What if your husband or wive wants to know...?

12357

Replies

  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
    I don't know...usually I go with honesty but some things are better left unsaid.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    I still can't get over that people know what that number is. it kind of blows my mind.

    It is probably easy to remember if the number is low.
  • Fred4point0
    Fred4point0 Posts: 160 Member
    Interesting question. TBO...neither of us have asked the question and we've been married 25 years. Does it really matter? I mean.. the way I see it is I'm the lucky one that is with her and vice versa. I don't want to know how many or who was the first one and I'm sure my wife doesn't want to know either otherwise the question would have been asked a looooong time ago. It's not something I want rattling around in my head. Especially, when it's time for intimacy. The only thing that matters is... I'M NUMBER ONE NOW! We all have to grow up at some point!
  • TheFitHooker
    TheFitHooker Posts: 3,357 Member
    My husband knew before we married. I did not mind telling him, he openly told me first. We been married 9yrs. It's never been brought up again.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    Wait till you been married 15 years..... now I ask her to tell me in detail and embellish as much as possible......

    :laugh:

    I believe people should be honest about their sexual history with sexual partners. If you are with someone who can't handle your number, there is probably some kind of a mismatch going on. I'm surprised that some think it's uptight to ask. There's so many reasons to want to know--health and safety, knowing your partner better, curiosity, conversation topic, intimacy.
  • zenchild
    zenchild Posts: 680 Member
    My husband and I started dating 12 years and 4 days ago. All that matters is our numbers for that period are both one. Anything before that is irrelevant. We both know that the other was with other people before that time. That's all either of us cares to know. It's not a secret but there's no way that knowledge could benefit our relationship in any way.

    I don't get the point of wanting to know. It seems like something you ask if you're insecure and looking for a reason to be insecure. You ask and then get mad about the answer. I have no doubt that my husband loves me and has not and will not cheat. It does not matter if he slept with one person or one hundred people before he met me. He has had sex with one person in the entire time we've been together and that's all that matters to me.
  • DamnImASexyBitch
    DamnImASexyBitch Posts: 740 Member
    There is no reason to divulge an actual number. My husband and I have NEVER shared that information. Just that we had pasts that lead us to our future. That we were safe. That we had been tested prior to getting together. That we are the only ones for each other from the moment we decided to be a committed couple on out. Giving up a number is only going to cause a fight, and fuel insecurities.
  • SeaRunner26
    SeaRunner26 Posts: 5,143 Member
    Just pick a number that says "I have some experience" but not "I'm easy".
  • sktllmdrhmzz
    sktllmdrhmzz Posts: 189 Member
    Yeah, there's no way I'd ever tell them that I've been with 84 1/2 people.
  • Ohmydaze
    Ohmydaze Posts: 403 Member
    I asked my boyfriend, because I thought it was something you were supposed to ask. He was my first.

    I was one of many. He seemed a little freaked out when I asked, but eventually gave me a number, along with EVERY SINGLE NAME. Which I did NOT want.

    A number, fine, that's anonymous. The names really bothered me.

    That being said.. He's been with me longer than any of them, he's with me now, not them, and I'm not threatened by the past.
  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
    My husband and I have been married for 5 years, I was married previously as well but we've known eachother since our teens. We both know we've been with other people but have never asked how many. It's never come up and I've never even been curious. We are adults and have obviously been with other partners in our lives. I don't "need" to know and I guess he doesn't either. What matters is us, now. He is the last man I will ever be with and all that I need/want. Till death do us part.

    Yikes. I need to stop being so mushy..I have a reputation to uphold!

    Hookers and blow for everyone! :drinker:
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
    Does it even matter? If you were ashamed of the number you would probably lie anyway.
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
    Besides that, my husband was 39 when we got married and had never been married. Do I really think he was celibate all of those years?
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,010 Member
    Ive only been with my wife so my number was easy. Don't see a reason to hide it. That said.....If you can't count yours on your fingers and toes I would try to avoid the question.
  • NeonRainbow83
    NeonRainbow83 Posts: 118 Member
    You should only worry if the number goes up whilst you're married.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    My wife and I have been married for 20 years. Her second. My fourth.

