Honest male answers and opinions wanted

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bottleOdom
bottleOdom Posts: 11
in Chit-Chat
I want honest male answeres and opinions and if you want to be confidential to protect your manhood then great, but I need answers.

Been married a long time and my man is 49 - I am 40.... so yes, I may just be in my prime and with a dud. I get a lot of "I'm tired's" and "It's too soon's". Really? So sex is only when convenient for him, and it's like planning a calendar. Usually Friday nights but sometimes Saturday instead - never ever two nights in a row and not more than once a week. His choice, not mine.

Yes, we have kids; teens. AND while I may look forward to action because we will have the house to ourselves.... he would rather watch tv. We have the house to ourselves.... um, HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Is this really how it is when you men reach this age?

How do you approach the use of drugs? toys? or is this just a crush to your manhood? Seriously

I'm 5-7, brunette, curvy but not fat, and I think I am pretty - I really don't think it is the scenery that is turning him off. When I get his attention, I can keep it.

ALSO, I'm 40 - I've changed over the years. How can I tell him that he is doing it wrong and not hurt him?

OK, now that I am about to post... mock away with witty sarcasm but some real insight into your male psyches would be great.
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Replies

  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
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    Don't know...guess everyone is different. me for example 5 out of 6 nights last week. This week 3 times since Sunday...2 in one night....and I'm 43
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Sometimes I just want to be held.
  • blkdad
    blkdad Posts: 12 Member
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    With so little background info, hard to give some really helpful advice, but... a few things to consider:

    Has sex become a "weapon" or bargaining chip in the past?
    Is he having some medical issues you don't know about?
    Does he have someone else?
    ( remember, don't ask questions, you aren't prepared to hear the answer)
    My best advice is at a neutral site, away from the house, just have a candid conversation about how you feel, how it makes you feel when he rejects you, ask what it is....

    Good luck, hope the outcome is what you desired. But asking this board when you should be asking him isn't in my opinion the best solution.
  • ewl6850
    ewl6850 Posts: 158 Member
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    This has been the case with a lot of women I talk to lately.

    If I ever get to this point, I don't want to live..
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    Just break up.
    :flowerforyou:
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
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    Your hubby is so effing lucky.

    Maybe once a year in our marriage. 25 years married.

    Familiarity is the biggest libido killer there is.

    Counseling is good, but not a guarantee. We are proof.
  • Mubb
    Mubb Posts: 90
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    Just wake him up already having sex. Its the best way to wake up ever. Have you tried getting really dirty
    Just jump on top and do all the work once in a while. I dated a girl that would never be on top,sometimes
    I just wanted to lay there and enjoy it.
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
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    Send the kids away.

    Put the TV on for your guy.

    Put on some lingerie or whatever you feel sexy in.

    Grab a toy.

    Sit yourself on a chair in front of the TV and start taking care of things yourself.

    That should be much more effective than talking to him about anything.

    If he asks you to move out of his way, fire the pool boy.
  • SVCat
    SVCat Posts: 1,483 Member
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    I want honest male answeres and opinions and if you want to be confidential to protect your manhood then great, but I need answers.

    Been married a long time and my man is 49 - I am 40.... so yes, I may just be in my prime and with a dud. I get a lot of "I'm tired's" and "It's too soon's". Really? So sex is only when convenient for him, and it's like planning a calendar. Usually Friday nights but sometimes Saturday instead - never ever two nights in a row and not more than once a week. His choice, not mine.

    Yes, we have kids; teens. AND while I may look forward to action because we will have the house to ourselves.... he would rather watch tv. We have the house to ourselves.... um, HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Is this really how it is when you men reach this age?

    How do you approach the use of drugs? toys? or is this just a crush to your manhood? Seriously

    I'm 5-7, brunette, curvy but not fat, and I think I am pretty - I really don't think it is the scenery that is turning him off. When I get his attention, I can keep it.

    ALSO, I'm 40 - I've changed over the years. How can I tell him that he is doing it wrong and not hurt him?

    OK, now that I am about to post... mock away with witty sarcasm but some real insight into your male psyches would be great.

