I'm being sabotaged.

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sweetalker
sweetalker Posts: 43 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My agent (and best friend) doesn't want me to lose weight. She told me as much before I started MFP, but yesterday and today she really went all out to ruin my calorie count. A celebration where she ordered endless shrimp for everyone. An "apology" Big Mac today - ignoring the fact that I had packed a healthy lunch to finally FINALLY stop using the catering cart for my meals. She stood there to watch me eat it. That's when I knew she is really out to sabotage me.

I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)

Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.
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Replies

  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    You're a grown up right? She can't make you eat or do anything. You have to chose not to let your emotions & guilt take over your common sense when it comes to food.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
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    Don't eat the food. If she buys you a Big Mac and you want something else for lunch, throw it in the trash. She'll get the hint.
  • bizco
    bizco Posts: 1,949 Member
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    No one can sabotage your weight loss except you. You have the power, she doesn't. Say "no" and walk away.
  • drakechic08
    drakechic08 Posts: 156 Member
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    If she is really your best friend she will back you up no matter what you choose to do. Tell her to back off, plain and simple. If she wants to stay your agent and when you get down to the size you want to be, she will market you in the best way. Otherwise, it is time for a new agent. You have to decide what is most important to you.
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    People aren't going to lose the weight for you. You have to just realize that you are the boss. Tell her "I appreicate that you were thinking of me, but I am committed to losing weight and this just won't fit into my plan". Or some variation of that.

    Or make her go get you something and while she's gone, throw out the food, all except a bite, and as she's returning pop that last bite in your mouth :laugh:
  • Cliffslosinit
    Cliffslosinit Posts: 5,044 Member
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    Kirstie just tell her to leave you alone!
  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
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    Wow...like you said, her paycheck depends upon you...so she is in panic mode right now as to HOW to market you WHEN you lose all of this weight. Just sit her down calmly, and tell her that you're doing this for your health and well being. I'm sure there will be roles that you can take no matter what your size and she'll have to deal with it as it comes. You are in charge! Maybe she doesn't even realize what she's doing. Just get it all out in the open and if she STILL keeps sabotaging you, just start looking around for another agent. If you have experience and are a working actress, I'm sure there will be other agents to gladly take you on. Good luck. :)
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    It's going to take two things...

    One, have a heart to heart talk with her and explain the reasons why you're trying to lose weight. Tell her you understand her concerns but you have to do this for your health (and/or whatever other reasons you may have) and you really need her to support you in this. Come up with some actresses who've lost the weight and still done ok - the only one that comes immediately to mind is Minnie Driver. If it comes down to it, you're going to have to tell her straight up that if she's so worried about having a fat actress that she's going to have to start looking elsewhere because that's not going to be you for much longer.

    Two, you're going to have to start standing up for yourself and take accountability for your own actions. She cannot control what you eat or how you act. If she brings you another Big Mac, say "thank you but I'm not eating these anymore - do you want it or shall I just throw it away?". If she balks, stand your ground. Shrimp's really not all that bad as long as it's not fried or eated with a ton of cocktail sauce. Maybe make suggestions for lighter fare she can provide that might help others who are also trying to be healthy Keep the junk for those who like it but also offer salad, fruit, protein bars, etc.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    My agent (and best friend) doesn't want me to lose weight. She told me as much before I started MFP, but yesterday and today she really went all out to ruin my calorie count. A celebration where she ordered endless shrimp for everyone. An "apology" Big Mac today - ignoring the fact that I had packed a healthy lunch to finally FINALLY stop using the catering cart for my meals. She stood there to watch me eat it. That's when I knew she is really out to sabotage me.

    I think she's afraid if I lose weight, that I'll either lose my appeal as "the fat actress" or I'll find another agent. (We've been together since I was a kid, and we're also distantly related. Her paycheck depends on me.)

    Has anyone else had problems with close friends sabotaging your diet/exercise efforts? How did you deal? I really need help here, I don't know what to say to her.

    Are you that chick from precious?
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    First off, shrimp are healthy. Yes, high in cholesterol, but also very high in protein, iron, and low in fat and no sugars. The actual calories are almost pure protein.

