 Member
    I really don't understand why it's important. If both people have been tested, then it doesn't matter. At all. My boyfriend and I have never asked each other this question because it has absolutely no bearing on our relationship. I don't care if he slept with 2, 20, or 200 women as long as he's free of STDs and only sleeps with me now.

    If someone asked me how many people I'd been with, I'd rule them as completely uptight and probably end it right there.
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
    Well, ive told her how many...and all of her previous relationships are good friends of ours. Honestly, it isn't a big deal unless it gets made into one. We both feel strongly about monogamy, for us, if not necessarily for others.
  • brevislux
    brevislux Posts: 1,093 Member
    My boyfriend didn't ask me, but he knows I'm more experiences than he is. If he did ask I'd tell him, I've got nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    I think its appropriate to know your partners sexual history when you become intimate because of sexually transmitted diseases. It isn't weird to me that your guy asked, its weird he didn't ask when your relationship first became intimate.
  • thatsingingchick
    thatsingingchick Posts: 9
    My husband knows exactly how many guys I've been with. I don't see the point of keeping secrets.
  • joehempel
    joehempel Posts: 1,543 Member
    I think its appropriate to know your partners sexual history when you become intimate because of sexually transmitted diseases. It isn't weird to me that your guy asked, its weird he didn't ask when your relationship first became intimate.

    THIS.

    But I do think it bettered the relationship I am in with my fiance...however, I don't agree with the statement "I would have lied anyway" that just sets a foundation of mis-trust. If you are going to lie about that, what else are you going to lie about?

    My fiance knows pretty much everything there is to know about me, and anything she wants to know, she can ask and will get a 100% honest answer even if it's not comfortable for me to say.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
    I think its appropriate to know your partners sexual history when you become intimate because of sexually transmitted diseases. It isn't weird to me that your guy asked, its weird he didn't ask when your relationship first became intimate.

    This makes since, IF Y'ALL WERE GETTING TESTED. Like asking your partener if they have EVER caught something from someone that they were aware of, that is TOOOOOOTALLY understandable. But know a NUMBER because trying to figure out STDs and such dsnt click in my head personally. For STD facts all he/she has to do is get tested or ask, People can contract something from the FIRST person they slept with or the 100th person. So simply knowing a number of sexual PARTNERS dsnt really mean much for this.
    In MY opinion anyway.
  • sullivann
    sullivann Posts: 199 Member
    Um...everyone is different, but I really think you two should have talked about that BEFORE marriage? Hahaha. My SO and I casually talked about it, and that was it. No point in keeping secrets or anything.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    My husband and I discussed this in passing when we were dating/living together. I've only slept with 3 people before him. He's slept with at least 10 times that many women. That was before me and I don't want any details on what he did or who he slept with. We are together now and have been for 22 years. I am the one he wanted to marry and that's what matters the most. And he far surpasses any of the three I had in my past.
  • mandiemma
    mandiemma Posts: 128 Member
    I asked my boyfriend mainly to know how many possible kiddos he could have running around... I figured one for every 5 women/girls he slept with ;-)

    ***JOKING***
  • AlotOfSweatAndPain
    AlotOfSweatAndPain Posts: 234 Member
    I feel weird when my GF asks. Don't know why it should even matter as long as I'm faithful to her.
  • carriempls
    carriempls Posts: 326 Member
    One one hand I don’t think we need to share every last little detail with our partners.

    On the other, I can’t imagine being scared or downright refusing to tell my bf anything.

    Sounds like they have bigger issues going on.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
    I know how many my husband has had from just random conversations.

    He may have an idea of how many I've had but he's never asked. If he did, I would tell him. Why not? I've got nothing to hide and am secure that no matter what the number is, he will continue to love and respect me.
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
    Don't tell him about us:love::smooched: :flowerforyou:
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    While extremely tempted to lie, I'd still be honest.

    But I don't think it is really that important to share in the first place.
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    Monica Lewinsky type action count?
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Wouldn't bother me one bit.. We know each other's numbers. :)
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    We know each other's numbers because we're open with each other about it. We have nothing to hide from each other.
  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
    A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.


    I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.

    In all fairness, you support lying in your previous reply. If there is nothing to hide, there is no reason to lie. While I agree, I would be curious why he is asking, there is no good reason to be anything other than honest. Better to simply say that you are not comfortable sharing that info, or that you do not feel it is relevant. But lie to your husband, I don't think so.

    Besides, OP, he chose YOU. So who gives a flying fig about the others? My hubby was a bartender and a frat boy (i.e. SLUT) and I knew that going in. And I have no issue whatsoever, because he was my best friend for many years before we got together. We are completely honest with each other, and with that comes trust and respect. I would not have it any other way (and he is my 2nd hubby, so I have already tried and failed once before).
  • meldins0831
    meldins0831 Posts: 42
    Monica Lewinsky type action count?

    ^^ If that's the case, I have no idea!! :happy:
  • DrMAvDPhD
    DrMAvDPhD Posts: 2,097 Member
    Yeah, that was something my husband and I talked about before marriage. If not, and I asked now, I would still expect an answer.
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    My wife assumed it was a big number because of stories she heard. And for some reason she felt like she should tell me before we got married. but she never asked me until after we were married for a while. she was happy with my answer.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    My husband never asked, and I never asked him..it dont matter..
    But If he did ask, I would lie lol..yea its that bad:)
  • almarsala
    almarsala Posts: 168 Member
    Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..

    No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...

    And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....

    this is the best thing I've ever read <3
  • PaleoRDH
    PaleoRDH Posts: 266
    Tell him 300. :smokin:
  • jenbit
    jenbit Posts: 4,252 Member
    lol No SO here so it doesnt really matter. I have no problem letting people know who many guess I've slept with and if a guy wants to know then I'll tell him. I really dont care one way or another. I wouldnt ask though cause like I said I dont care
  • homerjspartan
    homerjspartan Posts: 1,893 Member
    Wait till you been married 15 years..... now I ask her to tell me in detail and embellish as much as possible......
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I wouldn't be with a dude if he cared or was pushy about knowing. That said....

    I freely talk about my older lovers with my husband and he freely talks about his old lovers.
  • ellenxmariex3
    ellenxmariex3 Posts: 165 Member
    My boyfriend knows mine and I know his. It's not something that bothers us. But the numbers are low since we got together pretty young.

    I think the only time it would matter is if one of the partners was a virgin. That would be something I'd want to know. Other than that, I don't care.
  • karynspeace
    karynspeace Posts: 132
    Happily married for 21 years and we never had that discussion. What happened in the past is what defines the present you. It is what got you to where you are now, which is with your husband/spouse/partner. What happened back then does not belong in your NOW.

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