    Toys-I recommend that you don't say anything, just take out the toy when in foreplay. If he is a normal guy (for his age), he will find it extremely sexy and hot. I personally wouldn't take this as offensive or somethign that would crush my mandhood. If there isn't any foreplay, then start now.

    Doing it wrong- We are not mind "freaking" readers. Shame on you for not correcting him and letting yourself get all frustrated. You don't have to bark out orders, just make those moans louder so he gets a clue what works for you.

    BTW, if he turns you down and opts for TV...join him on the couch and bust out your *buzzzzzzzzzzzz* and get to work right in front of him...if he has any sort of decency he will put that remote down.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    I was a born a man, so here is what I think.

    This is my serious opinion though

    Edit *** This is if you absolutely feel the need to talk to him, I wouldnt talk to him but if you do****
    I wouldn’t tell him that he is doing it wrong. I would talk about what changes would make you happy.
    I wouldn’t use words like “you this..or you that”..I would use “I feel as like..” Sometimes when you start with “you” is accusing somebody and putting them in a corner.

    Now as far as him not wanting it too much… Sometimes sex becomes a chore if you always have to have the whole full sessions or foreplay and all that good stuff. Sometimes its much easier to skip that and get it over with. Im talking about if you work, have kids, house pets etc..
    When it feels like so much work, you wouldn’t even wanna do it. Just something to think about.

    Good luck
  • wolfpack77
    wolfpack77 Posts: 655
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    No way to know if its true, but I'm going to throw it out there anyways. It could be biological. Men around their 50's have significantly reduced testosterone levels, some more than others. It starts tapering off in their mid to late 30s. This plays a big role in their energy levels and desire for sex. But a lot of men at this age still have a healthy libido, so it could be that your man has lower levels, which is more common than you'd think.

    The good news is that this is very easy to diagnose and is very treatable. There's a lot of natural ways to boost testosterone levels including working out and a healthy diet, but his doctor can also put him on a prescription booster.

    There's a lot of older dudes in my gym that have done this to help them with their gains, since their levels are too low to really build any new muscle.

    high test levels = more than u can handle, I promise that. :bigsmile:
  • MattTheWaterRat
    MattTheWaterRat Posts: 167 Member
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    Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.
  • oneworkoutatatime
    oneworkoutatatime Posts: 312
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    we can all post what we think or know from a male point of view , but your husband is the only one who cam accurately answer this question... just gotta talk to him or writ him a letter
  • bottleOdom
    bottleOdom Posts: 11
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    Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

    I'm not dead - and I like sex. Been trying all sorts of things.

    Thanks but I need suggestions.
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
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    Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

    a starfish? Wtf.....
  • PhotogNerd
    PhotogNerd Posts: 420 Member
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    I propose you have a "sex weekend". Send the kids away and have sex as much as you both can handle. Morning sex, after breakfast sex, nooner sex, after dinner sex, have a shower together...more sex. Sounds silly but do it...forcibly if you must. Pull out all the stops!

    Does he like bj's? Maybe while he's watching Tv? Touch him frequently, send him pics while he's at work. It's not just going to magically fix itself.

    Best of luck.
  • strikerjb007
    strikerjb007 Posts: 443 Member
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    Have you considered that you're not doing it right. Sex can be exhausting sometimes if you're partner is like a starfish, lying down with limbs spread apart. If this does apply to you, you could start doing some more work.

    a starfish? Wtf.....

    yes, a starfish. I gotten that in the past too. I know what he means. lol.
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
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    Send the kids away.

    Put the TV on for your guy.

    Put on some lingerie or whatever you feel sexy in.

    Grab a toy.

    Sit yourself on a chair in front of the TV and start taking care of things yourself.

    That should be much more effective than talking to him about anything.

    If he asks you to move out of his way, fire the pool boy.

    YUP! This!

    What about this new bull s**t they are saying on the tv about a condition called "Low T"? (low testosterone) Maybe its real.

    OMG.. i pray my husband never gets this way!
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
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    What about warming him up like a lady? Wine and dine him and then, give him a nice massage and when hes nice and relaxed "bam!" Attack him like a f**king praying mantis.

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