    Second, there's one person who needs to take care of you and you look at that person every day in the mirror. No one can sabotage you, they can only give you the tools to sabotage yourself with. What you do with those tools is up to you. Choose wisely.

    Third, "best friends" do not do this to each other. If she's doing this because there's some professional reason as your agent that you should keep the weight on, she should be advising you of this in a professional manner and telling you what professional consequences might result. If this is an acting agent, then you need to tell her to start digging for skinny-person roles for you, because that's your goal.

    If she's doing this because she doesn't want a skinny friend, you have to choose - skinny? Or her friend?

    If that's the case, I don't see much of a choice there. Find a new bestie and move on. What friend would ask you to continue risking health issues and shorten your own lifespan? And why?
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
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    Tell her get behind you --- or out of your way. Simple.
  • BigGuy47
    BigGuy47 Posts: 1,768 Member
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    she ordered endless shrimp for everyone.
    Did you eat everyone's share of shrimp or just enough to fit into your daily calorie allowance?
    I had packed a healthy lunch
    Did you eat the healthy lunch or the Big Mac?

    From what I gather you are choosing to make unhealthy choices for yourself because you're worried about hurting the feelings of your best friend. Be selfish and put yourself first for a change. Take care of yourself and empower yourself by being unafraid to say no. If your *friend doesn't understand then maybe you need to find a new friend.

    * Having a best friend friend as an agent is an entirely different discussion.
  • Anniel88
    Anniel88 Posts: 150 Member
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    It may make your road more difficult when you don't have the support, but that doesn't mean it is impossible! You still hold the power to say no. My family and friends have not been very supportive and there are days when I cave. What I do is focus on the long-term. I log on to MFP everyday and log my food. I own up to the choices that -I- made. (No one shoved them down my throat.) So if someone made a batch of cookies or cake and I eat it, I still log to see what that damage does. Over the long-term if you take ownership of your actions, you may start to realize that you still have control.

    Also, my family and friends were not really supportive of me trying to make healthy changes to my life, but now that they see my success they have become much more supportive. If your agent is truly your friend, they will start to be supportive of you because YOU are happy.

    In addition to what Minnie said as far as the actor situation, maybe you should remind your friend/agent of all of the actors that also died because of health problems related to being overweight. I think you should worry about your health. You can't be a successful actor if you're not around.

    If you are looking for any support on MFP, feel free to add me. :flowerforyou:

    Best of luck!
  • LoosingMyLast15
    LoosingMyLast15 Posts: 1,457 Member
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    does she not have faith in your talent to bring the work in after you've lost your weight? is she only getting you parts because of your size and not your acting ability (and if this is the case fire her *kitten* because she's not doing her job). maybe it's time you look at getting a new agent.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    I can't stand it, I know you planned it, I'm gonna set it straight, this watergate...
  • MacInCali
    MacInCali Posts: 1,044 Member
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    You either want it. Or you don't. It truly IS that simple.

    You do not need everyone cheering you on. You do not need your friends or family or co-workers or the fast food chains to stop making the food you don't want to eat anymore, you just have to stop eating it.

    Simple.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    Kirstie Alley, is that you?
  • wilsonm24
    wilsonm24 Posts: 26
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    Time to find a new best friend, that has your best interest at heart.

    Time to find a new agent, that is capable of finding people rolls besides "the fat actress" rolls.

    Seems pretty simple to me.
  • missjennifer1966
    missjennifer1966 Posts: 143 Member
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    Don't eat the food. If she buys you a Big Mac and you want something else for lunch, throw it in the trash. She'll get the hint.

    Now this I like. It is people like this "friend" that cause so many problems and deserve to have their money thrown away!
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
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    Just get up and repeat after me:

    "I can't stand it, I know you planned it
    Imma set it straight this watergate
    But I can't stand rockin' when I'm in this place
    Because I feel disgrace because you're all in my face
    But make no mistakes and switch up my channel
    I'm buddy rich when I fly off the handle
    What could it be, it's a mirage
    You're scheming on a thing - that's sabotage "

    Cross your arms, turn around and walk out.

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