What if your husband or wive wants to know...?
Replies
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I THINK it matters.... only in relation to your sex life. So really the question isn't about the number of partners, but there must be an underlying question like, "How do you know all this wild and kinky stuff?" ORRRRRR.... "How come she doesn't really know anything about sex?"
So if you don't want to say the number, I'd reroute the conversation to the satisfaction factor of your sex life.
THIS HERE, I CAN UNDERSTAND.
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Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..
No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...
And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....0 -
A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.
I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.
I agree with this ^^^
Plus no one who wants to know has told me how answering this question is going to BETTER the marriage.
Although you did not ask me it bettered my relationship a lot for him knowing. My situation is not a normal situation, but for us, it allowed him to know what I have been through and what went on in my past, and how to deal with the issues that may arise.
I think i remember you 1st response so this make your situation quite a bit different i agree.
(as for everyone else, i asked how it makes the relationship better in the original post, lol)0 -
My boyfriend and I have talked about it in detail. I think your sexual experiences are part of who you are and also who you are sexually. For me with the person I plan to marry and who knows me in the most intimate and in depth way of any one this is a natural thing to share and discuss. I've slept with more people than my partner, but I never felt any need to lie about that. He loves and accepts me as I am, everything in my past made me who I am today. I think it makes the relationship stronger to know about a persons experiences and stories in life, before you it helps you understand them and make you both feel connected. Previous partners is part of that.
So even if it's strange that it's never been raised before I don't think it isn't something to share and I definitely don't think it should be lied about. And I totally disagree with the "best friends is over rated" people. My boyfriend is my best friend, my team mate and the person who knows every single thing about me and still loves me more than words. I wouldn't want anything else.0 -
A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.
well stated!!!!0 -
A husband is a life partner and should be a best friend. If you cannot tell each other EVERYTHING, than that is a problem. My hubby is the one person who knows me better than everyone on this planet, and I him.
I don't necessarily agree with this...I think your partner/spouse being your best friend is WAY Over-Rated! Sometimes it is ENOUGH that he/she is just your partner/spouse; kinda like having a Mother as your best friend, sometimes all you need and want is a Mom, that's "job" enough.
I agree with this ^^^
Plus no one who wants to know has told me how answering this question is going to BETTER the marriage.
Although you did not ask me it bettered my relationship a lot for him knowing. My situation is not a normal situation, but for us, it allowed him to know what I have been through and what went on in my past, and how to deal with the issues that may arise.
I think i remember you 1st response so this make your situation quite a bit different i agree.
(as for everyone else, i asked how it makes the relationship better in the original post, lol)
I must have missed that part of the OP. I am a bit distracted by the Packer game, lol.0 -
i think the question that would really make your relationship better is how many people do you plan on being with in the future. you're committed to each other and it doesn't matter at this point. my fiance was in the military and his number is triple digits. but he stayed with ME, so that's a compliment right? after trying every flavor out there, he likes mine best. That's the important thing0
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Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..
No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...
And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....
I copied and pasted this from a Blog, i this is NOT about me. I am actually quite single. lol0 -
My boyfriend and I have talked about it in detail. I think your sexual experiences are part of who you are and also who you are sexually. For me with the person I plan to marry and who knows me in the most intimate and in depth way of any one this is a natural thing to share and discuss. I've slept with more people than my partner, but I never felt any need to lie about that. He loves and accepts me as I am, everything in my past made me who I am today. I think it makes the relationship stronger to know about a persons experiences and stories in life, before you it helps you understand them and make you both feel connected. Previous partners is part of that.
So even if it's strange that it's never been raised before I don't think it isn't something to share and I definitely don't think it should be lied about. And I totally disagree with the "best friends is over rated" people. My boyfriend is my best friend, my team mate and the person who knows every single thing about me and still loves me more than words. I wouldn't want anything else.
YOU KNOW WHAT, THIS IS A REEEEEEALLY GOOD RESPONSE. I can understand this too.0 -
I THINK it matters.... only in relation to your sex life. So really the question isn't about the number of partners, but there must be an underlying question like, "How do you know all this wild and kinky stuff?" ORRRRRR.... "How come she doesn't really know anything about sex?"
So if you don't want to say the number, I'd reroute the conversation to the satisfaction factor of your sex life.
THIS HERE, I CAN UNDERSTAND.
Haha yes to this too!0 -
I think that is something that should have been discussed before marriage, but it wasn't and he's curious. Would it better a marriage? No.. Is it dishonest to lie to him since he asked.. Yes.
Yes my husband knows, just as I know his estimated number. We are both aware of how we were before we got together.0 -
I think that is something that should have been discussed before marriage, but it wasn't and he's curious. Would it better a marriage? No.. Is it dishonest to lie to him since he asked.. Yes.
Yes my husband knows, just as I know his estimated number. We are both aware of how we were before we got together.
^^^Agreed on both responses.0 -
This question would make him laugh. Hes knows I have no clue. Sounds bad but oh well. He's just happy he reaps the benefits of it. I have always loved sex.0
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This question would make him laugh. Hes knows I have no clue. Sounds bad but oh well. He's just happy he reaps the benefits of it. I have always loved sex.