    There are no secrets between us. Jealousy is for the insecure.
  • slackerwoman
    slackerwoman Posts: 261 Member
    Ive only been with my wife so my number was easy. Don't see a reason to hide it. That said.....If you can't count yours on your fingers and toes I would try to avoid the question.

    God I love you even more. :)
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    I'm proud of my number. I have no idea how many people my boyfriend has slept with and I don't really want to know!
  • mcfc4tony
    mcfc4tony Posts: 107 Member
    Bottom line, this question should have been asked (if it ever needs to be asked) BEFORE you put a ring on it :explode:
    Does it matter who went before as long as your partner is the last and best one? :love:
    This needs only to come up if someone in the past turns up at the door with kids or HIV :sad:
    If you marry someone that should be it (unless you BOTH want an open marriage:noway: )
    I hope I am not speaking out of place, but if someone who I have married suddenly starts asking that type of question I'd be contacting Cheaters:grumble:

    How many have I? For the record enough :yawn:
  • aj_31
    aj_31 Posts: 994 Member
    NEVER answer that question no matter if the number is small or large. I learned that the hard way.
  • mcfc4tony
    mcfc4tony Posts: 107 Member
    You should only worry if the number goes up whilst you're married.

    Spot on :laugh:
  • mmmyotwnz
    mmmyotwnz Posts: 119 Member
    Do you feel obligated to answer if your husband/wife asks you how many people you've been intimate with? We've been married 6 months and my husband never brought it up until recently--and he got mad when I said I wasn't answering. Why do people want to know this -- and was I wrong for not answering him? I would have lied about the number anyway....

    (Question from a blog)

    MY question is: WHY would someone WANT to know?
    HOW would that make a relationship BETTER?

    ( I had to edit this and add this part because a few people missed the part where i wrote that this a question from a BLOG. This is not my relationship, i am single and never been married. I asked this to get other folks perspective on this...)

    DON'T answer this.... IMO.

    I did and it did not go well for me. I thought "in the event of full disclosure and honesty to our relationship". I had more partners than my husband. He had one before me. And he has brought it up over and over and over again. We have been together for 26 years and he still brings it up.
    My past was MY past. It was mine and mine alone. If I would have to do it all over again I would not answer the question and say "I am here with you now in the present and that is all that matters". It has dented our relationship, and I have to live my past sins all over again with condemnation and judgement. Some women's secrets and better left in our hearts.
  • dizzydi1968
    dizzydi1968 Posts: 564
    IMO they ask but they really don't want to know.
    Avoid answering but if all else fails LIE
    You know it makes sense :)
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    We were each married before, other than that, I have no desire to know about his prior experience, and he has not asked about mine (except for one person while we were dating). Been 30 years now. If he asks - the answer is 'no one since the day I met you' which is the truth.
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
    If you can't be honest and open about that, you probably don't have a good relationship...
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    That's something I would have talked about before even getting married.
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
    When I was 21 and first started dating my now ex-husband, it mattered to me. I didn't want to be "just another girl" to him.

    Nowadays, at 26, I wouldn't ask the guy I was dating. I just find it irrelevant now and wouldn't actually want to know. I think it brings a bad vibe with knowing, lol. It would be bothersome to me, so I'd just steer clear of that topic, question, answer, etc...

    However, I have no problem answering for someone else, and I do not need to cut my answer in half either :)
  • ohmyshysamantha
    ohmyshysamantha Posts: 138 Member
    I'm not married. but me and my boyfriend knew eachothers numbers within a week of dating.
  • jesssmalls
    jesssmalls Posts: 18
    I have been married for 10 years and we have always been open and honest about everything. I know how many woman he has been with and he knows how many men and woman that I have been with. I think it is something that should be discussed but it should be discussed well before marrying someone,I mean what if he does not lie the answer is he just going to leave?? Probably not just going to get pissed off
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    There are some thing, yes even in a marriage that are better off left unsaid. My husband has never asked, I have never asked and it's simply not that important. I've been married almost 12 years and the past is just that....the past. The future is bright! :love:

Categories