Ahahha... hmm, yea, so what if someone doesn't know.. I mean many people dnt keep a little black book and keep tally marks. lol0 -
No, I don't feel obligated. I don't think it necessarily matters.0
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Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..
No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...
And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....
I copied and pasted this from a Blog, i this is NOT about me. I am actually quite single. lol
OHHHH, NOW I understand and maybe so does a lot of others. If you have ever been in a SERIOUS Relationship, something seemed to be MISSING in YOUR Scenario. You want us to supply the "situation" then answer your questions.0 -
Well i will say that if a partner wants to know then the other being honest about it should be important, some may say little white lies may not hurt but if you truly want a healthy relationship you should answer honestly..
No you asked about how does this help a marriage or make it better, well if you need to look for the answer i may say then you not know the true meaning of marriage... being honest and open about intimate things will improve your team you two are a team and looking to better yourselves its something you want and when one member of the team isn't honest or forthcoming or looking at it like working together the team bond is not as strong...
And when you say you would lie anyways makes me wonder how important your marriage is if you have to lie....... not trying to cause issues but lying is a habit that once you do it , it becomes to easy to do it again.. telling the truth maybe harder to do but in the end its the RIGHT thing to do....
I copied and pasted this from a Blog, i this is NOT about me. I am actually quite single. lol
OHHHH, NOW I understand and maybe so does a lot of others. If you have ever been in a SERIOUS Relationship, something seemed to be MISSING in YOUR Scenario. You want us to supply the "situation" then answer your questions.
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lol. yes.0 -
I personally don't think it matters. If you are with someone now and you both trust that you are monogamous (if that is what you have decided) then that is all that matters. We were all young and some of us did stupid stuff. Hopefully we have all grown up and learned from it.
I would never ever ask my boyfriend his number, ever. One reason is I just don't want to know and two, what really would you do with that information? Would you dump him if you thought it was too high? And thankfully I have never once been asked either.
ETA: I liked another response where the lady mentioned to find the underlying cause of the question (ie, how does she know this wild and kinky stuff)0 -
I asked my hubby on our 3rd date....we both gave a number...but I feel it really don't matter because ppls lie...the past the past!0
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I always say it doesn't matter who he was with before me as long as there's no one after me.0
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I personally don't think it matters. If you are with someone now and you both trust that you are monogamous (if that is what you have decided) then that is all that matters. We were all young and some of us did stupid stuff. Hopefully we have all grown up and learned from it.
I would never ever ask my boyfriend his number, ever. One reason is I just don't want to know and two, what really would you do with that information? Would you dump him if you thought it was too high? And thankfully I have never once been asked either.
ETA: I liked another response where the lady mentioned to find the underlying cause of the question (ie, how does she know this wild and kinky stuff)
AGREED0 -
What would be the point of being married if your with someone that you can't be 100% honest with?0
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If my husband asked me that question I would say 13248739845767326754653473, but you were the last one, honest. :flowerforyou:
then I would laugh ON THE INSIDE...:huh:
We both know that we love each-other and who really cares, It was before me/him, and hes 10 years older than me lol. We just talked about ti now and laughed. Its stupid and pointless- it could be 100 for all I care. hes mine now for the last 16 years...Im doing it right.:bigsmile: Im not insecure about it at all.0 -
I would believe this is probably a topic you want to have before having sex, let alone popping the question or saying 'i do'
Along the same lines of knowing how a person feels about safe sex. Maybe it's when and where I grew up... or maybe sex was more of an extra curricular activity than something you did because of the whole L word. I would find it odd if any of my boyfriends after HS didn't ask me about any of it.0 -
People know this number? Lol. I lost count a long time ago. Wow. That would be hard to figure out. Lol. I'm not kidding. I have no idea. That's more like a question when you're 20.0
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I haven't been in a single serious relationship where they didn't tell me. And if they didn't know the exact number, they told me what range they knew.
I don't believe in secrets, so I wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't tell me.
But you really dont know...now do you?0 -
I haven't been in a single serious relationship where they didn't tell me. And if they didn't know the exact number, they told me what range they knew.
I don't believe in secrets, so I wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't tell me.
But you really dont know...now do you?
EXACTLY:huh:0 -
I was very up front about the number. Mostly because it's freaking low. My husband had a very dark youth. I don't want to know how many he's slept with. I'm content to know he doesn't have any STD's. We've been together for 8 years now, so this is really a non-issue with us. And back when we got together, I knew he wasn't a virgin.
I think people who keep track are a bit creepy, especially if the number is large. And by large, I meant 30+. But that's my opinion on it. I understand that for some people, this is a really big concern. But honestly, if s/he loves you, and you know that currently you are the only person that's sleeping with him/her, why does it matter?0 -
I never asked my husband this question and won't because I don't care and it doesn't matter. When he asked me it was more him figuring it out out loud but I don't see any reason why I would have lied no matter the answer.0
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Would it "better" your marriage? I don't think so, no. It's surprising he never asked you before now. Not sure why he'd bother now... maybe he's just curious?
That being said, I'd tell my husband something like this, in a heartbeat. I'm pretty much an open book.
The past is in the past. If he cares for you enough to marry you, then I don't see how the number of partners really matters. Whether it's a small or large number, or a zero.0
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